" I don't talk" disorder - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #41 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 06:04 PM
SAS member
 
fire mage64's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Virginia
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 3,358
My Mood: Cool
Quote:
Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
Frequently even when I feel relatively comfortable in a social situation, I don't talk. In my case it's because I just have nothing to contribute that I feel anyone would appreciate or be interested in (or I literally have nothing to say about a situation because I've never had any experience with it).
Usually when that happens I ask questions about the unknown experience. I read somewhere that if you find something interesting that was said that you aren't familiar with you can research it so that when you meet them again you will have something to say about the topic.

As for the other bolded part, sometimes its difficult to know what others will and will not appreciate. If you state your opinion about something it could prompt them to talk about something else that relates to that opinion and then the conversation can keep going that way. Also asking questions gets the person to reveal more details so that you have more points to talk about.

And if none of that works I attribute it to extreme differences in personality and interests. For example, there is absolutely nothing I could contribute to a sports discussion. Sure I could research sport topics to bring up later but that wouldn't be genuine of me because I'm as interested in sports as I am in staring at the wall .

I feel like its easier to connect if there are things you can relate to besides similar interests. As humans we've all experienced certain emotions, situations, and conditions in life and I think those things help everyone realize their common humanity - the fact that no one is perfect, and that everyone has ups and downs. I think that relating to others on that level is useful if you can't pull the "similar interests" card. After all, all of us here are able to hold discussions (which are sometimes long) simply because we've experienced or felt similar things relating to sa. If the same thing could be done in real life but with a different experience besides sa then I'd imagine that would make for a great conversation.

Hope all that made sense

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricardomg93 View Post
I feel the same as you, i want to talk but nothing comes to mind or i just feel like the other person just won't care for what i'm about to say so i just sit there and nod. People say i'm angry, shy, quiet or whatever comes to their mind first, it really sucks :/
But how do you know for sure whether or not someone will care about a particular thing you have to say? And if they repeatedly show that they don't care that just lets you know which people probably won't be potential friends. Not everyone is going to agree with what you say. But at the same time, not everyone is going disagree either. You have throw your opinions out there and see what happens. If it doesn't work then you can move on to the next person. One person not caring doesn't mean that no one there after that will care.

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
fire mage64 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #42 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 07:14 PM
Winter Is Here
 
eukz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chile
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 3,854
My Mood: Drunk
I'm not exactly sure if I'm an introvert or shy or mute or whatever, but I feel similar like this.

The times I have things to talk about (when I meet someone with stuff in common, or some collegue conversation rises, for example), I just love the talk, and the SA barely appears. I can say I've managed to talk for hours with someone without realising in the past.

But the times I run out of topics, and the awkward silences appear, I don't always get anxious, but I do wanna get swallowed by the soil, I really hate it. And the times someone somehow makes me know that I'm boring or quiet I really get frustrated, and hate people because they almost have a fetish for talking and talking all day long, even about pointless ****. Why does the power of words have to be so colossal.

The thing is I just love talking when I have stuff to say and period, it's really nice, but I hate it when I'm forced to talk in order not to get branded as an anti-social guy.
eukz is offline  
post #43 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: on Earth
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,101
Quote:
Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
Are you interested in what everyone else is saying? If so, do you find it difficult to express your opinions at the right time? If not, have you tried talking to others that share similar interests. Do you think group discussions are too fast? Do you filter too much of your thoughts before speaking?
It's just difficult to know when to talk, how loud to speak, if they don't understand me etc. I'm fine in quieter settings but in loud places like bars or clubs it's really difficult for me to talk in big groups.
nothing else is offline  
 
post #44 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 08:41 PM
SAS Member
 
Adam Harris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing else View Post
True. Although I doubt anybody would say I was 'normal' lol
What is "normal" ? Oh i dont talk either...this thanksgiving dinner at my grannys is gonna be a blood bath! Meaning my soul is gonna bleed forr at least 3 to 4 hours until my dad cant take the embarrassment i have created and he decides to leave then ill be mentally drained, Its very bad... worst part is i already know how its gonnabe

Fishing runs through my veins
Adam Harris is offline  
post #45 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: on Earth
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,101
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adam Harris View Post
What is "normal" ? Oh i dont talk either...this thanksgiving dinner at my grannys is gonna be a blood bath! Meaning my soul is gonna bleed forr at least 3 to 4 hours until my dad cant take the embarrassment i have created and he decides to leave then ill be mentally drained, Its very bad... worst part is i already know how its gonnabe
In the specific context of group discussions or meetings it's "normal" to contribute and say a few things. For me I only say one word...or nothing lol
nothing else is offline  
post #46 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 08:50 PM
SAS Member
 
Adam Harris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by eukz View Post
I'm not exactly sure if I'm an introvert or shy or mute or whatever, but I feel similar like this.

The times I have things to talk about (when I meet someone with stuff in common, or some collegue conversation rises, for example), I just love the talk, and the SA barely appears. I can say I've managed to talk for hours with someone without realising in the past.

But the times I run out of topics, and the awkward silences appear, I don't always get anxious, but I do wanna get swallowed by the soil, I really hate it. And the times someone somehow makes me know that I'm boring or quiet I really get frustrated, and hate people because they almost have a fetish for talking and talking all day long, even about pointless ****. Why does the power of words have to be so colossal.

The thing is I just love talking when I have stuff to say and period, it's really nice, but I hate it when I'm forced to talk in order not to get branded as an anti-social guy.
Was the brand heated so hot it turned red? Theother brand could say "words are excuses not to look dumb? " nah im jking bout the excuses part.. i am happy you like to talk

Fishing runs through my veins
Adam Harris is offline  
post #47 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-22-2013, 08:56 PM
SAS Member
 
Adam Harris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing else View Post
In the specific context of group discussions or meetings it's "normal" to contribute and say a few things. For me I only say one word...or nothing lol
Oh ok i see. I have been in this situation. I just laugh and walk away and if they ask what im laughing at i say i dont know. Or moat the time i try to just act like im interestedin what the "group" is talking about. Im morel ike the silent warrior. Always ready and always underestimated. Fight and flight hammit.

Fishing runs through my veins
Adam Harris is offline  
post #48 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 02:20 AM
SAS Member
 
Ricardomg93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Brazil
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 268
Quote:
Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
But how do you know for sure whether or not someone will care about a particular thing you have to say? And if they repeatedly show that they don't care that just lets you know which people probably won't be potential friends. Not everyone is going to agree with what you say. But at the same time, not everyone is going disagree either. You have throw your opinions out there and see what happens. If it doesn't work then you can move on to the next person. One person not caring doesn't mean that no one there after that will care.
Yeah but my mind got so used to this line of thinking that it is hard to change now, i'm able to talk with 2 friends i have but that's because they're the ones who got interested in talking with me and persisted on it till i was comfortable around them. When i talk to anyone else in person i'm just not able to express myself the way i want and my brain stops working, after i finish the conversation with them my mind goes like: "oh i could have said that, why didn't i think or had the courage at the time..."

“The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons as far as they’ll go.”
Sanae Hanekoma - The World Ends with You
Ricardomg93 is offline  
post #49 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 12:49 PM
SAS member
 
fire mage64's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Virginia
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 3,358
My Mood: Cool
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricardomg93 View Post
Yeah but my mind got so used to this line of thinking that it is hard to change now
Do you plan to work on this issue that you have? Do you think its possible to solve that problem? Do you want improve in that area?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
fire mage64 is offline  
post #50 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 12:53 PM
SAS Member
 
handsup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Shadow Moses
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,294
Just get drunk and try it again, maybe you will like to talk when you are drunk. Have you tried it?
handsup is offline  
post #51 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: on Earth
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,101
Quote:
Originally Posted by handsup View Post
Just get drunk and try it again, maybe you will like to talk when you are drunk. Have you tried it?
I'm not much of a drinker at all. And I'd be the type to probably just feel sick and fall asleep in a corner not get all crazy lol
nothing else is offline  
post #52 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 01:01 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: L.A, CA
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 344
it's because we are so accustomed to not speaking because of SA, it becomes natural for us to not to talk, even if we don't experience any anxiety.
Your dreaming WAKE UP is offline  
post #53 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-23-2013, 02:35 PM
SAS Member
 
Mr Bacon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The city of Love
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,180
Personally, I used to be exactly like you pictured it, OP. I just didn't talk, I had nothing to contribute to any conversation. It's like my mind was some sort of blank, or at best a windows screen saver with not much activity going on .

It was actually the depression, in my case. Once I got rid of the depression through meds, I felt a lot better and opened up way more - I can't believe how creative I can be nowadays! Sometimes I can just keep talking, as the inspiration is there and is fueled by my good mood.
Mr Bacon is offline  
post #54 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-25-2013, 02:59 AM
SAS Member
 
Ricardomg93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Brazil
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 268
Quote:
Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
Do you plan to work on this issue that you have? Do you think its possible to solve that problem? Do you want improve in that area?
Yes three times for you :P But it's hard, i know i've improved a little in the last year but i'm far from good in handling conversations

“The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons as far as they’ll go.”
Sanae Hanekoma - The World Ends with You
Ricardomg93 is offline  
post #55 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-26-2013, 06:43 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NC
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 907
I used to tell people that I get anxious in social situations ....but now I'd rather they just think im an enigma.......I like having a certain level of mysteriousness....silence isnt always a bad thing.
Wulfgar is offline  
post #56 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-28-2013, 07:38 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
I can completely relate. Its like my brain just completely shuts down sometimes in social situations involving more than one other person. I am usually fine one on one and can speak openly and fluently, even with strangers. I am also in a social anxiety group and talk very little. If called on to share, I use as few words as possible. I smile and nod a lot. For me I want to be social, and even enjoy it sometimes, I just don't have the words to join in. A close friend once said that I look like a deer in headlights when this happens. I have been on medication in the past and Zoloft actually helped a bit, but I didn't like the side effects. I have been in counseling many times but have trouble finding a therapist that understands. A lot will say they specialize in anxiety, or even social anxiety, but I feel like it is more than that. I'm happy to have met some people that can relate!
sunshine302 is offline  
post #57 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-28-2013, 07:43 AM
SAS Member since 6/2/01
 
Derekgnr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Massachusetts
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 260
Yeah that's how I am. I don't talk unless someone talks to me. And when I do it's very few words.

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all just disappear
Derekgnr is offline  
post #58 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-28-2013, 11:23 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,225
Maybe it's a learned behavior caused by SA
inerameia is offline  
post #59 of 62 (permalink) Old 11-28-2013, 12:19 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1
I've had three or four recent moments in my life where I have been selectively mute. They have happened to me when I have found myself in compromising situations i.e social situations where I find myself most uncomfortable. I used to be able to hold up my mask but now I don't think I can anymore. I no longer socialise anymore as a result.

I fully believe that in my case this is a learned beahviour as a result of feeling anxious and uncomfortable opening up to people.

The first experience was with my two only friends( whom I have avoided since this semester 4 months). There were people they knew at the bus stop and started talking too them. I cut myself off and didn't try talking to them. I shut down and stayed quiet completely for around 1 hour on the way home. It was agony. The context was the end of the exams and start of summer. For me I had no plans. I could see the emptiness on the horizon and could not hold up the mask anymore.

The second experience was with my Dad. we were at the olympics in London outside watching one of the events on the televisions. My Dad and I sat down beside a guy my age and he struck up a convo with him. I just sat their, feeling depressed and shut down completely. I have always had trouble being myself around my Dad. I'm a sensitive type, childhood issues, not anything bad but I feel the effect now.

The third experience happened when I was away with my college class on a trip abroad and I shut down during those few days and barely talked to anymore. I could see so many people being normal, laughing being friends and I felt disconnected. without doubt I felt my lowest here. It was agony. No real connections. I sobbed my eyes out for a day after.

I find it so sad that people cant see emotions. People just have no idea.
Steven111 is offline  
post #60 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-06-2013, 12:23 PM
SAS Member
 
TastelessCookie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 98
I'm also one of the 'quiet' people out there. It's really frustrating because when I'm around people, everyone goes ''hey why you don't talk?'' and I just stand there awkwardly. I really don't know what's wrong with me. It's just..who I am. I can't explain it. Sometimes it's because I have nothing interesting to say and fear it may come out boring/weird/etc, or I don't have anything to say at all. Some people talk too much and are always great at making conversation and it comes naturally for them. I'm the exact opposite. It's really ruining me though. I work at a bookshop right now, and I believe I'm horrible as a sales person.

My nightmare is when I'm alone with my boss. The silence is killing me. What can I possible talk about with my boss? How do I make small talk with him? What a torture. Yesterday he was like ''so what's new with you?'' and I amost peed my pants. (well, not literally.)
TastelessCookie is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
14 year old "Conservative" talk show host says "President Obama is making kids gay" Brad Society & Culture 74 12-13-2013 04:06 PM
Do you give off "Don't Talk To Me" Vibes? ohm Frustration 28 07-22-2013 10:25 PM
"quiet" = "freak" = "don't want to be your friend" sadguy Coping With Social Anxiety 39 09-09-2012 04:18 PM
I don't like "guy talk". jvanb00c Coping With Social Anxiety 224 07-01-2012 01:19 AM
My new coworkers said "talk...why don't you talk...say something" mypasswordneverworks The Work Place 32 08-01-2009 10:30 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome