My previous therapist gave up on me.
I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't answer her question. I couldn't write in front of her. either
She didn't understand why I couldn't speak. She said that she didn't understand what I was thinking and how she could help me. So she said that she was not able to be my therapist anymore. And she recommended another therapist.
My new therapist looks good. I just met him a couple of times so far. He understands my situation.
He even took me out of the office to walk outside together, because I was so nervous in the therapy room.
Actually, that helps me. I could relax and talk to him a little while walking.
But I am worried that he will also leave me like my previous therapist.
Is there anyone who has difficulty talking to your therapist?
It sounds like you feel more comfortable expressing your deeper feelings when you're not feeling like you're being confronted. Face to face contact can feel very dangerous. I sometimes have that-especially if I'm dealing with a therapist who is giving off a very confrontational, aggressive vibe.
Someone once said that a therapist should have the eyes of a mama cow-incredibly kind and loving-not the aggressive glare of an eagle. The energy associated with each is very different.
I just read a book called 'The Body Keeps The Score', by Dr Bessel van der Kolk (probably misspelling his name now) but it explains very well what happens to the brain and body when we feel threatened/nervous/attacked. Your more primitive brain takes over and no amount of talking can bring you down to a calm level and open up, if you're already anxious/hyper alert/afraid.
I think it might help you to read it-it's tough (emotionally) but I found it incredibly precise and revealing about how to calm down extreme panic reactions. He is a trauma therapist and researcher and I honestly wish I had had this info a decade ago. So many of my issues would have been sorted out by then-but this was my path I suppose.
I think your first therapist was inadequate for your needs, because if she really knew her stuff, she would see your challenge is something she would need to do to change-so you can actually begin to discuss your issues. Your new one seems to be more accommodating-which is good.
Maybe you should write more if it feels safer. Or talk on the phone/instant message? I would also tell him that you're worried that he's going to dump you because you're having a challenge, talking and opening up right now. Also keep in mind, you're having a challenge right now. You won't always feel this way.
It's your therapy and your time, and your comfort with the person you're trusting with your story is very important.