I cannot talk to my therapist - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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I cannot talk to my therapist


My previous therapist gave up on me.
I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't answer her question. I couldn't write in front of her. either
She didn't understand why I couldn't speak. She said that she didn't understand what I was thinking and how she could help me. So she said that she was not able to be my therapist anymore. And she recommended another therapist.

My new therapist looks good. I just met him a couple of times so far. He understands my situation.
He even took me out of the office to walk outside together, because I was so nervous in the therapy room.
Actually, that helps me. I could relax and talk to him a little while walking.
But I am worried that he will also leave me like my previous therapist.

Is there anyone who has difficulty talking to your therapist?
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 08:02 PM
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I always have. I don't like talking to strangers. And I've worked for some of the agencies where I've done therapy as a patient as well, and I know they don't really care. They're just doing their job to get their billing, which makes the whole thing very awkward for me. I don't like doing it at all, but I don't know what else to do.

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 09:53 PM
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I was the same, which is why I needed a therapist. When I saw her, I wrote notes instead of talking.

Iíve read about someone who went to a therapist for about a year without talking or writing, and all they did was sit there. The therapist was okay with that, if Iím remembering it properly. Other people commented that even if you canít talk or write, itís okay (especially if itís only the first few sessions) because you still have company and that can help you feel better, which is their job.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 05:49 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you. I feel better. I was thinking like talking was my responsibility.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 08:54 PM
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Yes I was. I wouldn't talk much, only a bit. The most recent one I've been seeing who has been the most helpful, did most of the talking most of the time. I have been seeing them on average once a month for about a year. I'm doing better now and can now talk a lot more, probably now talking about half the time, like a normal conversation. If you find it helps to do therapy while on walks, or by writing, or by having a different seating arrangement (sometimes it can help if they sit next to you so you can look out a window rather than at them) then you should let him know, because he sounds like he'd be able to accommodate that.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-29-2019, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarPush View Post
My previous therapist gave up on me.
I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't answer her question. I couldn't write in front of her. either
She didn't understand why I couldn't speak. She said that she didn't understand what I was thinking and how she could help me. So she said that she was not able to be my therapist anymore. And she recommended another therapist.
I don't go for any therapy (even though I should I guess, because it's not getting better) however I can be pretty sure that I would be in very same situation, because I can't even imagine myself about opening up myself and showing my own feelings, fears, problems and all other that sort of my own stuff... and that's not really good thing that I'm carrying pretty much my whole life... Even with someone that I "can feel more safe" I just can't be open, I have secrets that no one should know even if they aren't that bad, I'm not a murderer or something else like that, I think won't be able to do that anyway and even further I don't have any reason for such things, but however I can't be at least half open about myself...
As an example I can say that this forum knows way more about my (especially) dark side than any (even closest one(s)) person(s) irl...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarPush View Post
My previous therapist gave up on me.
I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't answer her question. I couldn't write in front of her. either
She didn't understand why I couldn't speak. She said that she didn't understand what I was thinking and how she could help me. So she said that she was not able to be my therapist anymore. And she recommended another therapist.

My new therapist looks good. I just met him a couple of times so far. He understands my situation.
He even took me out of the office to walk outside together, because I was so nervous in the therapy room.
Actually, that helps me. I could relax and talk to him a little while walking.
But I am worried that he will also leave me like my previous therapist.

Is there anyone who has difficulty talking to your therapist?



It sounds like you feel more comfortable expressing your deeper feelings when you're not feeling like you're being confronted. Face to face contact can feel very dangerous. I sometimes have that-especially if I'm dealing with a therapist who is giving off a very confrontational, aggressive vibe.



Someone once said that a therapist should have the eyes of a mama cow-incredibly kind and loving-not the aggressive glare of an eagle. The energy associated with each is very different.



I just read a book called 'The Body Keeps The Score', by Dr Bessel van der Kolk (probably misspelling his name now) but it explains very well what happens to the brain and body when we feel threatened/nervous/attacked. Your more primitive brain takes over and no amount of talking can bring you down to a calm level and open up, if you're already anxious/hyper alert/afraid.



I think it might help you to read it-it's tough (emotionally) but I found it incredibly precise and revealing about how to calm down extreme panic reactions. He is a trauma therapist and researcher and I honestly wish I had had this info a decade ago. So many of my issues would have been sorted out by then-but this was my path I suppose.



I think your first therapist was inadequate for your needs, because if she really knew her stuff, she would see your challenge is something she would need to do to change-so you can actually begin to discuss your issues. Your new one seems to be more accommodating-which is good.



Maybe you should write more if it feels safer. Or talk on the phone/instant message? I would also tell him that you're worried that he's going to dump you because you're having a challenge, talking and opening up right now. Also keep in mind, you're having a challenge right now. You won't always feel this way.



It's your therapy and your time, and your comfort with the person you're trusting with your story is very important.


Good luck!
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-02-2019, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by NPC Shawn View Post
I always have. I don't like talking to strangers. And I've worked for some of the agencies where I've done therapy as a patient as well, and I know they don't really care. They're just doing their job to get their billing, which makes the whole thing very awkward for me. I don't like doing it at all, but I don't know what else to do.
But people try to get a job that they love. If you become a therapist, and spend several years on the education that is needed for it - You dont just do it for a paycheck. You do it because you want to help people.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 08:33 PM
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by wanderingneuron View Post

Maybe you should write more if it feels safer. Or talk on the phone/instant message? I would also tell him that you're worried that he's going to dump you because you're having a challenge, talking and opening up right now. Also keep in mind, you're having a challenge right now. You won't always feel this way.
After your suggestion, I wrote down my feeling and gave it to my therapist. In the note, I said that I am worried I bother him (because I cannot speak) and I am worried he is going to dump me.
He read it and laughed about it. He said that I have never bothered him at all.
I am relieved a little bit.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 02:23 PM
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Thank you. I feel better. I was thinking like talking was my responsibility.
It's not at all.

I was also told by my therapist that it would be better if I'd just sit silent and she would be present instead of trying to fill the time with talking because it felt to her that I was doing that cause I wasn't emotionally attached to what I was saying.

The silence can be for so many different reason. For example, there's a thing called ''schizoid compromise'' and in therapy it's when the client can't open up emotionally to a therapist and become to have an emotional connection with a therapist, but at the same time if this therapeutic relationship was over then they'd feel very intense feelings about the separation. This is typical for me as a schizoid, but seems like lots of people here have the same thing in therapy. I don't know though.

Quote:
After your suggestion, I wrote down my feeling and gave it to my therapist. In the note, I said that I am worried I bother him (because I cannot speak) and I am worried he is going to dump me.
He read it and laughed about it. He said that I have never bothered him at all.
I am relieved a little bit.After your suggestion, I wrote down my feeling and gave it to my therapist. In the note, I said that I am worried I bother him (because I cannot speak) and I am worried he is going to dump me.
He read it and laughed about it. He said that I have never bothered him at all.
I am relieved a little bit.
I'd say keep doing it whenever you have an anxiety about a therapist or anything else and you find it difficult to express verbally. That's what I'm often doing and it keeps being helpful.

I think it's because of your previous experience with that other therapist.

Sorry for my English.
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