I am paranoid and it's starting to drive me crazy. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 11:33 PM Thread Starter
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I am paranoid and it's starting to drive me crazy.


Okay, I have been dealing with these things for a while now, and a fellow SAS friend told me to write about it here. I am reluctant, because I am afraid people will tell me to just get over it, or I want attention. I just need to tell others this, because I feel like I am losing my mind.

Also, I am not sure if this is the correct forum, so feel free to move it.

This first thing is pretty basic, and not particularly uncommon, I'm assuming... I am terrified that someone is going to break into my house and kill me. When I am home alone, or watching my sister's house for her while she is out of state, is when it's the worst. I have started carrying a sheathed knife with me everywhere in the house. When I fall asleep, I either have it in my hand, under my pillow, or right next to me in bed.

I was just lying in bed the other day, feeling just fine, and my cat jumped on the bed behind my head. In the back of my mind, I knew it was just my cat, but the paranoia kicked in and I thought oh my god, it's a person walking on the bed behind me, and I jumped out, ready to attack. And of course, all I saw was a kitty.

The other night I woke up, and felt absolutely sure I wouldn't live for more than a few days. And not in a 'I want to commit suicide' way - I don't. I do not want to die, and I've never hurt myself in such a way. I felt that I was at the wider end of a cone, and each day I was getting closer and closer to the narrow end, and I'd die when I reached it. I cannot explain why I thought this, but the feeling is lingering.

When I go to bed at night, I become convinced that there are demons near me. I am terrified that they will possess me, and I find myself praying to anything that might be out there listening to help me, even though I've never been particularly religious or much of a believer..

Two nights ago, I thought that I was being lifted out of my bed, and thought oh my god, a demon is doing this to me, it's finally happening. I clung to my bed sheets and hid under the blanket, and after an hour or so managed to calm down.

I know that hearing voices is relatively normal as you are at the boundary between consciousness and sleep, and I've always experienced this. It has gotten worse and worse over time, to the point that I hear people yelling, or speaking right in my ear, and it jolts me awake, and sometimes I think there is some demon-like creature off to the side of my bed and that was what spoke to me.

I swear, a little earlier when I was sleepy but not really dozing yet, I heard a woman, clear as day, as if she were right on the other side of the sofa from me. I heard my name, but cannot remember what else was said. I had to peak over the couch to make sure there was nothing there.

I cannot walk by my mirror, because I think I will see a demon, or I'll catch a glimpse of my face and it will be evil or look downright possessed. It scares me the most, because when I was with my ex, I would unexpectedly become enraged at the most innocent thing he said, for anywhere from a minute to about 10 minutes. I would feel nothing but hatred and say horrible things, and when the 'episode' finished, I was so confused and tired. He told me I'd become rigid, 'dead-eyed', absolutely vicious, and I'd start running my fingernails down my face to the point I'd leave red streaks. And he said I looked/acted like what he imagined a possessed person would.

I hear static noise in my head all the time, and sometimes I just stick my head between my knees to try and block out the sound.

I'm sorry this is so long. I just need to TELL someone this. I mentioned a lot of this to my doctor and she kind of brushed it off, but then said my issues might be too much for her to assess, and might send me off to a psychiatrist. Please tell me I'm not alone. I am driving myself crazy with not just my normal anxiety and depression, but the paranoia that has emerged recently. I started taking wellbutrin a month and a half ago, and I heard it makes anxiety worse, but this seems extreme.

Any advice, similar stories, or any other kind of response is deeply appreciated.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 11:40 PM
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Hey ChuckyFinster, you might want to go to the psychistrist pronto. I am not saying this to alarm you but this sounds like stress related paranoia. Have you ever been evaluated for borderline personality disorder? It can all be managed with good medication like antipsychotics. They will calm your mind. Could be really bad psychotic depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, so yeah go to your psych! Medications are out there to alleviate all these.
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Hey ChuckyFinster, you might want to go to the psychistrist pronto. I am not saying this to alarm you but this sounds like stress related paranoia. Have you ever been evaluated for borderline personality disorder? It can all be managed with good medication like antipsychotics. They will calm your mind. Could be really bad psychotic depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, so yeah go to your psych! Medications are out there to alleviate all these.
Thank you for that. I used to see a psychiatrist, but that was before these paranoia issues became so bad. She thought I just had social/general anxiety, severe depression, and a bit of OCD. It's very difficult to get with another psychiatrist now; the waiting list is 4 months long, but I guess I might as well take the steps to get an assessment with another one... as my other doctor doesn't seem to know a whole lot about anxiety/depression issues, and literally seems to think all my problems are due to men...but she was the only doctor I could get an appointment with.

Thank you so much for the insight!

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 11:54 PM
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Yeah that sounds pretty serious. Hearing voices and hallucinating about demons is definitely not normal and something you should get help with right away.
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:13 AM
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Yeah that sounds pretty serious. Hearing voices and hallucinating about demons is definitely not normal and something you should get help with right away.
Help has not helped, as I read it.
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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Help has not helped, as I read it.
What do you mean by that?

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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:31 AM
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Help has not helped, as I read it.
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What do you mean by that?
That was a flaky message I wrote. I think if you're having a breakdown like this and your doctor isn't helpful and you can't see a psychiatrist soon, you should try a hospital and see if they can give you an anti psychotic medication. Though with your symptoms you might risk getting committed.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:58 AM Thread Starter
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Though with your symptoms you might risk getting committed.
That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I told my doctor a couple of things, and she asked me to elaborate, and then she said something along the lines of, 'you know how that sounds, right?' Because I told her my issues (depression, anxiety, paranoia) were getting so bad that I sometimes wished I didn't exist. And again, I would never commit suicide, but the idea of never having existed to begin with seemed so appealing at that point.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 01:01 AM
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Don't tell her you are going to act on it. If you are truly not going to harm yourself then they will trust you. Tell them you want relief from the paranoia which is what is causing you the mostd distress.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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I asked my current doctor for a mild, non addictive anti-anxiety med, and she flat out told me, "you don't need a pill for your anxiety, you need counseling." Then I told her, I don't want a benzo, just buspar, because maybe that would help the anxiety/paranoia just a bit. Instead, she told me to take ativan (which she prescribed for me to sleep) when I'm anxious, even though she told me 5 minutes earlier that she did not give benzos for anxiety.

I will either get into contact with the hospital, although I'm not sure how to go about doing that, or see my sister's doctor. She said she'd pay the $150 visit, because this particular doctor is apparently amazing.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 01:39 AM
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Yeah i think the symptoms in which you have explained is something a psychiatrist can deal with and is more knowledgeable then just a regular doctor. So i do think you should see one of those asap. Um not to scare you or anything.
I use to be really scared home alone and to look at mirrors i would cover mirrors in my room before i went to bed. i guess i just grew out of that phase. & also probably when i came to the conclusions Demons and such are actually not reall i think they are a figure of our extended imaginations and our minds reaching a really really dark place in which i cannot explain. Like everythings is in our minds and you have to try and control your thinking.
For example if your doing something and your thinking process begins to change in a negative form and you start to get freightened of your own thoughts or imagining demons etc you should just up and change your environment and try to discipline your thoughts.
Um with the dying thoughts i believe theres a name for that some type of health anxiety that leads you to think you are sick and or dying when you really are not.
Goodluck.

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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 02:11 AM Thread Starter
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Do you have a HMO? What is your insurance plan? I bet there is a well rated psych on your insurance accepting new patients. You could always go to urgent care and ask for seroquel for paranoia and sleep.
I have a low-end insurance, basically for people with little to no income. I can only see a small, specific group of physicians. We have a community clinic that has a huge waiting list for their psychiatrists; all the other ones require referrals. And as for my sister's doctor, she volunteered to pay for it once.. I couldn't afford to see her multiple times per year, so I just don't know. My old psychiatrist, whom I LOVED, moved 3 hours away. Thank you guys for the suggestions.

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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 03:08 AM
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Your current doctor sounds bad at handling people with these problems. I wonder how many out there have been wrongly diagnosed and given the wrong medication because their doctor refuses to look into the issue. The urgent care sounds like your best immediate plan, and would probably be cheaper than visiting a hospital. Depends how your covered.
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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 07:42 AM
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I have a low-end insurance, basically for people with little to no income. I can only see a small, specific group of physicians. We have a community clinic that has a huge waiting list for their psychiatrists; all the other ones require referrals. And as for my sister's doctor, she volunteered to pay for it once.. I couldn't afford to see her multiple times per year, so I just don't know. My old psychiatrist, whom I LOVED, moved 3 hours away. Thank you guys for the suggestions.
I still can't figure out when to say "who" or "whom"...help?
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 11:16 AM
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All this happened once you stared watching your cousins house??? Maybe her house is haunted could explain alot. It sounds like you're letting your anxiety get to you, didn't you say at first you just thought somebody would break in and kill you.


Maybe you let your paranoia about a certain situation in your head escalate from from just a burglary. You don't sound crazy at all lol just a little paranoid about being in a house alone, that is the reason why you might feel so anxious. Adress that first, and try to stop your mind from escalating.


You could always go to a pysch ward if u don't feel right but then again it may just be anxious thoughts. People have really weird thoughts when major anxiety is an issue just keep that mind. You sound sane to me.
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 08:04 PM
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It has gotten worse and worse over time, to the point that I hear people yelling, or speaking right in my ear, and it jolts me awake.
How long have you experienced this?

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 08:11 PM
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Your current doctor sounds bad at handling people with these problems. I wonder how many out there have been wrongly diagnosed and given the wrong medication because their doctor refuses to look into the issue. The urgent care sounds like your best immediate plan, and would probably be cheaper than visiting a hospital. Depends how your covered.
A really great amount of people has been misdiagnosed, and deceived, the doctor doesn't have enough scientific knowledge to properly explain to the patient what's the main cause, the Public scientific sources has been handicapped.

I was investigating Paranoid Schizophrenia, way to much missing content, it's been falsely created, and diagnosed based on misperception, even the Neurochemistry & Cognitive Electrophysiology of mind and brain has missing content. Very unprofessional, barely describes a concept so people can grasp the information correctly.

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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 08:53 PM Thread Starter
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How long have you experienced this?
Since childhood, but as I understood it, this is relatively normal. It would occasionally frighten me as a kid, but not enough to really question my sanity.. Like I said, I understood this to be quite common. It's in the past couple months that it has become alarming and scary. Like I heard a woman, clear as day, speaking across the sofa from me as if she were standing 3 feet away.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 08:59 PM Thread Starter
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All this happened once you stared watching your cousins house??? Maybe her house is haunted could explain alot. It sounds like you're letting your anxiety get to you, didn't you say at first you just thought somebody would break in and kill you.


Maybe you let your paranoia about a certain situation in your head escalate from from just a burglary. You don't sound crazy at all lol just a little paranoid about being in a house alone, that is the reason why you might feel so anxious. Adress that first, and try to stop your mind from escalating.


You could always go to a pysch ward if u don't feel right but then again it may just be anxious thoughts. People have really weird thoughts when major anxiety is an issue just keep that mind. You sound sane to me.
I was first watching my sister's apartment whenever she went to ND, then they bought a house, so I began living in their old apartment until the end of the lease, which was early January. I now house-sit for her when she's gone; the paranoia has occurred in both residences.

It's not just when I'm alone. It's just worse when I'm alone. Most of the demon thoughts have occurred when there are others in the house with me, sometimes sleeping in the same room.

I, too, think my anxiety has gotten so out of hand that it is escalating to paranoia. I just don't know how to go about relaxing myself.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.. Then it dawned on me.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2016, 10:53 PM
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I was first watching my sister's apartment whenever she went to ND, then they bought a house, so I began living in their old apartment until the end of the lease, which was early January. I now house-sit for her when she's gone; the paranoia has occurred in both residences.

It's not just when I'm alone. It's just worse when I'm alone. Most of the demon thoughts have occurred when there are others in the house with me, sometimes sleeping in the same room.

I, too, think my anxiety has gotten so out of hand that it is escalating to paranoia. I just don't know how to go about relaxing myself.
i totally understand how you feel. so you never had thoughts about demons watching u as u sleep etc before thinking someone was gonna break in and kill u at your sisters apartment? or where did the paranoid mainly begin?
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