i am a horrible person for thinking the way i do.
i feel absolutely disgusted by both of my parents, especially my mother. i try to avoid her at all costs because she is just... cloying, needy, self-righteous, negative, demanding, impatient, a tad bit derisive, and she has mannerisms and facial expressions that i can only describe as "ugly". i also find her hard to look at physically. i almost feel like if she died, there would be a weight lifted off my shoulders. i never liked her even when i was a small child. she somehow manages to make me feel like crap and she blames me for things that she is unhappy about. i feel like she always brings me down and i am embarrassed to be with her while dealing with strangers because i can tell others are bothered by the way she is, too.
there are people with low self-esteem and then there are those rare individuals that rely completely on other people's decisions and that's what she does. she doesn't act like she has a mind of her own, and she is always either bragging or kissing arse.. but never anything neutral. she doesn't really have any friends because all she does is complain (and make ugly voices to exaggerate how much she hates something while doing it) and she doesn't listen to other people's problems, she just talks about her own. she gets into arguments easily and then theres all the other things i mentioned.. so she drives everyone away.
what is wrong with me? is it normal to view one's own parent in such a horrible light?