How to stop speaking in monotone? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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How to stop speaking in monotone?


I've noticed that when talking to people I'm not comfortable with (i.e. basically anyone outside of my family) I speak in a really boring, monotone, non-expressive voice. The only time I show emotion is if they say something that is supposed to be a joke so I do a fake laugh. I noticed this particularly today when speaking to my therapist... Everything I said sounded so stilted but despite being aware of this I didn't know what I could do to fix this. Why does this happen and how can I make myself sound more expressive and animated? Does anyone else experience this?
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 11:02 AM
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Just in general maybe practice singing or reading out loud? It's difficult to judge what your own voice sounds like, it may not be as monotone as you fear. Did you ask your therapist about it?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 11:09 AM
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I agree with firelight.

I would also suggest singing and or trying mimicking people from shows or saying stuff the way they do. Like ear practice in music, but for voice, it if makes sense..
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by firelight View Post
Just in general maybe practice singing or reading out loud? It's difficult to judge what your own voice sounds like, it may not be as monotone as you fear. Did you ask your therapist about it?
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Originally Posted by Fixxer View Post
I agree with firelight.

I would also suggest singing and or trying mimicking people from shows or saying stuff the way they do. Like ear practice in music, but for voice, it if makes sense..
Thanks for the advice. I'll try to pay more attention to how other people speak and see if I can pick anything up from that. It's kind of like I'm scared to put across too much of my personality when I speak. I've become aware that I speak with a really awkward speech pattern as well when I'm not comfortable. I sound kind of aimless and trail off my sentences in such a dumb way.

The weird thing is - as with most of my anxiety problems - it's not a problem at all at home with my family. It's like I'm a completely different person lol. But when I'm anxious it's like I completely forget how to interact like a normal person.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 03:49 PM
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Originally Posted by pearlgrey View Post
It's kind of like I'm scared to put across too much of my personality when I speak.
What part of your personality do you not want others to see?

John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 05:23 PM
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It's kind of like I'm scared to put across too much of my personality when I speak.

Can relate to this as well. Talking too fast is my other symptom as well.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 07:14 PM
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I do both the monotone and talking too fast thing. Not sure why but I can't control it, especially when I go monotone. Its like something is suppressing my ability to use the appropriate upward inflections and I sound really flat and too deep. I hate it.

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 12:39 AM
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I think I speak in monotone less when I'm uncomfortable, or I sometimes try to fake expressiveness for some purpose. That's not just a voice thing though, I've been told off at least twice for not reacting enthusiastically enough to something my mum said/not mirroring her emotions one time it was me and my brother. Obviously if I don't fake a persona people in general will also make comments. But I'm not good at acting/it's exhausting/not good at lying so it doesn't really work well if I'm doing it too consciously, and I also don't keep it up all the time. So I used to get 'are you OK?' a lot.


And everyone who comes to the UK seems to comment on people seeming a bit cold/inexpressive so I can only imagine the nightmare in many places. I read this hilarious thread recently on another site:

 
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Avoidant attachment personalities There seems to be a bit of a problem in child rearing whereby children are raised in an emotionally cold environment. Not bad people but serious issues with communication and being able to connect emotionally with others. Tendency towards being stand-offish, closed, prejudiced and full of pride with a lack of empathy for others. This can be resolved if they are more open to listening and interacting to other people from around the world and if they learn what Christianity really is.
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Controlled behaviour avoiding any vulnerability or connection Visiting England always angers and depresses me. They behave so coldly and rudely that I feel miserable there. I can't understand the robotic monotone intonation of southern England. It's like they're programmed not to show emotion or personality. Is it a cultural fear of showing weakness through vulnerability? I only know that the only friendly people I have met in SE have been foreigners. Sad
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They definitely are My parents are British but I grew up in several South East Asian countries until I was 18. I moved to the Uk for university, and honestly after 4 years of being here, I have to agree with the stereotype that British people are cold and standoffish. For the first two years, I wondered if people didn't like me very much, cause nobody seemed to want to actually commit to a proper friendship. It turns out that people did actually like me as a person, but their idea of friendship was just very different to mine. Theirs is a lot less emotional, and more limited to watching tv, football, drinking, maybe playing board games etc. Basically anything that removes the need for direct personal conversations! I've also noticed a lot of British people don't tend to be very passionate during discussions - it's almost like they're afraid of showing too much excitement or anger? So I often make people uncomfortable by being too honest or straightforward. This was really difficult to adjust to - I just had to get used to the fact that people were unlikely to show much affection or speak plainly.
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Generally yes. They are islands on an island. I am an Italian woman and have lived in the UK for 13 years now. I know some amazing British people, open minded, kind, curious, helpful, smart, funny. But I also regularly meet a relatively high number of people who are socially un-skillled, don't shake your hand or tell their name when they are introduced, and stand-offish and clearly look like they can't be bothered getting to know me, maybe because I am a foreigner. Some women in particular often feel like aliens to me: indifferent, cold, detached, impersonal, almost bothered I exist. I find this alienating and has put me off trying to make friends with most English women. There is some strange barrier that they put up, either for fear or sense of superiority perhaps. But as mentioned I also know amazing people - and yes, they tend to be the ones who have traveled.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 06:18 AM
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Hi Pearlgrey

Maybe try and see a speech therapist or work on projecting your voice by reading out loud as was suggested. I've also tried the trying to mimick the voices of actors from TV, might work for you, didn't work so well for me. Practice announciating first soft than build up the pitch of your voice.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 07:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pearlgrey View Post

It's kind of like I'm scared to put across too much of my personality when I speak. I've become aware that I speak with a really awkward speech pattern as well when I'm not comfortable. I sound kind of aimless and trail off my sentences in such a dumb way.
I relate very much. In interviews is the worst, trailing off sentences is not good. Or with my therapist, the awkward silence after sucks. These are situations where people are likely to not jump in.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 09:34 AM
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I'm just searching, what a monotone is...
But I guess it is better than avoiding people)
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