i don’t know how to put things in a poetic way but here’s my opinion...
i’m starting to see things differently at the moment... that i should look at myself as, point blank, "being better then every one else"
. yeah...to think that i’m better but not say it.
sure, where one lives depends on how one thinks. if i was a pope i don’t think i would be thinking the same way because a pope would not be living where i am, he would be living among religious people. so i guess in a way our surroundings has to do a lot about the way we think. a dog barking behind a fence can’t feel the same way barking outside the fence...
ok, before i go deeper to other things let me move on...if i think about “being better then every one else”, it kind of makes sense.
i mean i see people who are not considered “normal” in society like a fat lady wearing a mini skirt.
why would she wear a mini skirt if society says it’s wrong?
would it be ok for society tell her what to wear even if it doesnt make her happy?
if she is not happy does it make society happy?
...the simple fact that she is wearing a mini skirt says to me that she DOESN’T give a ***** what people think, which would mean that she is RIGHT than everyone else. she is “better” then everyone else (or at least the ones judging negatively) because she is “right”. she is in her own little world where she is the queen.
so since she feels better then everyone else she is going to do what she damn pleases to do. if people critique her she will not care cus she will view everyone as being lower then her, as in their opinion doesn’t matter. insults bounce off her cus she’s a “god” in her own little world.
how can i be a “god” in my own little world? by her way of thinking.
so i think happiness is what i feel is right and what makes me feel good.
in other words lie (i.e. for get about how society labels me) to myself to boost my confidence (if i still have any)...hmm...and now that i think about it i might be “better” then a few.
EDIT:...wait a minute something just came to me. what if i was never taught how to believe that i’m better then everyone else? after all, our adult lives reflects how one was raised.
so how can i belive that i’m better then everyone else if nobody taught me how to?
everyone learns by learning and remembering. most of the teaching comes from parents tho.
if my parents didnt teach me then am i able to learn from someone else how to feel better then everyone else? hmm...i would say yes for the simple fact that i learned how to drive, i learned how to use the computer, i learned how to use my cell phone. what do you know...i can still learn. SAD is remembering that i have SAD. that means i can learn how to get rid of SAD.
from who, that is the question?
i need someone to learn from. i need some one to teach me how to feel “better then everyone else” which means that i CANNOT DO IT ALONE. because i cannot learn about SAD alone since i found out i had SAD by others not by myself...
how can i get rid of social anxiety if i don’t know how? i need to SEEK for someone to help me get rid of this feeling.
now, what does the seeking really mean? i can go to a therapist for help, for one. or i could just try to throw myself out there to society and give it my all. both can be said are “seeking". but for sure if there’s no seeking there are no results.
i can’t just keep hiding/avoiding the problem. i need to find help, face it (even if it hurts) and conquer.
sorry just thinking out loud (venting).
hopes this helps if anyone understands.