How to connect with people when they seem uninterested in connecting with you? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 01:39 PM Thread Starter
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How to connect with people when they seem uninterested in connecting with you?


Hi, all.

During the past week, I've been putting into practice some of the helpful advice I received about finding/being my true self. It's still an uphill battle, but I do feel the tiniest bit more comfortable being in my own skin. I've mostly been trying to communicate with others in a more honest way, rather than just agreeing with them to make them happy like I tended to do before. However, I still seem to be lacking in the department of connecting with others... With my current job, I'm not able to go out and socialize in real life right now (though I doubt I would even if I could). So, instead, I've been trying to practice talking to people online by coming up with thoughtful conversations related to whatever the topic at hand is, but this doesn't seem to be working out for me either.

For example, a YouTube creator I sub to created a video and asked for opinions on it in their Discord. Everyone else gave generic replies like "It was good" or "Nice", to which the creator actually replied with more than just a thanks. But I tried to explain in more detail the parts I liked about the vid (only a sentence or two, though), and the creator completely ignored me and proceeded to talk to the person who commented after me. I've also tried communicating by expressing my views even when they're in disagreement with someone else's. On the same Discord server, a group of people were discussing their thoughts about the hidden meaning behind the creator's latest video. I joined in the discussion by giving my thoughts about the actual meaning, even though it differed from the group's consensus. I wasn't impolite in my disagreement and even asked for their thoughts on it, yet the group just continued chatting with one another as if I hadn't said anything at all.

I try not to get offended because not everyone wants to talk to some rando online, but it happens all the time. It's just hard not to get discouraged when I try to talk with someone, just for them to ignore me and talk to other random people they don't know.

Am I doing something wrong? Should I start giving generic responses to everything? Don't get me wrong: I don't post things just for the sake of getting a response; however, it would be nice to not be ignored sometimes. I'm actually really curious about how I should interact with people and advice is greatly appreciated.

"Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion,
All heads tend to fall behind.
Wasted whethers of the which cut steeper,
Always running out of time."
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 05:55 PM
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I've dealt with this too and sometimes it just says more about the person than about you. Just remember it also happens to other people. Keep trying and someone will be interested
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 07:55 AM
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im in the same boat.....i just dont seem to be able to connect with people....

.but i will say i dont think you were wrong at all by posting what you did, i would have thought that it would have made the chat more interesting.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 09:16 AM
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use the same clothes as they do.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 12:23 PM
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Most people like to talk about themselves. Learn how to ask questions and be interested in their response. Also in the youtube example, the person is responding to a crapton of people which takes a lot of effort. They probably don't want to engage in any deep connection in that situation.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shy extrovert View Post
I've dealt with this too and sometimes it just says more about the person than about you. Just remember it also happens to other people. Keep trying and someone will be interested
Thanks for replying!

I see what you mean; there have been plenty of people I've tried to start a conversation with who are just genuinely rude. But it happens so often that I just can't believe all of the people I've failed to connect with are this way. It's gotten to the point where I'm certain it has to be something I'm doing wrong.

I do want to keep trying and I always tell myself that one day I'll find someone to talk with. But at the same time, I wonder if this is something I should even bother to keep pursuing? I don't know if reaching out to people is helping me or hurting me anymore. If I give up, it takes away the burden of failure, but then I'll spend my whole life wondering if I'm missing out...

"Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion,
All heads tend to fall behind.
Wasted whethers of the which cut steeper,
Always running out of time."
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
im in the same boat.....i just dont seem to be able to connect with people....

.but i will say i dont think you were wrong at all by posting what you did, i would have thought that it would have made the chat more interesting.
Thanks for replying!

To be honest, I'm glad to hear you say that. I've seen a lot of excellent communicators use the tactic of asking for people's thoughts on their statements and it typically works for them. When I try to talk with others, I ask them what they think because I want them to share their thoughts/opinionsóthat's the point of a conversation, after all! It's just so frustrating when some people seem to reply more to 'yeah's and 'nice's than to someone actually trying to talk to them.

"Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion,
All heads tend to fall behind.
Wasted whethers of the which cut steeper,
Always running out of time."
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by fear24itself View Post
use the same clothes as they do.
Thanks for replying!

Now why didn't I think of that?

"Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion,
All heads tend to fall behind.
Wasted whethers of the which cut steeper,
Always running out of time."
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by firelight View Post
Most people like to talk about themselves. Learn how to ask questions and be interested in their response. Also in the youtube example, the person is responding to a crapton of people which takes a lot of effort. They probably don't want to engage in any deep connection in that situation.
Thanks for replying!

In the past, I would actually go a little overboard in trying to be accomodating by asking people questions about themselves. In fact, I would make almost the entire conversation more about them and leave myself out entirely. I've improved in that department by trying to keep the conversations more balanced by sharing what I think and asking for the thoughts/opinions of others. But it still doesn't seem to work for me. I love hearing what people think about a topic because it makes things interesting, but they don't seem interested in sharing what they think with me.

Part of me does agree with you about the YouTube example. The rational side of me keeps saying that when this happens, it's not personal. But the other half of me can't help but take it personally because it happens all the time. It's like the kid who consistently gets picked last on the school soccer team; eventually, they're going to wonder what they did wrong.

The creator seemed eager to discuss their ideas with others who barely said a word, yet didn't even give a single word of acknowledgment to someone who was genuinely interested. I don't know, maybe I'm just being petulant, but it gets under my skin and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.

"Drip drop, try to stop the forward motion,
All heads tend to fall behind.
Wasted whethers of the which cut steeper,
Always running out of time."
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 05:01 PM
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Yeah, people don't even try to do that....

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by restoREIRA View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shy extrovert View Post
I've dealt with this too and sometimes it just says more about the person than about you. Just remember it also happens to other people. Keep trying and someone will be interested
Thanks for replying!

I see what you mean; there have been plenty of people I've tried to start a conversation with who are just genuinely rude. But it happens so often that I just can't believe all of the people I've failed to connect with are this way. It's gotten to the point where I'm certain it has to be something I'm doing wrong.

I do want to keep trying and I always tell myself that one day I'll find someone to talk with. But at the same time, I wonder if this is something I should even bother to keep pursuing? I don't know if reaching out to people is helping me or hurting me anymore. If I give up, it takes away the burden of failure, but then I'll spend my whole life wondering if I'm missing out...
I think you should because you got it exactly right, you may be missing out. If you keep trying you will find someone with similar interests which is who you should be talking to
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 09:59 AM
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ppl are not interesting themselves
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