This may sound strange to you but the title is correct. There actually is a mechanism to how this social anxiety keeps its hold over you. This is not an unexplainable phenomenon but a process which involves the presence of some common factors among all the affectees of Social Anxiety.

I will start with the definition of anxiety. It is a painful uneasiness of mind, accompanied by body symptoms. People have different type of anxiety depending upon the stimulus that triggers anxiety. Social anxiety is that anxiety which is felt when you are around people. This means you are uneasy when you are with people, with even one person. Its degree varies depending upon the kind of person and your mental state. So what is that keeps you in social anxiety? Well, the answer is YOU. You are keeping yourself in social anxiety. Please just don’t end reading here and give me a chance to explain this a little.

First stage, difficulty to perform:-
Why do you feel anxious? Why do you feel fearful in other people? I don’t want to go into details because that is not the subject. In short, you feel fear from people, most common fears being fear of being judged and fear of embarrassment and fear that you have anxiety and you will not be able to hide it.

Due to this fear you are not focused on the conversation, on the situation either. You are too focused on yourself, on your feelings. Why do I feel that way, what is happening to me, what should I say to this guy, what if I said this and he/she does not like it. These are some of your thoughts when you are in public/ social situations. Now how on earth you can be able to enjoy your talk or the occasion if you are so much focused on yourself? So the simple fact is that ‘I don’t have anything to say or anything interesting to say because I am not focused’.

Stage 2: Expecting the Negative
Now when the situation ends which is say a party. Well people might have enjoyed it, had a lot of fun, some would have tried to talk to you and you wouldn’t be able to respond as well as you wanted. Or you were not able to even talk to anyone because you are worried, you were anxious and you were not focused. But it doesn’t end here. Now after the situation, you have started beating yourself up. Why didn’t I say this, why didn’t I do that. Why can’t I enjoy in people. Everyone would be thinking what a person he/she is who doesn’t have anything to say at all. So this beating up continued until you are convinced that you are no good in other people.

The next time the social situation occurs. You are mentally convinced that you will not be able to do well in people. You will have anxiety, you won’t have much interesting to say. People are not gonna like you and bla bla blas. This negative expectation, which we call anticipatory anxiety, that occurs before the particular situation is basically you, reinforcing the anxiety. And when you are in that situation, again you are not focused, you know that you cant talk well in other people. People are not gonna like you. So you have added something more negative and again you will not be able to participate as well as others would have been doing because you are not there mentally.

Now this cycle continues, you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and not doing well makes you more anxious. Now you start avoiding situations, you started expecting things to be negative, you start expecting your life will remain negative. Your self esteem is badly shaken. You start worrying about others, about situations in life and your ability to deal with problems. Small problems start bothering you more. Why did he say this to me? Nobody cares for me or understands me. I have no worth. The more you worry the more negative chemicals you release in your body which cause physical symptoms like sweating, racing of heart, stomach problems, difficulty to sleep etc.

So this is all we experience in social anxiety. But I want to take a look at how it started. It starts with negative thoughts and feelings. And the more you listen to these negative thoughts the more you move into this cycle, vicious circle of social anxiety which is you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and you are anxious because you don’t do well in social situations.

Stage 3: Hopelessness:-
The third stage ‘Hopelessness’ arises because our mind can not stay idle when this happens. You automatically try to do something to tackle with the situation. But what you do start fighting yourself. You start using anger. I am going to overcome this problem today. I am going to face this situation no matter what happens. And you face the situation with anger but nothing happens. You are dumb, blank in people. Now you start insisting. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be able to talk with others, to enjoy why why why? You again face the situation but the result is same. Finally, you start bemoaning. What have I done to deserve this fate. I am a good person. I have never thought bad about people. Why I am being punished. Now you feel hopeless and find no use in trying to face your fears. I have tried everything but nothing works. In this stage your physical symptoms become more severe and normally before you are aware you are in these three stages.

So that is how you keep yourself in social anxiety. The most important thing is that the more you worry on your problems, the worse it gets. So first stage is not to worry too much about your problems. If you don’t have much friends, so what. If you feel anxious in people, so what? If you have stomach problems, so what? This is not a life or death situation. Remember, woyrying about your problems, fighting with yourself is adding gasoline to the fire which will only worsen it. That is why if someone praises you, you feel good. If someone makes you feel that you have done a good job, you feel good. Because you are not worrying. So if you don’t do anything and just stop worrying about these problems, your miseries, you are breaking this cycle and this will help a little. However, there is a proper way to deal with your problems i.e. change your thinking and behavior, slowly which I will explain in my next post.

This may sound strange to you but the title is correct. There actually is a mechanism to how this social anxiety keeps its hold over you. This is not an unexplainable phenomenon but a process which involves the presence of some common factors among all the affectees of Social Anxiety.

I will start with the definition of anxiety. It is a painful uneasiness of mind, accompanied by body symptoms. People have different type of anxiety depending upon the stimulus that triggers anxiety. Social anxiety is that anxiety which is felt when you are around people. This means you are uneasy when you are with people, with even one person. Its degree varies depending upon the kind of person and your mental state. So what is that keeps you in social anxiety? Well, the answer is YOU. You are keeping yourself in social anxiety. Please just don’t end reading here and give me a chance to explain this a little.

First stage, difficulty to perform:-
Why do you feel anxious? Why do you feel fearful in other people? I don’t want to go into details because that is not the subject. In short, you feel fear from people, most common fears being fear of being judged and fear of embarrassment and fear that you have anxiety and you will not be able to hide it.

Due to this fear you are not focused on the conversation, on the situation either. You are too focused on yourself, on your feelings. Why do I feel that way, what is happening to me, what should I say to this guy, what if I said this and he/she does not like it. These are some of your thoughts when you are in public/ social situations. Now how on earth you can be able to enjoy your talk or the occasion if you are so much focused on yourself? So the simple fact is that ‘I don’t have anything to say or anything interesting to say because I am not focused’.

Stage 2: Expecting the Negative
Now when the situation ends which is say a party. Well people might have enjoyed it, had a lot of fun, some would have tried to talk to you and you wouldn’t be able to respond as well as you wanted. Or you were not able to even talk to anyone because you are worried, you were anxious and you were not focused. But it doesn’t end here. Now after the situation, you have started beating yourself up. Why didn’t I say this, why didn’t I do that. Why can’t I enjoy in people. Everyone would be thinking what a person he/she is who doesn’t have anything to say at all. So this beating up continued until you are convinced that you are no good in other people.

The next time the social situation occurs. You are mentally convinced that you will not be able to do well in people. You will have anxiety, you won’t have much interesting to say. People are not gonna like you and bla bla blas. This negative expectation, which we call anticipatory anxiety, that occurs before the particular situation is basically you, reinforcing the anxiety. And when you are in that situation, again you are not focused, you know that you cant talk well in other people. People are not gonna like you. So you have added something more negative and again you will not be able to participate as well as others would have been doing because you are not there mentally.

Now this cycle continues, you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and not doing well makes you more anxious. Now you start avoiding situations, you started expecting things to be negative, you start expecting your life will remain negative. Your self esteem is badly shaken. You start worrying about others, about situations in life and your ability to deal with problems. Small problems start bothering you more. Why did he say this to me? Nobody cares for me or understands me. I have no worth. The more you worry the more negative chemicals you release in your body which cause physical symptoms like sweating, racing of heart, stomach problems, difficulty to sleep etc.

So this is all we experience in social anxiety. But I want to take a look at how it started. It starts with negative thoughts and feelings. And the more you listen to these negative thoughts the more you move into this cycle, vicious circle of social anxiety which is you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and you are anxious because you don’t do well in social situations.

Stage 3: Hopelessness:-
The third stage ‘Hopelessness’ arises because our mind can not stay idle when this happens. You automatically try to do something to tackle with the situation. But what you do start fighting yourself. You start using anger. I am going to overcome this problem today. I am going to face this situation no matter what happens. And you face the situation with anger but nothing happens. You are dumb, blank in people. Now you start insisting. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be able to talk with others, to enjoy why why why? You again face the situation but the result is same. Finally, you start bemoaning. What have I done to deserve this fate. I am a good person. I have never thought bad about people. Why I am being punished. Now you feel hopeless and find no use in trying to face your fears. I have tried everything but nothing works. In this stage your physical symptoms become more severe and normally before you are aware you are in these three stages.

So that is how you keep yourself in social anxiety. The most important thing is that the more you worry on your problems, the worse it gets. So first stage is not to worry too much about your problems. If you don’t have much friends, so what. If you feel anxious in people, so what? If you have stomach problems, so what? This is not a life or death situation. Remember, woyrying about your problems, fighting with yourself is adding gasoline to the fire which will only worsen it. That is why if someone praises you, you feel good. If someone makes you feel that you have done a good job, you feel good. Because you are not worrying. So if you don’t do anything and just stop worrying about these problems, your miseries, you are breaking this cycle and this will help a little. However, there is a proper way to deal with your problems i.e. change your thinking and behavior, slowly which I will explain in my next post.

This may sound strange to you but the title is correct. There actually is a mechanism to how this social anxiety keeps its hold over you. This is not an unexplainable phenomenon but a process which involves the presence of some common factors among all the affectees of Social Anxiety.

I will start with the definition of anxiety. It is a painful uneasiness of mind, accompanied by body symptoms. People have different type of anxiety depending upon the stimulus that triggers anxiety. Social anxiety is that anxiety which is felt when you are around people. This means you are uneasy when you are with people, with even one person. Its degree varies depending upon the kind of person and your mental state. So what is that keeps you in social anxiety? Well, the answer is YOU. You are keeping yourself in social anxiety. Please just don’t end reading here and give me a chance to explain this a little.

First stage, difficulty to perform:-
Why do you feel anxious? Why do you feel fearful in other people? I don’t want to go into details because that is not the subject. In short, you feel fear from people, most common fears being fear of being judged and fear of embarrassment and fear that you have anxiety and you will not be able to hide it.

Due to this fear you are not focused on the conversation, on the situation either. You are too focused on yourself, on your feelings. Why do I feel that way, what is happening to me, what should I say to this guy, what if I said this and he/she does not like it. These are some of your thoughts when you are in public/ social situations. Now how on earth you can be able to enjoy your talk or the occasion if you are so much focused on yourself? So the simple fact is that ‘I don’t have anything to say or anything interesting to say because I am not focused’.

Stage 2: Expecting the Negative
Now when the situation ends which is say a party. Well people might have enjoyed it, had a lot of fun, some would have tried to talk to you and you wouldn’t be able to respond as well as you wanted. Or you were not able to even talk to anyone because you are worried, you were anxious and you were not focused. But it doesn’t end here. Now after the situation, you have started beating yourself up. Why didn’t I say this, why didn’t I do that. Why can’t I enjoy in people. Everyone would be thinking what a person he/she is who doesn’t have anything to say at all. So this beating up continued until you are convinced that you are no good in other people.

The next time the social situation occurs. You are mentally convinced that you will not be able to do well in people. You will have anxiety, you won’t have much interesting to say. People are not gonna like you and bla bla blas. This negative expectation, which we call anticipatory anxiety, that occurs before the particular situation is basically you, reinforcing the anxiety. And when you are in that situation, again you are not focused, you know that you cant talk well in other people. People are not gonna like you. So you have added something more negative and again you will not be able to participate as well as others would have been doing because you are not there mentally.

Now this cycle continues, you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and not doing well makes you more anxious. Now you start avoiding situations, you started expecting things to be negative, you start expecting your life will remain negative. Your self esteem is badly shaken. You start worrying about others, about situations in life and your ability to deal with problems. Small problems start bothering you more. Why did he say this to me? Nobody cares for me or understands me. I have no worth. The more you worry the more negative chemicals you release in your body which cause physical symptoms like sweating, racing of heart, stomach problems, difficulty to sleep etc.

So this is all we experience in social anxiety. But I want to take a look at how it started. It starts with negative thoughts and feelings. And the more you listen to these negative thoughts the more you move into this cycle, vicious circle of social anxiety which is you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and you are anxious because you don’t do well in social situations.

Stage 3: Hopelessness:-
The third stage ‘Hopelessness’ arises because our mind can not stay idle when this happens. You automatically try to do something to tackle with the situation. But what you do start fighting yourself. You start using anger. I am going to overcome this problem today. I am going to face this situation no matter what happens. And you face the situation with anger but nothing happens. You are dumb, blank in people. Now you start insisting. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be able to talk with others, to enjoy why why why? You again face the situation but the result is same. Finally, you start bemoaning. What have I done to deserve this fate. I am a good person. I have never thought bad about people. Why I am being punished. Now you feel hopeless and find no use in trying to face your fears. I have tried everything but nothing works. In this stage your physical symptoms become more severe and normally before you are aware you are in these three stages.

So that is how you keep yourself in social anxiety. The most important thing is that the more you worry on your problems, the worse it gets. So first stage is not to worry too much about your problems. If you don’t have much friends, so what. If you feel anxious in people, so what? If you have stomach problems, so what? This is not a life or death situation. Remember, woyrying about your problems, fighting with yourself is adding gasoline to the fire which will only worsen it. That is why if someone praises you, you feel good. If someone makes you feel that you have done a good job, you feel good. Because you are not worrying. So if you don’t do anything and just stop worrying about these problems, your miseries, you are breaking this cycle and this will help a little. However, there is a proper way to deal with your problems i.e. change your thinking and behavior, slowly which I will explain in my next post.

This may sound strange to you but the title is correct. There actually is a mechanism to how this social anxiety keeps its hold over you. This is not an unexplainable phenomenon but a process which involves the presence of some common factors among all the affectees of Social Anxiety.

I will start with the definition of anxiety. It is a painful uneasiness of mind, accompanied by body symptoms. People have different type of anxiety depending upon the stimulus that triggers anxiety. Social anxiety is that anxiety which is felt when you are around people. This means you are uneasy when you are with people, with even one person. Its degree varies depending upon the kind of person and your mental state. So what is that keeps you in social anxiety? Well, the answer is YOU. You are keeping yourself in social anxiety. Please just don’t end reading here and give me a chance to explain this a little. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>

First stage, difficulty to perform:-
Why do you feel anxious? Why do you feel fearful in other people? I don’t want to go into details because that is not the subject. In short, you feel fear from people, most common fears being fear of being judged and fear of embarrassment and fear that you have anxiety and you will not be able to hide it.

Due to this fear you are not focused on the conversation, on the situation either. You are too focused on yourself, on your feelings. Why do I feel that way, what is happening to me, what should I say to this guy, what if I said this and he/she does not like it. These are some of your thoughts when you are in public/ social situations. Now how on earth you can be able to enjoy your talk or the occasion if you are so much focused on yourself? So the simple fact is that ‘I don’t have anything to say or anything interesting to say because I am not focused’.

Stage 2: Expecting the Negative
Now when the situation ends which is say a party. Well people might have enjoyed it, had a lot of fun, some would have tried to talk to you and you wouldn’t be able to respond as well as you wanted. Or you were not able to even talk to anyone because you are worried, you were anxious and you were not focused. But it doesn’t end here. Now after the situation, you have started beating yourself up. Why didn’t I say this, why didn’t I do that. Why can’t I enjoy in people. Everyone would be thinking what a person he/she is who doesn’t have anything to say at all. So this beating up continued until you are convinced that you are no good in other people.

The next time the social situation occurs. You are mentally convinced that you will not be able to do well in people. You will have anxiety, you won’t have much interesting to say. People are not gonna like you and bla bla blas. This negative expectation, which we call anticipatory anxiety, that occurs before the particular situation is basically you, reinforcing the anxiety. And when you are in that situation, again you are not focused, you know that you cant talk well in other people. People are not gonna like you. So you have added something more negative and again you will not be able to participate as well as others would have been doing because you are not there mentally.

Now this cycle continues, you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and not doing well makes you more anxious. Now you start avoiding situations, you started expecting things to be negative, you start expecting your life will remain negative. Your self esteem is badly shaken. You start worrying about others, about situations in life and your ability to deal with problems. Small problems start bothering you more. Why did he say this to me? Nobody cares for me or understands me. I have no worth. The more you worry the more negative chemicals you release in your body which cause physical symptoms like sweating, racing of heart, stomach problems, difficulty to sleep etc.

So this is all we experience in social anxiety. But I want to take a look at how it started. It starts with negative thoughts and feelings. And the more you listen to these negative thoughts the more you move into this cycle, vicious circle of social anxiety which is you don’t do well in social situations because you are anxious and you are anxious because you don’t do well in social situations.

Stage 3: Hopelessness:-
The third stage ‘Hopelessness’ arises because our mind can not stay idle when this happens. You automatically try to do something to tackle with the situation. But what you do start fighting yourself. You start using anger. I am going to overcome this problem today. I am going to face this situation no matter what happens. And you face the situation with anger but nothing happens. You are dumb, blank in people. Now you start insisting. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be able to talk with others, to enjoy why why why? You again face the situation but the result is same. Finally, you start bemoaning. What have I done to deserve this fate. I am a good person. I have never thought bad about people. Why I am being punished. Now you feel hopeless and find no use in trying to face your fears. I have tried everything but nothing works. In this stage your physical symptoms become more severe and normally before you are aware you are in these three stages.

So that is how you keep yourself in social anxiety. The most important thing is that the more you worry on your problems, the worse it gets. So first stage is not to worry too much about your problems. If you don’t have much friends, so what. If you feel anxious in people, so what? If you have stomach problems, so what? This is not a life or death situation. Remember, woyrying about your problems, fighting with yourself is adding gasoline to the fire which will only worsen it. That is why if someone praises you, you feel good. If someone makes you feel that you have done a good job, you feel good. Because you are not worrying. So if you don’t do anything and just stop worrying about these problems, your miseries, you are breaking this cycle and this will help a little. However, there is a proper way to deal with your problems i.e. change your thinking and behavior, slowly which I will explain in my next post.