How much love and reassurance did you recieve as a child? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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Question

How much love and reassurance did you recieve as a child?


As a child in my house love was never ostensibly said....more like expressed. No-one ever said to me "I love you". I did not recieve that much reassurance or pep talks. I definitely think this was a massive contributor to my anxiety and depression.


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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 12:40 PM
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zero to none. no hug. no kiss. not even between my parents. always just you must not draw attention, must fulfill obligations, must seem normal, don't stand out.

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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 12:43 PM
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Very little, I've been deprived of it pretty much my entire life, which is probably why I constantly crave it. It definitely contributes to my anxiety, depression, and self-loathing issues.

Now I'm Nothing
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 12:44 PM
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Very little, my father was pretty emotionally distant & cold, I only remember affection from my mother when I was very young, my mother & father weren't affectionate with each other either.






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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 01:46 PM
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My mom was very loving, but to the point of overprotection and infantilization. This often made me feel helpless and drove me to constantly try proving to her, and myself, that I wasn't.

My father was in my life physically, but we barely ever talked or bonded in any way. Our few interactions were limited to "Hi", "Bye", or "Goodnight", or him telling me that I was doing something wrong.

...And this is why I am ****ed up today.
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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 02:02 PM
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Next to none.
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 02:31 PM
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Let's just say my childhood was a constant lesson of how not to grow up to be.
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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 04:42 PM
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None, not even between my parents... No one does that in our family...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 04:50 PM
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Originally Posted by mezzoforte View Post
My mom was very loving, but to the point of overprotection and infantilization.
Same here. My father was much more rigid though.
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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 04:54 PM
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I was loved but my parents had their own set of issues, so the reassurance wasn't always there. Looking back, I realize how abnormal my upbringing truly was as compared to my peers, with the majority being of similar demographics.

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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 06:12 PM
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Depends on how you define it I guess. And especially, how do you define "reassurance"? Reassurance of what?

/WYSD
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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by mezzoforte View Post
My mom was very loving, but to the point of overprotection and infantilization. This often made me feel helpless and drove me to constantly try proving to her, and myself, that I wasn't.

My father was in my life physically, but we barely ever talked or bonded in any way. Our few interactions were limited to "Hi", "Bye", or "Goodnight", or him telling me that I was doing something wrong.

...And this is why I am ****ed up today.
That's too bad. I think there is supposed to be a special bond of friendship that happens between Father and Daughter. When a girl doesn't get that growing up, she often has relational issues with men.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 09:22 PM
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I'm 61 years old. Probably about 30 or even 40 years too old to be blaming my parents for anything. I think it might seem a bit ridiculous - maybe even juvenile?

I've taken enough medication in my life to knock out about 50 horses, so I count myself lucky if I can even actually remember my parents. And from memory they did alright. They had their own problems - like feeding us, paying the bills etc.

I seriously doubt they had much to do with my mental health issues - my sister was raised exactly the same as I was and she's fine. Maybe I could blame my father's father. (although that seems a bit mean) He spent the last 7 or 8 years of his life in a mental institution. Something maybe for me to look forward to.
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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-24-2020, 11:04 PM
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That's too bad. I think there is supposed to be a special bond of friendship that happens between Father and Daughter. When a girl doesn't get that growing up, she often has relational issues with men.
Yes, it's tough...
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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Depends on how you define it I guess. And especially, how do you define "reassurance"? Reassurance of what?
Reassurance that you're loved, that you're doing okay and that you matter..


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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 02:32 PM
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Reassurance that you're loved, that you're doing okay and that you matter..
Hmmm. I guess I would just say maybe I had as much of that particular brand of "reasssurance" as anyone (from various sources) but it really wasn't enough. Because it isn't really worth much in the end.

But I guess the main part of it is that I was never "doing OK" so being reassured I was doing OK was not going to help. Because I knew better. I actually sometimes got upset with people for telling me everything was fine or whatever. Just useless pep talk stuff that doesn't really work if you have real problems.

/WYSD
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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 02:06 AM
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Very little. My mum was the only loving, affectionate and encouraging person.

My dad was depressed. He was cold and distant. He allowed his side of the family to put us down.

That's why I have low self esteem and confidence. And I generally hate myself.
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 03:07 AM
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Not much really. My dad was mostly absent in terms of providing emotional support, it just wasn't his role as a parent. My mom was in fact the complete opposite, mistakes we made, she further shames us and made sure to make us feel much worse about ourselves. Eventually we just learn to cope and reassured ourselves. It's rough. Most kids in our situation likely would've grew up with long term psychological and emotional problems in adulthood I think. Maybe we do as well, but just aren't aware of it.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 04:18 PM
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My mom was very loving, but to the point of overprotection and infantilization. This often made me feel helpless and drove me to constantly try proving to her, and myself, that I wasn't.

My father was in my life physically, but we barely ever talked or bonded in any way. Our few interactions were limited to "Hi", "Bye", or "Goodnight", or him telling me that I was doing something wrong.

...And this is why I am ****ed up today. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>
That's too bad. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> I think there is supposed to be a special bond of friendship that happens between Father and Daughter. When a girl doesn't get that growing up, she often has relational issues with men.
I'm afraid of males. I immediately believe they will hate me because I'm unattractive.

It surprises me when males are nice to me. I find it hard to talk to them or say hello sometimes.
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 04:30 PM
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I'd say my mom was a bit overprotective and loving, but not really comforting/reassuring usually. She did what she could being a single parent of 4, methinks. I don't blame her for anything.

I think my friends had a bigger influence on me since my mom was usually working.

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Isn't it a bit early to worry about that at 7 years old?
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I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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