Hi, my name is Empty7 and 2 years ago I used to have social anxiety to the point where I was afraid to leave the house.
Now, I'm 100 cured to the point where I help other people overcome thier fears, people who never had social anxiety in the first place but rather insecurities.
Yesterday, I was going to a bad with some friends (I used to be forever alone too, and bullied too, I'll get to that later)
and I met with a friend on the road, and 10 meters behind him was a girl, he told me he doesn't know who she is, so the next second I went to her and said "Hi, my friend wants to know what's your name" , she told him her name and so the conversation started.
I wish to apologise from now on in case I'll have bad grammar, I'm kinda rushing.
Back to the social anxiety.
I won't tell you my story because you're here for the cure. Just know that my social anxiety started when I was 14 in high school because nobody liked me, and I was builed too (becase I had no friends so I was an easy target, and most importantly I didn't knew how to deal with bullying)
My 1st step to cure was watching "Deep inner games" DVD Program by David Deangelo
. There's a series of videos on the internet called "Deep inner games" that's about psychology. It was the most useful video I have watched to this day (and this include things non-realted to social anxiety too, it's simply life boost advce, wisdom 101
) so start watching "Deep inner games", it's also about dating but that's not it's main purpose. There's also a section dedicated to anxiety where you will understand what anxiety is all about, also how to deal with it. (Short answer is: courage; and long answer: watch the videos and you'll understand, everything will make sense)
My 2nd step was watching the Treatment (Cognitive-behavioural therapy threatment) from:
If anything you read from now on doesn't make sense to you, it may be because you don't know the information from Deep Inner Games. I recommend watching Deep Inner Games if something doesn't make sense to you.
With such a name "Cognitive-behavioural therapy"
or CBT it may sound like brain washing, that was my 1st fear when it came to watching this video, irrational fear, but I watched it anyway. There's no such thing as "brain-washing" in this videos, no such thing as "brain-washing" in marketing either, it's really just a metaphorical word people use to throw at - lies - or things they higlhy disagree with and can't even stand hearing them (this is not the case, but I just said what "brain-washing" is, for the record)
. So it's not brain-washing, nobody can reprogram your brain unless he cracks it open with some sciencific robots, what "brain-washing" really is in the social term is "lying to you" thus "making you believe lies", nothing sciencific.
Cognitive means "thinking", the process of thinking is called cognition. It works with beliefes -> what you think as true , and values -> what you find important. You change your beliefs and values all the time, you often discover something new that you find more important than something else, here's a few examples:
(You used to play fotball, but then you've discovered baseball, you like baseball more -> Value changed ; You used to hate black people, but then a black man helped you, you don't hate black people anymore. -> Both a value (your treatment towards black people)
and a belief (your opinion on black people)
Your values are based on your feelings and your beliefs. Your beliefs includes your values, in fact, values are beliefs of importance. Beliefs = what you believe to be true. Values = what you believe to be important from what you believe to be true. Becasue you can't have values of things you've never heard about, if I say what do you think about the "Martian" aliens do you think they are good or evil ? but what do you think about the "Centauriens" aliens ? You may give me an answer, but before I mentioned "Centauriens", you had no value of "Centaurients" because you had no belief of them, not even in the form of an idea.
There's always that "Who you are" that draws you back because you don't want to change (but you don't really change, I'll talk about that later)
. You need to live a happy life, that's your purpose, and in order to do that you need to both the beliefs and values that make you happy. Beliefs (works with true / false) have to be true, because lying to yourself never helps long-term, so your purpose with beliefs is to be true. And values (works with good / bad)
have to be the ones that make you happy. For the record, both positive things (helping, cooperation, family, non-destrcutive hobbies, etc) and negative things (drugs, vices, greed, etc)
can make you happy, but from my experience, the negative things only make you happy on the short-term.
Ok, so cognitive only changes your beliefs and values. You need to change your beliefs because your beliefs are inaccurate, in the definition of social anxiety there are such words as "irrational fear", you might acknoledge that your fear is irrational but you don't know why and you're not sure about it, because if you were sure about it, you would have no problems doing the otherwise of what the fear says. You may think "I know the fear is irrational" but you may also thing "When I'm feeling afraid, I know I'm awkward", people won't like me", that's why CBT works with beliefs and values.
The behavorial part is about attitude -> how you react. For example: "when bad things happen you, you can either do nothing, complain, or deal with them." that reaction of yours of either doing nothing, complaining or dealing with them is your attitude, the way you react to things happening in your enviroment. There are many quotes about attitude on the internet.
WHO YOU ARE, is not who you think you are. Your beliefs, values and attitudes have nothing to do with your core personality, they change all the time, people change them all the time. The point is to have good beliefs that tell the truth, good values that move you into the direction of making you happy, and good attitude that deals with any problem as soon as they appear.
For the record, if you're looking for a sense of self, you're the sum of many things.
Now that I've hopefully cleared some insecurities (fear of unknown)
The 3rd step is doing courage
. After doing the 1st and 2nd step, you're going to be a lot less afraid than you were before, because insecuirty is now going to be replaced with certainty. Not because something has changed in your enviorment, but because now you know how things work. And you no longer have inaccurate beliefs (lies you believe in)
. The fear is not going to be instantly 100% off, because even if now you're know how things work (especially with "Deep Inner Games")
you've never tested it, and after you test it and see that all that bad thing that kept happening, and happening, and happening was just your interpreation of reality (even if people are bad to you, that doesn't mean you have to sit down and cry. But most of the time, if people aren't openly hostile to you, you're most likely just going to interpret each of their gesturse as personal hostility even if that's hardly what they meant)
So there are the 3 steps:
1) Check out Deep Inner Games. (by David Deangelo)
2) Check out that CBT.
3) Do Courage now that you know how things work.