How do you learn to be confident in group conversations? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-23-2020, 05:11 AM Thread Starter
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How do you learn to be confident in group conversations?


I never know what to say in a group conversation. When I talk to people one on one I feel anxious, but I usually find something to say and when I know the person better it's not a very big problem for me anymore. In group conversations however, I never know what to say or when to say something. I just don't know how to insert myself into the conversation. What if I say something at the same time as someone else? What if no one can hear me? What if I say something weird and everyone just stares at me? And how do you even know when it's okay for you to say something and when you shouldn't? I just wish I could be part of a group without feeling anxious the whole time. My question is, how do you learn to be more confident in these kind of conversations and how do you talk to a group of people without being too quiet or talking too much?
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-23-2020, 07:43 AM
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I think you're thinking too much just speak when u feel appropriate there is no exact time to chime into a convo. when u think about what to say n how to say it it will just come out wrong let it flow natural
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-24-2020, 05:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily29 View Post
I never know what to say in a group conversation. When I talk to people one on one I feel anxious, but I usually find something to say and when I know the person better it's not a very big problem for me anymore. In group conversations however, I never know what to say or when to say something. I just don't know how to insert myself into the conversation. What if I say something at the same time as someone else? What if no one can hear me? What if I say something weird and everyone just stares at me? And how do you even know when it's okay for you to say something and when you shouldn't? I just wish I could be part of a group without feeling anxious the whole time. My question is, how do you learn to be more confident in these kind of conversations and how do you talk to a group of people without being too quiet or talking too much?

It comes naturally. It's also easier to talk to people who you know better. The words come out and flow easier. As for groups, I wouldn't feel too pressured in inserting yourself. Where I'm from we consider speaking wisely/usefully otherwise staying silent as an admirable trait. So let it come naturally. It also depends on the group situation. Is it a work meeting? or with friends etc?


If you are the quiet type there is nothing wrong with that unless it's having a major affect on your life.


Maybe the group isn't right for you?


Interesting.


Confidence is not much different to the science of muscle building. Use it or lose it. But don't get upset if you are maintaining the minimum because as long as you are surviving in life that's all that matters.


If you are trying to break through social fears, get used to making slip ups and going into potential embarrassment. If you habituate to these feelings you will be free of them and even if what you fear occurs, it will no longer be a problem for you and the anxiety will leave you. You can always work on this in baby steps.

Social anxiety also has a natural feedback mechanism. So if you are trying to learn what is normal, natural etc, every time you make a mistake then you will learn something. Just like with anything in life.


Always sit with unpleasant feelings unless the feelings are signaling something important that you should listen to and investigate. Some unpleasant feelings need to be investigated or given attention. Otherwise eventually you habituate to these harmless unpleasant feelings and you stop caring. Learn to sit with the unpleasantness instead of letting them overwhelm you. Let them pass over you. Just like a wave at the beach.

I've been through this so speaking from experience.


Hope that helps
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-24-2020, 07:45 AM
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i know how you feel.....i cant talk in groups, im not even good at doing it one on one
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-24-2020, 06:02 PM
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I feel the same way! I had an interview earlier this week and it was a long process and took the whole day. Then at the end I find out we are taken in a group into a room for a group interview! I started to panic and get very anxious, in my mind it was supposed to be one on one interview. When the interviewer was about to start asking us questions I asked to be excused to use the restroom and when I left the room I broke down and left to my car. I felt so weak and ashamed that I just couldn't go through it. I ended up just going back home. All day wasted. It's been always an issue for me my whole life. Back in college I never attended speech class and failed it. The thing that makes it worse for me is that I have chronic blushing and anything could tick it off. I start getting super red for no reason sometimes. When in group anyone looks at me differently and I start blushing extremely. It's been a bad struggle my whole life. I can't even date because of it. Can't have a long one on one conversation with a stranger without me getting super red for no apparent reason but the girl looking into my eyes or even smiling at me. I've taken medications for it and went to see a psychiatrist but unfortunately nothing has worked. I have never been on a proper date because of all this. Only a few times I've met girls at bars just because it happens less when I'm drinking. Anyways, good luck to all of you guys.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-26-2020, 02:05 PM
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if you have scial anxiety then just give up trying to be confident tbh


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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-26-2020, 11:27 PM
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Relax and talk to someone close or if someone says something you know, you can talk then. I used to have very very bad SA however with practice I've got more confident.

Hope this helps

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

7.5) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 02:07 AM
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Just be yourself. Talk when you naturally feel like you have something to say. Don't worry about setting a self quota and limit in how much to say and how little to say. And pretend like you will never see any of the people in the group again after the interaction.

In reality in most cases, people generally do not really pay much attention to the finer details of others, especially in a group setting where they are just so much more going on. And each person are generally more focused on themselves.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 07:12 AM
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Be strong and try be nice to everyone.
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