How do you handle the holidays? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
 
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How do you handle the holidays?


I haven't posted much, though I lurk weekly on the board and your posts have helped me understand and maintain an often lopsided friendship.

My friend, who probably can be categorized as having moderate SA, lost his father earlier this year and is naturally still having a hard time coping with his death. He and I both abhor holidays, particularly Christmas. My question is since he'll probably be having a more difficult holiday season this year, it is best to leave him alone or try to spend more time with him?

Naturally, I don't expect an EXACT answer, but not having SA myself, I always have to flip a coin as to what he really wants/needs in terms of close interaction. You guys have been so helpful in the past, I thought you could give me your opinion now.

Thanks!
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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Maybe he will show that he would like to be by himself, but I bet he needs someone to talk to, someone to lay his soul to... I personally suggest you spend more time with him. It's not easy to go through such holidays by yourself, alone.

Did you know that suicide rate is biggest at the time of holidays?
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 12:23 PM
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I don't handle them very well. I feel terribly lonely and depressed.

just one more song to slay this earth
and i can't explain myself just what it's worth
it was all i had, but not all i'd need
and i can't escape the fact that i still bleed
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 12:28 PM
 
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I would say try to spend more time with him but don't force it. If he says he wishes to be left alone or if you get the sense that he wants that, let him be for awhile then offer to visit with him later. Be there for him, but don't be forceful about it or you might scare him or even make him angry. Also be light and cheerful, so as not to bring him down. If I was in the same situation as your friend I would want more support but also quiet time on my own. So maybe balance it out to see which he prefers?
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 01:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chamoo
My friend, who probably can be categorized as having moderate SA, lost his father earlier this year and is naturally still having a hard time coping with his death. He and I both abhor holidays, particularly Christmas. My question is since he'll probably be having a more difficult holiday season this year, it is best to leave him alone or try to spend more time with him?
I've been in that situation... losing a family member recently and also hating holidays in general... your friend would probably appreciate company, just someone to be there with him.

Last holiday season, I made myself believe that I didn't want to see anyone but when my best friend came over, out of the blue, I couldn't have been happier.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 02:48 PM
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I avoid holidays by pretending i don't care about them.

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 05:35 PM
 
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Well, he will probably be feeling really alone. You should probably ask if he wants some company.

You could make a big thing out of spending the day together if you both want to. Find a Chinese place that's open and eat dinner. Watch some totally non-holiday-related movies. Play some games online ... especially ones that involve killing Santa or elves. You could get really creative with it.

I could have just said "spend more time with him" but I thought it would be more fun to be specific with some ideas.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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I get depressed thinking I will spend the holidays, when mos tpeople are happy, alone......
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-01-2006, 11:25 PM
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I manage a retail store, so naturally November and December are the busiest months of the year. To keep myself occupied during the holidays, I just work 6-7 days a week.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-02-2006, 07:38 AM
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Just ask him which he prefers.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-02-2006, 08:32 AM
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ugh. i hate them. im looking for a second job during the holidays so i can just pass the time quicker. i think the holidays, if you have no one, are the worst time of the year

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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-02-2006, 11:47 AM Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everybody for your suggestions. You are all a valuable source of information because my friend is so worth all the time and effort to keep our friendship thriving, as I'm sure you are, too. It's just too bad that people don't make the effort to research SA.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-02-2006, 02:22 PM
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I'm not a huge fan of the holidays. New Years reminds me of a year full of nothing, and the nothing yet to come.
I don't have much advice for you and your friend, but I hope both of you starts to feel better and get through it.

"In a world where I feel so small, I can't stop thinking big"
-Rush, "Caravan"
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-02-2006, 02:30 PM
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Holidays, especially on Christmas, are typically not handled very well emotionally (only one more to go!). I seriously cannot wait to not have to go to another one again. It's so draining.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-03-2006, 11:21 AM
 
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I hate the holidays. You guys all think bad of yourselves and your still really young. I'm 30 and I really do feel like the loser in my family. Sometimes they treat me like it to. My sister I don't see her much and I've looked up to her she always been the person I wish I could be and I'll try to talk to her about stuff and she will basically ignore me. I know she hears me and I do realize she just had a baby so she's busy taking care of the baby, but it really hurts when she does that. She does it pretty much every time I see her.

And I have another sister who kind of wants me to be her *****. Babysit her kids, be her sidekick when there is no one else to do stuff with. I think she feels better about herself when I feel worse about myself.

I know they love me, but I really don't want to be close to any of them anymore. I really recommend for everyone to get a therapist because it really helps just to talk to someone. Just by talking to a therapist that understands you it will make you less dependent on people you don't want to be dependent on.
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-03-2006, 01:50 PM
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i usually try to sleep through holidays as much as possible. especially new years...god i hate that one. i've almost always just taken pills and crawled under the covers to pass out until morning.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 12:38 AM
 
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I usually get down on new years eve and wait for the day I spend it with a significant other....
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