how do you go on - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
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how do you go on


Hello everyone,
Anyone else feels like there's no way out of social anxiety? I always thought it's just a teenager thing or something, that I'll grow out of it - being ashamed of my existence I mean.. but no. It's getting worse year by year. Every time I go outside I'm scared of how normal people act it's unreal (that's the reason I barely leave my house anymore - every person I meet is just a reminder of my inferiorness). I would never be able to act like that! I never did, even as a kid, I was born like that. So it's not curable for me - it's just who I am. I'm really tired of fighting this battle, but life has to go on. How do you motivate yourself to keep going if you know that it will never get better? What lies do you tell to yourself? I always used to say good old "it will get better". Never did
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 12:26 PM
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Don't have any choice. Too scared to kill myself so there's nothing to be done. Just try to enjoy hobbies and entertainment.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 08:47 PM
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Hello everyone,
Anyone else feels like there's no way out of social anxiety? I always thought it's just a teenager thing or something, that I'll grow out of it - being ashamed of my existence I mean.. but no. It's getting worse year by year. Every time I go outside I'm scared of how normal people act it's unreal (that's the reason I barely leave my house anymore - every person I meet is just a reminder of my inferiorness). I would never be able to act like that! I never did, even as a kid, I was born like that. So it's not curable for me - it's just who I am. I'm really tired of fighting this battle, but life has to go on. How do you motivate yourself to keep going if you know that it will never get better? What lies do you tell to yourself? I always used to say good old "it will get better". Never did
Not sure if there is a way out, since older people still get social anxiety.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 10:01 PM
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 11:00 PM
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Not sure if there is a way out, since older people still get social anxiety.
If 1 person doesn't recover, that somehow means there's no way out?

18-29 year olds are 3 times as likely to have social anxiety disorder as 60+: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/stat...disorder.shtml
Clearly the vast majority recover.

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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 11:05 PM
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Quote:
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Not sure if there is a way out, since older people still get social anxiety.
If 1 person doesn't recover, that somehow means there's no way out?

18-29 year olds are more than 3 times as likely to have social anxiety disorder as 60+: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/stat...disorder.shtml
Clearly the vast majority recover.
Does that mean those 60+ year olds are recovered though or that they never had an anxiety disorder? I wonder what the actual recovery rate is.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 11:43 PM
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If 1 person doesn't recover, that somehow means there's no way out?

18-29 year olds are 3 times as likely to have social anxiety disorder as 60+: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/stat...disorder.shtml
Clearly the vast majority recover.
Its quite difficult to measure who has it or not, what if they relapse?

plus it sucks to only recover when your 60, life will be over soon basically.

The key word here is chronic, its a chronic illness. According to mayo clinic:

" Social anxiety disorder is a chronic mental health condition"

and the definition of chronic is: "(of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring."
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 11:49 PM
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Does that mean those 60+ year olds are recovered though or that they never had an anxiety disorder? I wonder what the actual recovery rate is.
They still get social anxiety, and the fact that some of them still complain about it doesnt mean its mild.

I truly accept that Social anxiety will always be apart of me who I am and that is fine.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 01:04 AM
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plus it sucks to only recover when your 60, life will be over soon basically.
You probably have 30 more years when you're 60. Are 30 year olds newborn babies basically? It sounds like a long time to me.

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I truly accept that Social anxiety will always be apart of me who I am and that is fine.
Accepting social anxiety as part of life is healthy. Accepting social anxiety disorder isn't. Although, by being fine with it, you basically disqualify yourself from having the disorder -- it has to bother you to count.

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Does that mean those 60+ year olds are recovered though or that they never had an anxiety disorder? I wonder what the actual recovery rate is.
There are some studies that try to directly determine that too: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK327674/
"At the start of the study, individuals had had social anxiety disorder for an average of 19 years. During the next 12 years 37% recovered, compared with 58% for GAD and 82% for panic disorder without agoraphobia."

So less recoveries in a 12 year period than other anxiety disorders, but 37% is still nothing to sneeze at over that time period.

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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 03:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul View Post
If 1 person doesn't recover, that somehow means there's no way out?

18-29 year olds are 3 times as likely to have social anxiety disorder as 60+: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/stat...disorder.shtml
Clearly the vast majority recover.



sounds like bs, do yu magically get cured right at 30? and exactly at 60 it will magically pop back?


sa and sm (selective mutism) are one of the scariest disorders from ''normal'' disorders in world yu can literary be handicapped AF


but i think it is for life unless you somehow trigger it real good to disappear it can be such a random chance tho


why is there no big money compensation from government for such handicap???
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 04:34 AM
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I guess it's quite normal to think that one day you'll just magically figure it all out. Hint: You don't...

1. Confidence comes from experience - without doing something it's difficult to feel confident doing it. Think about snowboarding. Pretty much NOBODY is confident on their first try. Now do it for 10 years 10 hours a week, and your board has pretty much grown to be a part of your body. But you have to start at the bottom to get to the top.

2. Learning to try is an important thing to be confident about. You sound like you avoid trying things, because you don't feel confident in doing them. Therefore your don't become experienced (and therefore confident) with them either. Failing at something is not the end of the world, and you can actually have a laugh about it. My old aikido instructor used to say that if you never fail at what you do, you are doing something wrong. You sound as if you want to avoid things you can fail at (be judged, oh I'm not good at this, I bet everyone notices that. Well yes, they probably do and appreciate you putting in the effort to try).

I get this a lot too, going outside is a struggle (I am a night crawler and tend to go out when it's dark - during summers I struggle because there really aren't any dark hours and I usually use it to learn to go out like a normal person...), I fear that people judge me (how I look, what I wear, how I wear it, etc etc etc)... The truth is, it doesn't matter.

What kind of works for me (I still get anxious but I've learned to adapt and it does go away for a bit), is being clear as to what I like and what I want to be: I choose clothes I like, and do things the way I see fit - if someone disagrees, they are free to do things differently. If someone truly has a problem with how you do something that doesn't affect them, then in the end that tells more about that other person than it does about you.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 06:30 AM
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Its tough my SA has gotten better but its still battle.

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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 08:22 AM
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Hello everyone,
Anyone else feels like there's no way out of social anxiety? I always thought it's just a teenager thing or something, that I'll grow out of it - being ashamed of my existence I mean.. but no. It's getting worse year by year. Every time I go outside I'm scared of how normal people act it's unreal (that's the reason I barely leave my house anymore - every person I meet is just a reminder of my inferiorness). I would never be able to act like that! I never did, even as a kid, I was born like that. So it's not curable for me - it's just who I am. I'm really tired of fighting this battle, but life has to go on. How do you motivate yourself to keep going if you know that it will never get better? What lies do you tell to yourself? I always used to say good old "it will get better". Never did
There is no cure for SA but you can improve and get better. Im in a much better place with SA now (Im 42) then when I was in my teens are early 20's. .

It dosent get better unless you make steps to try to improve it. So set some small goals everyday. Then keep building on them. This will help you gain confidence and reduce your SA. Much easier said then done I know.

Rais post above is pretty much spot on.

Follow theses steps. 1. Confidence comes from experience - without doing something it's difficult to feel confident doing it. Think about snowboarding. Pretty much NOBODY is confident on their first try. Now do it for 10 years 10 hours a week, and your board has pretty much grown to be a part of your body. But you have to start at the bottom to get to the top.

2. Learning to try is an important thing to be confident about.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 08:40 AM
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You can 'grow out' of it in a sense of growing and changing, but not in a sense of 'letting enough time pass'. My therapist believes it's best dealt with through exposure therapy, and my improvement has indeed come from making myself socialise more.

If you try that, remember that you can't go from 0 to 100 at once. For exposure therapy it's important to choose the right:
1) Challenges - they can't be so easy as to not allow you to grow, or so hard that they would traumatise you
2) Length of exposure - you want your social interactions to last long enough so that your brain could go through the whole anxiety!/coping/ok-not-so-bad-now cycle.
3) Duration/frequency - you don't want to do this so often that you're perpetually anxious, or so rarely that you don't get to build on your effort.

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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 11:05 AM
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I'm almost 50 and I still struggle with SA.

But it's bearable now! I can enjoy many things in life, although, I am still constantly battling avoidance and don't really enjoy socialising that much. And I am still stressed out by situations. But I can deal with that.

I just went on year by year, suffered and muddled my way through life.

Since my mid-thirties things slowly but constantly improved with some major setbacks. I also met some good people that also were a great support.

I agree, with what was already mentioned. You need to get yourself out there and make experiences and grow on them.
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by cheri112 View Post
Hello everyone,
Anyone else feels like there's no way out of social anxiety? I always thought it's just a teenager thing or something, that I'll grow out of it - being ashamed of my existence I mean.. but no. It's getting worse year by year. Every time I go outside I'm scared of how normal people act it's unreal (that's the reason I barely leave my house anymore - every person I meet is just a reminder of my inferiorness). I would never be able to act like that! I never did, even as a kid, I was born like that. So it's not curable for me - it's just who I am. I'm really tired of fighting this battle, but life has to go on. How do you motivate yourself to keep going if you know that it will never get better? What lies do you tell to yourself? I always used to say good old "it will get better". Never did
Have you ever had any therapy and what kind? For me cognitive therapy has helped a little.
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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 03:05 PM
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For me, this forum provides me with so much common humanity to know I'm not alone. You are absolutely not an inferior person and you are very much an equal and you have nothing to be ashamed of (at least in my eyes ). You're a person and therefore you deserve dignity and respect, irrespective of how anxious you feel. I will say what helps me is the following; joining a support group for this stuff as doing it alone is just painful living. Also it's the way I word my anxiety which is a symptom of what I believe to be 6 things (this is just based on my experience); self centred Ness period, feeling powerless over the behaviours of others
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 03:11 PM
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And more to do with specifically what other people think of me rather than how they behave or the words they say (I still get paranoid even if ppl are nice lol) involves: lack of emotional support (therapy and support groups do help) , irresponsibility (like as in my trauma for e. G. Makes me self blame a lot even when I'm not at fault), lack of practise (some situations I just lack basic exposure to), lack of feeling safe period as I'm around unsafe people (I grew up around gang culture and street ppl all of whom are just bullies and now I'm around more civilised ppl). In summary instead of saying 'social anxiety' I say 'social (all the 6 key words I mentioned)' and when I practise the opposite of them like actually practising and actually changing the friends I have and actually reaching out for support, my anxiety fades. I hope this helps
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 03:56 PM
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I always thought it's just a teenager thing or something, that I'll grow out of it - being ashamed of my existence

(that's the reason I barely leave my house anymore - every person I meet is just a reminder of my inferiorness).
Can you explain this more? What makes you feel inferior?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 01:07 PM
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meds


I really hate to be recommending things that turned into drugs of abuse for me but havent you tried benzos? Klonopin, Xanax?
Thats all that ever "cured" me besides booze.

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