How do you deal? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
 
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How do you deal?


with SA....
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 06:50 AM
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Re: How do you deal?


maybe admitting, but I would think just talking about it, accepting it and ultimately facing the fears is what probably has helped the most. he is lucky to have you.

tom b

"We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do. "
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 08:19 AM
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Re: How do you deal?


By admitting your anxiety, you have let the secret out. David Burns in his book "When Panic Attacks" says that self disclosure helps lessen or eliminate the panic. There is a Youtube video by Davidlyhandly (search under social anxiety) who says that once he told his audience of his social anxiety, it just disappeared.

I have told five of my friends about my social anxiety and now I feel free. I would not advertise my social anxiety. But if I am sweating or my voice is trembling, I said "pardon my anxiety it acts up every now and then." I immediately calm down and have a good conversation. It is obvious to the other person(s) I am experiencing some issues as I am sweating and my voice is shaky so why not tell them. If I don't tell them my embarassment only increases and my anxiety becomes severe.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by tomcoldaba
By admitting your anxiety, you have let the secret out. David Burns in his book "When Panic Attacks" says that self disclosure helps lessen or eliminate the panic. There is a Youtube video by Davidlyhandly (search under social anxiety) who says that once he told his audience of his social anxiety, it just disappeared.

I have told five of my friends about my social anxiety and now I feel free. I would not advertise my social anxiety. But if I am sweating or my voice is trembling, I said "pardon my anxiety it acts up every now and then." I immediately calm down and have a good conversation. It is obvious to the other person(s) I am experiencing some issues as I am sweating and my voice is shaky so why not tell them. If I don't tell them my embarassment only increases and my anxiety becomes severe.


This is great!
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 09:13 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


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Originally Posted by TomB
maybe admitting, but I would think just talking about it, accepting it and ultimately facing the fears is what probably has helped the most. tom b
You are right! Admitting seems to be half of the work!
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 09:29 AM
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Re: How do you deal?


I think tomcoldaba says it well. It's like a weight off your shoulders to tell someone about the difficulties you sometimes face in social situations. You don't have to worry about whether they know you're nervous any more. You simply stand up and speak the truth.

I've only told a couple friends (both female, as I feel more comfortable chatting more deeply with my female friends) about how I experience a lot of social anxiety. I'm not sure how well one of them understands me, and I think she might be misunderstanding me with some of the comments she made (referring to my not liking people, which isn't true). I guess I should probably clarify it for her a bit more, but I don't want to spend too much time on it either.

My other friend knows that I can be nervous, and she was a friend to me in college when I could be quite a downer. I look back with almost an embarrassment toward how I was too selfishly negative around her. I didn't tell her I "have social anxiety disorder" or anything so formal, but she knew over time that I exhibited anxious tendencies.

I suppose if you really get to know someone, they're probably going to know something's up whether you officially say it or not. If someone doesn't know me very well though, I have learned over the years to fake my way into appearing as though I'm more comfortable than I might actually feel. Surface conformism.

I'd again like to reiterate how glad I am to see that IvanaDantas empathizes with her fiance and supports him throughout all these silly anxious thoughts/experiences. SA is one of the most ridiculous experiences sometimes, and it often makes me laugh with how insane some of the situations can be (think Seinfeldian paranoia at times, which really cracks me up).

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He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 11:13 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by ardrum
I think tomcoldaba says it well. It's like a weight off your shoulders to tell someone about the difficulties you sometimes face in social situations. You don't have to worry about whether they know you're nervous any more. You simply stand up and speak the truth.

I've only told a couple friends (both female, as I feel more comfortable chatting more deeply with my female friends) about how I experience a lot of social anxiety. I'm not sure how well one of them understands me, and I think she might be misunderstanding me with some of the comments she made (referring to my not liking people, which isn't true). I guess I should probably clarify it for her a bit more, but I don't want to spend too much time on it either.

My other friend knows that I can be nervous, and she was a friend to me in college when I could be quite a downer. I look back with almost an embarrassment toward how I was too selfishly negative around her. I didn't tell her I "have social anxiety disorder" or anything so formal, but she knew over time that I exhibited anxious tendencies.

I suppose if you really get to know someone, they're probably going to know something's up whether you officially say it or not. If someone doesn't know me very well though, I have learned over the years to fake my way into appearing as though I'm more comfortable than I might actually feel. Surface conformism.
I'm very glad to hear that some of SA sufferers already told to someone close about their problems.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 11:28 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by ardrum
I'd again like to reiterate how glad I am to see that IvanaDantas empathizes with her fiance and supports him throughout all these silly anxious thoughts/experiences. SA is one of the most ridiculous experiences sometimes, and it often makes me laugh with how insane some of the situations can be (think Seinfeldian paranoia at times, which really cracks me up).

Thanks!
I am lucky to have him!
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 11:50 AM
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by ardrum

I've only told a couple friends (both female, as I feel more comfortable chatting more deeply with my female friends) about how I experience a lot of social anxiety. I'm not sure how well one of them understands me, and I think she might be misunderstanding me with some of the comments she made (referring to my not liking people, which isn't true). I guess I should probably clarify it for her a bit more, but I don't want to spend too much time on it either.
I told my friends about my social anxiety not to seek their acceptance or approval but rather to remind myself that I will not be beaten down by my own fear. Wanting or yearning for approval is another pillar of social anxiety. Again I would not advertise my social anxiety as the listener may think that I am trying to be a "victim" and may want his/her sympathy. Sometimes when I start sweating I tell myself "you better behave or I will tell them about my SA". That little self dialogue tends to quell my anxiety.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 11:55 AM
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Re: How do you deal?


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Originally Posted by TomB

he is lucky to have you.

tom b


IvanaDantas you are special.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by tomcoldaba
Quote:
Originally Posted by ardrum

I've only told a couple friends (both female, as I feel more comfortable chatting more deeply with my female friends) about how I experience a lot of social anxiety. I'm not sure how well one of them understands me, and I think she might be misunderstanding me with some of the comments she made (referring to my not liking people, which isn't true). I guess I should probably clarify it for her a bit more, but I don't want to spend too much time on it either.
I told my friends about my social anxiety not to seek their acceptance or approval but rather to remind myself that I will not be beaten down by my own fear. Wanting or yearning for approval is another pillar of social anxiety. Again I would not advertise my social anxiety as the listener may think that I am trying to be a "victim" and may want his/her sympathy. Sometimes when I start sweating I tell myself "you better behave or I will tell them about my SA". That little self dialogue tends to quell my anxiety.
Other point is also in realizing that no friend of family memeber that you trust, would judge your SA, or symptoms...it's just to see that world is not so horrible place
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: How do you deal?


Quote:
Originally Posted by tomcoldaba
Quote:
Originally Posted by TomB

he is lucky to have you.

tom b






I would expact him to do the same....this is how relationships should be, right? Standing by each other In good and bad.....it is what makes us stronger!
I just adore him And i wouldn't change ANYTHING about him....not even a bit!
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 02:59 PM
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Re: How do you deal?


Yeah, I didn't expect (nor even desire) advice when I told my friends about my being insecure and anxious. It was just something I did so that they could know something else about me, while taking the edge off on my end since I wouldn't have to feel like I have to hide it or deny it. I don't really strongly resist anything these days, and I value being open with people... This doesn't mean I act open right away with people, but I work my way up to it. The swifter I move out of my comfort zone, the swifter I become more comfortable with someone. Trying to hide only makes us feel isolated. It's a self-imposed punishment that happens despite good intentions (avoiding anxiety).

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-04-2007, 07:06 PM
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Re: How do you deal?


I have a suggestion. Why don't you and your fiance joined a toastmaster club? Toastmasters provides a forum for a person to develop their public speaking skills. My club has three couples. It is an activity both of you can do together and he has you for support in case his fear consumes him but he may see that you may also be nervous to stand up and speak. To find a club near you. Go to http://www.toastmasters.org.

Many years ago I joined toastmasters to improve my public speaking skills and my social life improved too. Then, no one knew about social anxiety. I stopped attending club meeting due to time constraints and my social anxiety returned with fury. A couple of books on social anxiety mention Toastmasters as an exposure therapy.
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