How did you meet your best friend and/or partner? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 07:07 AM Thread Starter
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How did you meet your best friend and/or partner?


I don't think I've ever been able to have a proper intimate relationship.
I've had some "friends" but it's all very surface level, I don't think I ever get past small talk.. and when I try I either get anxious and think I'm being desperate/annoying. Or if they're the ones that try I get scared of what they'll think of the 'real' me, sometimes I even lie..
I know it's probably because things need to change, and I'm getting there very slowly, but I also want to believe that it's just because I haven't met the right people and I just need to be patient.

Anyway none of that is very relevant, just getting thoughts on paper.
How did you guys meet the people you are close with? How long did it take you to become close to them? Did you tell them about your SA? I'd really appreciate it if anyone can tell their experiences I'm just getting frustrated and frankly a bit disappointed in myself. This seems like a great community.
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 01:00 PM
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I've met my partner trough a chat platform.
I wasn't looking for a boy- or girlfriend at all. It just happened.
We chatted regulary for about 4-5 months. During this times he already made allusions of meetings but I always rejected bc I would be too scared. I just wrote the truth. I told him about my disorders in the flow of conversation and he reacted very openly and warm-hearted. One day he asked seriously if we could date. I told him that I would be very awkward and shy but I said "yes". He was also surprised about my answer. I was interested in him and that's why I thought I had to dare smth.
Well, I could say that I have the luck to ever meet him. He's a very patient, benevolent and understanding person.
These traits are very important for me as I have mental disorders and a lot of struggles.

I don't have any good advised but I suggest you to be honest. I know it can be hard but if the person is scared off then it's not the right for you. I guess you want a partner by whom you can be yourself, right? Otherwise by adjusting yourself you won't be happy in long term. Good luck by finding the right one!
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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 11:50 PM
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I met my best friends through school, or through friends of friends. I have also made some friends at work but that's a new development. I only was able to meet partners via dating apps. I have gotten asked out by friends but my mind can't make the jump from friend to lover. It just makes me anxious
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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 12:33 AM
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i met my best friend on a dating site

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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 12:41 AM
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Most of the good friends I ever had were people I met at work or school. My first girlfriend was someone my sister knew who lived nearby. My next girlfriend was someone I worked with who asked me out. Neither girlfriend was serious though. I'm not big on letting people into my world. It would have to be someone I clicked with in some really deep way that I'd be afraid if I didn't let them in I would never find anyone else like them.

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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 05:10 AM
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I met my boyfriend online. We were good friends for a long time and helped each other through some really hard times. Then we met in person and instantly clicked and fell in love.

more issues than vogue
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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 05:27 AM
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I met my partner while doing voluntary work. I don't remember being anxious, but I must have been, because apparently I kept pulling my leg warmers up and down (?!). He was stand-offish but we had a beer and started talking. So...dutch courage.

I don't have a best friend, which is a shame.

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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 12:00 PM
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I've never had either. I'm ok with it.
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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post
I met my partner while doing voluntary work. I don't remember being anxious, but I must have been, because apparently I kept pulling my leg warmers up and down (?!). He was stand-offish but we had a beer and started talking. So...dutch courage.

I don't have a best friend, which is a shame.
I'm the same, unless you count your partner as your bestie. I mean, imo there's no reason that your partner can't also be your best friend, because it's someone you trust, get along with really well, someone you enjoy being around.

Although, I know exactly what you mean. Other than her, I don't have close friends. No one I hang out with. On top of that, because my gf is living about 6 hours away by plane, I can't even hang out with her. It sucks.
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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 05:34 PM
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post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 05:47 PM
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Met my mate at a mutual friend's get-together.

I don't have a best friend.
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post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 05:52 PM
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In 1992, while camping in Maine I met up with a girl living with her parents in a camper traveling around the nation. We remained together for a few months until they left for Florida, we were very much in love at the time but due to school, long distance, etc, it just was not meant to be. In the mid 90s her friend got in contact with me over the internet, and all three of us would keep in touch with one another through yahoo chat, and email for a few years. Eventually, in 1999 they asked me to come to Florida, so I decided to throw all caution to the wind and move to Florida despite having almost no money to my name, the plan was originally to be homeless and work my way out. When I arrived in Florida my former GF's friend, invited me to live with her. I did move in, and initially we were friends, eventually we found my former GF and I were not compatible anymore and we left on amiable terms - actually she suggested her friend and I get together, which we did.


That is the very shortened version of how I met my wife, just one strange coincidence after another. I actually have a journal entry in a notebook somewhere in my garage, along with a ton of love letters, audio tapes we would send to one another, and also pictures, and so on all from 1992. At some point, I'll probably upload a picture of the then 17 year old ZoneBox with my first girlfriend.


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post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 01:24 AM
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Here! And we are still together, 10 years now.

Lots of good folk here, don't rule anyone out


To answer your questions, it was easier for us to meet and not have to explain any awkwardness because we already knew. When you share something like anxiety you can kind of skip all of that and talk about fun things that maybe you never were able to share with "regular folk". Not saying this is the only dating way! But it really helped me to get out of my shell and open up



Ps. Wow! I haven't been here in a while, we can just drag photos? Anyway that is us, just months after meeting in person from SAS!
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post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 04:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brianlee99 View Post
I'm the same, unless you count your partner as your bestie. I mean, imo there's no reason that your partner can't also be your best friend, because it's someone you trust, get along with really well, someone you enjoy being around.

Although, I know exactly what you mean. Other than her, I don't have close friends. No one I hang out with. On top of that, because my gf is living about 6 hours away by plane, I can't even hang out with her. It sucks.
Sure, I don't know how it's possible to be 'in love' and not be best friends. But it would be nice to have a best friend in a different sense - where sex and romance don't come into the picture. Just someone to cycle around, share stories and do stupid things with. I hope for that friendship the way people sometimes hope for a relationship -- I've got to find it somehow. One day!

Hope you and your girlfriend will work out a solution to the distance problem. LDR can be very romantic, but at some point the time comes to make the leap

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Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
I actually have a journal entry in a notebook somewhere in my garage, along with a ton of love letters, audio tapes we would send to one another, and also pictures, and so on all from 1992.
That sounds wonderful. Love letters and audio tapes!

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post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 12:16 PM
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Internet. Loooong time ago. There was a website called The Globe that had forums and chat rooms. It doesn't exist anymore.
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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 04:50 PM
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post

That sounds wonderful. Love letters and audio tapes!

Yeah, for me it is weird to think about today, because the ease of access in communicating with others. I remember racking up a huge phone bill to call her long distance back then, it was very expensive to talk in the 90s, an hour could cost $20 USD, so I could only call on the rare occasion. Letters and tapes saved a ton of money. I actually am curious now to read them again, I looked for them earlier but I have crates of books, CDs, old computers and parts to sort through. While looking, I did find a bunch of older pictures of my family back in the 90s though which was fun, I really should just get a photo album for them all. I also found my long lost High School Diploma It is always fun to sort through that stuff and find stuff.

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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 12:16 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiniLop View Post
I've met my partner trough a chat platform.
I wasn't looking for a boy- or girlfriend at all. It just happened.
We chatted regulary for about 4-5 months. During this times he already made allusions of meetings but I always rejected bc I would be too scared. I just wrote the truth. I told him about my disorders in the flow of conversation and he reacted very openly and warm-hearted. One day he asked seriously if we could date. I told him that I would be very awkward and shy but I said "yes". He was also surprised about my answer. I was interested in him and that's why I thought I had to dare smth.
Well, I could say that I have the luck to ever meet him. He's a very patient, benevolent and understanding person.
These traits are very important for me as I have mental disorders and a lot of struggles.

I don't have any good advised but I suggest you to be honest. I know it can be hard but if the person is scared off then it's not the right for you. I guess you want a partner by whom you can be yourself, right? Otherwise by adjusting yourself you won't be happy in long term. Good luck by finding the right one!
That's awesome, he sounds like a great guy and I'm glad you guys found each other

And thanks, that is true about being honest. The problem is I always find it difficult to talk to people about my anxiety even though I know I should
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 04:50 AM
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 08:01 PM
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I met my best friend in high school.

The world is quiet here.

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