How did you guys/gurls find a girl/boyfriend? and Love-Shyness - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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How did you guys/gurls find a girl/boyfriend? and Love-Shyness


I still dont understand how some of you guys/gurls with SA could actually get a Girl/Boyfriend. How did you Guys/Gurls get the courage to even do that or how did it happen? Cause I find it really hard to even talk to other gurls let alone try to date or hangout with one or even become friends with a gurl. Im 22 and have never had A GF let alone a female friend No matter how much i would like to I think i would be a good Boyfriend and really wish i could meet and find somebody but really feel it will never happen because of love-shyness. Did you guys/gurls that had or have a Girl/Boyfriend Have a hard time getting them or was it lucky? how did you do it? do they know you have SA? and did you tell them b4 you got together?

And i was wondering if anyone outhere has or thinks they have love-shyness i was reaserching around on why It's nearly imposible for me to be around females and i found this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness It's pretty much exactly me which was crazy when i read it. And do any girls out there think they have it because they only really reffer about guys in that page cause they didnt do reaserch on females for love-shyness. But say that its possible.
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 02:52 PM
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I probably am love shy. I dont understand how loads of people with social anxiety can have groups of friends on nights out, and partners too..

Oh well, your not alone, i struggle with full on social anxiety.
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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 02:54 PM
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i have had boyfriends but not when my anxiety was full blown...i could socialize with people in the past with almost no problem but now i cant
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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 02:57 PM
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My problem is that I am so shy that guys end up just thinking I am stuck up or something. The boyfriends I have had...well, I met them online! Have you tried that?
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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 05:43 PM
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Admittedly, I was drunk when I met my current boyfriend. We were both at the same party (which I forced myself to go) and on that night he happened to be uncharacteristically shy. It was pure luck!! But the fact that I got the courage to talk to him all night was, in large part, because I forced myself to shake the SA away. It was a lot easier to do, since he was equally nervous (and I was drinking)!! [Advice: Approach the shy guys/girls!]

And my previous boyfriend... well it was a MIRACLE that I ran into him at a party. He has SA too, and his friends actually dragged him to this party. But I sensed he was just like me, which made him feel at ease, which made our conversation really flow!!

Really, it's just a matter of putting yourself out there once in a while, literally forcing yourself to go to a party (its helpful if you know at least one person there) and try to seem as approachable as possible!

so i dont buy green bananas
i dont play the lottery
right now's all i've got goin
yeah and that's just fine with me
and i dont own an umbrella
if it rains im gonna get wet
so i dont buy green bananas
cause i don't plan that far ahead
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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 05:46 PM
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The thought of a relationship terrifies me. I've never had one. I'm a girl and am 24. You're def. not alone. There are differing degrees of SA. Like I can work and drive and stuff, but am too shy to have friends or boyfriends. We're all different I guess.
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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 06:30 PM
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I'm 23 and have never had any sort of romantic relationship. As much as I'm extremely lonely and really want a boyfriend, I'm too anxious to go out anywhere I might meet a guy. I don't talk to guys at school unless they talk to me, and even then I'm too anxious to really say anything. I went to a bar once with a friend, and some guy came up to me and started talking... I was too afraid to say anything, and he later commented to my friend that I didn't like him. I was too uncomfortable and anxious to form an opinion about him! And I couldn't possibly ask a guy out--what if he said no??? (And he probably would say no.) The humiliation would be unbearable. And I worry that he would tell people and everyone would look at me and laugh about how stupid I am for even thinking he might be interested in me.

Congratulations to everyone who has been able to overcome SA to get a relationship.
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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 07:16 PM
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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 07:32 PM
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I saw him then beat him over the head with a femur of a tyranosaurus and knocked him out then grabbed him by the scruff of the neck combined with the llama fur he was wearing and dragged him home. yep.
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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 08:35 PM
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It was all her. She just happened to be the most outgoing person I knew (and still know after 5 years) and we balance each other out. She's good at starting conversation with people and asking for things from strangers, I'm good at ducking out of potentially bad and awkward situations. I guess I have to say I got lucky and she found me. As far as just having female friends, the ones I got were just from listening. They were friends or girl friends of my few guy friends. After being forced to meet them, I would do the listening in the conversation until I learned enough about the person to feel comfortable. Apparently, girls like it when someone actually listens to them.
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post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-20-2009, 08:38 PM
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No real idea how to meet anyone. Every activity I'm interested in meets downtown and there are tons of parking issues.
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post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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I guess alot has to do with luck...Hopefully my luck will change Thanks for the ppl that shared.
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post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 02:41 PM
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Thats a cool story Loner_Girl.

As for me I haven't met anyone yet and don't see it happening for a while.
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post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 02:41 PM
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Yeah thats a wonder for me too. I am not bad when talking in company or with guys. But with girls I just fail...
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post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 04:56 PM
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I didn't have a relationship until after high school. And now I'm having trouble talking to and hanging out with a girl I'm interested in now. I am terrified of calling people, but because I like her its like amplified a hundred fold. I've known her for like 9 months and I haven't called her once.

Its pretty much pure luck, or its really easy over the internet.
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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by downbutnotout View Post
I probably am love shy. I dont understand how loads of people with social anxiety can have groups of friends on nights out, and partners too..

Oh well, your not alone
Not much more I can say here...
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-21-2009, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KuRuPt20 View Post
I guess alot has to do with luck...Hopefully my luck will change Thanks for the ppl that shared.
Really? You're going to leave it up to luck? It seems that a good number of us have been waiting for some time. It just seems like it's not going to happen, and our chances of getting "lucky" are even lower than normal because we tend to get involved in a lot less social situations that we could potentially get lucky in.

I don't know, even though I want to leave it up to luck too, I just...can't stand the thought of sitting around doing nothing about something that I want so much.

I guess it all boils down to whether our fear of socializing is greater than our desire for love.

Thank you. I don't know why, but your post has really helped me come to a conclusion.
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 07:57 AM
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Yeah thats a wonder for me too. I am not bad when talking in company or with guys. But with girls I just fail...
Talking to girls i easy. Its just that in the past, women have NEVER seemed to be interested..at all. I have never found a girl that is bothered about me. I am a nice guy, and i'm not ugly. Ex Workmates and family/friends all say i should be capable of finding a girl, but HOW!?

And so its hard to go out, because even if women could potentially be interested in me, i never believe it.
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 08:35 AM
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Booze, that's all i can say. And when that's not available i fu** up, and they find out i am not the right person for them after all...Oh well
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by downbutnotout View Post
Talking to girls i easy. Its just that in the past, women have NEVER seemed to be interested..at all. I have never found a girl that is bothered about me. I am a nice guy, and i'm not ugly. Ex Workmates and family/friends all say i should be capable of finding a girl, but HOW!?

And so its hard to go out, because even if women could potentially be interested in me, i never believe it.
Well for me it's not easy to talk to girl, especialy which I like. Blushing, sweating may start and I feel really nervous at such sitautions. And I am bad at talking with girls at all. I don't know just what to say sometimes. Other guys just talk nonsenses, do stupid jokes and so on. Girls seem to like that, but I am not the person to do such things. So it's hard for me...
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