how can you become a caring person? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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how can you become a caring person?


how can you do it?
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 10:04 AM
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Hmm.. Owning a pet!

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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 04:01 PM
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Become a mentor for someone or volunteer

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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 04:08 PM
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I'm not sure. I was going to say become a parent - but there are plenty of ****ty parents around. I think some people care more than others.

I heard something recently I thought had a fair bit of truth to it. It was 'when you're young life is all about you, as you get older it becomes about other people.'
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 04:31 PM
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become vegan. donate to oxfam. become an environmentalist.

you could buy a pet and "care" for it. you could buy a human slave and "care" for it. you could take in an unlikable stray and care for it. to really care for something you have to care for the whole of it, at your own expense. commercially supporting taking an animal away from its family, treating it like an object, etc is not caring. it doesn't make sense to want to be actually caring (its at your expense). its very caring to donate to help children living in poor conditions, which are generally far away from me (3rd world countries), but its not the romantic kind of personal caring that people love (you wont see the kids, they wont know you, people wont really want to know that you gave away your money because it makes them look bad - unless you're a company or exceptional person they wouldn't relate to (Bill Gates lol), or have ulterior motives, etc). people want you to be a kind of non-threatening caring that benefits and supports them, and then that lets them feel like they can relax and let their guard down. they like it if they can see you as part of their "tribe". people are wary of selfless acts because they are not sustainable, not at equilibrium. a selfless act is destabilizing. they want a small, personal kind of caring which is symbiotic.

so to that end, give people little gifts. talk to them and listen to them etc etc. i don't really know. that's so not me.

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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 05:34 PM
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I feel like if you are truly caring, you were born that way and raised that way. I think something major has to happen, good or bad, for someone to really change and becoming caring and compassionate.
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 05:38 PM
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I think you need to have others be good and caring to you.

There's an African proverb: "The child who is not accepted by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

A lot of bullies, murderers, etc. were borne out of abuse, rejection, and turmoil. Not making an excuse but it's definitely a pattern out there.

You might be a naturally kind person, but it is going to be a lot easier to actually be kind if it's demonstrated towards you (and around you) first.

If I'm not a complete and utter a.sshole now, it's because others have shown me empathy and kindness.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 05:42 PM
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Have pets. They tend to have qualities that the majority of other humans don't.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
I think you need to have others be good and caring to you.

There's an African proverb: "The child who is not accepted by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

A lot of bullies, murderers, etc. were borne out of abuse, rejection, and turmoil. Not making an excuse but it's definitely a pattern out there.

You might be a naturally kind person, but it is going to be a lot easier to actually be kind if it's demonstrated towards you (and around you) first.

If I'm not a complete and utter a.sshole now, it's because others have shown me empathy and kindness.
lol I quote that often.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
I think you need to have others be good and caring to you.

There's an African proverb: "The child who is not accepted by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

A lot of bullies, murderers, etc. were borne out of abuse, rejection, and turmoil. Not making an excuse but it's definitely a pattern out there.

You might be a naturally kind person, but it is going to be a lot easier to actually be kind if it's demonstrated towards you (and around you) first.

If I'm not a complete and utter a.sshole now, it's because others have shown me empathy and kindness.
A lot of truth to that I'm sure. They say bullies were often bullied themselves.

Someone reminded me recently too - it's also difficult to show compassion when you're in pain yourself. That's also a very good point and something I sometimes forget.
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-12-2020, 09:15 PM
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Be willing to see someone else's point of view. But also to work with them. Having your way is ultimately isolating. It's no walk in the park, but its a start.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 02:01 AM
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Sometimes it's just about giving without expecting anything in return. Sometimes it's more about caring for yourself before you can care for someone else; whether it's mentally or physically.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 03:24 AM
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If a person endure bad things too much, either they too will project the same things bad on others, or they will grow to be repulse by it and project the exact opposite of others.

Why I often see people that have been abused will start abusing others as they get older, or they will opposite and be very kind out of repugnant of the abused they've taken.


Quote:
Originally Posted by leaf in the w1nd View Post
I think you need to have others be good and caring to you.

There's an African proverb: "The child who is not accepted by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

A lot of bullies, murderers, etc. were borne out of abuse, rejection, and turmoil. Not making an excuse but it's definitely a pattern out there.

You might be a naturally kind person, but it is going to be a lot easier to actually be kind if it's demonstrated towards you (and around you) first.

If I'm not a complete and utter a.sshole now, it's because others have shown me empathy and kindness.

Yeah I'm always a believer in environment doing much more in shaping the person than what they're "born as".

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 10:26 AM
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It's also an action, rather than feeling. We can all feel like caring people but if you don't do anything about it, then you are not a caring person as far as society can tell. We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. So just start doing good even if you don't feel like it or you're motivated by selfish reasons. The actions are caring.

My mother thinks she was the best mother in the world, but she acted like an abusive, narcissistic monster. The crazy thing is as much as I loathe her, I do actually believe she meant well (or at least didn't think she was causing so much harm). Again... difference between feeling you are a good person, and acting like a good person.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 11:31 AM
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First you gotta have empathy
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 12:21 PM
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Ultimately you can't, it's better not to try, caring about something means something else must suffer, it's the balance of the universe.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-13-2020, 01:11 PM
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Ultimately you can't, it's better not to try, caring about something means something else must suffer, it's the balance of the universe.
how does that work?

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-14-2020, 02:30 AM
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A good way is to make efforts to actually do it. Caring is ultimately about helping others. So start doing that (e.g. give a friend a present, spend time with a loved one), and you'll realise how good it feels to do so, which will drive you to be even more caring!

<3
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-14-2020, 11:16 AM
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how does that work?
I'm not sure, still figuring it out, I didn't invent the universe : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 08-14-2020, 12:45 PM
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how can you become a caring person?


Idk but I have a hard time doing ďcaringĒ things because Iíve always been an outcast and bullied so I feel like Iím losing or being manipulated if I go out of my way to be nice to people that will still disrespect me for having SA and mental problems in general. I guess when it comes to animals itís different though.
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