How Are You With Eye Contact - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 02:25 AM Thread Starter
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How Are You With Eye Contact


I look at people in the eye when I talk to them but most of them don't look at me and it's uncomfortable!!

People don't like looking at me. They always look so uncomfortable and put off.
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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 06:35 AM
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Why do you think they are put off by you?

It's not something I'm great at. With people I dont know very well/not sure about I can hold contact for about 5 seconds but then I get uncomfortable and look away. I'm pretty sure I shift my eyes alot when talking to someone.


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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 06:37 AM
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Not very good.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 11:33 AM
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I am very bad at eye contact. I remember I had an interview and I wasn't looking at the interview (ok I'd look for many 2 seconds then look away). At the end of the interview, the interviewer told me he noticed I was just looking around and seemed uninterested.
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 11:41 AM
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Depends like most things on my mood. Massive variability in everything. Some days I am super confident with eye contact, others less so. More recently I have been getting bolder and bolder, though. Lots more smiling and chatting with staff, and so forth.

I do have to keep on top of eye contact though or it regresses. Definitely have to force it a bit, but whatevs.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 12:41 PM
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I don't know if I could get close enough to someone to rub my eyeballs against theirs. Is that even possible? It does seem like it'd be very uncomfortable to say the least.

/WYSD
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 01:14 PM
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If I could get a handle on my very intense eye contact anxiety, I think a lot of my social problems would be more manageable. I get the "deer caught in headlights" type of look and people tend to think I'm an *** or that I'm angry if I try to make eye contact with someone even though I'm very anxious and essentially living in a mental hell in that moment. Hard to focus and have a normal conversation with someone in that moment, and don't think most people understand.

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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 03:56 PM
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Bad. Especially if the person is way better looking and socially skilled than me, then I get too embarrassed to look at them.

That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 08:13 PM
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Terrible, I instantly start stuttering or panicking inside... I hate looking at someone's eyes and I hate even more when someone stares at me...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 08:38 PM Thread Starter
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@cool Ice Dude 55:
Because they look uncomfortable and they don't look at me.

They actually look away. They will flip their head away.

I know if you look at someone too much it could make them uncomfortable. And I don't want to come off rude by not looking at them.
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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-18-2019, 08:59 PM
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horrible... how do I practise and get better? Just look at people in the eyes I guess
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 12:30 AM
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It varies depending on unknown reasons. It can be bad with some people, or it might be fine. It's not made worse with people I'm attracted to. In fact, I usually have a much easier time maintaining eye contact with people I'm attracted to, whether talking to, listening or passing by.


I used to be really bad with it though with everyone. I kept practicing my eye contact. So at least it's somewhat better.
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 02:06 AM
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Talking

Proper strong human war


LAZER EYEZ.
STARE. TALK. DEMAND. SCARE 'EM.

WORST HAPPENS BEHIND THE HIDEOUS, SINISTER, OVERWHELMING, OVERCOMING, DOMINATING BRUTAL OFFENCE OF SCREAMING, SHOUTING, GROWLING, LAUGHING, MOCKERY.. HANNNGGGUPP! OF PHONE!
i do not live in my ears as they do

interviewers buckle at my upfront visual approach. crumble. as dominant as i can be. no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction..

as for hangups of phone being null, wordless

i talk at length with people in same room. mega friendly. introducing new concepts beyond anyone? i use basic language for them.. this, that.. comparisons.. how this is better than that. which way appeals most?

averting their view toward flipcharts, whiteboards.. where life is outside their "YOU + YOU & theeirrr stuff.. " i like to show, demo, illustrate.. see? i must deal with the selectively ▀lin∂ who never wanted to read or write. skip/dropout school? life in ear fantasy. i can partly see/think, imagine, why and why they may like/need to? human voice so paramount to all society? what comes out of mouthparts is whole world. nothing else. they so scared of seeing people? must hide behind tellyfone?
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 04:22 PM
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Honestly, I used to be absolutely horrible. I've gotten better, but it only came about with a lot of forcing myself to maintain eye contact for at least a few seconds.

I'm still not fond of eye contact, and I try to avoid it when I can. But it no longer fills me with a sense of complete and total unease. Just a moderate amount of unease!

I also try to gauge how much eye contact the other person wants to partake in, and maintain or avoid eye contact accordingly. I find that at my work, I end up interacting with a fair number of patrons that don't want any eye contact, and I am more than happy to comply.

There are some days where my anxiety is really bad, and all the progress I've made seems to have been thrown back to square one, but it gets better. It's just a continuous effort on my part, and I've just gotta deal. »\_(ツ)_/»

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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 05:25 PM
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It's probably my biggest issue. Never feel natural doing it.
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post #16 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 05:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twitchy666 View Post
LAZER EYEZ.
STARE. TALK. DEMAND. SCARE 'EM.

WORST HAPPENS BEHIND THE HIDEOUS, SINISTER, OVERWHELMING, OVERCOMING, DOMINATING BRUTAL OFFENCE OF SCREAMING, SHOUTING, GROWLING, LAUGHING, MOCKERY.. HANNNGGGUPP! OF PHONE!
i do not live in my ears as they do

interviewers buckle at my upfront visual approach. crumble. as dominant as i can be. no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction..

as for hangups of phone being null, wordless

i talk at length with people in same room. mega friendly. introducing new concepts beyond anyone? i use basic language for them.. this, that.. comparisons.. how this is better than that. which way appeals most?

averting their view toward flipcharts, whiteboards.. where life is outside their "YOU + YOU & theeirrr stuff.. " i like to show, demo, illustrate.. see? i must deal with the selectively ▀lin∂ who never wanted to read or write. skip/dropout school? life in ear fantasy. i can partly see/think, imagine, why and why they may like/need to? human voice so paramount to all society? what comes out of mouthparts is whole world. nothing else. they so scared of seeing people? must hide behind tellyfone?
What do you mean by: "no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction.."

I can ask you a 1000 questions and you would not be able to answer even one of them correctly.

So, I guess you ARE INCLUDING YOURSELF ABOVE IN YOUR QUOTE, eh?
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post #17 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 06:00 AM
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Your ferocity seems to be a product of abject confidence.

However, true confidence is different that.

It contains a high proportion of compassion, and as such, it is never about staring people down, being dominant, or scaring people.

Your confidence is, according to my take on things, boring, and very egotistical.

It is weakeness personified.

A complete joke.
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post #18 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 06:26 AM
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Depends on if there is cleavage
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post #19 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 06:33 AM
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Depends how well I know them, confidence levels on the day, or if I can get my brain to shut up about the stupid anxious stuff & simultaneously be smart with the verbal stuff, it sometimes strikes a perfect balance, but rarely.






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post #20 of 35 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 05:58 PM
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Ditto


I'm realizing I struggle to look people in the eye normally when talking to them. I'll do it, I just won't always be looking when I talk. So, to them, I imagine it looks like I'm thinking about something or I have some kind of issue.

Oddly enough, I don't mind making eye-contact with people on the train. That is unless, it's someone really pretty or intimidating.

I can second the awkward/uncomfortable look people give me when I talk to them. It's infuriating 'cause I'm there thinking I'm doing real good but then they give me that response!!!

It's because of those looks why my confidence just sinks. I get the nerve to talk to people and then it looks like they don't want me talking to them. I even try to sound normal.

I'm trying to challenge myself by making better contact with people on the train and not looking away first. It's hard when it's a certain person.

ôThough I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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