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-   -   How Are You With Eye Contact (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/how-are-you-with-eye-contact-2227179/)

melancholyscorpio 09-18-2019 02:25 AM

How Are You With Eye Contact
 
I look at people in the eye when I talk to them but most of them don't look at me and it's uncomfortable!!

People don't like looking at me. They always look so uncomfortable and put off.

Cool Ice Dude55 09-18-2019 06:35 AM

Why do you think they are put off by you?

It's not something I'm great at. With people I dont know very well/not sure about I can hold contact for about 5 seconds but then I get uncomfortable and look away. I'm pretty sure I shift my eyes alot when talking to someone.

JH1983 09-18-2019 06:37 AM

Not very good.
Posted via Mobile Device

Lisa1 09-18-2019 11:33 AM

I am very bad at eye contact. I remember I had an interview and I wasn't looking at the interview (ok I'd look for many 2 seconds then look away). At the end of the interview, the interviewer told me he noticed I was just looking around and seemed uninterested.

SplendidBob 09-18-2019 11:41 AM

Depends like most things on my mood. Massive variability in everything. Some days I am super confident with eye contact, others less so. More recently I have been getting bolder and bolder, though. Lots more smiling and chatting with staff, and so forth.

I do have to keep on top of eye contact though or it regresses. Definitely have to force it a bit, but whatevs.

WillYouStopDave 09-18-2019 12:41 PM

I don't know if I could get close enough to someone to rub my eyeballs against theirs. Is that even possible? It does seem like it'd be very uncomfortable to say the least.

Don 09-18-2019 01:14 PM

If I could get a handle on my very intense eye contact anxiety, I think a lot of my social problems would be more manageable. I get the "deer caught in headlights" type of look and people tend to think I'm an *** or that I'm angry if I try to make eye contact with someone even though I'm very anxious and essentially living in a mental hell in that moment. Hard to focus and have a normal conversation with someone in that moment, and don't think most people understand.

Mlt18 09-18-2019 03:56 PM

Bad. Especially if the person is way better looking and socially skilled than me, then I get too embarrassed to look at them.

ShotInTheDark 09-18-2019 08:13 PM

Terrible, I instantly start stuttering or panicking inside... I hate looking at someone's eyes and I hate even more when someone stares at me...

melancholyscorpio 09-18-2019 08:38 PM

@cool Ice Dude 55:
Because they look uncomfortable and they don't look at me.

They actually look away. They will flip their head away.

I know if you look at someone too much it could make them uncomfortable. And I don't want to come off rude by not looking at them.

AllGlad 09-18-2019 08:59 PM

horrible... how do I practise and get better? Just look at people in the eyes I guess :(

scooby 09-19-2019 12:30 AM

It varies depending on unknown reasons. It can be bad with some people, or it might be fine. It's not made worse with people I'm attracted to. In fact, I usually have a much easier time maintaining eye contact with people I'm attracted to, whether talking to, listening or passing by.


I used to be really bad with it though with everyone. I kept practicing my eye contact. So at least it's somewhat better.

twitchy666 09-19-2019 02:06 AM

Proper strong human war
 
LAZER EYEZ.
STARE. TALK. DEMAND. SCARE 'EM.

WORST HAPPENS BEHIND THE HIDEOUS, SINISTER, OVERWHELMING, OVERCOMING, DOMINATING BRUTAL OFFENCE OF SCREAMING, SHOUTING, GROWLING, LAUGHING, MOCKERY.. HANNNGGGUPP! OF PHONE!
i do not live in my ears as they do

interviewers buckle at my upfront visual approach. crumble. as dominant as i can be. no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction..

as for hangups of phone being null, wordless

i talk at length with people in same room. mega friendly. introducing new concepts beyond anyone? i use basic language for them.. this, that.. comparisons.. how this is better than that. which way appeals most?

averting their view toward flipcharts, whiteboards.. where life is outside their "YOU + YOU & theeirrr stuff.. " i like to show, demo, illustrate.. see? i must deal with the selectively ゚lin∂ who never wanted to read or write. skip/dropout school? life in ear fantasy. i can partly see/think, imagine, why and why they may like/need to? human voice so paramount to all society? what comes out of mouthparts is whole world. nothing else. they so scared of seeing people? must hide behind tellyfone?

Darvyn 09-19-2019 04:22 PM

Honestly, I used to be absolutely horrible. I've gotten better, but it only came about with a lot of forcing myself to maintain eye contact for at least a few seconds.

I'm still not fond of eye contact, and I try to avoid it when I can. But it no longer fills me with a sense of complete and total unease. Just a moderate amount of unease!

I also try to gauge how much eye contact the other person wants to partake in, and maintain or avoid eye contact accordingly. I find that at my work, I end up interacting with a fair number of patrons that don't want any eye contact, and I am more than happy to comply.

There are some days where my anxiety is really bad, and all the progress I've made seems to have been thrown back to square one, but it gets better. It's just a continuous effort on my part, and I've just gotta deal. ッ\_(ツ)_/ッ

DeliveryDude 09-19-2019 05:25 PM

It's probably my biggest issue. Never feel natural doing it.

Bullet-Proof-Confidence 09-20-2019 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twitchy666 (Post 1093805137)
LAZER EYEZ.
STARE. TALK. DEMAND. SCARE 'EM.

WORST HAPPENS BEHIND THE HIDEOUS, SINISTER, OVERWHELMING, OVERCOMING, DOMINATING BRUTAL OFFENCE OF SCREAMING, SHOUTING, GROWLING, LAUGHING, MOCKERY.. HANNNGGGUPP! OF PHONE!
i do not live in my ears as they do

interviewers buckle at my upfront visual approach. crumble. as dominant as i can be. no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction..

as for hangups of phone being null, wordless

i talk at length with people in same room. mega friendly. introducing new concepts beyond anyone? i use basic language for them.. this, that.. comparisons.. how this is better than that. which way appeals most?

averting their view toward flipcharts, whiteboards.. where life is outside their "YOU + YOU & theeirrr stuff.. " i like to show, demo, illustrate.. see? i must deal with the selectively ゚lin∂ who never wanted to read or write. skip/dropout school? life in ear fantasy. i can partly see/think, imagine, why and why they may like/need to? human voice so paramount to all society? what comes out of mouthparts is whole world. nothing else. they so scared of seeing people? must hide behind tellyfone?

What do you mean by: "no human can digest or cope with any intelligence. a second word uttered seems to rock 'em. 'hands-in-hands' reaction.."

I can ask you a 1000 questions and you would not be able to answer even one of them correctly.

So, I guess you ARE INCLUDING YOURSELF ABOVE IN YOUR QUOTE, eh?

Bullet-Proof-Confidence 09-20-2019 06:00 AM

Your ferocity seems to be a product of abject confidence.

However, true confidence is different that.

It contains a high proportion of compassion, and as such, it is never about staring people down, being dominant, or scaring people.

Your confidence is, according to my take on things, boring, and very egotistical.

It is weakeness personified.

A complete joke.

funnynihilist 09-20-2019 06:26 AM

Depends on if there is cleavage

blue2 09-20-2019 06:33 AM

Depends how well I know them, confidence levels on the day, or if I can get my brain to shut up about the stupid anxious stuff & simultaneously be smart with the verbal stuff, it sometimes strikes a perfect balance, but rarely.

That Random Guy 09-20-2019 05:58 PM

Ditto
 
I'm realizing I struggle to look people in the eye normally when talking to them. I'll do it, I just won't always be looking when I talk. So, to them, I imagine it looks like I'm thinking about something or I have some kind of issue.

Oddly enough, I don't mind making eye-contact with people on the train. That is unless, it's someone really pretty or intimidating.

I can second the awkward/uncomfortable look people give me when I talk to them. It's infuriating 'cause I'm there thinking I'm doing real good but then they give me that response!!! :x

It's because of those looks why my confidence just sinks. I get the nerve to talk to people and then it looks like they don't want me talking to them. I even try to sound normal.

I'm trying to challenge myself by making better contact with people on the train and not looking away first. It's hard when it's a certain person. :blush

andy1984 09-20-2019 06:05 PM

if I want to make eye contact I do it. so I cant complain. maybe some people interpret my behaviour however they want. fine. this is just self expression. it's not something I need to change.

Junebug1215 09-22-2019 07:07 PM

Not so good. I do either one of two things, look away as soon as I start talking or I stare so intensely while speaking that I make whoever I知 talking to uncomfortable. When I知 listening to someone, I handle eye contact well and don稚 look crazy. I知 not sure why I can稚 handle eye contact when I知 speaking.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

DukeDuck 09-22-2019 07:35 PM

I'm really bad with it. Sometimes it helps though. Directly looking at people makes you overcome the fear and makes talking easier.

AbbasGreen 09-29-2019 03:13 PM

It depends on who I am talking too (comfort and closeness level). It also depends on what's going on in the inside. How much I have slept helps and general health state. If I'm very hydrated, eaten well and slept well I've noticed my thought process feels natural and nourished which externalizes into quality communication.


But it's more complex than that for me.



Referring to what I said above about "what's going on in the inside". A simple example: Boss comes to see employee. Boss starts talking to employee. Employee's eye contact is a bit affected because they forgot to do an important procedure and they are wondering if boss is going to mention that. While boss is talking, employee's Central Nervous System is stimulated and so fear affects their thought process which further relays onto the quality of their eye contact as many thoughts/questions/concerns are running through their mind.


My personality type also has a big influence on eye contact. And that's just who I am. We're as unique as snowflakes.

Musicfan 09-29-2019 05:16 PM

Bad if I'm one on one with a stranger. I'm pretty avoidant to small talk, so I don't always put on a good impression. Depends on the person though.With family I'm much better, still not as much as I think is good enough as far as eye contact goes. I did work on it a while back and you can keep it going stronger but I always felt like that was being unnatural.

SparklingWater 09-29-2019 05:22 PM

 
Actually great at eye contact cause I can force myself to act even if internally I'm completely dissociated. Body is present, mind so ****ing far away I may as well be on Jupiter. Is my frontal lobe online and able to process anything that's happening? Hell no. But will my outward appearance reflect that I'm listening and engaged? Abso-****ing-lutely. Thanks defense mechanisms! The same ones that make me pass so well that pple don't think I need help and am just making up my non stop terror. Just smile and nod. That's what I was taught to do cause no one actually cares who I am or how I feel, just make it look good so you won't be abused. Oh you like my act? Then I've succeeded even though I'm ****ing dead on the inside. Yay!

EmotionlessThug 09-30-2019 01:29 AM

I can't make eye with people without feeling disgusted, knowing the people eye timing is out of sync. Look like someone evaluated when to make eye contact, before the people thoughts decided to act first.

Rumplesty 10-02-2019 09:23 PM

I personally thinks it's pretty easy for me. I like knowing that they have their eyes on me when talking. I struggled with it when I was a kid but now it's honestly instinct. I've noticed people usually look away more when talking than me.

leaf in the wind 10-02-2019 10:25 PM

I'm from a city that treats eye contact like rape. I avoid it. I can make a conscious effort but it unnerves.

Greenmacaron 10-04-2019 12:33 PM

I’m can make eye contact when having a conversation with someone I know or have been introduced to but not with a stranger in the street.

UnderdogWins 10-04-2019 01:09 PM

I look people directly in the face. Subconsciously, I知 probably analyzing their face as a whole. If someone asked me what their eye color was, I would likely not know.

PandaBearx 10-05-2019 07:04 AM

I've gotten better with it over the years, but I've always been poor at it imo. I'll either stare too much at whoever is speaking to me or not enough. Though that could just my anxiety speaking.

caelle 10-05-2019 03:50 PM

I'm ok at it most of the time I think. But then sometimes I get uncomfortable, I don't know why. Maybe if I'm not very confident that day I'd rather not even look at people.

White Shirt Guy 10-12-2019 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio (Post 1093804605)
I look at people in the eye when I talk to them but most of them don't look at me and it's uncomfortable!!

People don't like looking at me. They always look so uncomfortable and put off.

I think people just have that uncomfortable face sometimes for their own reasons.

flykiwi 10-13-2019 08:31 PM

I know its an area i struggle with. I can look ppl in the eye but only for a few seconds each time before they drift elsewhere, and return back to their eyes every so often when talking. Someone called me out on it friday in class. They pointed out that I'm nervous and have anxiety.

AffinityWing 10-27-2019 05:33 PM

It got so bad in high school I couldn't look people in the eyes at all and my head was constantly down in most of my classes, but I got slightly better since I started college. I still shift my eyes away alot when I talk with someone, due to my fear that I'll look for too long.

Canadian Brotha 10-28-2019 03:54 PM

Terrible, I look away a lot & I can tell it bothers people

Silent Memory 10-29-2019 06:00 AM

Eye contact can make me feel like I'm sad and that I'm going to start crying. I'm not sure what it is, but I think it might feel either like I'm being told bad news or that they can read my mind, which makes me feel uncomfortable. It's always worse when I'm feeling nervous, even with family. Eye contact is easier with some people than others, but it's never "easy" - I have to keep looking away, and I try to cover my face up.

WillYouStopDave 10-29-2019 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Brotha (Post 1093827043)
Terrible, I look away a lot & I can tell it bothers people

It's pretty creepy how people feel like they have a right to force you to stare at their eyeballs. :lol

2Milk 10-31-2019 08:06 PM

I look at them directly in the eyes. The problem with me is that a lot of time I think that maybe I'm making them uncortable by looking into their eyes. I usually look at people talking from far away and try to pick up some skills. They seem to keep constant eye contact, but when I keep eye contact the other person usually breaks it for a brief second. Idk if thats normal or im just overthinkig it.


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