Have You Been Bullied? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #21 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-07-2020, 11:53 AM
SAS Member
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Solitude View Post
This is going to sound weird, but growing up I was never systematically bullied or picked on. Sure there were times when I was told mean things but I laughed it off or came with a witty comeback. It wasn't until I became an adult, around the time when my SA became worse, that things turned sour. Workplace bullying is very real. I often times find myself having nightmares about work related events....

I would say that Social Anxiety contains a factor of paranoia that makes people who suffer from this condition feel like everyone and their grandma is out to get them. So naturally we avoid human contact in order to avoid pain and embarrassment. Therefore it is very easy for us to misinterpret trivial situations as hostile. That is not to say that there are objectively real situations of being mistreated.
That's a very good point, I know I misinterpret things all the time. Plus I take offence sometimes when I doubt it's intended. Or even if it's intended I know I'm definitely over-sensitive to criticism, to the point of absurdity actually.

I'd say it comes from insecurity on some deep level with me - I have no idea about anyone else though. I've always argued with girlfriends etc and my wife and can take criticism from them - but with other people I find it hard to deal with.

I'm not talking about bullying as such obviously - like you I never really have been. Certainly not in any consistent way. I would most likely explode at one of them and everything would get very bad indeed. I actually hate feeling like that and avoid it at all costs, I don't want to hurt anyone - but I know I lose control of my temper.

I need to find a way to stay rational and talk to them - like I do with my wife.
harrison is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #22 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-07-2020, 08:24 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,398
My Mood: Sleepy
No place is safe for me... School, work and even home sometimes... But that's what I deserved anyway, it's just my fault.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #23 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-07-2020, 10:54 PM
A Tad Hexish
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,516
My Mood: Brooding
Yeah, lots. I get tired of repeating it all, though. I've posted about it enough already.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
truant is offline  
 
post #24 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 12:59 AM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 30,841
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Solitude View Post

I would say that Social Anxiety contains a factor of paranoia that makes people who suffer from this condition feel like everyone and their grandma is out to get them.
Actually, I don't think I was ever paranoid until experience kind of made me that way. And by that time, I'm not sure I'd call it paranoid. There can only be so many coincidences before repeating patterns become hard to deny, right? Of course by now I'm pretty much afraid of my own shadow.

But hmm. No. I don't really feel like everyone is out to get me. I feel like the vast majority of people are either indifferent to me or just see me as an obstacle. The indifferent part is not so bad really. The obstacle part does make me paranoid because people who see you as an obstacle will generally take the path of least resistance to neutralize whatever it is about you they perceive as such. Which makes interacting with people in an open manner incredibly stressful and unpredictable. But again, that's kinda not paranoia either because it isn't entirely irrational.

So I guess kind of in a way, the combination of "most people are either indifferent to me or see me as an obstacle" is a really paralyzing combination. I don't think most people are natural bullies. I think most people are natural opportunists and the way the world works just pressures people to do what they have to. So it's hard to blame them really.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #25 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 02:22 AM
You tell me
 
Rains's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2,062
More ostracised than bullied. I'm too confrontational to be bullied.
Rains is offline  
post #26 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 07:12 AM
Barbells and kittens
 
JH1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,553
Quote:
Originally Posted by asittingducky View Post
I was oddly enough the opposite. Once the internet made it possible for employers and coworkers to spy on you it all went downhill. I've had nothing but constant nasty and personal and misinformed comments. Even going so far as to make mocking remarks about healthcare problems of family members (meanwhile I'm going ***** how is any of this your business!). But as far as the nastiness, I usually do it right back to see if they'll catch on that I'm messing with them for being nosey or that I sincerely wish they knew what bigotry felt like but they're usually too stupid to get it. All I'll say is healthcare is very corrupt and try not to think about the fact that most of the people working there are not actually good people the next time you get sick!
@harrison Preach it! I never thought I would be so happy to be away from people and bad actors like I am when I take a break!
But how do they spy on you? I've never experienced this or heard of it. I've heard of companies looking at potential employees social media before hiring them.
Posted via Mobile Device
JH1983 is offline  
post #27 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 07:15 AM
SAS Member
 
RelinquishedHell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Gender: Other
Age: 30
Posts: 16,500
My Mood: Mellow
Quote:
Originally Posted by JH1983 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by asittingducky View Post
I was oddly enough the opposite. Once the internet made it possible for employers and coworkers to spy on you it all went downhill. I've had nothing but constant nasty and personal and misinformed comments. Even going so far as to make mocking remarks about healthcare problems of family members (meanwhile I'm going ***** how is any of this your business!). But as far as the nastiness, I usually do it right back to see if they'll catch on that I'm messing with them for being nosey or that I sincerely wish they knew what bigotry felt like but they're usually too stupid to get it. All I'll say is healthcare is very corrupt and try not to think about the fact that most of the people working there are not actually good people the next time you get sick! :-)
@harrison Preach it! I never thought I would be so happy to be away from people and bad actors like I am when I take a break!
But how do they spy on you? I've never experienced this or heard of it. I've heard of companies looking at potential employees social media before hiring them.
Posted via Mobile Device
Some places will, depends on the environment and type of people you work with. My coworkers are unbelievably nosey and have threatened to contact my gf through my emergency contacts to complain about me for not being like them. And all they do is make up hostile conspiracy theories about me to fill in the gaps of what they don't know.

They have an unhealthy obsession with me. If I even come in wearing something a little different than usual, they will all fixate on it and talk about it all day trying to figure out what it means. They're nuts.
RelinquishedHell is offline  
post #28 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 08:16 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,039
Bullied very bad as a child and at my first job. So it was pretty bad up until the age of 23. Wish I would have just left or punched them in the jaw. But I needed the job at the time and didn't have any better options at that time. Should have handled it better but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time
chrisinmd is online now  
post #29 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 09:00 AM
SAS Member
 
millenniumman75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Dayton, OH
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Posts: 153,935
My Mood: Angelic
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelinquishedHell View Post
Some places will, depends on the environment and type of people you work with. My coworkers are unbelievably nosey and have threatened to contact my gf through my emergency contacts to complain about me for not being like them. And all they do is make up hostile conspiracy theories about me to fill in the gaps of what they don't know.

They have an unhealthy obsession with me. If I even come in wearing something a little different than usual, they will all fixate on it and talk about it all day trying to figure out what it means. They're nuts.
That alone could get them fired. That's really inappropriate right there. All your girlfriend would need to do is provide evidence of calls to your HR. Beyond that, you could get the law involved.

millenniumman75
You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

TROLL ALERT STATUS:
CHAT -> BERT

FORUMS -> ERNIE
(troll activity on the increase)

WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!
millenniumman75 is offline  
post #30 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 09:50 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: miserable world
Gender: Female
Posts: 507
My Mood: Sad
Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
I haven't been mercilessly or continuously bullied in the past but there were a few incidents.

But I'm continuously bullied in that certain people are rude to me compared to how they are with others.

I've experienced it in every workplace. I know it's because I'm unattractive. And the irony is that the people who treat me rudely are not attractive themselves.

yes i have and they say that bullies have troubles themselves , which i think is true, so they take it out on others to feel better... do you really think it's because you are unattractive?I doubt it.. maybe they are jealous?


https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publication...ying-behaviour
ladysmurf is offline  
post #31 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 11:24 AM
SAS Member
 
clary321's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: uk
Gender: Female
Posts: 82
My Mood: Fine
yeah i have been bullied it has eased off since going to college

hi i am the new girl
clary321 is offline  
post #32 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 12:45 PM
Social experimenter
 
asittingducky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 687
Quote:
Originally Posted by JH1983 View Post
But how do they spy on you? I've never experienced this or heard of it. I've heard of companies looking at potential employees social media before hiring them.
Posted via Mobile Device
It is well known employers will even ask other employees to friend potential applicants on social media before hiring them as they can't directly spy on them.

@RelinquishedHell it sounds like they're trying to mess with your head.
asittingducky is offline  
post #33 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 01:16 PM
SAS Member
 
hateliving's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: canada
Language: english
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 264
My Mood: Crappy
Several years when I was younger. It was hell.
hateliving is offline  
post #34 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 11:44 AM
SAS Member
 
Sumabala's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Germany
Language: German, English
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 57
My Mood: Crappy
In school, yes. Elementary school was fine, I wasn't that shy, participated in class, loved to read out loud, etc. Though I always were a bit awkward around people and didn't say much.
Then, from 5th to 10th grade a lot of stuff happened and I got bullied. Not the super bad stuff, but because I was awkward around people and generally a bit more reserved, I didn't fit in that much. Was also super bad at sports, and idk why but sports was a big topic in my class. If you were bad in any other subject, no one cared, but if you were bad at sports, you lost. It started in sports class when classmates wouldn't invite me into their group and laughed at me. This resulted in me talking even less and then they didn't invite into other group projects, constantly said stuff like "Can you even talk?"/"Say something" and called me in class to say something and that got worse over the years.


I said even less in class, was constantly nervous when teachers or classmates called me, couldn't answer simple questions when being called in class because I was so nervous. Wasn't able to call my friend on the phone anymore, was constantly paranoid that people stared at me and many unnecessary anxieties started: fearing phone calls, fear of walking alone through the hallway, fear of eating or pretty much doing anything in front of people, fear of someone seeing me alone, etc.




So I guess always shy, but the bullying - and with bullying I mean the social isolation I experienced and not so much any 'physical' bullying - really brought out a lot more of my social anxiety or actually started it.

Ciaossu!
Sumabala is offline  
post #35 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 03:45 PM
SAS Member
 
Raies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Up North
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 1,342
My Mood: Fine
Not really.


Never really been an easy target, so I don't/didn't really attract that type of attention.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
Raies is online now  
post #36 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 05:50 PM
SAS Member
 
Alleviate Suffering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 112
I was an odd child and a popular target for bullies and I was subjected to constant bullying pretty much every day for 6 years at high school and college mostly verbal rather than physical in the sense that I was never beaten up. At high school form class in the morning all the boys would sit on one big table and a popular topic for them to talk about would be what a weirdo I was. My lazy eye and my religious beliefs beliefs came up a lot. Form class was in a design technology room and there was sometimes sawdust lying around and if there was that would be put in my hair. When walking between classes people in other years would trip me up in the corridors and push me into the walls and call me a freak or a queer (not that they knew anything about me or my sexuality). People would try and write insults on my shirt or on pictures on the walls of the corridors. In lessons girls would openly say that they were disgusted if they had to give out books or folders to the class because it meant they had to touch mine. One thing that has stuck with me because it was so petty but so significant in my future self worth problems was in assembly one day the person at the end of my class's row started a whisper that passed through every member of the class until the person next to me turned to me and said we just wanted tell you that none of us like you.

At college there was a video making fun of the way I talked and dressed that was circling for a while although thankfully only on DVD since social media and smartphones hadn't become really popular yet. At times the teachers would even join with the bullying on one of the rare occasions when I got picked for a group and I had a chance to feel good about myself for a change the teacher ruined it by saying I hope you picked him because you think he's intelligent because you certainly haven't picked him for his looks. My ugliness was something people focused on constantly and that definitely affected my anxiety badly too.

What really got to me was how relentless people were from start of day to end of day going out of their way to make me feel like ****. I often wonder if I deserved it in some way.

"The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the "rat race" - the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing." (David Foster Wallace)
Alleviate Suffering is offline  
post #37 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 11:43 PM
AtheistInSearchOfPawgs
 
Richard Pawgins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: University of Oxford. Pawg Scientist
Posts: 1,803
if being bullied by existence/life counts as being bullied then yes


i try my best to stay away from mean people though
Richard Pawgins is offline  
post #38 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-10-2020, 01:14 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 8,401
My Mood: Angry
Exclamation

every minute of any day, every season

glaring. YOU!!! YOU!!

your shorrts!!!!

when height of summer they always wrapped in quiltwear all core body, all limbs, hat, boots, cos they so cold?? every HUMAN is so scared of all the cold, sure they will DIE!!! in fierce sun! roasting. i weat shorts, sandals, barefoot, t-shirt in deepest winter, for comfort. all people. ever human. YOU! YOUR LEGS!! i say EVERYONE SAYS that. passively,lightly, all i can say: I am too hot! wish i didn't wear this t-shirt. i'm sweating.

i have expertise not attacking people over this cross-wired attitudes we have
twitchy666 is offline  
post #39 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-10-2020, 08:20 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alleviate Suffering View Post
What really got to me was how relentless people were from start of day to end of day going out of their way to make me feel like ****. I often wonder if I deserved it in some way.
Sorry for what you had to go through. Sounds similar to me in a lot of ways. You didn't deserve it either so don't think that. Im sure you weren't doing anything to bring it on. Its sad how people treat people who are different or do not have confidence. Keep trying to beat them down instead of helping them
chrisinmd is online now  
post #40 of 54 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 10:25 AM
i99
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 14
I know this is quite late but I thought I'd reply. Regardless of how repetitive it is, bullying is bullying and is not allowed period to anyone for any reason. I'm really sorry to hear of what you went through and I think repeatedly being treated as different can really have an effect on someone especially if you haven'd done anything wrong. The rule of thumb is with bullies they are always in the wrong and they got issues with themselves they need to sort out they are shoving on to you; if you have done something to provoke them (which you haven't), and they bully you in response, then they are a brutal person and it says a lot about them inside. If you haven't done anything wrong and they are just picking on you because they want to, you know they are sadistic af. Hope this helps as I relate to 'that feeling' too
i99 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome