Have You Been Bullied? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 02:14 AM Thread Starter
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Have You Been Bullied?


I haven't been mercilessly or continuously bullied in the past but there were a few incidents.

But I'm continuously bullied in that certain people are rude to me compared to how they are with others.

I've experienced it in every workplace. I know it's because I'm unattractive. And the irony is that the people who treat me rudely are not attractive themselves.
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post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 04:29 AM
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Talking

yep


all those people named YOU

exist to be bullied

like a shooting range?

heads pop up. all set to be shot. practice. humans are fodder for bullying

all prone

i never done it, but entirely imprinted into my DNA or psyche to do it back.. never yet. just.. question: Are YOU Stupid? from me to society.

downtrodden by all employers, girlfriends, some friends, same as whole animal world. social layers in nature

all bullying severe or virtual? just the word YOU = aggression / challenge.. YOU! POKE!

British Bulldog?
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post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 05:52 AM
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Pretty much daily through grade school and a little in middle school and high school. Never as an adult.
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post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 12:01 PM
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sometimes a little, sometimes a bit more. anything significant and I quit/avoid/whatever. I've never actually gone to employer with the problem etc.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-19-2019, 12:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
I haven't been mercilessly or continuously bullied in the past but there were a few incidents.

But I'm continuously bullied in that certain people are rude to me compared to how they are with others.

I've experienced it in every workplace. I know it's because I'm unattractive. And the irony is that the people who treat me rudely are not attractive themselves.
Not being rude - but doesn't the fact that they don't necessarily look all that great imply it's more to do with confidence/assertiveness?

It's hard to stand up for yourself - I have trouble with it too sometimes. One woman was rude to me at an op-shop when I was doing my community service and I wanted to rip her face off with my bare hands. I didn't though - just asked if I could go and do it somewhere else.
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post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-19-2019, 04:03 PM
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Officially bullied? For a couple of years in school, yes. It was bad but it wasn't the source of SA, if that's what you mean. Probably my social awkwardness tended to cause others to think of me as a misfit and contributed to it.

I think probably when I was very young, I was more socially awkward than socially anxious but I was definitely always both. The anxiety was definitely heightened later on when I realized there was something about me that seemed to trigger people's "hey this guy isn't one of us" programming. I was more the type who did try to fit in and did try to make friends for (I'd say) the first 8 years or so. I think (perhaps) I was a little too enthusiastic at times and made a fool of myself. So I'd say I kind of went from not having much of a filter to being very withdrawn once I realized that I didn't communicate things in a way that people expected and perhaps made them uncomfortable.

So by the time the bullying happened I was already starting to withdraw and the bullies didn't know me from before. It was a new school and that's never good. On top of that it was the first exposure to public school for several years and when you're that young if you miss several years, you might as well miss ten or twenty. On top of that it was a crappy public school in some dumpwater town where no decent teacher would ever want to be. I would say the vast majority of the kids I went to school with during this time never went to college and most are probably barely living on government benefits. They were.....not the children of quality parenting. Fighting was as natural as anything else to them.

Anyway, any of those kids who were getting any kind of guidance from their parents were probably getting the "If you want to be somebody you have to destroy everyone in your path" type of training. I know for a fact one of my bullies was beaten down regularly by his dad who would tell him "This is what you will get in the real world if you're timid and don't hit first and it would be wrong of me to raise you any other way". I'm not saying that's right or wrong. That's just the kind of kids I was going to school with.

Thankfully, we moved away from there and I never experienced anything quite like that again. So other than that, the kind of bullying that seems to be most common now is kind of a different thing. It's more psychological. Where I was literally afraid these guys were going to kill me. Physically beat me up. That was scary.

In other ways, I think people do kind of bully you if you're weak in one way or another. It's kind of that dog eat dog mentality. Life is competition and even if you can't compete, you're still going to be seen as potential competition by others no matter where you are.

/WYSD
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post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-19-2019, 04:21 PM
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I've been both the bully and bullied.
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post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-19-2019, 04:30 PM
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I've been both the bully and bullied.
That sounds like an interesting story.

/WYSD
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post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-19-2019, 04:48 PM
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That sounds like an interesting story.
It's not. Just classic tale of being abused at home, then taking it out on schoolmates. It was early on in life and I was surprisingly easily forgiven... a younger girl I was mean towards even became a friend eventually, and we spent a couple summers biking together and hanging out. I became self-aware by the time I was 11ish and think I treated others better by then.

I also mistreated my little cousin in our childhood, but he too had forgiven me.

There were a few incidences in adulthood of being bullied, including one school instructor and a domineering partner. But I didn't experience school yard bullying, my issue with my peers was that I was completely ignored and disregarded.
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post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-20-2019, 03:50 AM
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I wasn't really bullied in the traditional sense. I mean, I was definitely ostracized in school and picked on at times, but I can't really single out a specific person who took it to the next level.

If anything, I was bullied at home by my brother. I think my home life is where a lot of my insecurity and fear of conflict originated. My brother had ODD and there really wasn't any saying "no" to him. My mom refused to take him to Taco Bell one time and he went out front and dumped all the leaf bags back onto our freshly raked lawn. This obviously pissed my dad off, and things soon escalated to a full-fledged fist fight.

If he was playing a video game and you made a peep, even a SNEEZE, and he died, he'd lash out at you - often physically. It was pretty horrible now that I think back on it.

There was virtual ZERO respect for personal boundaries growing up, and if you weren't prepared for the endgame - which, through a long and agonizing process, was physical confrontation/calling the police, it just wasn't worth saying no to anything.

Off topic, but I see a lot of the same traits in my nephew and it's incredibly frustrating how his parents don't recognize it and get him help before that behavior is engrained.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
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post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-20-2019, 04:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
I haven't been mercilessly or continuously bullied in the past but there were a few incidents.

But I'm continuously bullied in that certain people are rude to me compared to how they are with others.

I've experienced it in every workplace. I know it's because I'm unattractive. And the irony is that the people who treat me rudely are not attractive themselves.
i was a bully myself when i was younger and only did it because it made me more popular , i do regret it

i was a classclown who didnt care about life until i turned 18 , im 26 now and hate bullies or any type of abuse that people use , i also became a vegetarian and have a dog who doenst eat beef

my youngest son always comes home sad these days , i could swear , that there is someone in that school that bothers him , he refused to tell me the truth , and says that hes sad because school is too hard , society is a

dangerous set up made by the government in every country . theres nothing you can do about bullying
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post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-20-2019, 05:49 AM
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post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-20-2019, 06:17 AM Thread Starter
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@harrison
I kind of get what you mean but also confused.

I know looks doesn't equate confidence. There are people that are not physically attractive that have all the confidence in the world and there are attractive people that struggle with confidence.

I just find it funny that the people who are rude to me are not attractive themselves.

I don't think I'm that meek. I do need to be more assertive. But it depends on the person. If I feel comfortable with them I'm more assertive. But if I'm not I'm more reserved.

I just don't understand why they have a problem with me to treat me so rudely. You can not really take to someone but can just work normally with them.

But it's obvious with the ones who really don't like me.

L from work always responds rudely or disregard me when I ask her something. One time I told her someone was on the line for her but forgot to tell her which number and she swore and made a fuss. With anyone else she would laugh it off.

Her manager M will ask me for help and I'm trying to explain certain process to her and she would cut me off and get frustrated.

It's really frustrating and stressful. Now whenever I receive a call for them I pretend they are in a meeting and give the customer their contact details.
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post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-20-2019, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
@harrison
I kind of get what you mean but also confused.

I know looks doesn't equate confidence. There are people that are not physically attractive that have all the confidence in the world and there are attractive people that struggle with confidence.

I just find it funny that the people who are rude to me are not attractive themselves.

I don't think I'm that meek. I do need to be more assertive. But it depends on the person. If I feel comfortable with them I'm more assertive. But if I'm not I'm more reserved.

I just don't understand why they have a problem with me to treat me so rudely. You can not really take to someone but can just work normally with them.

But it's obvious with the ones who really don't like me.

L from work always responds rudely or disregard me when I ask her something. One time I told her someone was on the line for her but forgot to tell her which number and she swore and made a fuss. With anyone else she would laugh it off.

Her manager M will ask me for help and I'm trying to explain certain process to her and she would cut me off and get frustrated.

It's really frustrating and stressful. Now whenever I receive a call for them I pretend they are in a meeting and give the customer their contact details.
I think sometimes people just rub each other the wrong way. My wife has had a few instances at her work that are similar to what you described. It's been going on with one of the women there for about 20 years, I remember her being upset about it ages ago.

I even called one of the bosses there myself and talked to her about it - trying to smooth things over. But they still hate each other's guts. My wife is a pretty tough cookie herself, so she will never forgive her or try to sort it out.

Personally I can't even believe people can get up in the morning and go to work and deal with all this crap. I haven't been able to do that for ages - and I know for a fact I couldn't do it now. Even this morning I feel like my head is going to explode - and that's just from all the nonsense going on inside it - no-one has said or done anything to me. So you have my respect, lets put it that way - that you can keep going and dealing with these ****wits.
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post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-23-2019, 12:11 PM
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I was a bully and I was bullied.

I was bullied at home by my brother mostly. I wasnt really bullied at school, but hung out with toxic people which you could say was subconcious bullying.


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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-23-2019, 12:46 PM
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Oh yeah!

In school and just in general when I was younger because I was really small and thin.


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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-23-2019, 07:27 PM
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-23-2019, 08:40 PM
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My experiences in school weren't a form of bullying, because my teachers hold me accountable for my classmates actions. If people were to witness my classmates behavior and communication picking up from the next day, they wouldn't be able to interpret the meaning at all. I had a classmate seriously telling the teacher that I slap her in the face? and the teacher sent me to the dean's office.

Bullying is a common behavior trait that people can identify, but in my case not a single teacher was able to identify them at all. My teachers forced me to the dean's office, so the deans can make me admit that it was my intention from my mind. Before evening speaking, the deans and teachers already had finished claiming that I behave the way they first thought of me doing the action. Giving me no chance to speak in the conversation knowing that I was the one being told that I slapped someone in the face.

I learned that I was receiving barriers in all forms of communication through the human language in that situation. The behavior from people is very methodical and challenging for me. My teachers and fellow classmates caused me to repeat elementary school two times, and they made people think that I'm incapable of ever learning or behaving properly. One of the reasons why I was dumped into special education and speech classes.

What I mean about the people behaving very methodical is that they have methods to draw out a behavior or words from me, so people can misinterpret me on a significant level. My classmates never knew their own intention the first time speaking to me knowing they in direct a behavior towards me at specific times.

How am I getting suspended from school? instead of my classmates?

My whole human experiences is messed up, because of people.

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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 01-07-2020, 09:47 AM
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I was oddly enough the opposite. Once the internet made it possible for employers and coworkers to spy on you it all went downhill. I've had nothing but constant nasty and personal and misinformed comments. Even going so far as to make mocking remarks about healthcare problems of family members (meanwhile I'm going ***** how is any of this your business!). But as far as the nastiness, I usually do it right back to see if they'll catch on that I'm messing with them for being nosey or that I sincerely wish they knew what bigotry felt like but they're usually too stupid to get it so suffering seems to be the only alternative
@harrison Preach it! I never thought I would be so happy to be away from people and bad actors like I am when I take a break!
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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 01-07-2020, 10:47 AM
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This is going to sound weird, but growing up I was never systematically bullied or picked on. Sure there were times when I was told mean things but I laughed it off or came with a witty comeback. It wasn't until I became an adult, around the time when my SA became worse, that things turned sour. Workplace bullying is very real. I often times find myself having nightmares about work related events....

I would say that Social Anxiety contains a factor of paranoia that makes people who suffer from this condition feel like everyone and their grandma is out to get them. So naturally we avoid human contact in order to avoid pain and embarrassment. Therefore it is very easy for us to misinterpret trivial situations as hostile. That is not to say that there are objectively real situations of being mistreated.

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