Originally Posted by BlueHailNight33
I guess I need to start trying more by using tutorials as you said once I get over negative mindset of mine. Small talk is something
You just have to be able to sort from the bad tutorials and the good ones. It gets alot easier with experience. Check out https://www.girlschase.com/content/g...ast-small-talk
for how to get past small talk. I know its a site for picking up women, but that article was super helpful for anyone struggling with small talk. Even many normies can struggle with this.
Read the book mindset by carol dweck . It should be mandatory reading for everyone in the world. Basically, usually people's beliefs about what they're capable of doing end up holding them back more than anything else, whether it's in regards to socializing, sports, etc. The great news is you can change your mindset and beliefs, it just takes time and work. There were studies done that showed that depression is common among college students. Those students with a fixed mindset constantly torment themselves with the idea that the setbacks meant they were incompetent or unworthy. The more depressed they became, the more they just gave up, and the more they stopped finishing homework, stopped turning in assignments, etc.
Here's the crazy and inspiring part. There were still plenty of people with the growth mindset who felt pretty miserable and depressed. The more depressed they were, the more action they took to confront their problems, the more they made sure to keep up with their schoolwork, and the more they kept up with their lives. The worse they felt, the more determined they were. They force themselves to go to class, keep up with their work, and take care of themselves, so that when they eventually feel better, their lives were still intact.
Unfortunately, it is easier to develop fixed mindset especially when people around us have one too. But you can always change that mindset.
American society celebrates natural talent. Studies show people are more inspired if they believe someone achieve success through being born gifted and naturally talent rather than hard work. Yet when we look at the greats in basically any field, we can see that it was hard work that made them who they are. Michael Jordan was quite possibly the greatest basketball player of all time yet he was cut from his high school basketball team when he was younger. He was well known for his work ethic and was always the first to practice and the last to leave. Kobe didn't score a single point when he first started playing basketball. Tiger Woods was one of the greatest golf legends. When he was just a toddler, his dad made him practice so much golf that by the time Tiger Woods entered high school, he was practicing around ten hours of golf a day. It takes an average of around ten years on intense deliberate practice to become a grandmaster in chess. Yao Ming was an NBA basketball star at around 7 foot tall. Yet he still had to practice ten hours a day in high school before he would become an nba star. Kevin Durant is a NBA legend at 6 foot 9 inches, yet in high school he would spending 8+ hours a day practicing basketball drills, skipping time with friends, people would literally look at him like he was crazy because he was so obsessed.
I'm not trying to say you'll have the same exact success as these world class people, but if you put in the work, even if you're somewhat below average, you can get soooooo much better and even beat the average person by a large margin at almost anything in life, including social skills. It just takes a few years of hard work, and you don't need 8-10 hours a day to surpass the average person. 1-2 hours a day for a few years and you can beat most people by a large margin.
Most normies aren't exactly living their dream lives. Many of them are unhappy even though they have relationships. Here's the best news possible: it's not because of bad luck or lack of talent or whatever that most people don't have the weight they want, don't have the social skills they want, etc. It's because they didn't put in the necessary work yet to create the life they want (not just the amount of work but actually learning from your mistakes so that you get better overtime). Here's the bad news, it takes a longggg time to get really good at anything big (think 3-5 years but you should be making decent progress within a year).
Just using America as an example since that is where I live.
Most Americans are overweight or obese. Studies show that most men and most women are not happy with their physical appearance. Yet with proper diet and exercise, basically anyone could be in shape and a healthy weight.
85% of Americans hate their jobs.
The average American has a personal debt of around $100k (includes mortgage, student loans, etc). Americans love to spend but everyone hates to save money. We live for today's instant gratifications which is why it is easy to spend but hard to save. But this is a habit that can be changed. You can see some horror stories of people making $400-500k a year AND still living paycheck to paycheck. Studies show most people raise up their standards of living when they make more money.
Around 80% of American's live paycheck to paycheck. Even 25% of Americans who make $100k a year still live paycheck to paycheck. You always have the option to get either multiple sources of income or work hard to get a better paying job. It will not be easy, it will be very hard. But like with losing weight, the simple truth is the average person isn't willing to put in the work needed to not live paycheck to paycheck.
Studies show that after the 8 year mark, only 13% of people in relationships are still in love with each other and only 3% are obsessed/in bliss with one another. That means the vast majority of relationships end up breaking up or end up in not so happy relationships. This is another reason to learn to like yourself first, but also to learn everything you can about relationships so that you can have the best relationship you can.
Just like you'll never be the richest guy in the world but you can still be rich someday if you put in the work. You'll never be the greatest basketball player, but even with average genetics you can beat the vast majority of people out there. This applies to almost anything in life. You'll never have the greatest social skills or social life of all time, but you can still learn to have a decent fulfilling social life with a girlfriend, etc. Even the natural talents had to work really hard, because natural talent alone is not enough.
The simple reason why most people don't have the life they want is simple. Most people live for instant gratification. What I mean by this is as they say: 99% of your problems is about feeling good in the short term. Eating lots of food or junk food feels good right away. Exercise and eating healthy doesn't feel good in the moment. Spending money feels good right now. Saving money doesn't. This is why there are so many people in America who are obese and/or broke. Not bad luck or genetics. They simply live according to their feelings and impulses.
Last note, I know this sounds dumb and clinche, but you have to learn to love yourself or at the very least like yourself. I have seen several posters on SAS get girlfriends for a couple years and they posted later admitting that they were still unhappy and depressed. It's not just them, many regular "normies" end up depressed or suicidal even though they have wives, kids, girlfriends, etc. You can only find happiness within yourself as dumb as that sounds. Millionaires get depressed or kill themselves. People with lots of friends and a wife etc get depressed or kill themselves. Rich and famous people get depressed or kill themselves. As someone once said, "It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it." It's not what you don't or do have that makes you happy, it's how you feel about it.
Doctors are considered successful by society's standards. They make $200k a year on average, have high status jobs, and even help save people's lives. Yet half of doctors hate their jobs. Every single day, in the US alone, one doctor dies by suicide.
I've done alot of research on happiness. When people talk about happiness, they are really talking about fulfillment. Fulfillment is the ultimate goal in life. There are two main ways to get fulfillment: have fulfilling relationships with significant other, friends, family etc and having a career that you love and is fulfilling. As evidenced above and there are numerous other examples, you can have lots of money, be good looking, have lots of friends, etc but if you're not fulfilled, you end up feeling empty and often times end up depressed or even worse.