Has Life Passed You By Because of Sevee SA? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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Has Life Passed You By Because of Sevee SA?


Hey guys and gals,

I have had severe AvPD since I was even 4 years old when it first manifested itself and have spent most of my life alone. I went to college and graduated from a university in finance after starting out in chemistry and have floundered from one thing to another since then not accomplishing anything. I was almost always alone and the isolation takes away your enthusiasm for life and doing anything at all. You feel like you are alone in a grave and nothing you do matters because no one recognizes that you even exist, so why try?

When I was only 4 years old I literally stayed in a corner in pre-school alone by myself watching everyone else and I flunked pre-school and had to take it over because even at that age, I was very reclusive. Now that I am an older adult, I have realized that I have done the same for many years; sat on the sidelines and watched everyone else while my life was ebbing away fruitlessly. You may have many talents and above average intelligence, but if you cannot be with people and work with them, your innate abilities are to no avail and your life is wasted. Watching, but rarely participating.

What a tragic waste ! There are many good and talented people here on SAS but our conditions prevent us from living !
I just came back from a classical concert at Duke University here in Durham, NC and I was as usual alone and came back to a home alone. From one lonely grave to another. Nothing has changed in all these years.

What has passed by cannot be brought back.
What is gone is gone forever; there are no time machines to enable you to go back and try to start over.

Thanks for listening. ( Sorry for the misspelling in the title ! )
Peace and Smiles,
Chuck


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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 06:11 PM
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Yes I agree,any talents and skills you may possess are a moot point if you don't believe in yourself and your ability to use those talents. End up taking orders in dead end jobs from the clowns who were in the bottom classes all through school,it's tough but that's just life...

I just wish my life could be as strange as a conspiracy
I hold out but there's no way of being what I want to be
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I'm just me I can't deny I'm neither here, there nor anywhere
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 06:34 PM
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I live a fairly happy life, I've been to college numerous times but always dropped out once it became apparent I would have to stand in front of class. That is a let down for me, because I would always do well until that point. I just try to appreciate the good things in life, ya know? The alternative is a lot of pain, which is a crappy way to go through life. I have my moments where I get depressed, but I fight them because I know where it all leads.

Over the years, I've developed my own ways of coping with it all. It goes into non materialism, an attempt to abolish egoism, an appreciation for the smaller things. I could spend my time looking at all of the flaws in my life, I could compare my own life to others, but experience has shown me just how harmful this is to me. I've learned to in a manner, respect what I have accomplished in-spite of my own flaws. It is a pretty big step to be able to do that, it is also a really important one.

Ultimately, happiness does not come from accomplishments, material possession, or even being more accomplished than others. It is just a sensation that occurs in your mind, it can be reached without those things. It doesn't even require you to get into new age positivism.

Life has not passed me by, I've been living it. I don't have a nice career, I am not important, I will have no legacy, but these things are not necessary. Indeed, life is full of crap, there is plenty out there that is horrible, and there is plenty out there that we have absolutely no control over.. those things, which are beyond the realm of my control, are the things I choose not to focus on.

With all of that said, I'm sorry you feel such pain and regret in your life. I honestly wish I could reach you and others out there that are hurting, and show you a life that is good.

Live and let live
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see to it that in the process he does not become a
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 04:24 AM
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Hey Chuck,

I hope you can consider answering the following question (and manyyyy other questions below): Has life passed you by because of severe SA OR has life passed you by because of your pursuit of overcoming SA (or any other "disorder" you have)?

Chuck, I don't know you but I want to let you know what impression I get from reading your post and you can confirm whether I am correct or I'm just stupid. Your whole life you have been trying to overcome something. You have been trying your whole life to "fix" something at the expense of not honouring who you are right now. Are you so sure that SA has made your life dull or is it the fact that you are still not willing to own up to who you are and move in the direction of love/joy out of fear that you are inherently not good enough and won't amount to anything anyway? You are, in this moment, identified with having SA and other disorders but you are desperately trying to get rid of it so that you can love yourself in the future when you have done so. The problem is, the future never comes does it. Either you choose to channel your love to who you are now, or you wait until you "fix" whatever is wrong with you because you think it is better and has more potential than whatever you have right now.

Is your SA the reason for your dull life or is the fear that who you are is broken and needs to be fixed by "overcoming" whatever problems you have and ONLY then can you finally enjoy life? Is the fear that who you are is not special or brilliant and for that reason you prefer to refrain from life until you meet your goal of overcoming your SA or whatever else you think is wrong with you?

Ask yourself this question: What can I do right now to feel more loved/happy?

Does the answer make you feel depressed? Do you ignore it? Do you disregard it because you think that whatever you do to make yourself feel happier/loved will jeopardize your ultimate goal of getting rid of SA so that you can finally enjoy life to its highest potential?

You even said this: "You feel like you are alone in a grave and nothing you do matters because no one recognizes that you even exist, so why try?" Have you tried though? Have you put yourself first and decided to do what makes you feel better or do you just ignore it because you think "what's the point? it's not gonna matter anyway"

Perhaps the constant dreaming and fantasizing of a new and improved life is the culprit behind you refraining from life in this moment. Perhaps it's goal you have where you imagine yourself this brand new person that is the culprit that is constantly depriving you of any magic in this moment. Right Here. Now. Why? Because your imagination has a path of how you need to get there and it just so happens that what you need to do to get there feels like crap and has nothing to do with accepting yourself and following your own joy from this moment. Right. Now.

Under your username it says "Moving Towards Destiny" and your Location is "In a Dream. Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Chuck, the one that is "moving towards destiny" is the one that is getting in the way of being in destiny. The one that is "in a dream. Somewhere over the rainbow" is the one that is too scared to see itself.

So what are you afraid of by honouring who you are right now and putting as much kindness as possible into that? The fear that after you have already accepted yourself (and thereby bringing your flaws closer to you) and stopped trying to change yourself, you won't amount to anything anyways? This terrifies you. So instead of facing that fear and the potential excruciating pain, you decide to refrain from life until you make yourself into that "brand new" person you want to be. The one you mind thinks is way better, smarter, successful. This is a common phenomena. Have you ever met people that always say things like "I got 50% on a test but I would've gotten 98% if I actually tried." or "Yeah, he beat me in a race, but I wasn't even trying. If I tried, I would've smoked him."? So why didn't they try? Because of the fear of trying your best and still losing/failing. So the "I didn't try" is a cop out to prevent someone feeling really bad and worthless. I think you might be doing the same. You have the opportunity to actually move in that direction of what feels good/loving/joyful for you right now, but the fear that you will be let down will hurt you so bad that it is better just to refrain and wait until you are your "future" self.

I hope this helps you man. I really do.

Looking forward to your response.
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 12:59 PM
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Hey Chuck,

I hope you can consider answering the following question (and manyyyy other questions below): Has life passed you by because of severe SA OR has life passed you by because of your pursuit of overcoming SA (or any other "disorder" you have)?

Chuck, I don't know you but I want to let you know what impression I get from reading your post and you can confirm whether I am correct or I'm just stupid. Your whole life you have been trying to overcome something. You have been trying your whole life to "fix" something at the expense of not honouring who you are right now. Are you so sure that SA has made your life dull or is it the fact that you are still not willing to own up to who you are and move in the direction of love/joy out of fear that you are inherently not good enough and won't amount to anything anyway? You are, in this moment, identified with having SA and other disorders but you are desperately trying to get rid of it so that you can love yourself in the future when you have done so. The problem is, the future never comes does it. Either you choose to channel your love to who you are now, or you wait until you "fix" whatever is wrong with you because you think it is better and has more potential than whatever you have right now.

Is your SA the reason for your dull life or is the fear that who you are is broken and needs to be fixed by "overcoming" whatever problems you have and ONLY then can you finally enjoy life? Is the fear that who you are is not special or brilliant and for that reason you prefer to refrain from life until you meet your goal of overcoming your SA or whatever else you think is wrong with you?

Ask yourself this question: What can I do right now to feel more loved/happy?

Does the answer make you feel depressed? Do you ignore it? Do you disregard it because you think that whatever you do to make yourself feel happier/loved will jeopardize your ultimate goal of getting rid of SA so that you can finally enjoy life to its highest potential?

You even said this: "You feel like you are alone in a grave and nothing you do matters because no one recognizes that you even exist, so why try?" Have you tried though? Have you put yourself first and decided to do what makes you feel better or do you just ignore it because you think "what's the point? it's not gonna matter anyway"

Perhaps the constant dreaming and fantasizing of a new and improved life is the culprit behind you refraining from life in this moment. Perhaps it's goal you have where you imagine yourself this brand new person that is the culprit that is constantly depriving you of any magic in this moment. Right Here. Now. Why? Because your imagination has a path of how you need to get there and it just so happens that what you need to do to get there feels like crap and has nothing to do with accepting yourself and following your own joy from this moment. Right. Now.

Under your username it says "Moving Towards Destiny" and your Location is "In a Dream. Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Chuck, the one that is "moving towards destiny" is the one that is getting in the way of being in destiny. The one that is "in a dream. Somewhere over the rainbow" is the one that is too scared to see itself.

So what are you afraid of by honouring who you are right now and putting as much kindness as possible into that? The fear that after you have already accepted yourself (and thereby bringing your flaws closer to you) and stopped trying to change yourself, you won't amount to anything anyways? This terrifies you. So instead of facing that fear and the potential excruciating pain, you decide to refrain from life until you make yourself into that "brand new" person you want to be. The one you mind thinks is way better, smarter, successful. This is a common phenomena. Have you ever met people that always say things like "I got 50% on a test but I would've gotten 98% if I actually tried." or "Yeah, he beat me in a race, but I wasn't even trying. If I tried, I would've smoked him."? So why didn't they try? Because of the fear of trying your best and still losing/failing. So the "I didn't try" is a cop out to prevent someone feeling really bad and worthless. I think you might be doing the same. You have the opportunity to actually move in that direction of what feels good/loving/joyful for you right now, but the fear that you will be let down will hurt you so bad that it is better just to refrain and wait until you are your "future" self.

I hope this helps you man. I really do.

Looking forward to your response.
I'll respond. I think what OP is trying to express is that an effect of SAD and AvPD is that you can be sitting on the sidelines watching and listening to people joking, people debating, people discussing some topic you have an interest in... and you WANT to say something but your brain is prevented from thinking clearly and your mouth and lungs are frozen into silence. The "living" that you feel you're missing out on is simply participating when the opportunity arises. A person with SAD still feels the same social needs as normal people and normal human existence is 90% social and 10% solitary pursuits. So I find that if you try and just live as you are now, and forget waiting on a future time when you're SAD free... there's only 10% of human life left to live/enjoy. Your advice to live for now is a good one when it's applied to superficial things like money and status but I'm not sure it works for a basic need like human expression and interaction.

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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 05:43 PM
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I'll respond. I think what OP is trying to express is that an effect of SAD and AvPD is that you can be sitting on the sidelines watching and listening to people joking, people debating, people discussing some topic you have an interest in... and you WANT to say something but your brain is prevented from thinking clearly and your mouth and lungs are frozen into silence. The "living" that you feel you're missing out on is simply participating when the opportunity arises. A person with SAD still feels the same social needs as normal people and normal human existence is 90% social and 10% solitary pursuits. So I find that if you try and just live as you are now, and forget waiting on a future time when you're SAD free... there's only 10% of human life left to live/enjoy. Your advice to live for now is a good one when it's applied to superficial things like money and status but I'm not sure it works for a basic need like human expression and interaction.
Good post. An even more basic need for humans is to be loved/accepted. Human expression and interaction would be worthless if they didn't provide that in some way. In fact, these things could be dangerous if they didn't. If you just want human expression and interaction, why not hang out with a serial rapist (that has particularly got his eye on you) in your home alone? Why not sit with a group of ISIS members that hate you because you are not Muslim and don't follow the same practices as them?

Yes, humans do have basic needs like human expression and interaction, but only because they provide an even deeper need (love/acceptance/security). I am very familiar with that feeling you described. Being around people and not having anything to say or not being able to think clearly, feeling frozen, retarded, etc. so nobody pays any attention to you. Are you trying to "fix" this problem? Are you trying to "overcome" this issue and hate and feel ashamed of yourself when you keep doing it time and time again? Is the part of you that freezes up and can't speak to others getting in your way or is it working in your favour?

You mentioned "The "living" that you feel you're missing out on is simply participating when the opportunity arises." When you don't take advantage of all of these opportunities and instead have to face that cold harsh reality that you couldn't speak up and contribute, what is your internal dialogue like? How do you communicate with that aspect of yourself that froze up, stayed silent, couldn't utter words out of its mouth? Do you hate it? Do you put it down? Do you treat it the same way your parents treated you when you did something wrong? Do you tell it something is wrong with it and shame it because it has some disorder, disease, problem that you don't like so you are trying to get rid of it? Can you see that you are treating "it" the same way as a parent treats a child they don't love and would rather neglect and abandon? So what is the issue? The issue is that it is you. You had the opportunity to treat yourself in a kind way by honouring and loving this part of your as much as possible, but because it got in the way of missing some opportunity, you then don't take the opportunity to accept that aspect of yourself that made you miss the opportunity (because you see it as worthless/not as good as another trait that isn't you). Instead you want to force it to get better and change so that you can supposedly have a better life. You could just bring that aspect closer to you (because you are identified with it) and try to understand and attend to it and instead do something else.

What if I knew that for the rest of your life, you will never be able to speak up? I can tell you that for the rest of your life, you will ALWAYS freeze up, stay silent and never contribute to social interactions in a meaningful way. How would you feel? Who would you blame?

You said "forget waiting on a future time when you're SAD free... there's only 10% of human life left to live/enjoy." That isn't the truth. That is what you are afraid of being true. That is what you are terrified of. You are terrified that if you accept and honour your SAD, you will stay that way and life will not get any better or only minimally. So what a lot of people do if they reject/hate/shame themselves (and their SAD) for as long as it takes until they "fix" something because they are too afraid of following the path of least resistance and honouring the SAD and seeing where that will take you moment by moment. Do you not trust that bringing these issues closer to you will actually lead you to the cure you've been looking for? The problem is, that day you "fix" it never seems to come. You are running out of time. To anyone reading this: The solution/cure is found inside the problem! but you are trying to running away from it because the "cure" you have been looking for is hidden inside the problem you are trying to "fix", "get rid of", "rewire", etc.

I hope you can understand this. You have to make a choice. Do you honour and accept yourself now? Or do you hate/shame yourself now, so that you can "get rid of" something in order to honour and accept yourself after it is gone? The former will bring up a lot of fear and feelings of worthlessness that need attention. The latter will delay this process because it is trying to escape it.

Thank you for reading this post. I wish you all the best
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 06:16 PM
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Agreed. I was just thinking about how I wasted my high school exp when I turned down a girl who asked me to go with her to a dance.
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:23 PM
 
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I also have some other problems that have contributed to my isolation. I never felt like one of the normal kids at school, and I have never felt like a normal adult. People expect I should just be normal, but there is so much more going on within me then just "severe social anxiety". I do feel like life is slipping by at an alarming rate. Everyone has partners, kids, friends, busy, busy. I have not experienced social situations that most ten year old kids have as part of growing up. It can be depressing, but I have actually started to accept it. Happiness for me is how I define it for myself. I bet life is flying by just as fast for all the normal people with partners, kids and friends. I always knew my life would be like this so I'm not lonely. I like my freedom, my space to be myself. I don't have to answer to anyone. I do what I want, when I want. It's very relaxing.

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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:26 PM
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I live a fairly happy life, I've been to college numerous times but always dropped out once it became apparent I would have to stand in front of class. That is a let down for me, because I would always do well until that point. I just try to appreciate the good things in life, ya know? The alternative is a lot of pain, which is a crappy way to go through life. I have my moments where I get depressed, but I fight them because I know where it all leads.

Over the years, I've developed my own ways of coping with it all. It goes into non materialism, an attempt to abolish egoism, an appreciation for the smaller things. I could spend my time looking at all of the flaws in my life, I could compare my own life to others, but experience has shown me just how harmful this is to me. I've learned to in a manner, respect what I have accomplished in-spite of my own flaws. It is a pretty big step to be able to do that, it is also a really important one.

Ultimately, happiness does not come from accomplishments, material possession, or even being more accomplished than others. It is just a sensation that occurs in your mind, it can be reached without those things. It doesn't even require you to get into new age positivism.

Life has not passed me by, I've been living it. I don't have a nice career, I am not important, I will have no legacy, but these things are not necessary. Indeed, life is full of crap, there is plenty out there that is horrible, and there is plenty out there that we have absolutely no control over.. those things, which are beyond the realm of my control, are the things I choose not to focus on.

With all of that said, I'm sorry you feel such pain and regret in your life. I honestly wish I could reach you and others out there that are hurting, and show you a life that is good.
Really admire this way of thinking and hope I can see things this way one day too.

take one day at a time
anything else you can leave behind
only one thing at a time
anything more really hurts your mind


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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 08:13 PM
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Something happened with my thinking over the course of the last couple of years, because I used to worry about these sort of things a lot. I always felt like I needed to break through and live a more "conventional" life. But sometime while listening to friends complain about their well paying but soul sucking corporate job, I realized I don't need to pursue that to be happy. I would have money, but I could be just as miserable as ever.

I work part time and make about 150% poverty level, not great but livable if I remain modest. But since I work part time I can dedicate time to what is my main passion of making computer music. So I turned that into my life mission I guess. Everything in my life is built towards how can I keep on making music as much as I can. And I don't even care if I'm successful at it or not, or what anyone thinks about it or not. Well I do care, but nothing is going to discourage me from doing this.

So life mission: make as much music as possible before I die.

So after making that decision... well it's kinda changed my perspective on what "life passing me by" means and feeling sad about achieving anything. Because no one else has made the creative choices I have my life's output is uniquely my own. Which is basically thinking that no one has the same life situation I have or what other's have, so any comparison doesn't really count. Make the best stuff you can then life will never be passing you by.

So yeah, find some sort of creative outlet and make it your life. Or some other kind of thing and make it your life... it could be lots of things really. Ideally something you can get satisfaction from without relying on the opinion of others.

And think of the perspective from a long view of history. Most of human history is filled with what I would consider (looking from the 21st century in the 1st world) painful and boring lives.

Also this world is filled with pain and sucks in a lot of ways, so if you just make this world slightly less awful for those around you... that's about the best you can achieve in life.
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 10:12 PM
 
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@Tunesimah

I compose music too.

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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 06:37 AM
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You may have many talents and above average intelligence, but if you cannot be with people and work with them, your innate abilities are to no avail and your life is wasted. Watching, but rarely participating.
What a tragic waste ! There are many good and talented people here on SAS but our conditions prevent us from living !
Your life is wasted if other people cannot exploit your talents and intelligence to help benefit their capitalist businesses (which equates 'living')? Or if you make less money than others? oO Humans didn't have as much abundance and didn't do as much hoarding as we all do today for the biggest part of history and all their lives have been wasted?

I have solo activites as hobbies that I enjoy and which beat a career. Try putting your talents and passion into art or other hobbies like people here already said.

I don't think as life having passed me by. I don't walk the same path as many, but I'm moving forward in my own way. I don't tend to look back and regret either. I simply made the decisions that made me feel best in that moment. I don't feel sorry for myself or beat myself up and I don't attach negative meanings like 'avoidance' to my decisions or ask myself what could have been. Eventually I am still here and I believe things happen the way they are supposed to happen. Not everybody can have an ordinary life with a career, family, friends etc.
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 07:43 AM
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@Glycerin 100% agree. Outside of being able to provide for yourself, the only thing that matters is making a life that's fulfilling for you. Pple without SA come to the same conclusion as well. They pursue things they should, realize they don't bring fulfillment and begin pursuing what they want. As long as you can support yourself , your life is yours to do whatever you please.

On enhanced mobile I don't receive notifications besides pms. Apologies if I don't respond.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 11:15 AM
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What has passed by cannot be brought back.
What is gone is gone forever; there are no time machines to enable you to go back and try to start over.
Life has passed me by, but I'm okay with that.

They say hindsight is 20/20. IMO, it's blinded by rose coloured glasses. You see, it's easy for me to sit here and say I wished I done [insert activity here] when I had the chance. Thing is, back when I had the chance, I didn't want to do it. What I really want is the memory of doing it. I want to be able to say I did it.

When it comes down to it, life passed me by, because I wanted it to. I stood there with a checkered flag and waved it right on by. Held the door, so it didn't hit it on the way out.

No regrets allowed!
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 11:36 AM
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Life has passed me by, but I'm okay with that.

They say hindsight is 20/20. IMO, it's blinded by rose coloured glasses. You see, it's easy for me to sit here and say I wished I done [insert activity here] when I had the chance. Thing is, back when I had the chance, I didn't want to do it. What I really want is the memory of doing it. I want to be able to say I did it.

When it comes down to it, life passed me by, because I wanted it to. I stood there with a checkered flag and waved it right on by. Held the door, so it didn't hit it on the way out.

No regrets allowed!
I try to look at it the same way. I was sooo uncomfortable and stressed out in college that there was no way i would enjoy anything social at the time. It's a little frustrating that I would be able to branch out more if I took the brain i have now and went back to then, but who knows if I would be how i am now if i wasnt like that in college. But that's more of a pipe dream than regret

plus life experiences can still happen

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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
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I guess what I am mainly referring to is how although we can have many useful abilities we often lose out on using them because we / I are so inept with working with people so we miss out on so many opportunities in life. One thing I am doing now, as simplistic as it sounds, is swimming like a fish every day that I can and get into shape to help reduce the anxiety, tiredness, and depression. I have read a few posts here that suggested that the people with SA if they can work out a lot, tend to feel much better. That is my medicine right now and it seems to be helping a good deal. I am swimming about an hour a day and I am hoping I can keep it up !


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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 11:17 PM
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I think that's the tops!

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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-08-2017, 03:25 PM
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Your OP resonates deeply within me. We might be somewhat alike.

In primary school, I was the odd loner, who wouldn't mix with the other kids. I didn't understand the point of their silly games or social rituals. During recess, I used to sit on a bench, on the sidelines of the school playground, while the others played cat & mouse. And feeling so different bothered me, because I felt inadequate.

However, as I've grown, I've developped new insights on myself. Although socializing, dealing with others' emotions, and small talk are definitely my weakness... I also have a very unique set of strengths. And you most likely do too. You're probably good at rational thinking and crunching numbers, since you've studied chemistry and finance.

For instance, I'm a rational problem solver. I'm a deep thinker. I'm able to keep my cool when others lose it over small details. I'm an independent contrarian: I see crowds as a bunch of sheeps going in one direction, and I often find joy in taking the opposite direction. I'm proud of these strengths, that make up who I am. It's easy to have tunnel vision on our shortcomings, to the point where we forget the areas where we shine.

To this day, I'm a lone wolf. I only keep in touch with the very small group of people who matter to me. And I don't even see them that often.

And that's okay, because there are plenty of things to do in life besides making small talk. I find joy in pursuing my hobbies, or working on various skills and goals. Or even just kicking back, and taking a walk in nature. I'm OK with who I am, regardless of the fact that I'm not the most pleasant company. I'm determined to live life according to my unique values, and that's what matters to me.
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Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
Over the years, I've developed my own ways of coping with it all. It goes into non materialism, an attempt to abolish egoism, an appreciation for the smaller things. I could spend my time looking at all of the flaws in my life, I could compare my own life to others, but experience has shown me just how harmful this is to me. I've learned to in a manner, respect what I have accomplished in-spite of my own flaws. It is a pretty big step to be able to do that, it is also a really important one.

Ultimately, happiness does not come from accomplishments, material possession, or even being more accomplished than others. It is just a sensation that occurs in your mind, it can be reached without those things. It doesn't even require you to get into new age positivism.

Life has not passed me by, I've been living it. I don't have a nice career, I am not important, I will have no legacy, but these things are not necessary. Indeed, life is full of crap, there is plenty out there that is horrible, and there is plenty out there that we have absolutely no control over.. those things, which are beyond the realm of my control, are the things I choose not to focus on.
Very deep insights. That's the kind of conversation I like! I'm glad that you've written this, because it might open the way to an interesting exchange of opinions.

First off, I 100% agree that we should focus on doing what we can with what we've got. And let go of what's out of our control. I've been feeling a lot more laidback since I've adopted this point of view.

Like you, I'm also a non-materialist. I'd describe myself as a minimalist. I love distilling life to its bare essentials, and getting rid of frivolous material clutter.

However, I do find value in accomplishments. Accomplishments might not make me happy. But they do give me confidence, and each success opens my mind to a realm of new possibilities. "If I've been capable of doing this against all odds, then what other challenges can I successfully face?" Additionally, pursuing goals gives me a sense of purpose. The hustler mentality makes waking up in the morning more... satisfying.

I've tried the whole 'live like a monk' thing. While meditating, abolishing the ego and appreciating the smaller things in life greatly contribute to my wellbeing... I still have a lot of energy to dispense. And I don't feel quite at peace with myself when i'm not working on my goals and challenging myself to grow by constantly facing new obstacles.

On the other hand, chasing goals is also addicting. In fact, it can lead down another rabbit hole... ie the burn out.

That's why I'd say it's important to balance the egotistical stuff with things you've mentioned, like gratitude.

What's your input on this?

Reading this guide on beating depression has helped me a ton. I'm now out there living life.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-08-2017, 03:37 PM
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 03:54 AM
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Any chance for a "normal" life is gone, and any realistic shot at financial success is gone. Yet there are still a lot of other possible lives to live.

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