Has anyone ever taken advantage of you because of your mental health? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 12:36 PM Thread Starter
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Has anyone ever taken advantage of you because of your mental health?


Has anyone ever taken advantage of you because of your mental health? People with mental health issues are considering a vulnerable population that people take advantage of a lot of times. Just like kids and the elderly.

I can certainly remember taking advantage of me on occasion in the past. I think it was do to me not thinking clearly do to my anxiety. Or because I never developed the social skills and made friends who could have warned me that maybe that was not the best choice for me to be making.

Also I think people with SA are generally not very aggressive or assertive which leads to be taken advantage of as well.

So do you remember ever being taken advantage of you because of your mental health?
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 12:43 PM
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Sure.

I think its marginal though. If someone isn't assertive, they can be that way due to anxiety or mental health, and then get taken advantage of, but its not really being taken advantage of, because they didn't assert their rights.

My ex took advantage of me though, in a number of ways, because I didn't assert myself, and because I was male (she was on the toxic feminism side of things and didn't really think men could be taken advantage of, more or less).

But yes, if you aren't assertive, and you don't protect your boundaries, people will be lining up to take advantage of you, but this is because its your responsibility to protect your boundaries.

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 05:16 PM
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People who have taken advantage of me: neighbors, landlords, employers, customers, door-to-door salespeople, contractors, property managers, homeless people, siblings, friends, gfs. Hell, the govt takes advantage of me.

It's not all been because of my MH issues, though. A lot of it is because I'm too nice and want to help people. And a lot of it is because I'm ignorant and get conned into things. Some of it is because I'm poor and can't afford things like lawyers. Some of it is because people just don't like people like me.

I'm part of a hated minority, so I just expect people to treat me like ****. They rarely disappoint me.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 08:38 AM Thread Starter
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People who have taken advantage of me: neighbors, landlords, employers, customers, door-to-door salespeople, contractors, property managers, homeless people, siblings, friends, gfs. Hell, the govt takes advantage of me.

It's not all been because of my MH issues, though. A lot of it is because I'm too nice and want to help people. And a lot of it is because I'm ignorant and get conned into things. Some of it is because I'm poor and can't afford things like lawyers. Some of it is because people just don't like people like me.

I'm part of a hated minority, so I just expect people to treat me like ****. They rarely disappoint me.
Ive been taken advantage by a lot of those groups as well. Employers, co workers and people I went to school with took advantage of me the most.

Where do you live at in the world? Is it obvious to people you are trans or are you one that people dont know what you are? I live in a area with a large trans / gay population. I dont think they get treated as bad a they did 20 or 30 years ago. Times have changed a bit for the better
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Where do you live at in the world? Is it obvious to people you are trans or are you one that people dont know what you are? I live in a area with a large trans / gay population. I dont think they get treated as bad a they did 20 or 30 years ago. Times have changed a bit for the better
I live in Canada, in a small city. I'm sure there are other people like myself (ie. a gender-nonconforming/non-passing trans woman) but I've been here 20 years and I've never seen one (and I worked retail for 13 years and met thousands of people). I've met a handful of gay people, but the LGBT+ community here isn't large enough to support gay/lesbian bars. There's one little community center thing, but it's shut down because of the pandemic, and it seems like they only have a couple of rooms in a house.

This is a long rant, so I'm spoiler tagging it.

 

I have effeminate body language and expressions, and a slight/effeminate build (though I'm tall). It's the reason everyone bullied me in hs and called me a f*****. So I'm sure that people read me as 'gay' now that I'm not pretending to be cis (ie. no longer monitoring my body language and speech and consciously masculinizing it). I also paint my nails (which I keep moderately long) and wear a bracelet.
 



Almost everyone looks at my nails, because you need to use your hands to pay for things (handing over money, punching debit machines, taking receipts, taking your purchases). People might not pay any attention to that if I were 20, but as a 'man' who is almost 50 it draws a LOT of attention (I mean, what would you think? Probably not: "This is a perfectly ordinary straight man," since I also don't act straight). Plus, people see me in the cosmetics aisle or buying feminine products/makeup. The net result is that I'm gender nonconforming in a way that is visible at close range, if not, perhaps, at twenty paces. It affects people I have to deal with face-to-face. And I know it's not in my head, because people have been a lot less friendly to me since I stopped pretending to be a straight cis guy. (That being the whole point of being in the closet.)

My appearance would be even more gender nonconforming if I could afford to buy clothing, jewelry, wigs, cosmetics, etc. So, my concern isn't only about how people see me now, but about how people will see me as I continue to transition. I've seen how non-passing trans women are treated relative to passing trans women or cis women, and the approval which passing or nearly passing trans women get doesn't extend to nearly the same degree to people who look like "men in dresses". People like me are the people transphobes are scared of. I've been harassed by people already (the guy who yelled at me and then threw a bottle at me). As I have to walk everywhere (because I can't drive), and I have to go everywhere by myself (because I have no friends), and I can't defend myself (because I have vertigo), it puts me in a very vulnerable position when I leave the house.

The point being, I can expect my rate of being taken advantage of to increase as time goes on, along with other forms of discrimination. "Setting boundaries" and "being assertive" does precious little good against people who actively hate you. As everyone in a visible minority can probably tell you. The last time I tried that, I just got my *** kicked.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 03:52 PM
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I don't know 😞.... I don't think so...






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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 04:39 PM
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I don't think so. I've often just lacked the strength or confidence to do things that I'd otherwise have done.

If anything people sometimes tried to help me - but for whatever reason I couldn't or didn't take them up on it.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 09:20 PM
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I would say people do try often enough because Iím quiet and come off as passive, but it doesnít work out too well for them because I pick up on any kind of manipulation too easily so I try to avoid them from that point on.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-26-2020, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Sure.

I think its marginal though. If someone isn't assertive, they can be that way due to anxiety or mental health, and then get taken advantage of, but its not really being taken advantage of, because they didn't assert their rights.

But yes, if you aren't assertive, and you don't protect your boundaries, people will be lining up to take advantage of you, but this is because its your responsibility to protect your boundaries.
Good post. I think a lot of reasons people with mental issues dont "assert their rights" is because they either didnt understand what was going on or where being manipulated by someone. A lot of people with SA are behind socially so they pick up the social cues people put off when they are trying to take advantage of you.

I think a lot of people with SA dont have the support system friends/ family to warn them they are being taken advantage of at that time. So we just have to figure things out for ourselves through trial and error
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 07:11 PM
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People don't care enough about me to take advantage of me
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 08:05 PM
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yeah nah, people know to stay away from me, i put out vibes. my mental health issues are mostly: i don't like them = i leave/ignore them (or if i don't know them, feel trapped with them, etc etc lol). other than that, i make choices myself. even if the choices are **** and yeah it has something to do with my mental health. maybe they like that i stay in my room so they can use the kitchen all the time. and i wont use the kitchen because they are there all the time. but i choose to stay here. so its alllllll myyyyyy faaaaaaault. and i take advantage of the cheap rent.

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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 09:53 PM
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Yes.People have taken advantage of me because of my mental issues and all kinds of other reasons. Mostly because most people in general are dicks (myself included). We suck! Is nice to pretend that we're better than others though.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-06-2020, 02:50 AM
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No, because my anxiety makes me say no to people even when I want to say yes to them. So I'm basically impossible to take advantage of. Plus I haven't really been around enough people in situations where they could ask for something, can't recall the last time I was asked for a favor.

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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-06-2020, 06:25 AM
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wouldn't know if they did.

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 12:25 PM
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yes my social anxiety and being a people pleaser has meant people walk all over me. I'm trying to stop it though.


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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 09:40 PM
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No, because people didnt even know i have social anxiety.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 09:44 PM
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I stay away from people nowadays, but old friends seem to take advantage of me and are pushy at times.

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