Has anyone ever overcome social anxiety without therapy? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2020, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Has anyone ever overcome social anxiety without therapy?


Hi all

I've known for quite a while that I have social anxiety, but now more than ever it is very evident, i've started an internship. It's already clear that people see my weirdness, awkwardness, I am already excluded in small things. More and more people are commenting on how quiet I am and some people dread talking to me because it's a drag getting a decent conversation out of me. Yesterday at work I hardly said more than 10 words. My question is, has anyone ever overcome anxiety without therapy, if so please share how you overcame it, especially at work.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2020, 05:37 PM
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Has anyone ever overcome social anxiety without therapy?


I can relate very much, but dont really have an answer as i still cant really talk to people


but i think its also worth asking yourself if you Want to socialise. maybe you dont really want to and thats why its harder, on top of other things


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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 03:47 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mt moyt View Post
I can relate very much, but dont really have an answer as i still cant really talk to people


but i think its also worth asking yourself if you Want to socialise. maybe you dont really want to and thats why its harder, on top of other things


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I never say anything at all I can't carry on with a conversation. I am completely silent. I never know. I never know what to say I lack communication skills.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 06:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1 View Post
My question is, has anyone ever overcome anxiety without therapy, if so please share how you overcame it, especially at work.
SA is a misunderstanding about yourself and other people.
And once this misunderstanding is accepted, all else that follows is based on that same misunderstanding.
Just to be clear, the person with SA is not aware that they have a misunderstanding (otherwise, they wouldn't go on to develop SA).

I suffered, for a great many years, with life, people and all that comes with people. I had no idea of SA or why I was experiencing life as I was. I so hated life and everything in it. At my worst suffering (2012-2013) I wanted to die and be reborn as another person and start over.

In searching for a solution after drugs and therapy had failed (those two things can't actually address or end SA or any other form of suffering), I discovered what SA is and how a person can end it.

If you go to youtube and search for Noah Elkrief Social Anxiety, you will discover the cause of SA and the solution. He has two videos. You may need to watch them more than once. Its also a good idea to have a pen & paper handy to take notes. It doesn't matter whether your SA is present in the workplace, or with friends, or neighbors, strangers, etc.

What Noah shared opened the door to the ending of my SA. I have been free of SA ever since.

I'm happy to chat or share more with you, if you want.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by mt moyt View Post
but i think its also worth asking yourself if you Want to socialise. maybe you dont really want to and thats why its harder, on top of other things
This is an important aspect to consider. Very important if you ask me.
Once I ended my SA, I came to see that I don't actually get much out of being with people.
I came to see that I was trying to force myself into having social contact, because like almost everyone else, I had been been taught/conditioned that "all people are social", and that I needed to have people in my life, when this is not true for everyone, or true in the same way.

In forcing myself to be social, the SA would flare up (and also prior to all social situations) and the pain and discomfort (even trauma) that I would experience was made all the worse because I believed "I had to do it" and yet, I couldn't stand it, at all. I was in a vicious circle and I had no idea why all this was happening.

Yes, some people are social but some are not. There is no proper survey or research that has ever been carried out on this and none will ever be carried out either (because there is a huge vested interest in having everyone together/as a group, as much as possible).

Sociability seems to be on a continuum (like a lot of human things) and there seems to be a large amount of variability, nuances and also, "things are not how they seems to be".
Some people who appear to be social, may not be so all the time, or in the same way all the time, or with the same people, situations, etc. Because our perception is from observation, we do not actually know how other people feel about socializing or what they are really like when they are not with or near us. There is a lot we don't know, but we think we do.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 08:02 PM
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I have made a lot of progress with my SA over the years without therapy, but I had a decent starting point TBH. I was lucky to have made some close friends throughout the years which exposed me to a lot of different social situations. Starting from square one would probably be much, much harder. I still have a lot of work to do, but I feel like it's in the refinement department. SA doesn't cripple me like it did a decade ago.

I DO think therapy would have expedited the progress, but it still takes a lot of self reflection and the right mindset to make any headway. It's not like there are a number of steps you repeat each day and suddenly you're better. It's a struggle.

It's also important to understand that maybe you just aren't a social person. I admit I'm kinda weird and introverted and I'm not going to be the most popular guy at the office - it's just not going to happen. And striving for something like that is just going to lead to a lot of exhaustion and disappointment.

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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-26-2020, 03:21 PM
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I have made a lot of progress with my SA over the years without therapy, but I had a decent starting point TBH. I was lucky to have made some close friends throughout the years which exposed me to a lot of different social situations. Starting from square one would probably be much, much harder. I still have a lot of work to do, but I feel like it's in the refinement department. SA doesn't cripple me like it did a decade ago.

I DO think therapy would have expedited the progress, but it still takes a lot of self reflection and the right mindset to make any headway. It's not like there are a number of steps you repeat each day and suddenly you're better. It's a struggle.

It's also important to understand that maybe you just aren't a social person. I admit I'm kinda weird and introverted and I'm not going to be the most popular guy at the office - it's just not going to happen. And striving for something like that is just going to lead to a lot of exhaustion and disappointment.
That's awesome. I think it's good to have a core support group so that if you do try to pursue new social opportunities and they don't work out, you always have that reassurance of having close friends who care about you.

Anyway, to answer OP's question - I know you said "without therapy", but I'm currently seeing a counsellor right now, and she's been nothing but great. It would be nice if you have some coverage under your work health plan (but I guess interns don't exactly get much coverage, if any). Also you can look into sliding scale models. But ultimately it is upto you. Good luck with your internship
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-26-2020, 06:03 PM
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-02-2020, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Ferrox View Post
SA is a misunderstanding about yourself and other people.
And once this misunderstanding is accepted, all else that follows is based on that same misunderstanding.
Just to be clear, the person with SA is not aware that they have a misunderstanding (otherwise, they wouldn't go on to develop SA).

I suffered, for a great many years, with life, people and all that comes with people. I had no idea of SA or why I was experiencing life as I was. I so hated life and everything in it. At my worst suffering (2012-2013) I wanted to die and be reborn as another person and start over.

In searching for a solution after drugs and therapy had failed (those two things can't actually address or end SA or any other form of suffering), I discovered what SA is and how a person can end it.

If you go to youtube and search for Noah Elkrief Social Anxiety, you will discover the cause of SA and the solution. He has two videos. You may need to watch them more than once. Its also a good idea to have a pen & paper handy to take notes. It doesn't matter whether your SA is present in the workplace, or with friends, or neighbors, strangers, etc.

What Noah shared opened the door to the ending of my SA. I have been free of SA ever since.

I'm happy to chat or share more with you, if you want.
It's a misunderstanding all right, but not for the reason this guy says.

It's a simple explanation - people with social anxiety are traumatized. Trying to come with surface level techniques is not going deep enough. Going from a traumatized person with social anxiety vs a traumatized person who has figured out how to get by with small talk and surface level conversations is not the goal. All it's doing is taking you from genuinely unsocial to ungenuinely social. What we really want is meaningful relationships and connections and being able to spend all day without someone without thinking about it, and the biggest problem is deep rooted trauma.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-02-2020, 08:54 PM
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-02-2020, 09:26 PM
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I've had a lot of counselling and therapy over the years, but I don't think any of it really helped my SA.

For me, all the talking stuff has been more about understanding myself and gaining insight into my motivations, why I am the way I am, and so on.

The most helpful thing for my SA has been medication - phenelzine, an MAOI.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-02-2020, 10:43 PM
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I have, no therapy or medication. I never tried therapy because it's not available and I always believed it wasn't right for me.

I have negative opinions on medications as well, I believe they only suppress symptoms and don't help fix the root cause of an issue. My assumptions seem correct.

It took about 3 years of soul searching and self improvement to get to where I am now. Read some of my older threads to see how bad my SA was. It is possible to overcome but you need to really want it. I don't mean "I hate social anxiety, I don't want to have it anymore", I mean you need to think like "I'm so sick of this stupid disorder controlling my life, I'm done and I seriously want to change". You will fail many times and you'll fall into pits of despair and hopelessness but they're always temporary.

If you guys have any questions feel free to ask and I'll try to help out the best I can.

Cured of SA "let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance" Proverbs 1:5
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-03-2020, 09:54 PM
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I've pushed it away pretty far and then it sorta comes back if other things go wrong. Life is a balancing act for everybody, you just have to do your best.
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