Go to person - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 11:58 PM Thread Starter
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Go to person


Do you have one?

I have a friend that I tell things to. Not everything.

Not that a lot of good things happen to me, but I'm hesitant in telling her when good things happen.

Our friendship is quite sad. We've been friends for 17 years, but we are not true friends.

I don't trust her with certain things.

And I have my mum. But I don't tell her a lot of personal things.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 12:53 AM
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No.

I don't think I'm capable of trusting anyone enough. The only friends I have are a few people online, and I've told them about my SA and depression but not much else. I really hardly know them, even though we've been friends for like five years now. And I can't tell my parents much of anything; they're great at ignoring anything that doesn't jive with their happy little bubble, and they'd probably just tell me to go back to church which is the very last thing I need to hear.

Nobody really knows me at all. And I suppose that's the way I like it.

"Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce / To reign is worth ambition though in Hell: / Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n" - "Satan", Paradise Lost
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 01:25 AM
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I have one online friend I can tell anything to. I'd probably already be dead if I didn't have someone like that.

I have one friend IRL that I see a couple times a year I can tell a lot of things to, but I can't talk about my MH problems with them because it freaks them out.

What I really want is one person IRL I can actually go out and do things with so I wouldn't be so afraid to leave my house all the time.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 01:30 AM
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Use to be my sister and a few friends.

But my sister became distant and inconsistent with contacting me ever since she was married years ago.

My one friend also drift apart from me when she moved down state and I went very sparse contact with her for years. Last year she moved back to town for the time being, so we've been together again. But nowhere like we use to be. So I no longer confide too much with her aside from petty fake talk. Deep down, it's obvious she just sees me nothing more than a nuisance she regrets ever knowing.

Other friend has been very inconsistent as well. Got worse when her ADHD got bad over the recent years. She will go in cycle of vanishing for months to returning and being very socially needy with me for months. On/off. So I no longer really talk to her about much.

3rd friend is the only one I still talk to consistently. But I don't confide in her because she's kind of emotionally unstable as well. Usually just her venting and when I do, she just ignores me and talks over me. Once her venting is done, she splits. So it's mostly one sided.
So in all, I don't have that go-to person at all.

My mom however, is the opposite. She is the person I constantly have to assert massive amounts of energy to keep things from. My problems, my worries and stress. So it is quite of a hell.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 01:51 AM
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My wife. I know she'll always be there for me no matter what. (and vice-versa) There was just that one time a few years ago when she was very angry with me and wouldn't even talk to me - but she had good enough reason to be and even then she calmed down.

I used to have a best friend like that too. I pushed him away a number of years ago but we still sort of keep in touch but our lives have become far more complicated now. We were like brothers.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 05:44 AM
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No I don't have anyone like that. This forum is basically the closest thing I have to that and I can't really be open here either.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 09:03 AM
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Nope
I tried talking to my niece but she doesn't really understand. I can't talk with my mother about serious things either. Use to have one or two online friendships but they've also died out.
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