getting nervous about meeting my cousin - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 08:15 AM Thread Starter
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getting nervous about meeting my cousin


he is from trinidad and is visiting us here as he wants to introduce his new wife to the extended family.....he wants to impress his new wife.....im getting anxious about this already.....the frustrating thing is when i meet casual acquaintances on the street, im able to do pretty fine. I can survive the initial 2 minutes quite well but with extended family i ama shambles

I know my mother is intending to meet him in some restaurant, and she wants me to go.....it will be for about 2 to 3 hrs approx.....i dont knwo how to handle this.....am i supposed to have conversational starters up my sleeve.....i really do get nervous....i dont know how to have a comfortable conversation....and added to this is his new wife who he wants to impress....this is gonna be bloody awful

have you any tips.....what should i do....
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-17-2021, 03:35 PM
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Well though it's easier said than done, one thing I'd recommend is just trying to enjoy it as best you can - saying to yourself that it is going to be awful will just increase your anxiety.

A few tips off the top of my head include the following...
  • Asking open-ended questions about what she does is pretty classic tip, but as she answers feel free to comment on her answer, provide a follow up or comment that is based on her specific answer, or provide your own point of view.
  • Also, try to present and just listen to what others are saying, and be inquisitive: try not to use their talking as stalling time for you to think of another question.
  • When answering anything, being extensive in your answers gives others something to hook onto and respond to. This encourages natural flow without making others feel like an interrogator.

Just remember that it is the new wife who will be nervous, as would be your cousin. Perhaps a tip may be to ensure they are as comfortable as possible, and try to put their minds at ease.

Good luck

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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 12:10 PM
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To respond to your post: I get how thats nerve wracking and I would probably feel the same. From your past experiences with him, does he usually talk a lot? Then he may have many conversational topics! If not, ask him all about Trinidad, ask him and his wife about what they do for work or their hobbies / day to day life in Trinidad, about their travels, about how COVID has been for them, etc.! Good luck!

Also, it wont let me message you back somehow because it says I need at least 15 of something and I only have 9 (posts I'm guessing) in order to message someone. So I am so sorry to disrupt your feed but this is the only way I can respond to your message:

Hi! Thanks for reaching out. I don't really know how responding works on here but I hope you can see this message. So, the context in which I am talking to these people i.e. what normally starts the conversation, and also whether these are work colleagues, class colleagues, family members etc: So with covid everything is way different but in the past it would be people in my class who I was trying to make friends with, people in clubs I joined like soccer and a cappella, and recently a few days ago, I joined a facebook soccer group game and I was the only girl so I felt a bit awkward. Also it is not always just strangers who I am first meeting. It can also happen with "kind of friends" or mutual friends where we know each other, hang out with similar people and in similar areas (i.e. roomates in the past), etc. Basically, my issue is meeting someone, and taking it further than small talk, and bring it to a point where I consider them a close friend where I truly can tell they care about me and things are comfortable. To answer your Q about what I would like in a close friend: I would like someone who truly cares about me, who demonstrates this with actions, texts, etc., someone who I can have good conversations with, who I can do fun activities with, and who I feel comfortable with. Of course, I would provide the same things to them. Oh okay when I get a chance I will check your posts out, thank you!!
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 12:11 PM
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Oh whoops, I sent that message to the wrong person. I meant to send it to Macky but this isn't his original post, I'm sorry! But I still responded about your cousin.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiam77 View Post
Oh whoops, I sent that message to the wrong person. I meant to send it to Macky but this isn't his original post, I'm sorry! But I still responded about your cousin.
No problem - you may see an "edit" button on your post above if you want to amend, but if it isn't there you can just leave it ( I'll also respond to your message on my profile very soon so that I can set aside some time to read through properly).

Glad you were able to have a look at this thread, and it seems you already have some tips of your own to give

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-24-2021, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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does anyone else have any inpiut with this one (the original post).....the fact is im under pressure to meet this cousin and his new wife.....should i have conversational starters up my sleeve.....also the fact that i dont drink makes this meeting even tougher.....i wont be able to loosen up at all
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-24-2021, 10:29 AM
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A nice person will appreciate a friendly smile and some simple small talk (and if she's not nice, you don't need to care). You don't need to be or do anything special.

People usually appreciate it if you make an effort to speak to someone who's new there, so it would be nice if you can talk to your cousin's wife. For example:
"I hope your trip wasn't too tiring?"
"So, what do you think about _____ (name of your town/city)?"
"What do you do?" --> "Oh, that's cool. How do you like it?"

You can also:
- talk about COVID19, everyone talks about COVID19. You can ask her & and your cousin about the situation in Trinidad.
- ask them how they met, it's a standard question for couples.
- ask them what kind of wedding they had, then ask them if they have any photos to show them (then sit back for like 15 minutes as they scroll through 200 photos on their phones)
- big up your cousin, if he wants to impress his wife, he will appreciate it. You can say something like: "We're always happy to see _____ (cousin's name). He's a great guy."
- talk about the food. "Ohh that looks good" "Are you vegetarian?" (if someone orders a veggie dish) "I love ____" (about something you're eating)" "Is that nice?" (about someone else's dish), etc.

& prep a few answers to standard questions: what you do, what your interests are, etc.

It will be fiiiine.

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-25-2021, 11:05 PM
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ask her about her travel, weather in Trinidad. Easier to say but difficult to do. I am use to avoid such family ocassions.
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