Few days of being reclusive and it's already deteriorating - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 07:46 AM Thread Starter
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Few days of being reclusive and it's already deteriorating


I have a couple of weeks off, last friday was my last working day and I haven't interacted with people outside my comfort zone(relatives) and I can already tell that my usual social skills are deminishing and the anxiety levels are increasing. I had some pathetic interactions today, disappointed in myself.

It never goes away and you need consistent levels of exposure therapy otherwise you're just gonna go back down the rabbit hole. It's a wake-up call but we gotta stay realistic, you can never completely overcome this and you need to maintain treatment wether's it's from actual treatment or lifestyle(work forces me to get better).
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 08:03 AM
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 08:23 AM
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Yep true, the struggle never goes away but you become affected less by it I believe
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 09:05 AM
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Thats why i stopped trying. Its just a waste of time and a form of torture. Im an introvert and people piss me of very quickly which means I need to get away from them. Once I do that anxiety comes back and I start from square 1. All these therapies are useless. Its genetics and environmental factors until age of 10-12. Then you are programmed for life unless you would be having positive experiences every single day but its impossible. One bad experience and bam your back at the initial place. We're gonna die like that. Sorry for harsh reality. Those who say that they've overcome it I dont believe you. Post a video when you were anxious and now when your supposedly not anxious anymore. Your deluding yourselves.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 10:25 AM
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Thats why i stopped trying. Its just a waste of time and a form of torture. Im an introvert and people piss me of very quickly which means I need to get away from them. Once I do that anxiety comes back and I start from square 1. All these therapies are useless. Its genetics and environmental factors until age of 10-12. Then you are programmed for life unless you would be having positive experiences every single day but its impossible. One bad experience and bam your back at the initial place. We're gonna die like that. Sorry for harsh reality. Those who say that they've overcome it I dont believe you. Post a video when you were anxious and now when your supposedly not anxious anymore. Your deluding yourselves.
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Yeah it's not really realistic when you're like that, unless you're naturally extroverted and want to be around people 24/7 to stop your brain resetting.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:04 AM
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Originally Posted by sensitiveguyyyy View Post
Thats why i stopped trying. Its just a waste of time and a form of torture. Im an introvert and people piss me of very quickly which means I need to get away from them. Once I do that anxiety comes back and I start from square 1. All these therapies are useless. Its genetics and environmental factors until age of 10-12. Then you are programmed for life unless you would be having positive experiences every single day but its impossible. One bad experience and bam your back at the initial place. We're gonna die like that. Sorry for harsh reality. Those who say that they've overcome it I dont believe you. Post a video when you were anxious and now when your supposedly not anxious anymore. Your deluding yourselves.
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I disagree, i think it needs a long time and by that i mean years and that also depends on how bad your anxiety is, saying that every single experience should be good or you wouldn't be able to overcome it is ridiculous, even people who don't have anxiety are going to have some bad experiences, so having bad experiences is very normal especially for people with anxiety so you need to deal with them in a good way.
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Im an introvert and people piss me of very quickly which means I need to get away from them. Once I do that anxiety comes back and I start from square 1
because sometimes you need to do things in a different way, for example you may feel very anxious when you start a new job and after maybe 2 weeks you may realize that anxiety is going down and you may think that you are improving, wrong, you need to challenge yourself and do harder things for a long time and after you feel confident, you go to another ones and so on, you also need to change the way you think, if people having thoughts about you make you anxious then you need to fix that, i normally try to convince myself that what is important is what's in my head, people can think that i am the worst person in the world, if i don't think this is the case or think it is the case but don't care about it then whatever they think about me isn't important.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 12:48 PM
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I disagree, i think it needs a long time and by that i mean years and that also depends on how bad your anxiety is, saying that every single experience should be good or you wouldn't be able to overcome it is ridiculous, even people who don't have anxiety are going to have some bad experiences, so having bad experiences is very normal especially for people with anxiety so you need to deal with them in a good way.

because sometimes you need to do things in a different way, for example you may feel very anxious when you start a new job and after maybe 2 weeks you may realize that anxiety is going down and you may think that you are improving, wrong, you need to challenge yourself and do harder things for a long time and after you feel confident, you go to another ones and so on, you also need to change the way you think, if people having thoughts about you make you anxious then you need to fix that, i normally try to convince myself that what is important is what's in my head, people can think that i am the worst person in the world, if i don't think this is the case or think it is the case but don't care about it then whatever they think about me isn't important.
All your advice is generic. For 99% of SA sufferers all those thoughts occur NATURALLY AND AUTOMATICALLY without even thinking. It's like a reflex. Imagine you go to see your general practitioner and he/she hits your knee with a hammer out of nowhere (you didn't expect that). What would happen? Your knee would extend immediately in a fraction of a second. I see a guy in the class giving a really good presentation and bam out of nowhere the first thought that comes to my head is: I'm not as good as this guy. It's subconscious and nobody knows how to get rid of it.

Once again, all positive thoughts have to come NATURALLY AND AUTOMATICALLY without you forcing yourself to think positively. If you have to force yourself to think positively, you're only pretending, it means inside you're still the same. Do you think confident people have to constantly repeat to themselves 'oh, I'm good at this etc.'? For them it comes NATURALLY and AUTOMATICALLY.

SA sufferers are programmed to think negatively about themselves. Confident people are programmed to think good about themselves. Genetics, environmental factors, family etc etc etc.

All this generic crap 'you just need to stop caring what they think about you' is kindergarten stuff.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by sensitiveguyyyy View Post
All your advice is generic. For 99% of SA sufferers all those thoughts occur NATURALLY AND AUTOMATICALLY without even thinking. It's like a reflex. Imagine you go to see your general practitioner and he/she hits your knee with a hammer out of nowhere (you didn't expect that). What would happen? Your knee would extend immediately in a fraction of a second. I see a guy in the class giving a really good presentation and bam out of nowhere the first thought that comes to my head is: I'm not as good as this guy. It's subconscious and nobody knows how to get rid of it.
i know that and can give more examples, that doesn't mean that this is impossible to change, as i said things take a long time, your brain won't change in one day, it may take years.

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Once again, all positive thoughts have to come NATURALLY AND AUTOMATICALLY without you forcing yourself to think positively. If you have to force yourself to think positively, you're only pretending, it means inside you're still the same. Do you think confident people have to constantly repeat to themselves 'oh, I'm good at this etc.'? For them it comes NATURALLY and AUTOMATICALLY.
i am not sure why you are using the word "force", you don't force yourself to think positively or repeat "I'm good at this" like a parrot, you have a negative thought you either let it go and understand it's just a thought or argue against it, saying "i'm good at this" is bad and i don't consider it to be an argument or a compelling one.


to give a concrete example of what i mean by convincing yourself, lets say you were doing a challenge and it involves talking with someone and you said something wrong and you felt very embarrassed and thoughts kept coming to your head from time to time even after months from that event for no apparent reason, I try to convince myself like i am trying to convince someone else, if someone else came to me and told me about this, my arguments might be:


1 - you can't change the past (i am not going to say it this way).
2 - if you want to change then making mistakes is inevitable (the internet and history are full of examples, just look at them).
and maybe other, you could also read articles which talk about this issue, so i don't repeat these like a parrot, when i have some thoughts about that event i try to do this, convince yourself of something like you are trying to convince someone else by imaging that you are talking to someone else, and after some amount of time, thoughts about this event will come rarely and when you have them you don't feel bad.

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SA sufferers are programmed to think negatively about themselves. Confident people are programmed to think good about themselves. Genetics, environmental factors, family etc etc etc.
don't you believe that people change and that confident positive people can turn into negative and vice versa ?

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All this generic crap 'you just need to stop caring what they think about you' is kindergarten stuff.
where did i write "you just need to stop caring what they think about you" ?

what i said
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i normally try to convince myself that what is important is what's in my head, people can think that i am the worst person in the world, if i don't think this is the case or think it is the case but don't care about it then whatever they think about me isn't important.
what a nice straw man
don't you see "convince myself" ?
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 05:51 PM
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I have a couple of weeks off, last friday was my last working day and I haven't interacted with people outside my comfort zone(relatives) and I can already tell that my usual social skills are deminishing and the anxiety levels are increasing. I had some pathetic interactions today, disappointed in myself.

It never goes away and you need consistent levels of exposure therapy otherwise you're just gonna go back down the rabbit hole. It's a wake-up call but we gotta stay realistic, you can never completely overcome this and you need to maintain treatment wether's it's from actual treatment or lifestyle(work forces me to get better).

Yeah this is something that I've been pondering about too. It's a constant struggle. Like a roller coaster...it goes up and down. I guess we just have to accept the downs and know that it's never going to be completely stable.



I wish there some kind of exposure therapy center specifically for socially anxious people. A place where you can routinely check in with other SA people to practice social skills and keep them up. They should make something like this.
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