Feeling sick with fear over going back to university living - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 02:09 PM Thread Starter
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Feeling sick with fear over going back to university living


I can't deal with this anymore, I'm supposed to be moving back to university accommodation but I just can't live normally there, I barely know my housemates and for the past two years I've been dealing with anxiety so bad that I can't even go into the kitchen and get food for fear of interacting with them, I can't do a whole third year in the same way but nothing's been helping.

I just don't know what to do, I know my mum is trying to help but it's so goddamn hard to just 'think positive about everything' when I don't have anything to feel positive about in the first place. I really need to do something before I go back or I'll end up spiralling into awful mental/physical health again but even worse than before.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by spatialsound13 View Post
I can't deal with this anymore, I'm supposed to be moving back to university accommodation but I just can't live normally there, I barely know my housemates and for the past two years I've been dealing with anxiety so bad that I can't even go into the kitchen and get food for fear of interacting with them, I can't do a whole third year in the same way but nothing's been helping.

I just don't know what to do, I know my mum is trying to help but it's so goddamn hard to just 'think positive about everything' when I don't have anything to feel positive about in the first place. I really need to do something before I go back or I'll end up spiralling into awful mental/physical health again but even worse than before.
Positive thinking is bull**** - it won't do anything.

Is there any way you can do Uni and not live in? Maybe you could do a few subjects online. Or maybe you could try medication?
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 04:07 AM Thread Starter
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I really don't mean to be rude, but that's not super helpful to be honest. I can't do it from home as not only do I still have labs actually on-campus (I'm doing a chemistry course so they're required) that last multiple days and so would be impossible to just go there for the day, but I've already signed the contract for the house and would hate to bail out on/disappoint my housemates - plus I know I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

I did try sertraline for eight months last year but felt it made no difference (neither better nor worse), and was sort of pushed to stop medication anyway by my parents because "it won't solve the problem, and I shouldn't start getting dependent on pills". I'm tempted to go back to my GP and try it again though.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 04:55 AM
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If you have to be at uni because of labs, then you've got two options - either find another place to stay alone, or accept that you're going to have to live with them for your final year. You could spend more time with friends, which would mean you spend less time either alone (option 1) or with your flatmates (option 2). What makes you so anxious around your flatmates that you don't want to live with them for third year?x

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 05:50 AM Thread Starter
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You could spend more time with friends, which would mean you spend less time either alone (option 1) or with your flatmates (option 2)
I know it sounds pathetic but I only have one friend actually at uni, and they're someone I knew from before who just happened to miss out on their first choice and ended up comign to the same place. Other than them I don't speak to/see anyone else regularly at university, the social anxiety is a problem that affects my interaction with practically anyone; I only mentioned the living situation part because that's the more pressing issue for me.


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What makes you so anxious around your flatmates that you don't want to live with them for third year?x
I've always been dealing with social anxiety but it's only since I started living with other people that it's really gotten worse, my housemates have all been very outgoing, extroverted people who already seemed to know each other well by the time I met them, and so I felt like an 'outsider' since I was not joining in social things like parties or clubbing, and don't share any interests with them at all. Most likely as a result of that I constantly feel like anything I say/do is 'awkward' or 'wrong', and that I don't 'deserve to be there'. Furthermore for the past two years I haven't even been able to cook or get food when someone else was also in the kitchen out of fear that I'd make some mistake and/or it'd be really awkward, since the very few times I was able to go into the kitchen I ended up sat at the table not saying anything while everyone else had conversations around me.

(Also for the sake of clarity I'll actually be repeating second year, things got bad enough to have an effect on my work and learning hence why I really want to avoid this happening again.)
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 07:21 AM
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TBH I thought this topic was going to be about fear of Coronavirus in student acommodation. Anyway, all I can say (not very helpful), is that if you drop out because of social anxiety, you will regret not getting a degree. The regret at only having a postgrad diploma because I couldn't finish an MA after my first degree, is bad enough (though that maybe had nothing much to do with anxiety, at least not social anxiety I don't think). Even so many years later, I sometimes find myself wondering what really went wrong with my postgrad attempt.

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 07:34 AM Thread Starter
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if you drop out because of social anxiety, you will regret not getting a degree.
I very much understand that, this is something I definitely want to do (and at the very least I don't want all my student loans to go to waste) which is why I want to get better so I can actually live normally and make something of being there. Plus, even if I did think dropping out was a viable option (which I don't) I have no idea what I would do instead, and would be terrified of falling into some dead-end retail job.

But, to be absolutely honest, the thought (or rather the threat) of failing my course isn't exactly enough on its own to solve all my anxiety issues.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 10:07 AM
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have you tried getting a counsellor at university......also when i was at university i attended a mental health group for depression......people were understanding there.....i had people to support me.....trust me when youre depressed you have social anxiety issues as well so i think a group like this could support you.....look in to it....also there are social anxiety groups aout there.....if you look up the website www.meetup.com .....you will come across social anxiety groups or else just google it
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 11:41 AM
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I would assess what it is about the roommates that causes you anxiety. That has to be worked through. You need to be around people and they need to know you, too. You are all there to get an education, so that is good.

In terms of your classes, use that commonality to talk to people. Study groups help out big time.

There is also the counseling and SAS to help you process things.

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