Feel Like Giving Up

Newbe here sorry if this is a long thread & if points have already been made I’m just trying to get things off of my chest that have plagued me for years.
I’m 40 no but Anxiety/Social Anxiety has ruined my life and no matter what I try or do nothing can change that and I feel as though now at my age of this is what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life what is the point?
I’m not suicidal as I have two young children but I’m at that point now where I’ve just lost interest in everything because I feel is this it?
Pretty much as far back as I can remember I’ve had to deal with this on top of childhood trauma I’ve just got to a stage in my life now where I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve tried so many things but at the end of the day it doesn’t change the person you’re and unfortunately I feel like I’ve had my personality stripped from me.
The last 5 years have been really hard I’ve taken jobs/promotions so I can afford to live but they’ve all put me in the spotlight at work and I hate it as it’s not me I just don’t fit in and never have done.
Since the pandemic I feel like I’m one of the few people that have enjoyed lockdown and furlough as I haven’t had to be in so many awkward day to day situations.
Anyway I’ve got to the point again where I don’t know how to get everything I want to across sorry if this is a bit random I was just looking for a place to get things off of my chest.

I hear you and probably could write the same post save minor differences.

Sounds like the high visibility job is uncomfortably stressing you out, but you are trying to stay functionally numb to sustain for the dependents.

To be honest, I don't think there is much of a point to finding/gaining/regaining interest as not much will excite us going forward. We are just trying to stay organized enough to handle unexpected stuff that might come our way, perhaps rid our excess garbage in our houses and minds [especially past traumas from past generation that continue to haunt us], then march to our impending deaths trying to leave back pristine slates.

I'm also at that point in my life where "giving up" is starting to sound pretty good. But one thing that keeps me grounded is my family, I'm single but I still have a mother, brother and sisters and I can't bare the thought of letting them down. So recently, I decided to meditate more to cultivate a healthier mindset. Its a process but I do see immediate benefits to it, thinking positive of yourself by crushing negative thoughts is pretty satisfying and does seem to work as long as I stick to the practice. Simple mantras I like to think of while I'm out are, "I look really great today," or "I refuse to be silenced by anxiety." Pretty simple thoughts but powerful statements for me on a personal level are the ones that seem to work miracles. They may be short lived miracles but they do make my daily life much more bearable.

I really think the key to overcoming anxiety/depression is positive thinking and eating healthy, too!

Don't give up!!!

You can’t give up.
Based on what you wrote you are getting promotions and you have kids. You’re doing a lot better than most people.
As long as you keep trying you will never lose.