Fear of Missing Out - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 06:52 PM Thread Starter
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Fear of Missing Out


Anyone else have this? Where you are constantly worried about what other people are doing and who's having more fun than you? Is this common? And I'm always afraid that people are making plans without me...that I'm gonna be judged for not being at a party or something. In a town of less than 9000 and a school with 130 kids per grade this is pretty intense. I go on facebook and see people writing on each others' walls, talking about something fun they did over break or something and I agonize over the fact that I wasn't there. The benefit of being there is not that I would be having fun necessarily but that I would be included. And I'll be on AIM/iChat and watch people who are online and wait for them to IM me, only imagining the conversations they are having with other people who are online. Anyone?
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 06:56 PM
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Some anxiety is perfectly normal. Too much isn't.

There's a lot going on in people's lives aside what they post on facebook. They may be having a worse time than you but just not talking about it.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 07:15 PM
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Where you are constantly worried about what other people are doing and who's having more fun than you?
Yes, I to worry if my friends are making plans without me. Sadly, I haven't found a way to get over it yet.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 07:48 PM
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i feel ya. i always feel im missing out. im 20, gonna be 21. didnt even enjoy high school, never got asked out, made friends, went to a party, hung out, went to school dances/games. i really regret it but there were a lot of people that picked on me so no wonder i didnt want to talk to anyone
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 08:35 PM
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like broseph said. sometimes people dont tell u the whole story. for instance an ex of mine was always smiling and talking about how she was madly in love with her man. but one day we were talkin and she broke down cryin pourin her heart out. she was MISERABLE. so dont trust a smile, well not all of them anyway

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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 08:46 PM
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I agree about comparing yourself to others...as long as you are having fun, what does it really matter. I've found Facebook can be filled with really shallow people, relationships and friends that really don't mean much. My wife has a fb account, she is very outgoing, but she admits the whole fb thiing is kind of ridiculous.

I can also see the other side of it, about missing out. I posted on here a few months ago about how I'm turning down a chance to go on vacation to a MLB training camp. All expense paid, 5 star hotel, free meals, work out with the team, autographs, batting practice with the team before a game. I just can't bring myself to do it...my SA is pretty bad. There are people who would give their left arm to do something like that, but I would be a train wreck, a total mess in front of all those people. So I know what you mean I think about missed opportunities and not getting the full experience because of your anxiety.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 10:58 PM
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Ihave this! especially when it comes to my best friend, if she starts making plans that dont include me with other people, or they start hanging out alot without me I feel horrible. and if eel rushed to make friends as quickly as she does so I dont feel so left out, which ultimately fails. I actually get anxious signing onto myspace or facebook thinking of how I probably have no messages! haha

Omg and i DREAD the weekend because I know on friday and saturday nights especially the whole world will be out socializing and partying and I will probably be at home or with my best friend at barnes and nobles fearing she will find other people to hang around with.

and i agree, its only that i WANT to be included, not necessarily that I want to be there or even go!
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-21-2010, 11:39 PM
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I've never been part of a group that hanged around together or in a relationship and so I feel like I've missed out on a ton of experiences that most people my age would have.

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 05:40 AM
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I know exactly what you mean and what you feel its like a catch 22 because you probabaly wouldnt go nayway if they kept asking you then you would feel bad because you are letting people down. Its a vicious cycle where there is no right answer. All you need to do is focus on what makes you smile and if you think you would be happier if you was more comfortable and confiedent being a socialite and the life/soul of a party then thats an area you should focus working on. I want to be a socialite and I want to be comfortable socialising with any and all people I want to be more out going and do more stuff with and around people, but firstly I need to increase how comfortable I am around people in general and I need to "Care less and do more"
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 11:09 AM
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:\ Yes. I'm constantly worrying what others are doing, I hate that feeling of being left out and missing out on a fun experiance. I've always been an observer though, it's sad to say I would rather watch people have fun than to join in and potentially break out of my shell..
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 12:34 PM
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I have missed out on alot of things for sure, everything from going out at the weekends to attending family functions, the latter has more meaning obviously and I regret not being there at weddings or funerals but I try reason with it and tell myself 'when I'm better...'.

In comparison, holidays don't seem as urgent or relevant, my family go maybe twice in a good year to Italy where my step dad's family live but I know whatever fun it could bring would be severely compromised by s.a as usual, starting from the moment we pile in the taxi to the airport.

I don't regret fun activities I've declined but I do regret having to turn down well paying jobs due to s.a. With the leisure time, thats unstructured and fun is important but it's an afterthought, I'd rather get the work in place and after a hard day it would give me good reason to celebrate.

For you the social life is a priority, as you say in some cases just for the sake of being involved. I agree, there's nothing worse than seeing pictures and hearing accounts of fun times-which are things that really cement friendships-and then feeling a sense of dissappointment that you weren't there.

I think it's a good sign that you feel that way cos however much it dogs you thats the feeling that'll motivate you, although with s.a it's not like you can just go join in if your a bad case like me.

Thats why you shouldn't get caught up in Facebook, it's a tough competition even for the most popular people, thats whats driven some to staging photos. I think it was originally meant to be just a directory for looking up old friends or keeping in touch with new ones but it's become like a school reunion from hell.

Also, if you're going to be included you might as well enjoy your time among friends or else it defeats the object and that means you need the right friends not just follow the in crowd.

The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be continually afraid of making one-Elbert Hubbard
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 12:37 PM
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I don't fear it. I 'am' missing out, with each day that goes by.


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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Stargirl09 View Post
Thats why you shouldn't get caught up in Facebook, it's a tough competition even for the most popular people, thats whats driven some to staging photos. I think it was originally meant to be just a directory for looking up old friends or keeping in touch with new ones but it's become like a school reunion from hell.
Couldn't have said it better!

When I wasn't in a relationship, I was totally preoccupied with what people were doing on weekends, and how to find somebody to go "out" with, to a bar or preferably 6 of them. Doing so required a "best friend" who wasn't really my friend, but a sort of co-dependent with a similar need to be around people, but an inability to do so without consuming mass quantities of alcohol.
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 01:57 PM
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yeah, i dont have the fear, just the knowledge that im missing out. i do feel better since getting rid of my facebook account though. facebook is not reality! the very people that look like they are having so much fun on facebook may just be more miserable than you are
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 02:41 PM
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I miss having friends.....

Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.
- Jack Kerouac


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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 10:52 PM
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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-22-2010, 11:05 PM
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Haha wow, I can totally relate. I HATE FACEBOOK and I would never want to go parties, especially if I don't know majority of the people. I was actually invited to one not too long ago, but I declined OBVIOUSLY!
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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2010, 10:41 AM
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i constantly have thoughts of what people are doing without me and how much more fun they are having without me. i think it's just a natural thing but i feel like i over analyze it a little more than other people do...
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2010, 10:56 AM
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Facebook is an edited representation of one's life, don't forget that. Also, throw in the fact that people tend to exaggerate and make things up in order to seem more interesting. Do you really want to "be there," surrounded by a bunch of nameless, faceless folks with whom you have no connection?

Follow your own compass and worry less about following the herd.

"To live outside the law you must be honest..."
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-23-2010, 11:28 AM
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Yes, I'm ALWAYS checking what others are planing and comparing myself with others. I always think about what are they doing, I feel everyone is having fun and they're happy but me. I try to think of anybody who isn't going to make any plans, and if I hear of somebody who is staying at home some day for some reason, it would make my anxiety go away, realizing I'm not the only one who's doing it. It's quite sad and stupid..

Also I make some people think that I have friends to hang out with in other places; I go to a school a bit far from where I live. The few friends I have live near me, I rarely go out with them so I make them think I'm all day with my school mates.. it's pathetic I know, but I don't want them to know who I'm really are
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