Fear of bothering - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
 
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Fear of bothering


Why do I always fear bothering people? I mean, I'm basically always afraid of annoying or bothering someone when I'm talking to them, messaging them...

Any help?
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post #2 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 06:11 PM
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Re: Fear of bothering


Wow, man, I actually feel the same way. Except I only feel that way while I'm working. I just started my new summer job, and I'm asking questions left and right and I feel like a green pest.

I'm not exactly sure what to do...I'm very sorry.

I will say this...you're not alone.

Many a man is praised for his reserve and so-called shyness when he is simply too proud to risk making a fool of himself. - J.B. Priestley
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post #3 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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Re: Fear of bothering


I feel the exact same way. I always feel like I come across as annoying, even to people who don't know me. It's like I annoy people with my pressence. I don't know why. I used to hang around with people in highschool and always felt like a 5th wheel. I feel like if I continue to talk to people they get more and more annoyed with me. I'm not sure what to do either, I guess I'd just try to tell myself I wasn't bothering them.
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post #4 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 08:58 PM
 
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Re: Fear of bothering


I feel the same way...I always feel that I am being annoying in one way or another. Even talking on the internet, I feel like I ramble on and just annoy. Even in real life. I just don't know anymore...
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post #5 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 10:42 PM
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Re: Fear of bothering


I had trouble calling friends out of fear of bothering them, actually lost contact with friends cuz of that. This doesn't happen too often anymore, something just clicked one day and i don't care if i want to call someone i just do it, if they're busy they will either let me know or they willl not pick up. Even when its on aim and the away message doesnt distinctly say that they are busy, i'll still message them and it turns out to be ok.
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post #6 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 11:11 PM
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Re: Fear of bothering


I can be the same way ~ I wish I could help you out.
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post #7 of 105 (permalink) Old 05-22-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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Re: Fear of bothering


I feel the same way. Like if for some reason I have to call someone I always feel like I'd be bothering them so I usually don't.
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post #8 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 02:33 AM
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it depends on the person, but I felt that way around my English teacher in high school. I felt like she selectively liked people. Everytime I came up to her, her face would become all serious. It was so weird because she was a humorous person and I would like to think I have a good sense of humor because people have told me that I'm funny before, but around me she was so stale. I sent her a lot of e-mails asking her to fix my grade, and I even apologized once and she said "don't worry, I love getting e-mails". At first, I thought things were set straight between us, but twice she blatantly threw irritated looks at me. I don't think she liked me at all. When I told that to people, they thought I was tripping because she was supposedly the "cool" teacher, everybody got along with her even when they had the same problems I did, but she never seemed to show her anger around them. That made me think that even the teacher thinks I'm a loser.
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post #9 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 11:02 AM
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Same here. On aim, I wait for people to IM me first because I don't want to annoy them in case they don't want to talk to me. Or risk the chance of them not responding to me. It's basically the reason why I have no friends. Same deal in real life. I just wait on others.

So if someone chooses to not talk to me for whatever reason, maybe busy or whatever, I'll never be the one to get back to them or email or message them out of the blue. Which is why all my "potential" friendships never turn into actual friendships.

The few times I did get out of my comfort zone and messaged people first, it turned out fine though. I was very nervous though while waiting for their reaction to my message. I still don't do it as often as I would like to because that possibility of being ignored or seen as clingy holds me back.
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post #10 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 03:22 PM
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I feel that way all the time and I still don't know how to handle it.

I know how you feel
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post #11 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 03:26 PM
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Same for me too. Even on this forum sometimes I feel a little like people are going to get annoyed with me...and this is a forum where I know that almost everyone has either the same or very similar fears!
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post #12 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Organism View Post
Same for me too. Even on this forum sometimes I feel a little like people are going to get annoyed with me...and this is a forum where I know that almost everyone has either the same or very similar fears!

Couldn't have said it better.

I am pretty okay with bugging a friend etc in real life, but there is something that really messes with my mind online. I constantly worry about someone feeling bothered by me if I message them unless they explicitly say differently. Even then, the feeling stays with me. I try to flip this negative thought and look at it differently (maybe in a Byron katie fashion) but it is difficult. I actually like getting messages and rarely feel bothered at all. It is nice to have some connective feeling to people online. It is just more negative thoughts that need to die.
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post #13 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 07:41 PM
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I have that same irrational fear at times. It makes it really hard to develop and maintain friendships and relationships with people. I think at the end of the day though you can sense when you are truly bothering someone. And as far as friendships go, i think it's more bothersome to people when they have to be the ones to repeatedly initiate contact with you.

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific." -Mitch Hedberg
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post #14 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 07:44 PM
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This is my big problem. I always loose good friends because I am terrified to ring em up and see if they want to hang out, it feels like I would be bothering them or be wasting their time. In the end most people think I am not interested and we drift apart. Story of my life.

Its the exact same online aswell, in fact even more so. Its a mixture of not been comfortable to talk and feeling like I am wasting other people time.
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post #15 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-31-2010, 06:14 PM
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I'm like that too. I'm too scared to ask my dad to drive me to places sometimes I think I'm bothering him. haha.

I'm sorry, I don't know what advice to give you. It all depends on the person I guess.
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post #16 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-31-2010, 09:10 PM
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I feel the same way. It almost an excuse i give myself so that i don't have to talk to someone.
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post #17 of 105 (permalink) Old 07-31-2010, 09:17 PM
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I feel like that too. When people approach me, I'm "annoyed" because they trigger my SA and I've just come to automatically assume everyone feels the same way. I know they don't, but It's hard to go against what's hardwired in your brain. Plus, maybe they don't like me and find me boring (among other irrational thoughts).


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post #18 of 105 (permalink) Old 09-01-2010, 07:47 AM
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I'm always afraid people will think I'm weird. As in, "I'm afraid to go talk to that girl with green dreadlocks and facial tattoos because she might think I'm weird and she won't like me."
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post #19 of 105 (permalink) Old 09-01-2010, 04:17 PM
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Yes, I always fear that I'm bothering people just by existing. From the way people have treated me, itís not even an unwarranted fear.

But people I know seem to have no problem at all when it comes to bothering me. I have an automatic response to cringe when I hear my name being called, because people are always ordering me around or complaining to me.
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post #20 of 105 (permalink) Old 09-01-2010, 07:35 PM
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I feel like this a lot of the time too. I guess that feeling is pretty normal for people with SA.
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