I think this is the core fear behind my SA. I'm very afraid to inconvenience another person, to offend, upset feelings, or upset through actions. When someone is not happy with me, even if I was not at fault, I assume it's my fault and I'm to blame.
Anyone have this, and any advice on how to get rid of this?
I have an idea, but afraid to use it. I could try offending people on purpose and endure reactions. Maybe start off from minor offenses and work to worse ones. But I'm too afraid to even make the first step. It's easier to do in annonymous online chats, but that too is still hard for me to start. Maybe trolling on purpose? But how do I make a first move when it's so paralyzing.
You are on the right track except for the intentional offense of others. I believe you have discovered the root of your anxiety and this is very helpful when recovering.
However I can tell you from experience, deliberately putting yourself in situations or taking advantage of opportunities to expose yourself to situations that will arouse your fears is super excellent for social anxiety. It wrestles social anxiety to the floor and kills it off. If you have that willingness take advantage of it!!!!!
For example, I used to have my life run by what others think of me etc. So judgement, being embarrassed etc. You are going through the same thing in some way as you feel people will think negative of you. What I learnt is that for this to leave me it was just really simple. All you need to do is get use to the feelings of judgement or whatever. To do that let these opportunities occur and when those feelings happen acknowledge them and feel them but don't dwell about them. Just say to yourself "oh whatever". The problem is that the Socially Anxious person cares too much. You have to lose this feeling of caring too much. If you dwell every time something happens it only feeds the power these feelings have over you. Be okay with the negative feelings or possible judgements of people. Give the feelings their space and let them on their way and move on with your life. With time you won't care and this won't be an issue for you.
If you are willing to put yourself in uncomfortable situations I can tell you from personal experience you are well on your way to losing your anxiety. I started doing this. And I still do to this day as a social maintenance method. I will deliberately crack jokes with people I have just met at work that make no sense or that will embarrass me a little. I let people think a little weird of me some times deliberately. I don't go overboard but it makes Social Anxiety recovery/maintenance so fun. The reaction on their faces is priceless. I learnt this from one of my old jobs my colleague was a Concierge and I wasn't really that of a talkative person and I was generally quite anxious. I just started copying him slowly.
Done it a few times. Felt embarrassing or bad. But you get to see the reality of social anxiety and you might wonder why you did this to yourself for so long and then the brain learns that it's nothing bad. Nothing bad happens. You lose your sensitivity to other people's reactions or judgements. Not in a negative way like doing bad to people as you suggested. But when you do this you lose your feeling of what people think of you.
At the root of what you will be doing is facing fears and you can do that because these fears are harmless so nature is on your side.
Please give it a try and you're anxiety will go in no time. I'm happy to give advice if you need it.
Just allow the feelings you feel to rise, feel it and let them go.
Also as you have indicated in your post, you are paralyzed by fear and scared to make the first step. I can help you with that because I experienced it and got to the other side and I couldn't do it without first knowing how to manage the feeling of fear itself. It is an Art that can be learnt. I don't think it is the typical stuff you learn these days with social anxiety unfortunately although one of my Psychologists did allude to it in one way. Perhaps because it's not so straight forward to express and you may need time to understand it.
It's about the anatomy and reality of the fear response and understanding what's going on within a situation of having your fears aroused. Once you know what's going on, you can navigate yourself though situations of fear. This is important because understanding is very helpful with exposure therapy. Some people just expose themselves and it works but if you're paralyzed, you may need a different approach because the problem may also be deep within you. You will also probably need to face fears slowly.
I'm happy to go into more details as I too was paralyzed for a long time.