Everyone thinks I’m weird. What should I do? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 12:21 AM Thread Starter
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Everyone thinks I’m weird. What should I do?


My life these past few years has been very stressful. I am 20 years old now and I haven’t had a single friend since high school. I stay at home everyday, for the past 2 years because I’m so weird and awkward. When I was in high school I had social anxiety very badly, I tried changing myself by dressing differently and I started doing drugs just to become popular but in the end, those friends left me because they realized how weird I really was. I am a very quiet guy, I won’t talk to people unless they talk to me first. I had a job at Starbucks but I quit about 3 months ago. I was judged everyday for being quiet, my coworkers would tell me things like “do you even know how to talk?” And I would just freeze up and I couldn’t even say anything to that. I live in a pretty small neighborhood, I have a bad reputation here. I am known as the weird guy who never talks. I got bullied a lot in middle school, people used to take pictures of me and post them online and people used to throw things at me (I sat alone everyday at lunch). I was rejected by everybody and I still am. When I first got my job at Starbucks I tried making friends by greeting people but they didn’t like me right away, one guy even told me not to talk to him. What should I do about this? Everyone I meet thinks I’m weird and some freak. All I want is friends, like is that too much to ask for? I am sick of these 4 damn walls in my tiny bedroom. When I was in high school I was obsessed with being popular, i wanted to be popular so bad to the point where I would do anything just to get attention and it worked for a while but then after that my friends left me and I was known as the weird guy who hangs out in the bathroom. My nickname was “Bathroom Boy”.
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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 01:01 AM
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Sorry to hear that. I started my job 6 months ago and I still don't talk unless someone speaks to me. They often tell me that the way I'm quiet they even forget I exist, one colleague asked me if I'm still alive.
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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 02:25 AM
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Originally Posted by LucasRojas2000 View Post
My life these past few years has been very stressful. I am 20 years old now and I haven’t had a single friend since high school. I stay at home everyday, for the past 2 years because I’m so weird and awkward. When I was in high school I had social anxiety very badly, I tried changing myself by dressing differently and I started doing drugs just to become popular but in the end, those friends left me because they realized how weird I really was. I am a very quiet guy, I won’t talk to people unless they talk to me first. I had a job at Starbucks but I quit about 3 months ago. I was judged everyday for being quiet, my coworkers would tell me things like “do you even know how to talk?” And I would just freeze up and I couldn’t even say anything to that. I live in a pretty small neighborhood, I have a bad reputation here. I am known as the weird guy who never talks. I got bullied a lot in middle school, people used to take pictures of me and post them online and people used to throw things at me (I sat alone everyday at lunch). I was rejected by everybody and I still am. When I first got my job at Starbucks I tried making friends by greeting people but they didn’t like me right away, one guy even told me not to talk to him. What should I do about this? Everyone I meet thinks I’m weird and some freak. All I want is friends, like is that too much to ask for? I am sick of these 4 damn walls in my tiny bedroom. When I was in high school I was obsessed with being popular, i wanted to be popular so bad to the point where I would do anything just to get attention and it worked for a while but then after that my friends left me and I was known as the weird guy who hangs out in the bathroom. My nickname was “Bathroom Boy”.
The only way is to get out of your comfort zone. Try improving your communication skills little by little. Try to make conversations. Your still learning how so just be patient but you have to try. I am afraid to speak to people as well. But I do what I just told you and I am seeing progress, albeit gradual, but it is worth it. You gotta put in the work. You can do it! I believe in you. Gotta get another job too, to practice communication.
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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 04:24 AM
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I'd change ur mindset to f-uck what they think cause u can't live ur life based on other ppls opinions although it can be difficult
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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 06:03 AM
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Try to argue, insult, threaten and be mean to everyone you run up to in your neighbourhood, they'll be afraid of you and they'll become the ones to get uncomfortable around you. Okay maybe that might be too much but consider being less agreeable and nice to people, even trying to piss them off a little helps. You can't be frightened by rejection if it is what you were looking for and expecting in the first place. It's the uncertainty and suspense of not being sure wether they like you or not what drains the most, when you are sure they are pissed, all the damage is done and there's nothing to do and worry about since they will probably not do anything about it either. All they know is to make disdainful stares and try to express their dislike, but they are too coward to act and you already know they don't like you, that was your objective from the beggining so there's nothing they can do. They'll get scared out of the surprise of someone like you behaving that way and the mistery of what you are up to will disturb them and force them to show respect.
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-04-2020, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by incapaz dseguir mintiendo View Post
Try to argue, insult, threaten and be mean to everyone you run up to in your neighbourhood, they'll be afraid of you and they'll become the ones to get uncomfortable around you. Okay maybe that might be too much but consider being less agreeable and nice to people, even trying to piss them off a little helps. You can't be frightened by rejection if it is what you were looking for and expecting in the first place. It's the uncertainty and suspense of not being sure wether they like you or not what drains the most, when you are sure they are pissed, all the damage is done and there's nothing to do and worry about since they will probably not do anything about it either. All they know is to make disdainful stares and try to express their dislike, but they are too coward to act and you already know they don't like you, that was your objective from the beggining so there's nothing they can do. They'll get scared out of the surprise of someone like you behaving that way and the mistery of what you are up to will disturb them and force them to show respect.
lol often people already are uncomfortable around anxious people. It won't make people like you doing that either.
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 01:03 AM
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[

lol often people already are uncomfortable around anxious people. It won't make people like you doing that either.
of course it won't make them like you, that's the point. This way you know the reason for their dislike so you don't have to overthink.
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 01:31 AM
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How about setting healthy boundaries and seeing rejection as a natural part of socialization that everyone has to face and doesn't determine our self worth, instead of being antagonizing and creepy towards people just so you can feel you put one over on them when they reject you? You think you're winning at 4D chess, but in reality they aren't interested in playing.
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 02:11 AM
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What makes people think you're weird? Is it your silence? 'Weird' is sometimes code for 'creepy', which could mean that people feel unsafe around you. If you don't communicate, they can't get a 'feel' for you, which makes them uneasy (i.e. 'is this guy just going to turn up to work with a gun one day and kill everyone?'). If it's your silence, break it gently. When we don't communicate, we lose the skills of communicating, so we end up doing it in a clumsy (another word for 'weird') way. Perhaps practice communicating in a low-stakes way? Small-talk with a cashier in a shop or your clients at Starbucks, a friendly wave at your neighbours, etc.
When people feel uneasy, they react in messed up ways, and after all that hell you've been through it's probably difficult to put in the effort. But there are nice people everywhere - just avoid the jerks that were mean to you and look further afield. Good luck.

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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 02:22 AM
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Yeah don't listen to me when I say you should be hostile to them, that won't help in most cases.

But deliberately trying to piss people off, just slightly, not too much, simply not trying to be nice, I think that can help for certain people, not everyone of course. But it kind of did help to me.

I was always trying to be nice and attentive, I felt guilty everytime I made someone feel bad, and when I was responded with contempt or anger after trying to be friendly I felt rejected. I am more confortable with someone that's rude to me since the beggining because when people are nice I have this sense of unstability where the other person may change their attitude at any time. It's a fear of deception I suppose, or a distrust for people being nice.

Because eventually most people that are nice to me end up changing their behaviour and that feels like a loss.
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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 02:27 AM
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This doesn't apply to every person you interact with, and you shouldn't be rude with people close to you or someone you may often interact with.

Being rude is a risky thing most of the time.

Just don't try to be nice, don't smile if you don't feel it, don't make the effort if it doesn't pay off.
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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 02:30 AM
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Originally Posted by incapaz dseguir mintiendo View Post
I was always trying to be nice and attentive, I felt guilty everytime I made someone feel bad, and when I was responded with contempt or anger after trying to be friendly I felt rejected.
But the logical answer to that would be to stop thinking rejection is like losing a game. You're sidestepping the issue, not solving it. You are needlessly alienating people and likely hurting the feelings of the kind of people who post here.
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 04:01 AM
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But the logical answer to that would be to stop thinking rejection is like losing a game. You're sidestepping the issue, not solving it. You are needlessly alienating people and likely hurting the feelings of the kind of people who post here.
I know it's selfish and kind of an easy fix, but I have given up and it's hard to please most people, specially when I am struggling too.
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 08:05 AM
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My life these past few years has been very stressful. I am 20 years old now and I haven’t had a single friend since high school. I stay at home everyday, for the past 2 years because I’m so weird and awkward. When I was in high school I had social anxiety very badly, I tried changing myself by dressing differently and I started doing drugs just to become popular but in the end, those friends left me because they realized how weird I really was. I am a very quiet guy, I won’t talk to people unless they talk to me first. I had a job at Starbucks but I quit about 3 months ago. I was judged everyday for being quiet, my coworkers would tell me things like “do you even know how to talk?” And I would just freeze up and I couldn’t even say anything to that. I live in a pretty small neighborhood, I have a bad reputation here. I am known as the weird guy who never talks. I got bullied a lot in middle school, people used to take pictures of me and post them online and people used to throw things at me (I sat alone everyday at lunch). I was rejected by everybody and I still am.
Is it possible to move to a good neighboorhood? Try looking for a job in a different area. Get a fresh start where nobody knows you and reinvent yourself. I grew up in a small town in the midwest. Now live on the east coast. Its tough to overcome things when people have a set opinion of you from when you were a kid as being weird. Better to start off fresh.

Also you need to work on improving yourself so everyone in your new place dosent find out you are weird as well. Have you tried therapy or seen a DR? Medication or therapy and learning social skills can help a great deal. I would also suggest working out and getting in shape. Perhaps lift weights or take up a martial art or boxing. It will give you self confidence and make people think twice about not being mean to you.

Also try to get together with similar interests to meet new people and possibly friends. Meetup groups work great for this if you have them in your area.

I agree with a poster above getting out of your comfort zone is the key. Its not going to get better any other way. I tried reading books on the subject or watching youtube videos on SA. They can help you understand the problem but you actually have the courage to go out and do what they suggest which is the tough part.

Your only 20 which is very good. Still young enough to enjoy the best years of your life once you conquer this issue. You dont want to be like a lot of people on this site who are in there middle ages or older and still struggling. Wish I had solved it a lot sooner. Im 42 and didnt start improving until my mid 20's and early 30's. Still not totally cured but Im a hell of a lot better then i was back then.

Any questions shot me a message I was in a similar spot as you
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 08:28 AM
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I was judged everyday for being quiet, my coworkers would tell me things like “do you even know how to talk?” ... When I first got my job at Starbucks I tried making friends by greeting people but they didn’t like me right away, one guy even told me not to talk to him.
Your former coworkers sound like a**holes.
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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 08:36 AM
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Yeah don't listen to me when I say you should be hostile to them, that won't help in most cases.
If you know this, why try to plant seeds of antisocial behavior in others?

Being an a-hole will only make you more alone, I should know. Sure, you can say that's what you want, but I say that an alkie thinking they want booze don't mean that it's good for them.
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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 10:45 AM
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of course it won't make them like you, that's the point. This way you know the reason for their dislike so you don't have to overthink.
Well I've definitely noticed that when people are annoyed at me they'll admit what they think of me lol. But still not a great thing to deliberately go around doing besides I don't think it really applies in the OP's case it's not like the people he knows are being fake nice they just sound like dicks. Probably creeped out by him because of his anxiety/quietness and so they react antagonistically.

If people fear you enough they'll probably avoid you more than **** with you, and that's one approach that can work for people, but it seems the OP actually wants to be liked lol so.
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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 12:42 PM
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Apparently my grandma told my parents I'm strange : |

I'm also quiet at work. I wish I wasn't, but I'm an introvert in a social job.
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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-05-2020, 01:47 PM
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Hi, I can relate, I was like you at 20 except that I never tried to be popular in school, I just left & I still don't know what to advise you that would be much good, put your feet up & have a couple beers it's gonna be a bumpy life.






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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 12:01 AM
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What makes people think you're weird? Is it your silence? 'Weird' is sometimes code for 'creepy', which could mean that people feel unsafe around you. If you don't communicate, they can't get a 'feel' for you, which makes them uneasy (i.e. 'is this guy just going to turn up to work with a gun one day and kill everyone?'). If it's your silence, break it gently. When we don't communicate, we lose the skills of communicating, so we end up doing it in a clumsy (another word for 'weird') way. Perhaps practice communicating in a low-stakes way? Small-talk with a cashier in a shop or your clients at Starbucks, a friendly wave at your neighbours, etc.
When people feel uneasy, they react in messed up ways, and after all that hell you've been through it's probably difficult to put in the effort. But there are nice people everywhere - just avoid the jerks that were mean to you and look further afield. Good luck.
Why is there such a double standard on being 'quiet' like for men vs women? I lean towards non-binary, I think, but people often seem to think I'm "creepy" if I'm too quiet or something.
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