Ever feel like you just have nothing to say? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 10:00 PM
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostGirl View Post
And in turn, I just come off as boring.
Being told you're quiet is maybe the most annoying thing in the world - like I don't know I'm quiet! I think it's just flat out rude to be honest. If I say anything in response I give them a sideways look and say "I know" or just simply nod and smile.

I use to feel exactly like you when I was younger - as if I missed out. Now I am thankful that my social anxiety kept me away from the wild parties and things. As a result, I have a lot of knowledge to share and people that take the time to get to know me are usually amazed by that fact.

In short, I don't think you're boring at all - you just have a different path in life and there's nothing wrong with it.
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post #42 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 10:30 PM
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Originally Posted by LostGirl View Post
It's frustrating, isn't it?

It seems like people are scared of breaks in conversation, they cant sit there in silence for more than 2 minutes without starting small talk. But I can't do it, I can't think of anything to say. Sometimes I've found myself making things up just to get a few sentences in so that I don't come across as mute. And I hate myself for doing that.

I get angry when some smart-arse tells me im being too quiet. They don't realize how hard I'm digging in my head trying to find something, anything, to say to them. There's just nothing there for me.

wow this is crazy and i thought i was the only one frustrated with this problem....my mind constantly draws a blank when im in a social setting. The constant blank mind causes me to go out of my way to avoid social interaction or to just hide in my room. Ive been struggling with friends and even family now and it really is frustrating

another thing ive noticed about myself is that if i feel a conversation is dying whether its between my father or sister and i feel a silence coming on i automatically get uncomfortable and depending on how long the silence is I have to get up and go into another room to get a breathe of fresh air or I just go back to my room...And much like what you said, I also find myself making up things to say just to fill in the silence.. Am I going crazy here??
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post #43 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-25-2010, 01:28 PM
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Isolation... :(


Yes! I have always been the shy, quiet one in my family. My whole family are extroverts, except my Dad, who's still even a bit extroverted. I've always wanted to hide from people, not answer the door, not introduce myself to people, not even go up to people I don't know, etc. I don't enjoy big parties, graduation parties, birthday parties, going out to the bars or dancing. Sometimes it's fun, but I always feel awkward. I feel like I'm standing alone in a corner or something and just not contributing to conversation. It's so hard not to compare myself to people, especially my family.
And it's so hard to get out of this habit of running away from people, but its not good, because people HAVE to communicate to make it in the world, ya know?
So ... what do we do about this guys? Focus on our strengths, is one thing I'm always told. And just enjoy the conversation and entertainment around us. I think a lot of us are introverts too, and there's nothing wrong with that. So we need to accept this part of ourselves, it's just sooo hard.
any advice or similar stories?
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post #44 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-25-2010, 02:13 PM
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Same here. I feel like that often.

Where am I going and why am I in this little handbasket?
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post #45 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-25-2010, 05:02 PM
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I remember my first day at college. I sat around the table with 5 other members of my tutor group, they were all chatting away, but I stayed quiet. One of the guys expected more from me because I bigged myself up to him earlier, and he did a big moan and called me boring in front of the whole group. There was then a 4 second akward silence that lasted forever.

I genuinly had nothing to say lol. Maybe I had nothing in common with them, or I suck... they were talking about local gangs or something, lol...
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post #46 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-25-2010, 07:29 PM
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All the time.

I'm with a group of people in school... because my long time friend (who isnt really my friend anymore, we hardly ever talk and it's... awkward) introduced me to them. Ever since one of the girls in the group decided to hate me, the others act as if I dont exist anymore. So I usually just stand there awkwardly.

To make things even worse all they ever talk about is their AP courses. I'm a dumb kid in all regular classes, so I never know what they are talking about. It seems like their whole life is studying, haha.
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post #47 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-06-2010, 06:10 PM
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I feel like that all the time & it's endlessly frustrating. Now, that I've graduated from college, I reeeeally don't have anything to talk about. That was my identity. I struggle with things to talk about in social situations, even with my family & close friends who I've known for years now.... So much so that I just avoid them all together. Now I'm stuck in NYC and isolating--my family thinks I'm totally insane.

In response to cdits01 "...if I DO want to have things to talk about it, I know I need to keep up on current events, read the news, watch t.v., look at youtube videos or whatever, but that takes so much time and sometimes I don't even remember half the stuff I just read or watched." I can totally relate. It takes so much time and doing it alone is really depressing... I just wonder wtf the point of any of it is... I feel like I'm cramming for an exam that I know I'm going to fail any way..
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post #48 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-06-2010, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by whiteXcloud View Post
Once I had been talking with some friends of friends at lunch and thought I was talking alot for once and was proud of it.. then someone mentioned that I'm so quiet and I never talk. >.> fail.
This has happened to me more than once... I was SO proud of myself, and then I felt like a total loser.

This thread is me all the way... hence my username, which I chose with bitterness and resignation. I HATE being called "quiet", because it typically implies that I'm boring. I want so badly to be able to speak in a conversation, in a meeting at work, etc., but I am absolutely terrified. And heaven forbid I take the leap and then everyone makes a big deal out of it. It's a catch-22. And "normal" people have no idea what a big deal it is for us.
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post #49 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-06-2010, 09:11 PM
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yes i feel like that all the time.

Life laughs at you when you are unhappy. Life smile at you when you are happy. Life salutes you when you make other happy.
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post #50 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-07-2010, 12:29 AM
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Yup, I feel like this most of the time. I have no life to speak of, and share, with others. The only things I talk about are mostly about pro sports and video games. I also talk about school with certain friends, but other than that, I almost got nothing to offer. I have become very cautious about what I say in order not to sound stupid. I have become more of an observer, and tend to stop and listen to what people talk about to get a good idea on how to socialize. I must say it has helped me understand that it is very difficult to talk when you have no life, and no common knowledge to talk about. I feel that, Topic transitioning is also a sticking point for me.
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post #51 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-07-2010, 07:43 AM
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I feel like I have nothing to say all the time I'm with people I've just met, or people I'm not close to. It's because I focus on not looking nervous to them. Because of this, I lose the ability to come up with ideas in my head on what to say. In a way, I lose touch with what's going on around me.
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post #52 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-07-2010, 07:57 AM
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Gawsh. The story of my liiife. It feels like you never have anything valuable to contribute the conversation, because you are not the same person as your friends. They all have all this social experience, and it's hard to relate. It's not that we really are boring- we can be really exciting, fun people. It's just sometimes, we face this big barrier of communication, and we have to learn to overcome that in order to feel like a part of that group, so we can find something to say.
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post #53 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 12:43 PM
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I feel like staying silent almost every day but try to talk to people anyway for as long as i can keep it up. Through repetition i hope to build some strength.

Off on your way-
hit the open road-
there is magic at your fingers
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post #54 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 06:20 PM
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I used to get this question a lot in high school I didn't answer back most of the time. It bothered me ALOT. Sometimes Id say "idk." A few months ago I went out with a friend of mines and her friends I dont know them that much so I was really quiet I felt so ackward and she asked me why was I quiet and I said I just didnt know what to say. I felt really bad after ward cuz I dont even know why I'm so quiet at times, my mind goes blank! I'm shy at first but even when the shyness goes away I can be really quiet at times. I get really anxious when meeting new ppl

Don't Be Ignorant.
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post #55 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by cdits01 View Post
Yes! I have always been the shy, quiet one in my family. My whole family are extroverts, except my Dad, who's still even a bit extroverted. I've always wanted to hide from people, not answer the door, not introduce myself to people, not even go up to people I don't know, etc. I don't enjoy big parties, graduation parties, birthday parties, going out to the bars or dancing.
This is me, to the last word. Add making phone calls to that. It makes me sick and when I look at other people being easy and normal I just can't get it into my head how they do it. And then I sometimes think surely they must feel the same as me inside but just hide it well? The problem is I think about what I'm doing/saying before I do it far too much and I can't stop doing that
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post #56 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 07:51 PM
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Makes me feel like i'm not even there...
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post #57 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-10-2010, 10:06 AM
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I feel like this almost all the time. It's probably one of the main reasons I constantly avoid everything. I have no idea what to say to people and that's also the reason I tend to lose contact with the people who are already in my life. It's also the reason why I can't seem to form any online friendships on this forum or elsewhere. It really sucks but there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. I have always been quiet and tending to withdraw. I have never been that guy who had a lot to say in conversations because I just didn't have anything to say.

Sometimes when I do try to make a new friend or just get to know someone, eventually it just always fails because they lose interest in me because of how quiet, boring and empty I am.

Is there anything that can be done? I feel doomed to a life of loneliness and misery because of this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackcap View Post
I have this problem all the time too. Even with people I'm comfortable with, I'll usually just have nothing to say. Some people can just talk about anything and everything, but I just can't think of anything to say, even on topics I'm interested in. I think this is the whole reason I have SA. I mean, if I could be confident that I could carry out a normal conversation with people then I wouldn't be scared at all of social situations. I may not enjoy them, but I wouldn't fear them.
I agree with you. If I was confident I was always able to say something and carry a conversation I think my SA would be all but nonexistent. But I just have so many experiences of situations where it's just awkward silence because I just can't bring myself to say anything...
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post #58 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-10-2010, 10:23 AM
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Whenever there is an awkward quiet moment, I just let it happen and admit it in a obvious humorous. Look whenever you're quiet, it's not your fault, the other person is quiet too and is not contributing anything for you to work with in terms of the interaction. Just remember that the other person is thinking the same thing that he/she is being quiet, not just you
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post #59 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-10-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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Story of my life! The only difference is, I can actually remember what I've done so I can share stories if I want, but my problem is that I don't like all the attention being on me so I tend to avoid sharing long drawn out stories unless I'm really comfortable.
I'm known as the quiet one in my group of friends too. I hate it because I'm really not THAT quiet. I'm just not a loudmouth. I can be loud when needed, (like if I'm pissed or super hyper or whatever) but for the most part, I don't go around shouting at the top of my lungs. I wish people would understand that. Plus, I'm not gonna talk if I'm not comfortable with the people I'm around. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
I don't really have any advice to give, considering I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the same thing myself. I mean, the way I try to look at it is...would you rather be known as the obnoxious, loud one or the calm, quiet one? It's the second for me.

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post #60 of 192 (permalink) Old 12-10-2010, 12:58 PM
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those "whats going on in your life" conversations are the worst. Like many of you I just have nothing to share and I feel like I'm being judged for that. Especially at work, where people make small talk all the time about their outside-work lives. I can't join in those cause I don't really have a life outside of work, and therefore my at-work life sucks too cause I can't make small-talk with anyone (vicious cycle haha). It used to bother me more but I found forcing myself to make small talk was just as painful if not more so than not engaging in those conversations at all (but sometimes you just have to, like when they approach you or it's at an obligatory "social function"..blech). I usually just do the ask them questions about their life thing but I think that makes people uncomfortable after awhile.

Plus I know it sounds mean or selfish of me but sometimes they will go on about stuff that I can't relate to at all (like their kids, weddings etc.) and though I try to express interest I think they sense that it's not really coming from a place of mutual understanding and eventually tire of me. I feel bad for other people that do make that effort to talk to meand get nothing, but I just have to accept that I'm not interested in that small-talk or building any relationships based around that (especially work-wise, as I know that can be a big part of the whole "networking" thing). I suppose if i was really interested in "working my way up the ladder" so-to-speak I would make more of an effort, but then I think I'd just be disappointed anyways and feel like a big phony so meh :P
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