Ever feel like you just have nothing to say? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 09:07 PM
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I have this problem all the time too. Even with people I'm comfortable with, I'll usually just have nothing to say. Some people can just talk about anything and everything, but I just can't think of anything to say, even on topics I'm interested in. I think this is the whole reason I have SA. I mean, if I could be confident that I could carry out a normal conversation with people then I wouldn't be scared at all of social situations. I may not enjoy them, but I wouldn't fear them.

I wonder if there is a way we can train our brain to improve our conversation skills? There's probably an area in our brains that's not as active as 'normal' people but maybe there are mental exercises that we can do to try and kick it into gear?
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post #22 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 09:26 PM
 
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I'm terrable when it comes to social situations. I always feel like I have nothing to talk about. When I can't think of anything else to talk about I'll usually just talk about the weather, something I saw on the news, or some pointless remark about something in the suroundings like a picture or something. This usually breaks the ice for more indepth conversations. That's the hard part. Realy conversation. Small talk is easy but once we start on any kind of subject I get very nervous and I can't think. But I just talk about what I know. It's not always the most interesting thing in the world but it's all I've really got. And more often than not I come off as pretty interesting. For instance, while one of my friends are talking about alcahol I can talk about how it reacts with the orgins in your body and what it does to the different parts of your brain. This may seem pretty boring to me but for someone who just drinks and doesn't know it could be interesting. And it's really all you need to do to be a part of the conversation. Even if it's not that interesting to hear.

For the most part I don't speak in any social situation. When I do it's, like I said, something science related, a book I read, or some crazy philisophical arguement. It's all I found I need to do to feel connected with the one or two people around me. I probably come off as strange but, hey, I still have friends and people still hang out with me.

I also stay away from large groups. I can't stand them. If I go to a big party I'm fine for the first thirty minutes or so. And then it hits me and the pressure really starts weighing down on me. I only go to parties that I know there's only going to be like five or six people there. If there's any more than ten I usually don't stay very long. I'll just say hello to the people I know. Pretty much everyone I hang out with relizes I'm socially retarded so I don't feel strange about it anymore. I just be myself... or at least try to.
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post #23 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-19-2009, 09:55 PM
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Yea I agree with everyone it's like i'm not social so there is nothing for me to really say. If I get into A situation where people are talking around me I think to myself I never do anything of what is being talked about so i'm basically just sitting there..

It's all downhill... People with SA aren't usually outgoing therefore we don't talk about our "active" lives, we can't relate so we don't say anything and things just get worse...

It can't rain all the time.
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post #24 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 01:22 AM
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I relate. I havn't opened my mouth to tell somebody a story for so long now that if I tried I'm not sure I could. I'm always the quietest guy and usually just sorta listening within the group or if its a one-to-one situation I feel obliged to make platitudinous remarks just to show that I'm listening when in actual fact I couldn't care less about how drunk they got on the weekend and the epic stories that ensued. Social skill and actual interest in talking are very low for me. I do not necessitate being constantly talkative.
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post #25 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 05:06 AM
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Yeah, even when I'm with an old friend. I'm not even too uncomfortable in that case - I just have nothing to say. She knows all about my childhood already, my classes and grades in college, and my views in politics and religion. It's not necessarily one of those comfortable silences you imagine that old couples have.
That's how I am with one of my friends. I've known her since I was eight and she knows me better than I know myself in a lot of cases. She even told me that she suspected that I wasn't just "shy" when we were younger. We go to different high schools now (which terrified me at first; I leaned on her during my worst anxiety) but she comes over every few months. We talk about her latest boyfriends, go through our yearbook from last year and make fun of people, and bring up some of our weird inside jokes that no one else understands, but we still struggle with things to talk about. It's not a comfortable silence really either.

As for the topic, it's the same with me. If I have something to say and I'm comfortable around you, I'll say something. If I don't, I'll just sit there and listen. That's what I do on the bus ride to/from school--I just listen to the people behind me. My friends used to try to pressure me into going places with them but they eventually gave up and if I ever want to go somewhere, I'm too scared to ask them now. The one time I tried to join in a conversation with a large group of people I mainly knew, my friend said "You wouldn't get it.", and turned away from me. It's like she was saying "You don't fit in so stop trying.", which was discouraging. When I get anxious and I'm talking to someone face-to-face, I ramble off about boring things, most of which are hard to understand because I talk fast and I stutter. The only time I have anything interesting to say is when I talk about the places I visited before I moved here and I barely remember those. I don't have much interest in what normal teens talk about and I've asked those I'm close to "What's the point?" a few times. They looked at me like I'm crazy.

I asked the girl I first mentioned to come over so we could dance in the snow or whatever since this is our first snow day in seven to nine years. She lives less than five minutes away but I think the roads are icy? At least the snow would give us something to talk about and we could run around in our PJs in my backyard with no shame.
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post #26 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 05:11 AM
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I don't see what party and clubbing stories have to do with anything. I mean, I go out sometimes and funny stuff happens, but I still don't have much to talk about. Why do we have to be talking again?

At least sometimes I notice other quiet people.. Of course I never talk to them.
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post #27 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-20-2009, 01:56 PM
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Yeah, it's like it's expected. I'd be embarrassed by the fact that I started talking and people would wonder why.
Yeah same thing with me. Like, I'm always silent and usually just listen while others are talking but when I do feel like I have something to add to the conversation (which is rare) I hold back because I'm afraid that people will look at me like I've got two heads or something just because they're not used to hearing me talk. I've had this happen actually when one day, I was in a sort of talkative mood and I started talking and the people around were like O_o because they're used to me not saying anything. It sucks. I wish I could start life all over again and be more talkative from the start so I wouldn't have to worry about upholding my "image" which is that of the silent girl who never talks.
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post #28 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-23-2009, 06:39 AM
 
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My problem is that everything I find to be interesting is too "out there" for most people to be interested in. So it has become natural for me to always be "quiet" because I have little care for the boring, mundane conversations that take place everyday. I have deep, philosophical conversations with those close to me and cherish those above any "normal conversation" with anyone else. Those thoughts are the things that inhabit my thoughts at all hours of the day. I have questioned things that other people tell me to stop questioning. They see no point in thinking beyond what MTV thinks and what their other friends who watch MTV think.

When I converse, I want it to be meaningful and worthwhile. Having someone tell me about a party they went to last night and how many drinks they had is enough to make me call it an early night.

Also, I've found that no one likes to talk about books. Mention a movie or a tv show and you won't be able to keep the crowd off of you. But a book? No way. Too much work.
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post #29 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 02:17 AM
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I often enjoy listening more adding to the conversation, and I draw blanks as well which are often filled after the conversation has passed. I also find that with small talk I sometimes really don't care about what's being discussed so I don't join in. If people talked about deep issues more frequently then I think my situation could be different.
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post #30 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 05:40 AM
 
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I feel this way too. I have many interests, but I don't seem to find a lot of people in my age group that share them. It seems most people like to talk about other people, TV shows I don't watch, music I don't listen to, sports I don't care about, or else parenthood, which I am not part of. I often feel like I'm boring to most people. It makes it hard to make friends.

Even if I get in a conversation about something I like, I have issues with drawing a blank too. I remember being at a small party that a boyfriend dragged me to. I didn't know anybody there, but they were all his friends so I wanted to make a good impression. A very nice girl there made an effort to talk to me right away, and it started out well enough when she asked me what I did for work and she liked what I said. But then she moved on to music and it turned out we both like a particular genre so she asked me what were a few of my favorite bands, but despite having many I could have said, I drew a complete blank, and ended up mumbling something about it depending on my mood. But she kind of stopped talking after that and I felt like it probably looked like I was just saying I shared her taste in music as a pathetic attempt to get her to like me. Ugh! I hate parties!

Oh and I also get the "you're so quiet!" and hate it, and hate it even more the times I do say something and people make a huge deal of me talking and put this big spotlight on me.
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post #31 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 06:01 AM
 
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I could not count how many times kids would ask me why I am so quiet all through school.
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post #32 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 10:55 AM
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all the time in my childhood. Not now though because I've managed to hide it and fake it a lot better. There are still those people that I don't mesh well with that say it though...that's usually cause I can tell we won't get along so I don't try to fake it. not worth the effort.

"One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."
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post #33 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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Sometimes when Im sitting around people in a conversation, I really want to speak up and defend/argue certain situations. After a while though, it just seems like a waste of time to me, people just get angry and really defensive if you question their beliefs etc.

Thats not really what this post is about, but I thought I would throw it out haha.
Anyway, I don't do to well with small talk at all. I can be alright around certain people that I have been around for a while, but if I don't know much about someone then I become scared that I might offend them if I say something wrong. Im not sure why, because most people don't seem to care much at all if they offend other people or say some sort of bigot remark. Theres some conversations that I don't get involved in because I know that person has NO flexibility when it comes to thinking for yourself, and I try not to get involved to much. Maybe just a sarcastic remark here n' there, that's about all.
Ok, I got off track on this post.. sorry haha.
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post #34 of 192 (permalink) Old 01-29-2009, 03:43 PM
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Oh yes.
Nothing to say.
That was / is me all over, but not nearly as much now.

When I was a kid and a teenager I usually had nothing to say at all especially in groups like classes and parties. I would just freeze up and my mind would go blank I think more out of being so nervous than anything else. So I would just sit on the sidelines and listen. If anyone said anything to me, about the best I could do was mumble a yes or no or some other short response and then hope and pray the attention would be taken off me.

As time went on, I have gotten much better at carrying on conversations with people but that took me years of practice. It still makes me nervous and I still have the strong urge to run away, but I can at least carry on a conversation, and in fact oddly enough lots of people have told me how funny and entertaining I am which blows me away because for so much of my life people thought I had no personality at all. Often people will laugh at what I say and tell me how funny I am. It still surprises me.
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post #35 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 07:42 PM
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OMG!!! I thought I was the only one! haha...
EVERYTHING you guys are talking about -- avoiding social situations because you have nothing to say and not making friends because of it -- is EXACTLY what I'm going through. I've been doing this for SOO long that it's become a habit and I can't really say I have a close friend. I mean, I do have 2 or 3, but it's not the closeness I'd like where you can just sit up for hours talking and have things in common, ya know? I also recently went on a date with a really nice guy, but cut it off after the third date just because my self-esteem is so low and I feel anxious when talking to him (nothing wrong with him, it's me), and I really don't have a lot to say beyond small talk, which we already did on the first date. This makes me think that I'm going to keep rejecting guys and dates just because of this stupid anxiety. And I'm always told I'm interesting, nice, beautiful and good and all that, which I believe (except the interesting part). I really don't have a lot to say besides where I go to school, one book I may have read, some movies I like, my age, my family, and that's it. And then the conversation just gets stale. I avoid parties, or at least, when I do go out or go to social gatherings I don't really enjoy myself and am the most quiet one in the room. Then I think, since I didn't have fun, why go back and do it again? Which is horrible, cause then how will I make friends? Anyways... I've written A LOT, but I had to get this off my chest. Also, one more thing, if I DO want to have things to talk about it, I know I need to keep up on current events, read the news, watch t.v., look at youtube videos or whatever, but that takes so much time and sometimes I don't even remember half the stuff I just read or watched. Anyone else with that problem and everything else I just mentioned?
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post #36 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 08:32 PM
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Exactly, I always have issues thinking of things to say. I think this is one of the main symptoms of social anxiety. I notice it even more when I'm with more than one person. When it's me and only one other person, I feel sort of forced to talk, so I'll say stuff even if I'm not so sure about it. But throw in another person or two and I really hold back. I feel like we all have things to share (even those of us who are 100 % sure we're "boring"), but the anxiety makes us go blank.

And I don't really mind when people say I'm quiet. I am quiet. At least they're trying to involve me in the conversation. It's better than everyone pretending I'm not even there.
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post #37 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
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When I converse, I want it to be meaningful and worthwhile. Having someone tell me about a party they went to last night and how many drinks they had is enough to make me call it an early night.

I TOTALLY understand! It really sucks that getting to know someone involves a lot of smalltalk. I am TERRIBLE with smalltalk and hate it so much because I have a hard time relating. I don't party, I am not into sports, I don't have "fun" weekends, I am not into racing, I don't have any children...etc. These are typical smalltalk type things. In order to get to having "real" conversations with people, you need to get past the small talk and I rarely ever can.

I wish there was a way to just skip over the small talk. I love having "real" conversations. I like discussing politics, outlooks on life, religion, etc. But you can't talk about that right off the bat.
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post #38 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 08:48 PM
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Once I had been talking with some friends of friends at lunch and thought I was talking alot for once and was proud of it.. then someone mentioned that I'm so quiet and I never talk. >.> fail.
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post #39 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 09:27 PM
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My problem is, that I have infinite things to say in my head. Putting the thoughts into words, is a whole other story.

...I want something good to die for. To make it beautiful to live.

You can do what you can't do.

My ultimate goal in life is to make people snort-laugh.
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post #40 of 192 (permalink) Old 11-24-2010, 09:36 PM
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Yes, I'm 30-years-old and I have no stories to tell.
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