Does you SA soften when you have a job? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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Does you SA soften when you have a job?


I never had a job and feel quite terrible about it the last couple of years. There are several reasons that I never found one (SA, lack of self esteem, no lust for life, chronic disease, no ambition etc) I do however doubt I'll find more lust for life if I have a job.
Now undoubtedly in the short term it will be beneficial but will it last? I never had that lust for life, self esteem or ambition when I was in school either but I was slightly less affected by SA.
Is there anyone around SAS who's situation is comparable with mine that did eventually find a job? How did you feel when you finally were part of a normal life situation?
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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:43 PM
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I didn't have a job untill I was 19 so I don't think it's comparable considering your age. I was unemployed for a year and a half @ age 23/24 though and I still think it was the worst time I ever had. Yes, having a job has its ups and downs but if you're doing something remotely stimulating it's worth it, you will find normalcy and feel like your life has purpose. Otherwise you're just wasting away, man. I wish you good luck.
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
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I didn't have a job untill I was 19 so I don't think it's comparable considering your age. I was unemployed for a year and a half @ age 23/24 though and I still think it was the worst time I ever had. Yes, having a job has its ups and downs but if you're doing something remotely stimulating it's worth it, you will find normalcy and feel like your life has purpose. Otherwise you're just wasting away, man. I wish you good luck.
That's exactly how I feel, like I'm wasting away. I'm not living , I'm killing time. I really need to work yet I don't have the drive to do anything about it out of fear.
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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 03:06 PM
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I think anything that breaks up the monotony is a good thing, especially since my own thoughts are my worst enemy. I have to be busy otherwise I dwell. I don't know anything about your situation though. Do you want job? What would you be wanting to do?

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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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I think anything that breaks up the monotony is a good thing, especially since my own thoughts are my worst enemy. I have to be busy otherwise I dwell. I don't know anything about your situation though. Do you want job? What would you be wanting to do?
I have made another thread about my only working experience (internship) there you'll learn a bit more how I feel. Let's say if I inherited millions tomorrow I probably wouldn't want a job but I want one because I want to become independent. I'm fed up of being at home doing nothing but at the same time I think I won't do well at a job at all ( see other thread for that).
What do I want to do? I didn't know when I was 18 and I still don't know. There is not one branch that interests me or that makes me have no fear.
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 06:24 AM
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I have learned a little about you from other posts. You live in the country and don't drive, is that right? If you were going to consider any and all options for work locally what would they be?

In my case being busy is the only thing that keeps me sane. If I am off work (currently searching for a job myself) I just dwell on stuff and end up depressed. I'm not sure what came first for me, anxiety or depression. I fear depression most so I force myself to go out and try new things for fear of being left alone too long with my own thoughts.

Anyway, back to you. Do you live in a place with any space to maybe look after animals (indulging in my own dream there really!) I would love to live in the country and own my own kennel business or something along those lines.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 08:18 AM
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I've had problems with coworkers at every job I've ever had and wound up quitting many of them because of it. I can usually get along with most people at my jobs, but there's always one or two people who ruin it for me. And they are never the best and the brightest. They're just a-holes who feel the need to put down others in an effort to make themselves look good.

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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 09:54 AM
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Having a job did force me to do things that I otherwise would have avoided. I do believe my social anxiety has improved, but not by much.
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Is there anyone around SAS who's situation is comparable with mine that did eventually find a job? How did you feel when you finally were part of a normal life situation?
I didn't get my first job until I was 23 and it was only a temp job. The only reason I even have the job I have now is because I got pitied by a fellow alumni.

How I felt when I finally got into the workforce? At first, I was very nervous/confused/lost. I had absolutely no reference for what was involved with my role let alone the other things that go on.

Today, I'm still pretty nervous, lost, and confused, but I feel a tiny bit more confident than I did before. I'm not exactly comfortable but I'm getting there.

To put it simply, I didn't really feel "normal" compared to everyone else due to my lacking social skills and whatnot (plus I was new) but I felt useful when I was able to do my job right.

I think different people will tell you different things and how it's different for everyone in how long it takes for them to get used to things.

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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 02:33 PM
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I got a part time job when I was 18 with a friend of my mother who owned a small delivery business, loading/unloading trucks etc, I don't know what I woulda ended up doing only for it, I had no friends, minimal education & couldn't handle interviews, it definitely helped me not be a complete weirdo, recluse.






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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unforgiven17 View Post
I have learned a little about you from other posts. You live in the country and don't drive, is that right? If you were going to consider any and all options for work locally what would they be?

In my case being busy is the only thing that keeps me sane. If I am off work (currently searching for a job myself) I just dwell on stuff and end up depressed. I'm not sure what came first for me, anxiety or depression. I fear depression most so I force myself to go out and try new things for fear of being left alone too long with my own thoughts.

Anyway, back to you. Do you live in a place with any space to maybe look after animals (indulging in my own dream there really!) I would love to live in the country and own my own kennel business or something along those lines.
There's always options whether they'll still have me is another matter. Perhaps I'll end up in a supermarket or as a dishwasher. Either way nothing that will give me fulfillment. So would I feel better? Temporarily yes but if it won't last what's the point?

It's funny you bring up animals. That's about the only thing I could see myself doing, working at a zoo for example, unfortunately I'm not qualified to do that plus there are never any jobs free in that area anyway.
Few places and a truckload of candidates, I'd say there's a small chance of success, especially with my blanc past and no meaningful experience with animals (except for having dogs at home)
Starting something myself? Totally out of the question, too much responsibility and way too much doubts in my head to do such things.

Those dogs I own, they are actually also a big reason for me to not work. They're old and needy and the only thing they are used to is having me at their side. They have severe separation anxiety because they aren't used of me not being around. I just can't leave them alone for an entire workday. I know that ridiculous of my part but it's just one of many bad sides I have.

If you start your kennel someday, you can hire me
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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 08:45 PM
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It's still difficult and just depends on how severe your anxiety is, and how it manifests. If you're good at your craft, reasonably hardworking, and not an insufferable pain to work with, most people put up with the neuroticism and eccentricity of someone with SA... in my experience. Off the job, the same people probably wouldn't want to be your friend but that's just personal chemistry.
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 03:37 AM
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I didn't have my first real job until I was 27 (I'm 30 now). And still I'm only working part time but at least the pay is actually pretty good. I have just a very menial job - cleaner/trolley collector for a supermarket (even though I have a degree). I've found over the years that the job has helped my social anxiety substantially. Dealing with customers as well as my co-workers has forced me to get out of my comfort zone and I've improved with my SA. However, my general anxiety is as bad as its ever been. I get extremely stressed dealing with my managers and their constant demands. I just took 4 weeks leave because I pretty much had a mental breakdown and thankfully my employer was very supportive throughout. Anyway, for me at least, I find having a job is much better than not working, it gives me a purpose and a reason to get up in the morning. I know how hard it is to look for work, I know I need to get into better employment and working full time but my anxiety just overcomes me and I'm just too scared to look for other work. Anyway, to sum up, yeah I really believe that having a job will help with your SA. The only thing to remember is that every job has cliqs and gossiping and all that bull****, but you just need to be comfortable enough in yourself to not let it get to you, it gets easier the more you continue. Good luck to you I wish you all the best.

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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 07:09 AM
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Once you learn the job and develop a script for yourself, I think that a job does lessen the impact of SA. You know what to expect out of a work day and you come up with scripts to handle each situation. I found that watching co=workers and building scripts for how they acted in work situations, helped me deal with the social aspect of work life more effectively. Of course, there were no real social skills learned that could be transferred outside the work setting.

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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 08:20 AM
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I think I got my first job when I was 24. I had a phone phobia, and then I got a call centre job xD. It was pretty much unbearable and I always dreaded starting on the phones and going to work and stuff. It got easier after a time as I just had to follow a strict script really. Ended up leaving that job due to relocation, and got a very similar job after swearing I wouldn't.... things got worse from there, lasted about a year and then I quit. So, despite my phone phobia I lasted a good 5 years doing that type of job, wouldn't really say the exposure helped though... and now since not having a job my anxiety and phobias have gotten worse so... yay? xD #lifesucks :/
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post #16 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
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I have learned a little about you from other posts. You live in the country and don't drive, is that right? If you were going to consider any and all options for work locally what would they be?

In my case being busy is the only thing that keeps me sane. If I am off work (currently searching for a job myself) I just dwell on stuff and end up depressed. I'm not sure what came first for me, anxiety or depression. I fear depression most so I force myself to go out and try new things for fear of being left alone too long with my own thoughts.

Anyway, back to you. Do you live in a place with any space to maybe look after animals (indulging in my own dream there really!) I would love to live in the country and own my own kennel business or something along those lines.
There's always options whether they'll still have me is another matter. Perhaps I'll end up in a supermarket or as a dishwasher. Either way nothing that will give me fulfillment. So would I feel better? Temporarily yes but if it won't last what's the point?

It's funny you bring up animals. That's about the only thing I could see myself doing, working at a zoo for example, unfortunately I'm not qualified to do that plus there are never any jobs free in that area anyway.
Few places and a truckload of candidates, I'd say there's a small chance of success, especially with my blanc past and no meaningful experience with animals (except for having dogs at home)
Starting something myself? Totally out of the question, too much responsibility and way too much doubts in my head to do such things.

Those dogs I own, they are actually also a big reason for me to not work. They're old and needy and the only thing they are used to is having me at their side. They have severe separation anxiety because they aren't used of me not being around. I just can't leave them alone for an entire workday. I know that ridiculous of my part but it's just one of many bad sides I have.

If you start your kennel someday, you can hire me [IMG class=inlineimg]/forum/images/SAS_2015/smilies/tango_face_wink.png[/IMG]
I cancelled a holiday to look after a sick guinea pig so I understand about not wanting to leave your dogs for extended periods. I do think if you could perhaps find something for a few hours per week, even the supermarkets/dishwashing jobs that it would help. Have you tried volunteering in areas which you think you would enjoy working in eventually? Perhaps with animals.

Unfortunately I will never be in a position to start my own kennel but I will bare your offer in mind! I grew up on a farm and now live in a city in a tiny house. I often find myself wishing I could just go live in the middle of nowhere. I guess we are programmed to think that the grass is always greener...

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
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post #17 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 08:05 PM
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If can be a real struggle maintaining employment. I have struggle with this for years. The fear of dealing with people is an everyday struggle.
IME employment is one of my biggest issues when dealing with SA. I have had so many jobs its ridiculous. I just took a little time out from my job the last 2 weeks cause I could not handle the anxiety. I am trying to get the courage up to get back to work.
I wish you luck. If you fall get back up and keep trying
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post #18 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 10:05 PM
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Not really. What happens is I can tolerate a few days at a time of it but then I get kind of a "social fatigue" that makes me want to lock myself in a room and not come out for weeks. Wanting to do that while simultaneously not being able to do that causes deep conflict and agitation and (SURPRISE!) WAY more anxiety of a mixed nature (I tend to think all anxiety is basically the same thing but people tend to want to differentiate so whatever. If SA isn't getting me, GA is).

And also, most people are not as bad as someone with SA might imagine and you kind of get a sense of this when you force yourself into social situations (which doesn't mean SA goes away. Just that you kinda realize it's not an entirely rational thing (even though it still kinda is because people can be surprisingly fickle and turn on you at the drop of a hat)). So then I have a situation where there are a couple of people I'm completely comfortable with and I start to let my guard down with people I don't know and then it happens. I get burned. Bad. Which takes everything to another level and I end up worse than I started.

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post #19 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 10:42 PM
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A lot of it has to do with the job and coworkers. My last job at a thriftstore was pretty cool, but there were moments where my anxiety shot through the roof. It was just a good setting, I started off in the back sorting through donations, with very little customer interaction. There would be times where I was forced on the register, and my anxiety would shoot through the roof, I hated that, no one really understood why, but I'm sure a lot of you understand. I moved on from there to working on the truck, picking up and dropping off furniture. From that responsibility, I was too busy lifting up heavy furniture, to really engage with people for a long period of time. Plus, it was a thrift store, most people donating things were pretty cool people, with the exceptional jerk that just wanted to donate junk because they saw us as more or less a dump service (no really, cat piss infested sofas, with holes in them, it happened a lot) Those were pretty stressful, because telling people "no" to their donations could result in them throwing a huge temper tantrum, demanding we take the furniture, and that someone out there would want it...

The job before that, was at a call center, which was actually pretty cool. A lot of the calls I received, I could resolve fairly quickly, I knew what I was doing, and my favorite part was, I could just escalate the call if things went beyond my capacity.. further, if the customer's were rude, we could just blacklist them. I liked that place, they actually cared about us and did not want us to deal with jerks. Of course, the company was owned by Europeans, who tend to be cool people I started that job, using Paxil, which helped a lot. At the time, you could just order medication over the Internet, which I did, with no therapist involved. I don't think I could have done it without being medicated, after I became familiar with the work, I weaned myself off of the medication. Unfortunately, with the great recession I was laid off in 2008.

Before that, I worked as a night auditor/manager at a hotel. It was mostly just simple accounting work, with the occasional check in late at night. It could trigger anxiety, but mostly it was pretty straightforward work, I was more or less babysitting the hotel. I quit that job, after being robbed twice though, so there is that.. yeah..

There were a several jobs, a few of them were in kitchens, where you work incredibly fast paced, and never really interact with customers. I really liked those jobs, and anxiety was at a bare minimum there. Factory jobs were pretty much the same thing, but so damned boring, especially 12 hour shifts, doing the same repetitive action over and over again. I had one cool job making carpets, which required me to run around a few hundred spindles of wool, replacing them as they ran out. It was a sweet gig, and I liked the coworkers, I would work two 12 hour shifts and get paid for 30 hours of work.

I've also worked as a housekeeper at a nursing home, that was a really cool job. There were never any new people, most of the nurses were awesome, and the residents were old and just appreciated seeing another human being around. It was dirty work, but I liked it, I loved hanging out with the older people, they were really cool.

Then there are the jobs I didn't like, I never stayed with them for long. Fast food work, a few factories, temp work, etc. If my anxiety was through the roof, I wouldn't stay with them, and there were quite a few.

I find for certain jobs, the anxiety does soften, but it really depends on that environment. When I find a good one, I stick with it. I tend to try to work behind the scenes, dealing with as few people as possible, and not holding a position of authority . The pay is almost always lousy though.

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post #20 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 02:51 AM
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I worked the part time delivery job till I was 22 then became full-time till 24, lost my job in the recession of 2008, got a small bit of redundancy, was unemployed in 2009, slipped back into a semi-reclusive state, drinking to much playing computer games to pass the time, unemployment office wanted me to do something a course or whatever to keep my unemployment payments, so I did my truck licence, passed, drove a small truck from 2010 to 2014 local deliveries, seasonal employment, it became to stressful for me to handle so I quit, kinda burned out, was unemployed for another year, started driving a truck in a different job in 2015 it's still kinda seasonal but lower stress most of the time, I'm handling it so far anyway.






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