Does Reality Make You Uncomfortable? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 11:38 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I remember when I'd withdrawn from benzos one time in hospital (I did it many times) some guy said to me: "welcome to reality." It didn't make me feel any better, that's for sure.

I used to find dealing with it extremely difficult and still do to a large extent.

But comparing to the feeling you're talking about I used to feel like that often coming out of a movie theatre - I'd have been so lost in the movie that coming back out into the street was sort of jarring.

I also had it to a lesser extent with books - sometimes a really well-written sentence or two can almost affect your mood.

I think that guy in the hospital was just trying to cosplay Morpheus.



The movie theater thing happens to me too (especially with high action movies with lots of flashes and special effects). Strangely I find reality more interesting after going to the theater.....probably because its more social. You're watching it in a theater with lots of other people, so you don't feel isolated.
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post #22 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 11:53 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
Real life is pretty painful for me, but tbh, I have a lot of difficulty escaping it. I have to work pretty hard to make any money, so the longer I'm unproductive, the more anxious I feel. I can watch an hour-long episode of a show while I eat my dinner okay, and once in a while I can talk myself into watching a movie, but that's about my limit before being away from reality becomes too painful to tolerate. I can't play video games anymore or take days off.

I don't really know how to answer other than: reality makes me so uncomfortable that I can't take my attention off it for long. Like how you can distract yourself from a toothache in bits and snatches, but the pain always comes back. That's my life. I never get bored, in part, because the pain is always there, demanding to be dealt with. I don't have enough hours in my day to do what I need to do to survive.

I get the impression from your post that you feel sort of like, the more time you spend away from reality, the stranger it feels when you come back. I don't get that feeling, but maybe it's because I take very short breaks. If anything, I feel like my ability to cope is constantly increasing, as I learn to solve problems, just not at the same rate that my life is degrading.

My need to work long hours is balanced out to some extent by the fact that I write fiction for a living. When I'm deeply engaged in my writing, it's like I'm not really here in the real world, and I think that's how I avoid going completely insaner. But it's not always easy to get into that headspace. I have certain problems that make it difficult to get into that kind of focus (eg. migraines), and other problems that take me out of it (eg. my crazy sister calling me all the time).

I don't know the exact specifics of the pain you're going through, but I've always thought that all kinds of pain (physical and mental) eventually go away with time. Is the source of the pain the same all the time or does it keep changing?
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post #23 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 12:06 AM
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Yes. The world is unfair and life is unfair. Being around other people makes me uncomfortable since I'm not normal socially and I'm sensitive to noise. But I'm forced to be around other people in order to pay the rent and eat. Monday to Friday I'm in a big room with 18 other people. I have to email various other people to get information and share a small work kitchen and bathroom with many people. I have to take the bus to get around where there are all sorts of creepy people, including drug addicted homeless people with untreated schizophrenia. Reality is not comfortable.

Up until 4 years ago I was living with other people too since I couldn't afford to live alone. It was awful in many ways.
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post #24 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 12:22 AM
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Not quite, but I have experienced something similar. I remember a very stressful day in high school when, for the first time in my life, I failed an exam. I was devastated and desperately needed an escape. Luckily, on that very day my family decided to go watch the new movie Apocalypto, and I tagged along.

The movie absolutely blew my mind, and it is to this day one of my favorite movies of all time. I forgot about my exam problems instantly and was completely immersed in the world.

Walking out of the cinema theater, the world around suddenly felt very pale and boring. On the screen, there were lush vibrant forests, people running around in the wilds, incredible mountain landscapes... And around me I saw walls of concrete and people in grey winter clothes, walking in straight lines or staring at their phones.

Fantasy and fiction worlds usually feature things so far outside of our everyday experiences, that it is hard to come back to our everyday life without feeling disappointed. It is especially the case with RPG video games, where in the fictional world you can be a hero everyone looks up to, interacting with fantastic creatures and falling in love with unearthly divas - while in the real life you are just... a guy or a girl.

This, honestly, is one of the reasons I barely play video games any more. I find that the more time I lose in them, the more desensitised I become to the world around me. And, in contrary, when my focus is on our world, I start noticing little details that seemed irrelevant before and find an incredible depth and richness to it.
Escapism is an easy way out, but it is a way that in the long run hurts us badly. I'm grateful for all the time I've spent playing video games, as they helped me develop my imagination, ideas and core values - but at this point in my life, I realise that it is time to move on to other dozens hobbies I have. Video games have given me everything they could possibly give, and playing much more of them will not benefit me in any way.

And, frankly, going to any national or state park and walking around always makes me feel 100 times better, than any video game, movie or book possibly could. Nothing can compare to the best samples of our nature! I can look at many fantasy worlds, and then glance at a small creek in the summer, and the latter will always win by a large margin.
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post #25 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 01:51 AM
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Nah, people do.
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post #26 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 06:22 AM
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
Now that you mention it @Maslow I think you're probably right - its the sort of thing that happened a lot more when I was younger. Same with the books actually - I find it much harder to just relax and read nowadays.

Might have something to do wth the quality or feel of the movies nowadays - or also our age. We might have been much more impressionable back then. I probably was anyway - I'm most likely a bit jaded nowadays.
I'll bet it does have something to do with age and being "jaded." I don't know. Maybe it's because I liked people more when I was younger, so I was more empathetic to the characters. I can't relate to any of the characters in a lot of the movies I see these days, so I don't really care what happens to them. Who knows.

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post #27 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 08:31 AM
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it makes me supremely uncomfortable.

words can't describe. my entire life, my entire personality, is shaped by this discomfort lol.
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post #28 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 12:35 PM
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Well, they do eventually. It's called death.

I'm going to put the rest in spoiler tags, because honestly, no one wants to read this. It's just pointless ranting.

 

Some kinds of pain are fairly consistent. I'm extremely anxious about being homeless. That's one that is basically always there. Along with my fear of not being able to buy groceries. Or of getting sick because I can't afford health insurance. Having to devote nearly every waking moment to work feels like a form of slavery, since I never really get time off. (I love my job, though, so it's not all bad.) Loneliness comes and goes about as often as hunger, and is about as painful for me. And that'll never change because of the way I look. (Though I've heard it's good to stay hungry.) If I leave the house, I have to watch my back because a lot of people don't like people like me. I have to be careful because I have vertigo. (Which also frequently leads to nausea.)

My worst problem is the intrusive thoughts from my OCD, which are extremely graphic, violent, and disturbing. I don't get them all the time, but they're really not pleasant when I do. They trigger suicidal ideation. I get migraines several times a week. Currently, my gastrointestinal pain is acting up, so I've spent the last couple weeks with burning/gnawing sensations in my intestines and bad bloating/constipation. (Probably cancer by this point.) I have nightmares most nights, most of which wake me up, and insomnia, which means I'm usually exhausted. I have a persistent hallucination, which drives me crazy. I have tinnitus, which drives me crazy. I frequently get chest pains from my anxiety. My sister calls me up to several times a day, paranoid and delusional, so I sit around dreading phone calls.

I have other problems. The gender dysphoria (a problem that never goes away); the weird feeling of alienation I get looking at myself, which immediately sends me into depressive tailspins; my phobias (and my house full of mildly venomous spiders), my crazy brother who stinks up my house because he can't look after himself, my sister's hoarding, etc., etc. I lose track of it all. This is just my life from day to day. Not all of it at once, but a bit of this, a bit of that, several at a time and all the time. There are so many things wrong with my life that I simply can't afford to take time off from dealing with them. My whole life is oriented around survival, about getting from today to tomorrow. (Which makes it pretty ****ing hard for me to compete with people who don't have all these problems since I waste so much time managing mine.)

And ofc, no one actually believes my life is this bad because who's life is this bad? I wouldn't believe me either. I shouldn't even be posting on SAS; I should be working. But as I can't seem to eradicate my social hunger, and I get burnt out, I take breaks now and then. But now it's off to bed because I have to be up in a few hours so I can go and visit my insanely dysfunctional family.
I pretty much always try to read your posts. I think people read them.

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post #29 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 12:54 PM
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Yes, i believe most people in this world are born with potential for expanding their own levels of intelligence and creativity (there are many forms and levels, not just determined by a some-what pointless IQ test) but it is hampered by society's institutions. To have to be a fake projection in this world to succeed, or put on a persona. We are fabricated by the time we step foot in kindergarten. Most people will label me a kooky pseudo or a person who feels like they are more special than others, and just accept reality for what is it however, so why even go on about it? it doesn't help me or anyone else really, so my analytical abilities are rendered ultimately useless.

When you make these points about society and most people at large, you will be attacked by people who have been taught that status and work ethic is everything, who will tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself or to stop feeling special.. Or they will just resort to ad hominem attacks or other logical fallacies. They will not even begin to consider the past abuses and roadblocks you have encountered to apply to their own reality. Perception is reality.. Withdrawing from society will be seen as schizotypal, awkwardness and introversion by the average person. On the contrary, when i was younger I had high hopes that I might actually go somewhere in life and wanted to help others and belong to something.

I have never been a true misanthrope but rather everyone else has always taken it upon themselves to hate me and in this I choose to embrace and roll with the negative sentiment, even if it had never been my original plan for life.
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post #30 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
Lovers have been used as an escape as well - and the relationships always ended disastrously because obviously, real people don't often react well to constantly being a crutch to escape life with.

But love is a part of reality. You can't experience that in escapism.
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post #31 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 08:09 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
Well, they do eventually. It's called death.

I'm going to put the rest in spoiler tags, because honestly, no one wants to read this. It's just pointless ranting.

 

Some kinds of pain are fairly consistent. I'm extremely anxious about being homeless. That's one that is basically always there. Along with my fear of not being able to buy groceries. Or of getting sick because I can't afford health insurance. Having to devote nearly every waking moment to work feels like a form of slavery, since I never really get time off. (I love my job, though, so it's not all bad.) Loneliness comes and goes about as often as hunger, and is about as painful for me. And that'll never change because of the way I look. (Though I've heard it's good to stay hungry.) If I leave the house, I have to watch my back because a lot of people don't like people like me. I have to be careful because I have vertigo. (Which also frequently leads to nausea.)

My worst problem is the intrusive thoughts from my OCD, which are extremely graphic, violent, and disturbing. I don't get them all the time, but they're really not pleasant when I do. They trigger suicidal ideation. I get migraines several times a week. Currently, my gastrointestinal pain is acting up, so I've spent the last couple weeks with burning/gnawing sensations in my intestines and bad bloating/constipation. (Probably cancer by this point.) I have nightmares most nights, most of which wake me up, and insomnia, which means I'm usually exhausted. I have a persistent hallucination, which drives me crazy. I have tinnitus, which drives me crazy. I frequently get chest pains from my anxiety. My sister calls me up to several times a day, paranoid and delusional, so I sit around dreading phone calls.

I have other problems. The gender dysphoria (a problem that never goes away); the weird feeling of alienation I get looking at myself, which immediately sends me into depressive tailspins; my phobias (and my house full of mildly venomous spiders), my crazy brother who stinks up my house because he can't look after himself, my sister's hoarding, etc., etc. I lose track of it all. This is just my life from day to day. Not all of it at once, but a bit of this, a bit of that, several at a time and all the time. There are so many things wrong with my life that I simply can't afford to take time off from dealing with them. My whole life is oriented around survival, about getting from today to tomorrow. (Which makes it pretty ****ing hard for me to compete with people who don't have all these problems since I waste so much time managing mine.)

And ofc, no one actually believes my life is this bad because who's life is this bad? I wouldn't believe me either. I shouldn't even be posting on SAS; I should be working. But as I can't seem to eradicate my social hunger, and I get burnt out, I take breaks now and then. But now it's off to bed because I have to be up in a few hours so I can go and visit my insanely dysfunctional family.

That's rough. I'm sorry
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post #32 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 08:24 PM
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post #33 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 08:58 PM
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My reality makes me uncomfortable, yes. Always has.

Partially due to mental illlness, but also due to my surroundings.

I have never partaken in drug use and never will. I'd rather be cast into the blinding light of my reality than to become what I hate most. Drugs are for cool people and I am the antithesis of what cool is. I am quite predesposed to becoming an alcoholic and I will not let that happen.

I look at all of my possible realities and realise I am living in the worst one.

I am uncomfortable with reality, but I have no other choice than to live in it. The life of a despised loner is what's been chosen for me and I will play my role to a hilt.
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post #34 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 11:46 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Shadowweaver View Post
Not quite, but I have experienced something similar. I remember a very stressful day in high school when, for the first time in my life, I failed an exam. I was devastated and desperately needed an escape. Luckily, on that very day my family decided to go watch the new movie Apocalypto, and I tagged along.

The movie absolutely blew my mind, and it is to this day one of my favorite movies of all time. I forgot about my exam problems instantly and was completely immersed in the world.

Walking out of the cinema theater, the world around suddenly felt very pale and boring. On the screen, there were lush vibrant forests, people running around in the wilds, incredible mountain landscapes... And around me I saw walls of concrete and people in grey winter clothes, walking in straight lines or staring at their phones.

Fantasy and fiction worlds usually feature things so far outside of our everyday experiences, that it is hard to come back to our everyday life without feeling disappointed. It is especially the case with RPG video games, where in the fictional world you can be a hero everyone looks up to, interacting with fantastic creatures and falling in love with unearthly divas - while in the real life you are just... a guy or a girl.

This, honestly, is one of the reasons I barely play video games any more. I find that the more time I lose in them, the more desensitised I become to the world around me. And, in contrary, when my focus is on our world, I start noticing little details that seemed irrelevant before and find an incredible depth and richness to it.
Escapism is an easy way out, but it is a way that in the long run hurts us badly. I'm grateful for all the time I've spent playing video games, as they helped me develop my imagination, ideas and core values - but at this point in my life, I realise that it is time to move on to other dozens hobbies I have. Video games have given me everything they could possibly give, and playing much more of them will not benefit me in any way.

And, frankly, going to any national or state park and walking around always makes me feel 100 times better, than any video game, movie or book possibly could. Nothing can compare to the best samples of our nature! I can look at many fantasy worlds, and then glance at a small creek in the summer, and the latter will always win by a large margin.

I feel that way about video games too now. When I was a kid, I could play for hours, but now not matter how good the game is... I can just play for maybe 30 or 40 minutes. It feels restrictive....like you're trapped in a tiny world. And after 40 minutes, I simply want out.



It also makes you feel like you're wasting time. You can win a video game and complete all the achievements in it, but at the end of the day nothing has changed in the real world. The more stuff you do in the real world, the more meaningful you feel.
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post #35 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 12:45 AM
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i think i try to stay in reality.
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post #36 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 02:11 AM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
I feel that way about video games too now. When I was a kid, I could play for hours, but now not matter how good the game is... I can just play for maybe 30 or 40 minutes. It feels restrictive....like you're trapped in a tiny world. And after 40 minutes, I simply want out.



It also makes you feel like you're wasting time. You can win a video game and complete all the achievements in it, but at the end of the day nothing has changed in the real world. The more stuff you do in the real world, the more meaningful you feel.
Yes, that is a good point as well. You can spend 350 hours on Fallout 4, but once you are done with it, what have you really accomplished? In essence, nothing. Sure, you now have something to talk about with other Fallout players, and you have some pleasant memories - but, really... In those same 350 hours you could have done so much.

The days when we work hard, or just do a lot of fun, but physically and mentally exhausting stuff, may be painful - but, at the end of the day, you look back and think, "Wow, this was a hell of a day!" It is better than looking back and thinking, "I gained 3 character levels today and sit on my butt in front of the screen for 10 hours. Time to go to bed".
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post #37 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 09:45 AM
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Nope


If anything, it makes me depressed. Been unemployed for 9 months now. I've been applying non-stop. I'm planning to attend another job-fair soon.

I don't get what I'm doing wrong. I'm not made of money. I can't just keep dishing out for stuff companies want me to have.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
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post #38 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-25-2019, 08:01 PM
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Reality can be tough to deal with for sure but that tends to come more from social isolation than the distractions I indulge in per se
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post #39 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 04:03 AM
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Immensely uncomfortable. My go to coping mech has been freeze/ shut down/ dissociation or complete avoidance/ disengagement from life. Very hard for me to be in reality, feel and acknowledge my feelings abt reality w/o shutting down, then act in my best interest anyway. But that's the work. The horrible, ****ty, damn near impossible work.

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Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #40 of 57 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 05:45 AM
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I think I was happier when I was still in denial.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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