Does anyone have any advice they were given when they were younger that they regret not ta - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 12:32 PM Thread Starter
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Does anyone have any advice they were given when they were younger that they regret not ta


Does anyone have any advice they were given when they were younger that they regret not taking or listening to at the time?

I can think of some financial advice I was given that I wish I would have followed. Or as far as social anxiety goes I wish I would have followed the advice to get over your fears you have to face them. People would tell me you just have to do it and you will see it isnt that bad. Although they werent having panic attacks like I was and may not have understood fully they likely had the right idea. Instead I just read about SA or trying to develope social skills or confidence without actually having the guts to just go out and do it. Something I do regret now I think.

Not sure if I had forced myself to give speeches in front of class when I was in school instead of skipping class would have solved the issue completely but it likely would have helped. Or approaching the woman I wanted to talk to instead of just thinking about it would have made me much less anxious and I could have had a normal dating life in my college years or early 20's. Missed out on a lot by not taking that advice I think.

So do you have any advice they were given when they were younger that they regret not taking or listening to at the time in regards to SA or in general?
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 05:25 PM
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I don't think I was ever given any good advice in my younger days. I didn't have many friends, was without internet till I was 14 or 15, and the adults in my life were pretty literally stupid and self-absorbed (they dispensed a lot of bad advice, almost all of which I've disregarded as an adult myself).
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 05:29 PM
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Not regarding my SA - but I regret not buying real estate.

I remember this lady I didn't even know telling me to do it about a thousand years ago - we were having a coffee waiting for a train in the city (that sort of thing happened to me quite a bit for some reason) and she just started talking to me. She said buy anything - but buy it.

I was in a position to do it easily too - my father bought and sold places all the time and one of my best friends was literally like a bank he had so much money, I could have borrowed from him - but I still didn't do it. I was a ****wit.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 07:50 PM
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 08:27 AM Thread Starter
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Not regarding my SA - but I regret not buying real estate.

I remember this lady I didn't even know telling me to do it about a thousand years ago - we were having a coffee waiting for a train in the city (that sort of thing happened to me quite a bit for some reason) and she just started talking to me. She said buy anything - but buy it.
Yea buying real estate is a great investment once you are able to do so money wise. Better alternative then paying rent. I bought my townhouse about 7 years ago and hope to have it paid of in the next 3 years.

Location does make a big difference on real estate however so the ladies advice of buy anything may not have been a great idea. For example if you bought property 30 years ago or so in Detroit Michigan it probaly would not have been a good investment. They are tearing down a whole lot of houses in the city now. Once the auto industry left it hurt the city horribly. So dont buy in a location where the economy is likely to collapse and that is hard to predict a lot of times. Real Estate dosent always go up in value. People learned that lesson during the 2008 real estate crash learned that lesson.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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I don't think I was ever given any good advice in my younger days. I didn't have many friends, was without internet till I was 14 or 15, and the adults in my life were pretty literally stupid and self-absorbed (they dispensed a lot of bad advice, almost all of which I've disregarded as an adult myself).
I think I was given some good advice and some bad. I think I was so anxious when i was younger was unable to follow or understand what was good and what was bad advice. Brain fog.

I think things are easier for kids these days. You can find info and advice online. When we were kids had to go to the library and maybe they had a book that gave some good advice. But it was probaly outdated info and may not have been helpful at all.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 09:53 AM
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i regret being so immature in high school. somehow, by some divine will, the shy girl of my high school had a crush on me and we end up in a relationship (about as incredibly awkward as you might imagine it to be at the start) the #1 thing i regret is basically how i treated her when she was nothing but sweet and kind to me, i took it all for granted big time.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 10:00 AM
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I didnt need advice.

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 11:14 AM
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Well, for the advice I didn't follow, the consequences I have learned may arguably be more beneficial to my development and self-awareness than if I'd simply followed advice and had an easy-going life full of fortune.

So with that context being laid out, I think my social life would have been better if I, as advised by others
  • saw myself as eligible enough to approach and ask out girls even when the odds were against me
  • said yes to any girls who were playfully flirting, and was basically more care-free
  • aimed to be the best when studying, and seeking advice on how to study, instead of being satisfied with just scraping through
  • turned my lyric writing into some sort of rapping hobby, especially considering the trends and opportunities at that particular time
  • learned about relationships and socialising during my first relationship, instead of winging it and only learning after I got dumped
  • stuck to boxing instead of only giving it one day (even though I enjoyed it)
  • learn more about investing and get into the habit of executing what I learn

With all this being said, overall I'm here with my current life. The only reasons I would change things is if it affected family and friends, or my relationship with them, for the better. Otherwise, I'm quite accepting of how my life has panned out, and probably wouldn't change anything if I had the chance.

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 02:47 PM
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would have made me much less anxious and I could have had a normal dating life in my college years or early 20's. Missed out on a lot by not taking that advice I think.
Yeah, I feel that. Society seems determined to tell me that your high school and college years are the "best years of your life", and then everything after that is just a slow shuffle to the grave full of mortgage payments, PTA meetings, and arguments with your spouse. I'm in my late 20s right now and in the process of trying to turn my life around, so I'm hoping there's still some fun and excitement to be found in your 30s and 40s lol.
I'm not saying my college years were boring or anything, but I know I definitely missed out on a lot of fun and not-so-fun opportunities because of my SA.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 11:32 PM
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I thought I responded to this already but maybe I deleted the post. Anyway nobody gave me any useful advice. Didn't really get much advice in general.

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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-30-2020, 12:06 AM
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I had this teacher try to convince me to stay at school - only he didn't try hard enough unfortunately. I was an egg-head at school - all I ever did was study. And I didn't find it hard at all. I should have stayed and gone to Uni at a normal age and tried to be a normal human being like everyone else.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-30-2020, 05:09 PM
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I had this teacher try to convince me to stay at school - only he didn't try hard enough unfortunately. I was an egg-head at school - all I ever did was study. And I didn't find it hard at all. I should have stayed and gone to Uni at a normal age and tried to be a normal human being like everyone else.

funny, I wish i stayed at home instead of going to uni at a normal age.
---

and my answer to this thread is follow your dreams. alot of media expresses this but people in day to day society kind of tell you the opposite, and I went with the path with less resistance.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-30-2020, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah, I feel that. Society seems determined to tell me that your high school and college years are the "best years of your life", and then everything after that is just a slow shuffle to the grave full of mortgage payments, PTA meetings, and arguments with your spouse. I'm in my late 20s right now and in the process of trying to turn my life around, so I'm hoping there's still some fun and excitement to be found in your 30s and 40s lol.
Well from personal experience there is some "fun" to be found in your 30's and 40's. One good thing is usually you have more money to enjoy at that point in life then you do in your early 20's. So you can take a nicer vacation to a more exotic place then you could in your 20's. Downside is you have more stress and responsibilites. A lot more if you have kids and a spouse. And its harder to make friends as you get older when your not in school. But you can find some fun.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-31-2020, 11:21 AM
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One of my 12th grade teachers had gave my class advice to talk to a girl/boy you're interested in before it's too late. I never did follow that advice even once...



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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-31-2020, 08:10 PM
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Yeah ... "drugs will ***k you up" lol.

For a while I got on the wrong track. I thought ecstasy/MDMA was the solution to my SA.

I tried it, felt amazing, could talk to anyone.

The next year was a blur of ecstasy use. Of course eventually it stopped working. So I took more ... I got to the point of doing four pills at a time.

People told me the pills would "wreck my head" or similar. But the warnings were always fairly vague. So I took no notice &#x1f609;

Anyway, to cut a long story short, when I stopped the pills, my anxiety was 100 times worse. And I felt depressed as hell.

I've been on and off medication since, for the past 20-odd years.

Maybe I was destined for these issues anyway. Life with SA gets pretty depressing. But doing all those drugs definitely didn't help me any.

So yeah ... maybe drugs, if taken in moderation, can be OK. But if they are taken to compensate for or to mask feelings of anxiety or low self-esteem, well, then problems are inevitable.
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-01-2021, 01:32 AM
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People that molded you and taught you your foundation as you grow up, might actually be complete idiots, which you wouldn't realize until you get older.

My uncle blurted that to me one night when he was drunk and playing a ninja turtle video game with us. I think I was like 6 or 7. I completely disregard what he said as I was just focusing on enjoying the video game. But for some reason I really remembered that moment.

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2021, 09:47 AM Thread Starter
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People that molded you and taught you your foundation as you grow up, might actually be complete idiots, which you wouldn't realize until you get older.
Love that he told you that. Going to have to remember that saying. Very true in a lot of ways.

The problem is determining who is the idiot and who isnt. Not always easy to tell which adults dont know what they are talking about when your a kid. Also for example my parents were complete idiots in certain areas but knew what they were talking about in others. For example my parents were horrible with money and idiots in that regard but knew things in other areas.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2021, 11:52 PM
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Love that he told you that. Going to have to remember that saying. Very true in a lot of ways.

The problem is determining who is the idiot and who isnt. Not always easy to tell which adults dont know what they are talking about when your a kid. Also for example my parents were complete idiots in certain areas but knew what they were talking about in others. For example my parents were horrible with money and idiots in that regard but knew things in other areas.

Even many adults, they still never realized. The ones that are able to picked up on their parents' flaws are the fortunate ones.

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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