Did I have mental health issues as a kid? I don't remember. I might have ADHD. I need to get screened again to be certain. Maybe I even have high functioning autism or Asperger's, although I don't quite tick off all the boxes. I shouldn't self-diagnose.
Anyway, I was verbally bullied a lot as a kid. Called a loser all the time, kids laughed at me and avoided me as if I had leprosy. They always had this look of disgust on their face when I tried to talk to them. That killed my self-esteem, and as a result I became much more quiet and withdrawn. The isolation in turn made me depressed... I think? I don't think I knew what depression was when I was a child. Before university, I just felt lonely most of the time, but I didn't constantly think to myself that I was a worthless loser.
I went to university, and that was quite rough. Nobody wanted to talk to me in my classes. And the few who did, they just thought I was 'smart' and wanted help with their assignments. No one wanted to get to know me for who I was. This caused my self-esteem to dip even further, further perpetuating this vicious cycle of loneliness, depression, and social anxiety.
I think it all stems back from childhood. I must be so convinced of my inferiority, probably stemming from the bullies repeatedly calling me a f****t and b***h. Lots of tears were shed in those days... there were a few kind students, but eventually they all left me as well. I always seem to wonder what I have done wrong, what I did to deserve all this. Why am I so different from everyone else. Why no one seemed to think I was worth hanging out with... it still bothers me today.