Does anyone else look back at their childhood and get angry that their mental health issue - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 06:36 AM
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Not really. Back then issues of that nature were taboo and, by and large, parents went into immediate denial. Social Anxiety/Panic Disorder/ADD weren't even terms that had been invented yet. I did send some pretty obvious warning signs, though, but I also understood that to be afraid was cause for being shamed so, by three or four, I'd built a pretty substantial protective wall around myself. gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #42 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 08:18 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
More annoyed my parents didn't seek help for their own mental health issues.
Good point. Wish my parents had gotten help for their issues. Looking back on it my father was dealing with anxiety issues and drinking to much. So he had his own issues. But if he had gotten help it would have perhaps put him in a better position to help me with my issues.
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post #43 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 09:13 AM
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I was pretty much a frozen bunny rabbit in school, except it was during the daytime in broad daylight when bunnies don’t thrive.
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post #44 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 03:29 PM
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It never occurs to me to blame my parents. Either for what they may have supposedly done (that may have caused me problems later) or what they didn't do to try and help me.

I don't think my problems were starting to show until my late teens, early 20's - and even then I didn't really know what was going on myself. I knew I was very anxious in certain situations - like for example I tried to go to Uni at the regular age and couldn't, but it was pretty obvious no-one much knew what to do about it.

Our family doctor prescribed me Serepax - a benzo - back in my early 20's (very early '80's). Back then the research on their side-effects was probably not even done yet - or certainly wouldn't have been widely known. They were handed out like lollies. Plus my poor mother was on a barbiturate while she was pregnant with me - because, I'd imagine, she'd already had 6 miscarriages before me and was desperate to keep this one.
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post #45 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-04-2019, 02:11 PM
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I have made numerous mistakes and much of the blame lies with me. But I most certainly showed signs of OCD and unusual amounts of worry and anxiety in my youth and no one really noticed or cared. College was a waste of time and not beneficial in any way, I should have used that time and money to better myself inside and out. I live in a miserable city and I am now fast approaching 40 (later this year) and I donít and havenít ever had friends or a boyfriend,I depend on others because I donít drive and have zero life skills (canít cook or housekeep), I do work but my job is boring, monotonous, the benefits and pay are lousy, no perks or room for advancement and morale is low most days. My world is work Monday- Friday, come home, eat dinner and sit in my room and either shop online or spend hours commenting on various news sites. Weekends arenít much different other than going out to eat and maybe the store. Pretty sure my window of opportunity to change things is either already closed or closing very soon. I am trying one last time...therapy and maybe meds. In just a few appointments, I have made some baby steps toward driving again. Driving would be the break I need but not sure I have the strength to make it happen.
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post #46 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-04-2019, 02:23 PM
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It just caused me to further distance myself from most people and remain uninvolved in a lot of crap, I guess.

"If you're going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill
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post #47 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 03:55 PM
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post #48 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:51 AM
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sort of, especially since i have secondary disorders that were (made) veryy apparent to my parents, they should have got me some help. no use crying over spilt milk though.

ďMy case is not unique: I am afraid of dying and distressed at being in the world.Ē
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post #49 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:20 PM
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I have zero doubt that I got my SA as a result of my mom and her hold on the parenting that I received.

I'm grateful that she disciplined me to focus on my education and to be a good person, 100%, but it was at the total expense of my social development. My mom is an introvert and probably has some level of SA herself, so it's no surprise I ended up much the same.

I never have and do not think of it as anger at not receiving help per se, but more so frustration that my socialization was thrown out the window in terms of childhood development. I've accepted that SA will likely be a part of my daily life for the rest of my life, and now it's just about addressing it and overcoming it as best and as often as I can.
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post #50 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 10:49 PM
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Mental health help was non existent when I was a kid. All I would get is a toughen up kid comments which really helped. Or you could go talk to the school nurse who just thought you were shy.
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post #51 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 09:42 AM
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Yes, I do.

I missed out on a lot of things, but the thing that will always tick me off is missing out on the chance to actually woo someone.

This particular person was probably the only person who would understand me despite not having much communication and that was only attributed to the fact that she was BFFs with my cousin---who I used to be close with.

Oddly enough, my cousins are probably the only people who I can be myself around. It's only with them where I feel somewhat normal and act like "everybody else".

I think it's for that reason why this person of interest was always attempting to reach out to me. I behaved poorly and due to SA, didn't react in kind.

I will forever regret not doing more to responding to this person. I've had to let it go, though. 'Cause the anger was starting to get to me.

ďThough I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
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post #52 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 09:13 AM
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No, I don't blame anyone. Getting diagnosed with NVLD is a rare thing, and was totally heard of when I was growing up. There was a belief that girls didn't get autism spectrum or learning based disorders, only boys did (dead wrong). The only thing that has upset me is that I had severe difficulties in math, beyond what is normal. As in I would tutor for hours after school and still barely pass the class. I'm absolutely baffled that no one thought, "uh, gee, this is odd. Maybe you should test her or put her in a different class?" But, can't fix it now. There was a slight expectation for girls to be shy, so I don't think SA would ever come up.
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