Does anyone else look back at their childhood and get angry that their mental health issue - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 10:34 AM
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Teachers had this "fall in line and do what everyone else does or gtfo" attitude. They didn't have a shred patience for individualism -at all.- It's like we weren't even people, but a body of uniformed livestock going through the motions of learning. (This was junior high - it was terrible.) They came across as very miserable people with or without an awareness to mental health problems. I actually wouldn't want their help - probably would of had me institutionalized.

I don't get angry about any of this because in retrospect it serves as the lesson that the world doesn't go out of its way to empathize with you or make accommodations for you. I'm the one who has to realize my own strength, figure it out and adapt. Even though society is now trying to hyper-accommodate and accept some trend of people, it still flat out rejects others and there's nothing you can do about it. I'd rather have learned to take care of myself than be mollycoddled anyway. That's just the way I think about it.
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post #22 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 10:48 AM
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Not really. I don't hold grudges much. They didn't know better. I assume it's how they grew up too. Yeah the way they raised me ****ed me royally, but whats the point in holding onto any more anger towards them? It just slows down any progress I make to fix myself.
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post #23 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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Not really. I don't hold grudges much. They didn't know better. I assume it's how they grew up too. Yeah the way they raised me ****ed me royally, but whats the point in holding onto any more anger towards them? It just slows down any progress I make to fix myself.
I guess their is no point in holding on to anger against them. But I think what I would ask is would you be justified in feeling anger towards them since they raised you in a way that F you up royally as you put it?
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post #24 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 08:15 PM
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I guess their is no point in holding on to anger against them. But I think what I would ask is would you be justified in feeling anger towards them since they raised you in a way that F you up royally as you put it?

I'd say so, yeah. It would be justified. I wouldn't say someone was wrong for feeling that way if they grew up like me or worse or however badly it impacted them. I guess its just a personal subconscious decision of mine rather than something I've sat and thought about and weighed up each side. I had a lot of anger at them growing up, so I could have also just used all of that anger up. I became a lot more chill, around the time just before I graduated high school and the hatred was more focused inwards. Maybe if they had more malice in raising me I'd have held onto more hatred.
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post #25 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 08:23 PM
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post #26 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:02 PM
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yes i do, i wonder exactly what point in my life and decision i made lead me to be in this mess

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post #27 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:13 PM
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No i don't feel angry at my parents bc i know that they love me and wouldn't have wished this on me.
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post #28 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:37 PM
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Kind of. Instead they just made fun of me or acted like I'm some piece of **** kid that refuses to socialize and be outgoing just to be a ****. This is why I will never have a normal life no matter how much I pretend to.

That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

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post #29 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Kind of. Instead they just made fun of me or acted like I'm some piece of **** kid that refuses to socialize and be outgoing just to be a ****. This is why I will never have a normal life no matter how much I pretend to.
Feel the same way kind of. But I guess all we can do now is move on from it and try to improve
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post #30 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 09:45 AM
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post #31 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-09-2019, 10:21 PM
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I don't think seeing a psychologist or counselor would have really helped. There is no cure for asperger's or whatever. Seeing a shrink would not have gotten me friends or gotten me a job.

What I'm angry about is the lack of support from my dad period. If he had just kept the house and let me stay there for free and paid for my college (public college, so low tuition) then I wouldn't be pissed/resentful. Instead he got rid of our house and put me and my sister in the living room of my stepmother's 1-bedroom rundown condo while they went on trips to Europe and South America. Then he kept threatening to cut me off financially and kept telling me to get a job while I was going to community college. That's kind of a lot to ask of a kid who had stopped going to school from age 12 and half to 18 and was completely isolated. I was doing okay at community college but it was a slow adjustment from being a hermit that only left the house twice a week (grocery store & public library).

He repeatedly accused me of being a lazy good for nothing because I refused to go to junior high and high school. Maybe it was partially laziness but it was more than that.

I'm very envious of people on this forum whose parents will let them live for free with them, pay for their food, cook for them, drive them to the grocery store and medical appointments, etc. Instead of downsizing which could save the parents money, they keep a house or apartment that has an extra bedroom for them even though the kid is nearing middle-age.

If my dad had been more supportive, I'd have probably gotten my degree at a normal age instead of in my mid-30s. I wouldn't have lived in Japan as an illegal alien and all the problems that come with that. I'd be making a lot more money and be more settled. I'd know how to drive if he had taught me. My sister doesn't know how to drive either. And she's an even bigger mess financially/career-wise than me. My dad likes to think it's not because of him.....he likes to think that he was so generous.....

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post #32 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2019, 04:19 PM
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I look back at my school years with a sense of sadness that they were so painful and difficult. I do wonder if more intervention by certain teachers could have helped me and how I'd be now if that had happened. But I don't feel anger.

I missed heaps of school because of illness. Probably about two years in total when added up. I started high school about six months after everyone else, so trying to fit in and make friends was difficult. As a kid who was shy and reserved to start off with, it was all beyond me.

I vividly remember having to read aloud to the class during English lessons. The anxiety I felt was unbearable. I developed a stutter and when it came to my turn I just couldn't get the words out. It must have been clear that I had some issues going on, but I don't remember being taken aside and spoken to by any of my teachers. In the English lesson, my teacher's solution was to eventually skip over me during the reading aloud part of class. I managed to avoid presentations etc. for the rest of my time at school by not going in on the day they were due and that kind of thing.

I can now see that back then my dad was struggling with his own awkwardness and social anxiety. But it was never spoken about. It would have been nice if he could have sat down with me and said something like "I know what you're going through, I have similar problems". But it was never acknowledged. Back then, and for his generation (this was in the 80s), these things weren't discussed openly. You just got on with life the best you could. I'm not angry with my dad, I don't blame him. He was doing the best he could while dealing with his own issues.

I think it's true what my therapist tells me often - holding onto anger and grudges is most harmful to the person who is holding onto them. I know it isn't as simple as just just dropping it, it's complicated, but I guess what I'm getting at is that you have to somehow let go to be able to move on.
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post #33 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2019, 06:37 PM
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I do think about this sometimes. I have no idea if it's better now, it's definitely easier to get diagnosed now for various conditions, and they intervene more but whether that's what's really helpful is another story. But yeah I do look at what the adults around me were doing when I clearly needed some help growing up, and it looks like a lot of them were negligent and a few were abusive (I was bullied by two teachers). I think this might also be one of the reasons I don't want to have children myself, since every time I think of my parents' parenting and the teachers I had growing up, I just feel kind of disgusted by the whole thing and I dread being that kind of adult in some other kid's life.
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post #34 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-11-2019, 03:22 PM
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I don't think that would've been helpful... At least for me...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
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post #35 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-26-2019, 10:00 PM Thread Starter
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I do think about this sometimes. I have no idea if it's better now, it's definitely easier to get diagnosed now for various conditions, and they intervene more but whether that's what's really helpful is another story. But yeah I do look at what the adults around me were doing when I clearly needed some help growing up, and it looks like a lot of them were negligent and a few were abusive (I was bullied by two teachers). I think this might also be one of the reasons I don't want to have children myself, since every time I think of my parents' parenting and the teachers I had growing up, I just feel kind of disgusted by the whole thing and I dread being that kind of adult in some other kid's life.
It is easier to get diagnosed now as you said. Myself I wasant diagnosed with SA until I was in my mid 20's but I suffered all through my childhood. I think if I had been properly treated it would have made things a lot easier growing up. But I guess all that is speculation. Even today when your diagnosed there is no magic cure so it probably would have only made a slight improvement to get help back then. But who knows
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post #36 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-30-2019, 11:05 PM Thread Starter
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I don't think that would've been helpful... At least for me...
Why dont you think it would have helped?
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post #37 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 12:31 AM
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A little annoyed sometimes, when I think back on it... but not really angry. I know my mother did the best she could. It's not like her own mother had done much to help her with her problems either; it was a learning experience for us all. It also certainly didn't help how distracted she was by the borderline psychosis of my narcissist of a step father.

In a sense, though, I do feel a little... I guess, betrayed, by how openly frustrated she got with me sometimes. Learning about her lifelong struggles with anxiety and depression as an adult made me a little resentful that she wasn't more understanding of what I was going through as a child/teen--that she didn't even seem to see it. She wasn't cruel, by any means... but she also had limited patience and was very dismissive when I tried to explain myself. Her reactions (and lack thereof) to my panic attacks were especially hurtful.

I'm sure my neuroses weren't easy to deal with, though. So. It's whatever.

She's still a good mother.


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I don't believe in "mental" doctors. I also don't believe we as SA sufferers are mental patients, we just don't fit in this modern world where everything is about performances and promotions. I don't believe people with SA are "sick", we just have different personality traits that don't fit in with the current believes.
Introversion and a tendency toward shyness are personality traits. Anxiety is not.
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post #38 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 12:38 AM
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Not really. I don't think my parents were any more well equipped to deal with my psychological issues than they were to deal with being parents in the first place. The main thing I blame them for is just plain not having enough common sense to realize the results of their reproductive activities would likely not be that great. Or I guess we should say the odds were not good.

They got lucky with my sister (Sort of. She still has health problems that she probably inherited and likely passed on to her own children). I definitely lost the genetic lottery. Beyond that point, there's probably not much anyone could have done. Short of being millionaires. If they had been millionaires and I would have inherited enough to survive on, I wouldn't blame them for reproducing. That not having been the case, I feel that I can blame them for gambling with an empty bank account.

I feel that my sister's children will likely pay a steep price in the long run as well. They're all still young for the time being so only time will tell. There are 3 of them and at least once of their parents came from less than ideal genes. They also don't have an extensive family network to fall back on if anything happens to their parents. If even one of them turns out as bad as I did that will be an unacceptable fail in my book. Two successes and one fail is still unacceptable.

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post #39 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 05:06 AM
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More annoyed my parents didn't seek help for their own mental health issues.

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post #40 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-01-2019, 06:03 AM
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My parents were dealing with their own mental health issues while having three kids to feed and support, immigrating to a country where their language wasn't spoken, and just trying to survive.


My main lesson from all this trauma was "don't have kids".

And I always thought this would be
the land of milk and honey
Oh but I came to find out that it's
all hate and money
And there's a canopy of greed holding me down.
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