Does anyone else look back at their childhood and get angry that their mental health issue - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-05-2019, 10:19 AM Thread Starter
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Does anyone else look back at their childhood and get angry that their mental health issue


Does anyone else look back at their childhood and get angry that their mental health issues were not dealt with better by their parents, teachers etc? Kind of like the fact that nobody including my parents and teachers ever thought, "hey, this boy needs help, he does not hardly say one word in class, etc.". How can you go all throughout grade school with almost no teacher noticing that there may be something severely wrong with me other than me being quiet/shy? I do remember one grade school teacher suggesting I needed counseling but I don't think my parents really understood the situation and thought I would just grow out of it and didn't really need any help.


Im 41 years old now so granted when I was in school Social anxiety was not as well understood back then as a disorder so I can give them a bit of a pass in that respect I guess. Anyway thoughts and can anyone relate?
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post #2 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 05:55 AM
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I do and I know exactly what you were talking about. I'm very bitter and resentful when i think back on aspects of my childhood/teenagehood. I asked for help and never recieved it. i was never taken seriously. maybe if i was i wouldnt be in this mental mess i'm in today.


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post #3 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 06:42 AM
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Depends. I was shy but I wasn't the only shy kid. What came of the other shy kids is anyone's guess but I do think most of the times you do grow out of it. I did start growing out of it bit by bit but it hit back hard when I graduated and came into the real world.
I personally don't think it would have been helpful at all to go to psychiatrists with a kid. Give them room to breath, to adjust.

In the end I only blame myself for my situation. Life is hard, some cope with it, some think they're coping with it and other like me will never cope with it.
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post #4 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 10:16 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime View Post
Depends. I was shy but I wasn't the only shy kid. What came of the other shy kids is anyone's guess but I do think most of the times you do grow out of it. I did start growing out of it bit by bit but it hit back hard when I graduated and came into the real world.
I personally don't think it would have been helpful at all to go to psychiatrists with a kid. Give them room to breath, to adjust.

In the end I only blame myself for my situation. Life is hard, some cope with it, some think they're coping with it and other like me will never cope with it.

Curious why you don't think it would have been helpful at all to go to psychiatrists with a kid? Certainly would not have solved the issue 100 percent but I think you would be better off going then not.
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post #5 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 10:25 AM
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yes, its a bit difficult to understand how people allowed it to continue the whole time. even in my mid twenties there were a couple of sympathetic people who I even heard told by others to stay away from me - just random people. so I wonder how often that has happened. stigmatization, peer pressure, discrimination seems to be how it functions. and useless parents... though it could be said that they were ashamed of it and affected by the above also.

well now that I think of it nothing has changed, it's still happening...

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post #6 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 12:01 PM
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Curious why you don't think it would have been helpful at all to go to psychiatrists with a kid? Certainly would not have solved the issue 100 percent but I think you would be better off going then not.
I don't believe in "mental" doctors. I also don't believe we as SA sufferers are mental patients, we just don't fit in this modern world where everything is about performances and promotions. I don't believe people with SA are "sick", we just have different personality traits that don't fit in with the current believes.

I can't back this but I wouldn't be surprised if SA was more common in the US and Western Europe and less in Africa or the Middle East.

By going to doctors early on I think it makes things worse as you install something in the kid that something is wrong. That's a wrong way of thinking. Early on your brain and mentality is yet to be fully formed so I'd always wait till you are adult.
It often is just harmless insecurity, it could get worse and become SA or it could turn out different when you suddenly find a wonderful group of friends or you find something that really interests you.
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post #7 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 12:09 PM
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I'm not as annoyed about it now most of the time but I find it a bit ridiculous. I was even diagnosed unofficially with selective mutism by a psychologist examining my brother at a young age but I didn't get any help at all and I am younger than you - 27 but it was still **** then and probably still is now. It wasn't that people didn't recognise there was a problem, people commented on that a lot, they just didn't try to help.
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post #8 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 12:58 PM
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I'm angry at my selfish narcissistic parents for ruining me.

They're just sleaze bags that have manipulated and lied their way through life. I honestly dont even think they see me as anything other than a prop in their life that got in the way of what they wanted.
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post #9 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 01:09 PM
 
 
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Not really. I think it would have been great if I saw a therapist or counselor as a child, it might have helped a lot... but I'm not surprised nor did I expect my parents to do that for me. They are pretty mentally/emotionally messed up themselves.

I realize now that after my parents divorced around age 7 and I was dealing with the aftermath that I was definitely experiencing childhood depression from age 10-ish onward. But I didn't understand it and my parents didn't notice even though there were obvious signs I guess.

At age 12 or 13 I had a meltdown at school because I thought my mom was going to beat me. I tried to hide in my science teacher's cabinet afterschool and she caught me. Anyway the teacher reported this to administration and I was required to see a counselor for a while. However I did not speak to her at all during our appointments because I was afraid if I said anything about my mom she would beat me even more, since the counselor had to report to my mom anyway.

The whole experience was extremely painful and stressful. I remember my mom taunting me about observations the counselor reported to her about me. So I'm not really sure how the dynamic would be if she actually provided me with a proper therapist. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out after all.

My dad once told me that he thought I was bipolar and maybe I should take drugs for it but didn't do anything about it.
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post #10 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 01:14 PM
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There were SO many warning signs in my childhood that nobody paid any attention to, just writing me off as "shy" and "sensitive" and saying I'd "grow out of it." No, I never grew out of anything, I only got worse. I did eventually end up diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (and various other problems), but I think I'm on the autism spectrum as well, I've shown LOTS of signs of that all my life and my former psychologist suggested it too (not that she bothered following up on it or even putting it in her notes--they included that stupid schizotypal PD, instead, not that anybody took that seriously either), but nobody ever picked up on them properly (they just thought I was picky and high maintenance--for example, to them, my extreme physical discomfort and misery when wearing certain types of clothes was just me exaggerating and being a brat--and even when my OCD compulsions had me sobbing my eyes out, my mother insisted I just "liked making everyone miserable"), and now it's too late not only to be diagnosed/assessed (who's going to take a fortysomething woman seriously?), but to be treated so that I stand a chance of learning how to deal with the world.

I'm now in my forties, utterly dependent and isolated and suicidal, suffering from various medical ailments and untreated mental disorders (even the therapists gave up), and have no life skills because people were too frustrated by my "slowness" to teach me anything useful. Add to that the crippling anxiety and avoidance I developed following numerous negative social experiences (again, probably due to undiagnosed autism), and when my parents are gone, I'll have no way to survive on my own. I don't have any friends/boyfriend or counselors or anything I can turn to.

Yes, I'm incredibly angry and upset that nobody ever took my mental issues seriously until it was too late (and not even then). It sounds dramatic (I've tried bringing it up with my parents and they always brush it off for this reason), but I'm probably going to end up homeless and dead because of this, within the next decade or so (if I'm lucky).

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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post #11 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 01:18 PM
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I don't think there's anything they could have done tbh. I did try and mention it to my father one time and he didn't take it seriously - I was young and he probably thought I'd grow out of it. I think he would have found it pretty much impossible to relate to a teenager that was starting to be anxious. He had a great deal of other things going on in his life to concern himself with, so it doesn't make me annoyed with him at all.

I remember going to one doctor a long time ago and he tried to reassure me that we could deal with the anxiety - from memory back then he actually did hypnosis but we only went once or twice. Our family GP back then, who was a lovely man, once said to me "I don't mind if you take these for the rest of your life" - after he had given me a script for some benzos. He just didn't know any better back then - I'm not sure the research had even been done into the side-effects of long-term use back then. He meant well.

I feel no anger towards my parents at all. I'm a lot older now and I'm a parent myself - I know how hard it is to try and do what you think is best and then it not necessarily working out the way you wanted.
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post #12 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 01:22 PM
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There were SO many warning signs in my childhood that nobody paid any attention to, just writing me off as "shy" and "sensitive" and saying I'd "grow out of it." No, I never grew out of anything, I only got worse. I did eventually end up diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (and various other problems), but I think I'm on the autism spectrum as well, I've shown LOTS of signs of that all my life and my former psychologist suggested it too (not that she bothered following up on it or even putting it in her notes--they included that stupid schizotypal PD, instead, not that anybody took that seriously either), but nobody ever picked up on them properly (they just thought I was picky and high maintenance--for example, to them, my extreme physical discomfort and misery when wearing certain types of clothes was just me exaggerating and being a brat--and even when my OCD compulsions had me sobbing my eyes out, my mother insisted I just "liked making everyone miserable"), and now it's too late not only to be diagnosed/assessed (who's going to take a fortysomething woman seriously?), but to be treated so that I stand a chance of learning how to deal with the world.

I'm now in my forties, utterly dependent and isolated and suicidal, suffering from various medical ailments and untreated mental disorders (even the therapists gave up), and have no life skills because people were too frustrated by my "slowness" to teach me anything useful. Add to that the crippling anxiety and avoidance I developed following numerous negative social experiences (again, probably due to undiagnosed autism), and when my parents are gone, I'll have no way to survive on my own. I don't have any friends/boyfriend or counselors or anything I can turn to.

Yes, I'm incredibly angry and upset that nobody ever took my mental issues seriously until it was too late (and not even then). It sounds dramatic (I've tried bringing it up with my parents and they always brush it off for this reason), but I'm probably going to end up homeless and dead because of this, within the next decade or so (if I'm lucky).
Some interesting things here I'd like to know more about.
-What exactly do you mean with the clothes thing? You can't stand the feel of certain fabrics? or do you mean you think some clothes looked silly on you? I think this sounds familiar to me
-You talk about being slow. In what way? I have always been labelled slow too, in moving and talking.
- medical ailments? I suffer from an auto-immune disease which can only come from my SA, I'm convinced of that.

Anyway unlike you I wasn't crying for help and I still don't. I don't want to be seen as pathetic but my life to some extent and future looks scarily the same like yours. Especially my future.
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post #13 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 01:25 PM
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I'm not upset with my parents. Even in this day and age, if you went to a psychologist, there's a change they haven't heard about SA. Back then when you or I were young, there was probably a small percentage of shrinks who knew about it and knew how to treat people with it. How could I expect my parents to diagnose something that most professionals wouldn't have been able to? They probably had no idea how to help and were hoping for the best.
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post #14 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 07:35 PM
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No, because I don't blame anyone else for my problems.

Who can really say if things would be any better if the past had gone differently? When I was growing up, kids who saw "shrinks" were often teased and ostracized by their peers. Maybe that would have made things worse. And what kid really wants their parents or teachers telling them that they need psychological help? Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? Would being diagnosed earlier actually have made a difference somehow?

Personally I'm glad nobody did stuff like that to me. I often got told that I was too quiet, that I needed to talk more or make more friends, so I doubt anybody really understood what was going on with me. But I didn't want to stand out any more than I already did.

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post #15 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-06-2019, 09:51 PM
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Some interesting things here I'd like to know more about.
-What exactly do you mean with the clothes thing? You can't stand the feel of certain fabrics? or do you mean you think some clothes looked silly on you? I think this sounds familiar to me
Well, everything looks silly on me, but it's mostly about how clothes feel. Lots of fabrics feel horrible, scratchy and bothersome, or heavy or clingy, and put me in extreme physical/emotional misery. But I also can't tolerate the style of many clothes--how revealing they are (I do not want to show off, say, my cleavage, or my shape), or how tight (I can't bear form-fitting clothes, turtlenecks, scarves, leggings, bras without a racerback, etc. etc. etc., it's like I'm being strangled/smothered or the straps are falling off, etc.), or how the seams rub against my skin or the cloth bunches in certain ways (I can't wear socks for this reason). Even laces on shoes, if one shoe feels tighter than the other I'm irritated, so I tend to wear slip-on shoes or sandals. And it's hard to find boots that are warm/functional and that fit my fat calves. Etc.

Especially being overweight and having an unusual body shape, it's difficult to find anything that fits comfortably, so clothes shopping has always been incredibly frustrating for me. I despise clothes as a result.

I actually longed to get a hysterectomy for many years because of how uncomfortable it was wearing a bulky pad during my period. Am pissed that they discouraged us from using tampons in elementary school, otherwise I would've been using those all along.

And don't get me started on my hair, makeup, etc.

Quote:
-You talk about being slow. In what way? I have always been labelled slow too, in moving and talking.
I'm not technically slow (except for math, I'm truly bad at that), but I'm a slow learner, and I tend to need lots of repetition, trial-and-error, and detailed instruction/reassurance...nobody is patient enough to deal with that...so I never learned important things. If I don't know exactly how to do something without asking for help, I'll just mentally "shut down" and not do anything at all, except maybe cry.

Quote:
- medical ailments? I suffer from an auto-immune disease which can only come from my SA, I'm convinced of that.
Hypothyroidism, tooth issues (will need dentures soon), failing eyesight (going to get glasses soon), medication needed to digest food properly following gallbladder removal and partial removal of colon, hernia (may need surgery someday), need some assistance and permanent access to medical supplies due to an ostomy (I had my bladder removed), and for some reason I've developed a long-lasting yeast infection that resists all treatment, so I wonder if something is wrong with my immune system, too. Likely to develop arthritis at some point.

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Anyway unlike you I wasn't crying for help and I still don't.
...

I'm not really "crying for help" except maybe on this forum, since I don't have anybody to cry to IRL, and it's not like anybody here can help me, either.

I don't mind being seen as pathetic, since I am, but I do mind bothering other people/being a burden, so I don't bother asking them for help anymore.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #16 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime View Post
I don't believe in "mental" doctors. I also don't believe we as SA sufferers are mental patients, we just don't fit in this modern world where everything is about performances and promotions. I don't believe people with SA are "sick", we just have different personality traits that don't fit in with the current believes.

I can't back this but I wouldn't be surprised if SA was more common in the US and Western Europe and less in Africa or the Middle East.

By going to doctors early on I think it makes things worse as you install something in the kid that something is wrong. That's a wrong way of thinking. Early on your brain and mentality is yet to be fully formed so I'd always wait till you are adult.
It often is just harmless insecurity, it could get worse and become SA or it could turn out different when you suddenly find a wonderful group of friends or you find something that really interests you.

Great reply. Thanks.


So you don't believe in mental doctors? You don't think serious mental illness exist such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder? I would agree psychiatry is an in exact science at best and meds are sometimes over prescribed but I think going to a mental doctor as you said does more good then harm for the most part. As far as social anxiety goes of course there are people who are naturally shy and there are people with SA. Its a fine line to determine at what point it is a mental disorder. In my case I have no doubt it goes beyond normal shyness and to the place where it is a serious disorder.
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post #17 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
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I'm not upset with my parents. Even in this day and age, if you went to a psychologist, there's a change they haven't heard about SA. Back then when you or I were young, there was probably a small percentage of shrinks who knew about it and knew how to treat people with it. How could I expect my parents to diagnose something that most professionals wouldn't have been able to? They probably had no idea how to help and were hoping for the best.

Good post. Guess maybe I am being to hard on my parents now that im thinking about it. Im sure they knew something was wrong but didn't know how to deal with it and they had their own issues to deal with. I wasant diagnosed with SA till my early twenties and treatment did help at that point so if I was diagnosed earlier I think it would have helped me get through high school / college in better shape socially. But who knows.
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post #18 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 10:16 AM
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Great reply. Thanks.


So you don't believe in mental doctors? You don't think serious mental illness exist such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder? I would agree psychiatry is an in exact science at best and meds are sometimes over prescribed but I think going to a mental doctor as you said does more good then harm for the most part. As far as social anxiety goes of course there are people who are naturally shy and there are people with SA. Its a fine line to determine at what point it is a mental disorder. In my case I have no doubt it goes beyond normal shyness and to the place where it is a serious disorder.
I don't know anything about bipolar or schizophrenia... I'm talking about SA only because I believe that's what I suffer from. Something that occurred to me just today through someone's post here is that my SA might even come from an auto immune disease I have or vice versa.
But no I don't believe in mental doctors because not a lot is known about the brain, it's like the last frontier to explore in a human body. Perhaps it will be more effective in the future.
I've also been raised strongly by the believe that mental doctors are nothing but charlatans. But I guess I've mellowed in that belief.
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post #19 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 10:26 AM
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Well, everything looks silly on me, but it's mostly about how clothes feel. Lots of fabrics feel horrible, scratchy and bothersome, or heavy or clingy, and put me in extreme physical/emotional misery. But I also can't tolerate the style of many clothes--how revealing they are (I do not want to show off, say, my cleavage, or my shape), or how tight (I can't bear form-fitting clothes, turtlenecks, scarves, leggings, bras without a racerback, etc. etc. etc., it's like I'm being strangled/smothered or the straps are falling off, etc.), or how the seams rub against my skin or the cloth bunches in certain ways (I can't wear socks for this reason). Even laces on shoes, if one shoe feels tighter than the other I'm irritated, so I tend to wear slip-on shoes or sandals. And it's hard to find boots that are warm/functional and that fit my fat calves. Etc.

Especially being overweight and having an unusual body shape, it's difficult to find anything that fits comfortably, so clothes shopping has always been incredibly frustrating for me. I despise clothes as a result.

I actually longed to get a hysterectomy for many years because of how uncomfortable it was wearing a bulky pad during my period. Am pissed that they discouraged us from using tampons in elementary school, otherwise I would've been using those all along.

And don't get me started on my hair, makeup, etc.

I'm not technically slow (except for math, I'm truly bad at that), but I'm a slow learner, and I tend to need lots of repetition, trial-and-error, and detailed instruction/reassurance...nobody is patient enough to deal with that...so I never learned important things. If I don't know exactly how to do something without asking for help, I'll just mentally "shut down" and not do anything at all, except maybe cry.

Hypothyroidism, tooth issues (will need dentures soon), failing eyesight (going to get glasses soon), medication needed to digest food properly following gallbladder removal and partial removal of colon, hernia (may need surgery someday), need some assistance and permanent access to medical supplies due to an ostomy (I had my bladder removed), and for some reason I've developed a long-lasting yeast infection that resists all treatment, so I wonder if something is wrong with my immune system, too. Likely to develop arthritis at some point.

...

I'm not really "crying for help" except maybe on this forum, since I don't have anybody to cry to IRL, and it's not like anybody here can help me, either.

I don't mind being seen as pathetic, since I am, but I do mind bothering other people/being a burden, so I don't bother asking them for help anymore.
I understand especially when I was a kid everything felt scratchy and bothersome but I still have the same problems today just a bit less I think.

My disease is colitis ulcerosa which is basically a permanent inflammation of my bowels. I will probably be diabetic some day and a host of other possible problems all because of the ulcerosa diagnose including possible gallbladder problems.

I'm now overthinking do I have SA because of the ulcerosa or vice versa... Not a lot about this is known so far. Either way there is a correlation.
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post #20 of 67 (permalink) Old 02-07-2019, 10:44 AM
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No. I'm a similar generation to yourself. I'd never heard the term social anxiety before 21. It was unheard of as far as i was concerned for shy people to go to a shrink. Most of my teachers went to good universities. Not once did they suggest a psychologist. Times have changed but back then everyone was clueless regarding mental health disorders.
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