Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime
Some interesting things here I'd like to know more about.
-What exactly do you mean with the clothes thing? You can't stand the feel of certain fabrics? or do you mean you think some clothes looked silly on you? I think this sounds familiar to me
Well, everything looks silly on me, but it's mostly about how clothes feel. Lots of fabrics feel horrible, scratchy and bothersome, or heavy or clingy, and put me in extreme physical/emotional misery. But I also can't tolerate the style of many clothes--how revealing they are (I do not want to show off, say, my cleavage, or my shape), or how tight (I can't bear form-fitting clothes, turtlenecks, scarves, leggings, bras without a racerback, etc. etc. etc., it's like I'm being strangled/smothered or the straps are falling off, etc.), or how the seams rub against my skin or the cloth bunches in certain ways (I can't wear socks for this reason). Even laces on shoes, if one shoe feels tighter than the other I'm irritated, so I tend to wear slip-on shoes or sandals. And it's hard to find boots that are warm/functional and that fit my fat calves. Etc.
Especially being overweight and having an unusual body shape, it's difficult to find anything
that fits comfortably, so clothes shopping has always been incredibly frustrating for me. I despise clothes as a result.
I actually longed to get a hysterectomy for many years because of how uncomfortable it was wearing a bulky pad during my period. Am pissed that they discouraged us from using tampons in elementary school, otherwise I would've been using those all along.
And don't get me started on my hair, makeup, etc.
-You talk about being slow. In what way? I have always been labelled slow too, in moving and talking.
I'm not technically
slow (except for math, I'm truly bad at that), but I'm a slow learner, and I tend to need lots of repetition, trial-and-error, and detailed instruction/reassurance...nobody is patient enough to deal with that...so I never learned important things. If I don't know exactly how to do something without asking for help, I'll just mentally "shut down" and not do anything at all, except maybe cry.
- medical ailments? I suffer from an auto-immune disease which can only come from my SA, I'm convinced of that.
Hypothyroidism, tooth issues (will need dentures soon), failing eyesight (going to get glasses soon), medication needed to digest food properly following gallbladder removal and partial removal of colon, hernia (may need surgery someday), need some assistance and permanent access to medical supplies due to an ostomy (I had my bladder removed), and for some reason I've developed a long-lasting yeast infection that resists all treatment, so I wonder if something is wrong with my immune system, too. Likely to develop arthritis at some point.
Anyway unlike you I wasn't crying for help and I still don't.
I'm not really "crying for help" except maybe on this forum, since I don't have anybody to cry to IRL, and it's not like anybody here can help me, either.
I don't mind being seen as pathetic, since I am, but I do mind bothering other people/being a burden, so I don't bother asking them for help anymore.