Do your relatives/colleagues/friends know you have SA - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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Do your relatives/colleagues/friends know you have SA

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 06:35 PM
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Even your parents don't know? Can't they tell you get very anxious?

My wife knows about my problems. She's had to deal with me for a long time and had to deal with the consequences after I've been off on some crazy manic episode. The anxiety she isn't so aware of I don't think - but that's probably understandable as I hide it very well and I can talk more than she does. I'd say my situation is very different to yours - that must be hard to handle.

My son knows too - but he doesn't really even want to hear about anxiety. He doesn't mind talking about the bipolar though. I think anxiety makes everyone uncomfortable, even to talk about. Friends don't really get it at all - I can tell. They have trouble believing me though as I only tend to see them when I'm feeling okay - and then I'm just like them.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Well they notice whenever we have visitors I suddenly disappear but I have a good excuse for that. I don't like people to see they have a fully grown son without a job still living with them, so they kind of understand why I "flee". But I don't think they are aware of something called SA exists. Even when I'm anxious at a social gathering I tend to look cool. I'm a bit absent but I pretend to listen to the conversations and I smile every now and then. But to be honest I'm pretty sure they find me really weird. I mean I'm always at home you know doing nothing of substance... that's weird enough as it is.
I said it before in another thread but I kinda wished they were very hard on me, I think that could possible help me, just throw at the lions...
I see what you mean - but when you think about it you could maybe do that to yourself a bit. Could you try to push yourself? I'm not meaning to be rude obviously, but if you don't things aren't going to change mate - it will be the same as this in 10 years time. Maybe you could just try and change one thing at a time - try and get a bit of work, even just part-time at first? Then slowly build on that and your life might get a bit better?
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 07:02 PM Thread Starter
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I know I actually did that when I graduated but I never got a job. I solicited quite a lot, mostly I would get no response and when I did get an interview I came off as very passive and shy. I can't sell myself at all.
In the meantime I got welfare but I also was constantly bombarded with letters sending me all over the place to get a job. I even tried for simple jobs as bus driver or postman, nobody would have me. I feel like an idiot.
So I got fed up asked the government to stop handing out welfare to me so I was left alone. Ever since it is as if I don't exist. I don't get any letters, no nothing. I have no income at all. For years I felt relieved, no pressure anymore but the last 2 years it's eating away on me. The worries about my future, the embarrassment of living with the parents. I've completely shut myself off for everything.
Well it would depend how much money you have but maybe you could move to the closest city - get yourself a little flat or something. And then maybe try a bit of volunteer work - there would be a lot less pressure with that. Because they aren't paying you - interviews would be very different and there will be organisations that help organise it for you. It might work.

I've done it a couple of times in the past to get back into the workforce - I worked for free for a while until they eventually offered me paid work. Then I used them as referees to get more work. It can be a way to start or to get back into things a bit.
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 07:46 PM Thread Starter
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 08:52 PM
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I've just been interpreted as being a little shy by most people. Although a lot have also found me anti-social/cold, and at worst as having some sort of mental disability. But many people with SA come off quite normal looking, to the point you wouldn't expect all the paranoia that is going on constantly in their heads. Avoiding social situations constantly can also effectively make you invisible if no one knows you at all, and I don't think they would guess if they didn't at least a little.

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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I think that's the only way left to be fair or I could find something in a sheltered workplace where for example disabled people work. A regular job looks quite impossible in my situation. Considering I couldn't even find one when I got out of college.
I'm afraid renting something with my money isn't very realistic.
I hope I get a burst of adrenaline and courage in the near future to get the wheels rolling again. A job won't miraculously "cure" me though some problems are more deep rooted but the cure for feeling useless and embarrassed is definitely a job.
Anyway thanks for the conversation, appreciate it a lot :-)
That's okay mate - any time. Hope things get a bit better for you anyway.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 09:08 PM
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word has gotten around the family I believe.

colleagues I dont talk to so I have no idea.

friends generally know. some dont know the specifics. depends as who i count as a friend.

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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-30-2019, 09:12 PM
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People just think I'm weird and shy with bad social skills. I don't outright tell them I have this disorder. Only my sister knows because she also has it.

That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-01-2019, 12:02 AM
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Yeah. I used to tell people I had SA to explain why I acted weird because that way I could avoid telling them about my other problems.

Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I said it before in another thread but I kinda wished they were very hard on me, I think that could possible help me, just throw at the lions...
Lots of people get thrown to the lions by their parents. And a lot of them end up dead. If it usually worked out well, they'd call it "thowing them to the bunnies" or something.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-01-2019, 04:52 PM
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No one... Including parents, relatives or colleagues. I don't open about it, I actually don't even want to others to know about my anxiety... I'm not really sure if at least half of them actually know what anxiety is or other psychological things... I don't like when someone is like "I'm so sorry for you" and anything like that... Why someone should care about me? That'd be just total nonsense...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-08-2019, 12:05 PM
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No, but some of my friends and family know I get nervous and awkward in certain social situations and they try to help me out.

You say you love your children above all else and yet you are stealing their future in front of their very eyes.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-08-2019, 12:07 PM
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-08-2019, 12:37 PM
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If I'm going through something, il just excuse myself and say I'm anxious. When it comes to mental health, I never talk about it. I just find it embarrassing and I don't really trust anyone to open up. Sometimes I don't care and other times I feel a bit lonely.

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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-08-2019, 10:20 PM
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I "discovered" social anxiety, just a couple of years ago. All of my life I was different/strange. I am the youngest of 7 kids (yeah 7!), and my parents noticed that I was different than any of my siblings. As a baby I was terrified when people would look at me and try to hold me. I didn't know how to be around other kids who weren't my siblings. I cried every single morning before leaving to elementary school. My family just thought I was just shy. I thought so too. As I got older, I began to feel like it was a problem, a problem that got in the way of life.

I started getting therapy and that's when I learned that I had social anxiety disorder. My family knows about it, but still doesn't quite get it. My extended family, as well as classmates and anyone else who knows me, would describe me as shy and quiet. I can't count how many times I get comments like "don't be shy!" "why are you shy?" and they try to get me out of my shell by embarrassing me. I guess they are trying to help, but little do they know that they are making me feel worse.

I feel terrible sometimes, but I feel like deep down inside, there is more to us than what we think there is. I'm not even sure what that is, but I try my hardest not to let my SA get in the way. I try to play it off (but often fail lol). What makes me lonely, is not the fact that I don't have people around me, but the fact that I can be in a room full of so many people, but feel misunderstood or out of place.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:32 AM
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Relatives know. I mean I only have my sister and my dad. Haven't been in contact with any extended relatives in over 20 years. They know about the asperger's thing too. My dad the other day said he wanted to talk about something with my sister. Said I was like Spock, so wasn't quite as useful. My sister was referred to as a the normal one when we were younger. She had a normal social life and didn't drop out of junior high. She resents being called that now. Says that we don't acknowledge her struggles and mental illness.

Not sure if my colleagues know. Coworkers can probably tell something is off about me. No way in hell am I talking about my issues at work. That would not go down well. They probably talk about me behind my back but whatever. Just as long as they don't say anything to my face.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 07:11 AM
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I don't think they do. Everyone I work with thinks I'm aloof but kind. Some think I'm a jerk.

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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 09:57 AM
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People around me just think I'm shy or quiet. I'm pretty sure they don't even know what social anxiety is.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 02:05 AM
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