Do you feel isolated? - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 05:26 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
shyguy07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,679

Do you feel isolated?


I feel very isolated. I've lived in the same town since the first grade in 1996, grew up with same people that are around, etc. But I never felt like I fit in at school, and I always felt I didn't fit in, because we moved when I was 7 and my parents weren't from here, so we didn't know any families where I could have made friends at an early age.

Also my parents are alcoholics and I finally figured that out around 10-11 years old and I was embarrassed. There were two brothers that lived one street over from me, and somehow they found out my parents drank a lot. So at school one day at lunch they said loudly in front of everyone to me that my parents were drunks.

So I always tried to hide away from everyone because I didn't want them to know where I lived or what my parents were like. I only ever had someone over once and it was because they just happened to come by on their bike unexpectedly.

Heck, even now I still won't let anyone come over. I finally last month told my best friend that I met in college 10 years ago that my parents are both alcoholics. They said they figured it out already though, even thought they never met them.

But what really upsets me is I go to the gym and places, and I see people that I grew up with and knew from school, college, etc talking to each other and I'm always the weirdo that people either don't remember or they don't care to acknowledge. I don't know which.

On top of that, my best friend is involved in these civic clubs and things and he keeps meeting people that I knew from school years ago, even though he has no idea that I know any of them. Plus he didn't even know them because he didn't go to the same school.

So it's just really weird to me, that I can go out and nobody says hi or knows who I am, and it's sad, because a lot of times I see people around that I used to know 10 or 20 years ago, and they seem so confident and successful and involved in the community, or politicians, etc and I feel like nothing, like a loser and that they wouldn't even remember me. Even though I've tried, so hard to finish school, and college and get a decent job to make a living and better myself. But it feels like I'm nothing like anyone else is. It's an embarrassment. :/

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
shyguy07 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 11:19 AM
Moron
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Age: 49
Posts: 4,542
Now that my brother is over at his girlfriend's place(a ferry ride away) all the time, very.
Yer Blues is offline  
post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 11:59 AM
SAS Member
 
xIWannaBeAdored's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: England
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 16
My Mood: Lonely
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguy07 View Post
But what really upsets me is I go to the gym and places, and I see people that I grew up with and knew from school, college, etc talking to each other and I'm always the weirdo that people either don't remember or they don't care to acknowledge. I don't know which.
^^ This though. I get that all the time too - it's pretty depressing tbf.
xIWannaBeAdored is offline  
 
post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 01:32 PM
SAS Member
 
Shyy22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Somewhere
Language: Spanish,English
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by xIWannaBeAdored View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguy07 View Post
But what really upsets me is I go to the gym and places, and I see people that I grew up with and knew from school, college, etc talking to each other and I'm always the weirdo that people either don't remember or they don't care to acknowledge. I don't know which.
^^ This though. I get that all the time too - it's pretty depressing tbf.
I felt this. I always get super sad about it not gonna lie because everyone is living their life and having families/getting married. I mean I know it’s my fault since I Isolate myself a lot and don’t really talk much. I wish I wasn’t like this because maybe then I would actually have a life.
Shyy22 is offline  
post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 05:11 PM
SAS Member
 
Harveykinkle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Greendale
Posts: 227
Because of stuttering I've felt isolated most of my life. I'd rather just not talk than stutter in front of people I'm not close to and most of the world is people I'm not close to so I say very little.
Harveykinkle is offline  
post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 05:22 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,164
My Mood: Sleepy
Kind of...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 06:09 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Gender: Female
Posts: 599
My Mood: Brooding
Yes but it's okay as long as I have a source of entertainment. I'm not that social beyond the basic biological need for it.
leaf in the wind is online now  
post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 08:04 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 9
yes
TheReflectingFlux is offline  
post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 08:14 PM
SAS Member
 
Tetragammon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Utah, USA
Language: English, ちょっとだけ日本語, Java, C#
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 1,249
Not nearly as much as I'd like. Is that weird?

"Churches ... appear to me no other than human inventions set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.." -Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason
Tetragammon is offline  
post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 08:25 PM
ssɐlƃ ƃuᴉʞool ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥ┴
 
zonebox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, Oosa
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,637
My Mood: Inspired
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetragammon View Post
Not nearly as much as I'd like. Is that weird?
Not to me, that sounds pretty reasonable actually But, I do find solace in isolation.

Live and let live
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Whoever fights monsters should
see to it that in the process he does not become a
monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss,
the abyss will gaze back into you."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

http://zbox.neocities.org/
zonebox is offline  
post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 08:30 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 66
I know the feeling..kids can be so cruel and even adults. I was bullied and it really gave me low self esteem and fear of people. I isolated myself and missed out on a lot. It is very good you are going to the gym and places to keep busy. I always feel I don't fit in with people. But i'm too shy and people can be so loud and make me uncomfortable so I prefer to be alone..but it can suck so bad to be isolated.
Care2018 is offline  
post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 08:33 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 28,399
My Mood: Relaxed
Should I feel isolated? I don't know. Do I feel isolated? No.

My only "gift" in life was/is the ability to use substitutes for things and be 100% satisfied with the results. So, for example, when I was in my late teens, cable TV was my substitute social life. And I was aware of it. And I was completely fine with that. When the internet came along and TV started to fade as the dominant form of social consciousness, I transitioned to that and was still fine with it.

So, as long as I am connected to the borg collective, I'm OK. Although I must admit that "social media" (Facebook/Twitty/Discordant/soforth) is not my cup of tea. So I don't know what I'll do when forums go away. I guess I'll have to finally break down and buy a Netflix account or something.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:09 PM
Born Of Blotmonađ
 
Canadian Brotha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Over Yonder
Language: South Martian, North Terran, & Lunarian
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 17,796
My Mood: Cynical
I’m isolators because of my character but also by choice, often times I just find it an easier way to cope than trying and failing to fit in
Canadian Brotha is offline  
post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:14 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 28,399
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadian Brotha View Post
I’m isolators because of my character but also by choice, often times I just find it an easier way to cope than trying and failing to fit in
Well, not only did I usually fail to fit in if I tried. I also found it pretty unsatisfying if I somehow managed to shoehorn myself into some kind of a social group. Because it was always just an act anyway and it becomes pretty exhausting after awhile to always have to be someone you aren't. And eventually people figure it out anyway. Sooner or later I would always do something that made it obvious and could totally see/perceive the shift in the way people interacted with me once they realized I totally didn't belong. It's actually kind of comical in some cases because they knew and I knew they knew and they knew that I knew they knew but I kept the act up anyway just to see how long it would take them to finally break the stalemate and drop the act.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:55 PM
ssɐlƃ ƃuᴉʞool ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥ┴
 
zonebox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, Oosa
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,637
My Mood: Inspired
Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Well, not only did I usually fail to fit in if I tried. I also found it pretty unsatisfying if I somehow managed to shoehorn myself into some kind of a social group. Because it was always just an act anyway and it becomes pretty exhausting after awhile to always have to be someone you aren't. And eventually people figure it out anyway. Sooner or later I would always do something that made it obvious and could totally see/perceive the shift in the way people interacted with me once they realized I totally didn't belong. It's actually kind of comical in some cases because they knew and I knew they knew and they knew that I knew they knew but I kept the act up anyway just to see how long it would take them to finally break the stalemate and drop the act.
I find it pretty easy to fit in, but also unsatisfactory accompanied by a sense of guilt alongside a feeling of wasted investment. Plus, there is a certain level of abandoning yourself when around others, you have to give up yourself to fit in with others, at least I do. I can play the part, but it feels as though I have conformed myself in ways that are really uncomfortable. It is as though, one clips their own wings, in order to stay grounded among everyone else. Even on forums, I feel like this at times and have to take a break from them.

From my perspective, it looks like slavery, to be part of a group. I do realize my perspective is, well, not the basis of reality. I've tried to understand the perspective of others who do willingly forgo their own sense of individuality to be part of a group, and I can never make sense of it. But, perhaps their sense of individuality comes from a group, it really is beyond my comprehension.

Live and let live
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Whoever fights monsters should
see to it that in the process he does not become a
monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss,
the abyss will gaze back into you."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

http://zbox.neocities.org/
zonebox is offline  
post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 10:12 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 28,399
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
From my perspective, it looks like slavery, to be part of a group. I do realize my perspective is, well, not the basis of reality. I've tried to understand the perspective of others who do willingly forgo their own sense of individuality to be part of a group, and I can never make sense of it. But, perhaps their sense of individuality comes from a group, it really is beyond my comprehension.
This is why identity politics weird me out.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 10:23 PM
Merry Effing Christmas
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 47
Posts: 9,061
My Mood: Brooding
Yes, because I've never known anyone like myself and always been a weird, incomprehensible alien to everyone else. I don't find solitude pleasant; I find it crushing and depressing. I was happiest when I had friends and living with other people and always had someone to talk to. I hate being alone. That's why I keep coming back here. Because if I don't have any contact at all, I go completely ****ing crazy.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
truant is offline  
post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:44 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 13,845
I'm definitely quite isolated at the moment. I'm very lucky I've got my wife - she knows me very well and accepts me pretty much how I am. (there have been a few things she didn't like but they were understandable) My son accepts and loves me too, thank God.

I do it to myself. I can usually get on with people very well - and I can talk to pretty much anyone - as long as I'm feeling alright. I've been part of a group of friends before - but I cut a few of them off. I do that quite a bit. Something annoys me or I get offended, or I just get sick of them. It's not good.

I've only been living on my own for a few years - but some aspects of it I like, I like having the time to unwind without having to do anything. But I also hate it as well - it's a horrible way to live and I'm very glad I haven't had to do it all my life. I would have gone nuts.
harrison is offline  
post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-07-2019, 07:28 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 12
Oh, I am definitely isolated. There isn't much to do to mitigate feelings of loneliness for me, except maybe throwing my self-respect out the window, which I am tired of doing.
CringeMaster is offline  
post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 02:04 PM
SAS Member
 
JustAnAnon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
I find it pretty easy to fit in, but also unsatisfactory accompanied by a sense of guilt alongside a feeling of wasted investment. Plus, there is a certain level of abandoning yourself when around others, you have to give up yourself to fit in with others, at least I do. I can play the part, but it feels as though I have conformed myself in ways that are really uncomfortable. It is as though, one clips their own wings, in order to stay grounded among everyone else. Even on forums, I feel like this at times and have to take a break from them.

From my perspective, it looks like slavery, to be part of a group. I do realize my perspective is, well, not the basis of reality. I've tried to understand the perspective of others who do willingly forgo their own sense of individuality to be part of a group, and I can never make sense of it. But, perhaps their sense of individuality comes from a group, it really is beyond my comprehension.
I don't think abandoning yourself is a bad thing in itself, but the problem arises when that abandoning is meaningless. Change can be for good or for bad, and I think relationships should produce changes in their members, but of course good changes. They should help you grow as yourself, not cripple you. I too am afraid of "sacrificing" myself in relationships with others, but I think that a big factor in this fear is the fact that, as I think, society encourages crippling relationships (modern society maybe more than past society, but I would be talking from ignorance and limited perspective). What I want before "sacrificing" myself is the guarantee that I will be "reborn" as myself afterwards. Is it a contradiction changing while remaining as yourself? Well, what matters is whether you truly want to become what you are trying to become, instead of trying to become like that because a necessity hidden behind a fake happiness.

Wherever I look I see people "killing" each other and calling it "love" and "friendship". Maybe that's a biased view, of course, and I am just trying to make the world adapt to me instead of I to the world. But I cannot avoid seeing it. Whenever I try to relate with another, I feel like this impersonal thing called society interferes, and so we cannot relate with each other directly person to person, as relationships should be. No, society is already inside myself, society is already inside the another, and if I we want to relate we have to do it by its rules. That's what I feel. Do people usually think about how much society is inside us? Do they care? I care deeply. I see society as an impersonal monster with an impersonal concept of how a human being should be, of how they should live. People care about individual persons, society doesn't.
JustAnAnon is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome