I find it pretty easy to fit in, but also unsatisfactory accompanied by a sense of guilt alongside a feeling of wasted investment. Plus, there is a certain level of abandoning yourself when around others, you have to give up yourself to fit in with others, at least I do. I can play the part, but it feels as though I have conformed myself in ways that are really uncomfortable. It is as though, one clips their own wings, in order to stay grounded among everyone else. Even on forums, I feel like this at times and have to take a break from them.
From my perspective, it looks like slavery, to be part of a group. I do realize my perspective is, well, not the basis of reality. I've tried to understand the perspective of others who do willingly forgo their own sense of individuality to be part of a group, and I can never make sense of it. But, perhaps their sense of individuality comes from a group, it really is beyond my comprehension.
I don't think abandoning yourself is a bad thing in itself, but the problem arises when that abandoning is meaningless. Change can be for good or for bad, and I think relationships should produce changes in their members, but of course good changes. They should help you grow as yourself, not cripple you. I too am afraid of "sacrificing" myself in relationships with others, but I think that a big factor in this fear is the fact that, as I think, society encourages crippling relationships (modern society maybe more than past society, but I would be talking from ignorance and limited perspective). What I want before "sacrificing" myself is the guarantee that I will be "reborn" as myself afterwards. Is it a contradiction changing while remaining as yourself? Well, what matters is whether you truly want to become what you are trying to become, instead of trying to become like that because a necessity hidden behind a fake happiness.
Wherever I look I see people "killing" each other and calling it "love" and "friendship". Maybe that's a biased view, of course, and I am just trying to make the world adapt to me instead of I to the world. But I cannot avoid seeing it. Whenever I try to relate with another, I feel like this impersonal thing called society interferes, and so we cannot relate with each other directly person to person, as relationships should be. No, society is already inside myself, society is already inside the another, and if I we want to relate we have to do it by its rules. That's what I feel. Do people usually think about how much
society is inside us? Do they care? I care deeply. I see society as an impersonal monster with an impersonal concept of how a human being should be, of how they should live. People care about individual persons, society doesn't.