Do you ever stop and wonder "how in the hell did I end up in this situation?" - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 08:51 AM
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Absolutely, even before the bullying and betrayal as a kid I was shy and mentally ill. I've made a lot of progress since then but whenever I find myself being quiet at work, I think about how I'm still that little kid. Somehow talkative around friends and family, but can never find stuff to say at work or school unless it's around my friends. I've been trying to get better at that cause I want to be social
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 12:56 PM
We got da SAUCE 🍲
 
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*Record scratch*

Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Boy do I have a story for you.

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Isn't it a bit early to worry about that at 7 years old?
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I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 12:57 PM
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Not really, I'm surprised I'm not completely insane or dead tbh, aim low & you're never disappointed : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 07:06 PM
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Omfg yes! You look around, you’re an adult, no social life, no boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re alone. Somehow you fell off a cliff of isolation and never recovered.
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-11-2020, 12:16 PM
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These days its happening a lot to me that why this happened to me. I am stuck, i can't live my life freely as i want to. I can't even go for grocery without immence fear. I have physical problems too, scoliosis and problem in my left arm because of which i was bullied. I never accomplished what i wanted to accomplish in school & college because i did not know whether it was SA or my physical cosmetic thing which prevented me to achieve my goals. If i had not physical problems there is a likelihood that i had not have SA. Sorry for my english. I told my doctors my physical apperance is a big hurdle and its causing me socially anxious. I had scolios surgery when i was 13 but the appearnace of the back is still not properly corrected. I am really embarrased about that. So yeah i am stuck my whole life with these problems and dont find any way out. I am on meds and therapy since 2010 and i dont know how can i overcome SA without resolving my physical looks. I have a very bad combination of illnesses. I am a guy 42 years old, spending my life mostly alone. I need companion to share my life with but i have too many fears and concerns.
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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 06:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Shy extrovert View Post
Absolutely, even before the bullying and betrayal as a kid I was shy and mentally ill.
Sounds like myself as well. Looking back I certainly had some mental illness (anxiety disorder going on). Bullying and abuse made it a hell of a lot worse and destroyed whatever confidence I had left.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 09:22 AM Thread Starter
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Only every day at about 3am. It's particularly unpleasant when it's dark.
Yah, for me too. I have awful insomnia, for some reason when I turn out the light, and I'm no longer distracted by the goings-on of the day every fear and insecurity I have hits me like a ton of bricks and I start to freak out. Racing heart, tight chest, can't breathe. Then I end up awake all night and exhausted the next way. Can't seem to stop me from haunting myself.

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I know how it happened. I'd say it's crazy genes mixed with bad luck.
Yep, there you go. But I also feel like I let all that get out of control. Like I didn't check my downward spiral. Like it all happened in progressive increments and all I could see was that next little failure and accommodated myself to it without realizing the trajectory I was on then all of a sudden you're 100 feet deep and now you have no hope of clawing your way out.

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Rhetorically? Perhaps I occasionally ask myself questions like that.

Realistically? No. Not really. I know how I got here. This was where I was headed all along and I always knew it. I just didn't spend much time dreading it and thinking about how bad it would actually be when I got here or if I got here and it was much worse in reality than anything I could have imagined.
Yes - it's way worse than I imagined. Same boat. But for me I didn't anticipate it getting worse. In fact, despite what was happening I always had this stupid notion that things would just work out in the end, because I'm me and things shouldn't be this bad for me. Now I feel as thought I've missed my opportunities to alter that trajectory. I'm a thousand feet deep and can't even see light of day anymore to guide me out.

For me, it was like being in the woods at night, trying to find your way home. All you can see if your hand in front of your face. There is no context. You don't know where you're headed, you just see whats immediately in front of you. Then you're shocked when you walk off a cliff and its too late...

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why why why why am I me and the world the way it is. disaster!!!!
Exactly. Though rather than ask why I'm usually thinking "If only...." If only I did this then or did that here.

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Yeah, definitely. Like how did I fail quite this hard? How did I dig myself in quite this deep?
Yes - didn't anticipate I'd fail this this degree. Yah, I always knew my life would be different from most and I'd have more struggles. But to fail to hard? It came as a shock.

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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
You cant change the past but you can make the most of where you are today and make progress towards your goals in the future.
I'm trying but its so hard. It's hard for all of us. When you are damaged and can barely get through the day. How do you save any for progress? Maybe the fight is where we make progress..


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Omfg yes! You look around, you’re an adult, no social life, no boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re alone. Somehow you fell off a cliff of isolation and never recovered.
Or maybe you fell off a cliff, the solid earth that everyone else inhabits, into the deep isolation below. Maybe you could have saved yourself as you were approaching the precipice but now gravity pulls you toward your fate and you can just watch. Only watch. With a sickening remorse in your gut.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by either/or View Post
Or maybe you fell off a cliff, the solid earth that everyone else inhabits, into the deep isolation below. Maybe you could have saved yourself as you were approaching the precipice but now gravity pulls you toward your fate and you can just watch. Only watch. With a sickening remorse in your gut.
Basically yes.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 03:36 PM
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All the time. Trying my best to overcome this sh** situation without any major damage to people around me

"Without the knowledge to lead so you just follow the sheep"
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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 05:03 PM
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Usually, when I get into a situation the people around me would intervene to allow me to get deeper into the situation. The people want to subject me to isolation as they hold me accountable for not being capable of doing anything for myself. If the people don't see me get into the situation, then the time and events would be re-establish to put me in a more challenging situation that can derail me from doing my important activities. This could be a college assignment such as math, getting a job, buying groceries, handling money, receiving money, and my health. The social barrier that I received from people in person takes a toll on how I live in my environment, because without receiving any social support from people it would ruin the person reputation in getting a career, food, housing, and income. The purpose of the concept of situation comes from a social category that judges where a human being should be at for time or place. As it looks like a program makes all the decisions for who should be working at what location, who should be having sex, who should be at school, who should be dead, who should interact, and who should win the lottery.

I'm receiving an extended amount of human isolation.

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers governing citizens 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.

NSA Software Engineers & NASA computationally remapping buildings, jobs, relationships, wealth, education, and income using bio intelligence system to manage citizens time & events. Getting away with airplane crashes, accidents, diseases, homelessness, and suicides.
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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 01:42 PM
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Sure, but there isn't any value in framing in those terms.

1. I am "behind" in life, but I actually, fortunately have the tools and strength to be able to overcome it, should I choose to correct this. It's good it's me and not someone else less equipped who has to overcome all this!

2. I am not taking responsibility outside of the things I was / am able to control. I made certain decisions, true, but I am in no way taking responsibility for my genes, my childhood, and any abuse I suffered along the way.

3. I cannot change the past, that lies outside my control. I can control the now, so that's what I will focus on doing. Focusing on things I can't control is a waste of my time.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 06:54 PM
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I'm very depressed these days, man, regretting things I have said/done on past online communities, plus my SA, it's a horrible combination.


SA is part of my life since I was a kid. It affected me in many areas of my life. I just wish I was never born, or could reboot my life.
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 07:39 PM
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gloom


Yes, I get stuck in all these thoughts far too often. But inside me now I know Ive got the strength-I just need the patience to let myself heal. Negativity is a big problem for me. And Im sick of it so Im moving on slowly
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