Do you ever stop and wonder "how in the hell did I end up in this situation?" - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
I am Jack's cold sweat
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 272

Do you ever stop and wonder "how in the hell did I end up in this situation?"


Like why me? How did it get so bad? How did I let myself get to THIS place?

Whether it's anxiety or depression or addiction or just disappointment at life in general, do you ever just stop and realize "this isn't normal, I'm not normal, this situation isn't normal, where did it all go wrong? How did I arrive here?"

For many of you, like for me, it was probably a series of missteps, accommodations to my disorders, poor choices, squandered opportunities and the inability to effect real change in my situation. Over time this all snowballs and you end up in a situation that is dire, that you never anticipated, that you can't wiggle out of anymore.

You're stuck.

You're stuck all in your head.

You're stuck all in your life.

Man, how do you backtrack? How do you unstick something that's been stuck for so long?

Once you've become something how do you recreate that identity? Can one be reborn?


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
either/or is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 12:23 PM
alien monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 7,630
external powers, manifestation of social and political forces. psychological and biological necessities.

also obviously I think normal people are fairly pathetic.

I do wonder why I cant change. but then my values are kind of flexible enough to think this is ok. or not? I mean I'm flexible enough to follow my values at least enough to think I'm ok. but no I cant change my values easily, they're not flexible. I wish I could be some machiavellian non-caring selfish person lol.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 12:20 PM
A Person
 
Cool Ice Dude55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Essex, UK
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,709
My Mood: Worried
all the damn time. i wish i had a secure attachment style as a child. it would have saved me alot of aggro.


Cool Ice Dude55 is offline  
 
post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 05:30 PM
SAS Member
 
farfegnugen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: sleepyville in eastern U.S.
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,662
My Mood: Confused
Yeah, but that's most everything for me. I am usually a rudderless leaf on the wind sailing away at the whims of gods and chipmunks. I do think you can make change for the better but you're always going to make mistakes. You have to own them and not let them allow you to regress.
farfegnugen is offline  
post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 09:46 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,194
Only every day at about 3am. It's particularly unpleasant when it's dark.
harrison is offline  
post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 11:01 PM
SAS Member
 
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,398
My Mood: Sleepy
It is always like that.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 11:15 PM
SAS Member
 
RelinquishedHell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Gender: Other
Age: 30
Posts: 16,500
My Mood: Mellow
I know how it happened. I'd say it's crazy genes mixed with bad luck. I was born for the wrong reasons into an extremely toxic situation. My childhood was abusive and loveless. I was never made to feel safe and I knew my parents were sociopaths even as a toddler.

I was passed back and forth after the divorce and used as leverage. I was gas lighted and manipulated into disowning one or the other parent depending on who had custody at the moment.

My stepmother ( who also routinely beat the sh!t out of me, sexually humiliated and assaulted me, and screamed in my face when I just a young kid ) even kidnapped me from school once after having a fight with my mom.

Anyway, I'm high and ranting so that's why I over shared this irrelevant information.
RelinquishedHell is offline  
post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 11:44 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 30,864
My Mood: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or View Post
Like why me? How did it get so bad? How did I let myself get to THIS place?

Whether it's anxiety or depression or addiction or just disappointment at life in general, do you ever just stop and realize "this isn't normal, I'm not normal, this situation isn't normal, where did it all go wrong? How did I arrive here?"

For many of you, like for me, it was probably a series of missteps, accommodations to my disorders, poor choices, squandered opportunities and the inability to effect real change in my situation. Over time this all snowballs and you end up in a situation that is dire, that you never anticipated, that you can't wiggle out of anymore.

You're stuck.

You're stuck all in your head.

You're stuck all in your life.

Man, how do you backtrack? How do you unstick something that's been stuck for so long?

Once you've become something how do you recreate that identity? Can one be reborn?
Rhetorically? Perhaps I occasionally ask myself questions like that.

Realistically? No. Not really. I know how I got here. This was where I was headed all along and I always knew it. I just didn't spend much time dreading it and thinking about how bad it would actually be when I got here or if I got here and it was much worse in reality than anything I could have imagined.

So my actual failure was (as is so often the case with me) a failure to imagine things that I couldn't imagine because I had no real frame of reference. I did not need to imagine that I would ultimately end up screwed. That was easy. But I could not have imagined things that hadn't happened yet and I did not expect to have happen. You have to be able to expect something in order to be prepared for it. I was not prepared for some of the things that brought me to this precise place I'm at now.

I was not prepared for those things so I was not able to react to them in a way that allowed me to effectively deal with their consequences. If you cannot deal with the consequences of bad things, you cannot control where that sends you and the likelihood of unpredictable destinations increases dramatically. And most of them are not good places.

So. I know how I got here. And I also know why there is no way back. Because you can't turn back time. There are some things that once they have transpired, the only thing you can do is attempt to cushion the impact as best you can.

When I was younger, I had a great deal of luck in many ways but it was not the kind of luck that helps you all that much in the long run. It merely helps you stay airborne longer before you inevitably crash. Which, I mean, happens to everyone eventually but I guess most people are able to stay airborne long enough to crash a lot more gently.

/WYSD
WillYouStopDave is offline  
post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 01:07 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 105
My Mood: Tired
Deimos and Phobos pursued and terrified me into fleeing. I used wings of wax and feathers to fly toward blinding and scorching feelings of security and pride. However, this was in reality hubris. My wings melted and I, subsequently, plummeted ignominiously into a sea of agony in which I found myself drowning.

The Keres taunted me as I drowned, "Where art thou wings, Cringy Snowflake?" They guffawed at my inability to speak. They were ravenous to feast upon me. They found me unappetizing though. They vomited me up, and now I'm forced to wander earth as an invidious creature.


I never would have imagined, even in my most terrifying nightmares, that my denouement would be one of banal shame, self-objurgation, and withering scorn.

Even this post is probably invidious. Beware! Trolls and bullies approach to browbeat, deride, and destroy. I flee pusillanimously!
Cringy Snowflake is offline  
post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 02:27 AM
Social Pothole
 
Blue Dino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,839
Probably a combination of enduring persistent emotional and verbal abuse, being over exaggeration guilted and blamed during most of my upbringing. This made me socially apprehensive of others, very hesitant to take risks and assess them correctly. Thus I take risk when I shouldn't, and not take them when I should. Probably more of a confidence issues. Despite my social apprehension, I do admit my high school and college years socially is better than it should be though in my situation. I think mostly due to people generally looking at things superficially. Honestly I think they might've made me even worse off in the long run.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
Blue Dino is offline  
post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 02:50 AM
experimental sincerity
 
rabidfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,030
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cringy Snowflake View Post
Even this post is probably invidious. Beware! Trolls and bullies approach to browbeat, deride, and destroy. I flee pusillanimously!
This post is most admirable. I don't think I've ever heard a living person use the word 'pusillanimous'.

To answer the question of the thread: no. I think my situation is a rational response to an irrational world. I'm currently working to bring some pragmatism into my approach so I can function but I still think our society is largely psychopathic. I don't think there's anything wrong with me.

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
rabidfoxes is offline  
post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 02:51 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,194
I often do actually wonder how this happened but then I think I shouldn't be surprised. Not being very good at holding down a job and the fact that my mental health issues have both changed and gotten worse hasn't helped.

I lie there every night worrying about everything. And then sometimes it happens through the day as well - like now, and it frightens me to my core.
harrison is offline  
post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 05:49 AM
Villain
 
Persephone The Dread's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 39,497
A combination of genes, parenting, poor school system, issues with other kids, ****ty town, ****ed up society, ****ed up government(s) poor quality therapy, and discrimination leading me to feel my only option is to cut myself off as much as possible. So I don't wonder in the sense of not knowing no lol.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

Persephone The Dread is offline  
post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 07:53 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 105
My Mood: Tired
Quote:
Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post
This post is most admirable. I don't think I've ever heard a living person use the word 'pusillanimous'.

May the Fates bless you. May Clotho bring you back from death, if you so wish. May Lachesis bless you with a favorable lot in life. And may Atropos bless you with a merciful death when she decides it's your time.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post
To answer the question of the thread: no. I think my situation is a rational response to an irrational world. I'm currently working to bring some pragmatism into my approach so I can function but I still think our society is largely psychopathic. I don't think there's anything wrong with me.

I feel similarly.
Cringy Snowflake is offline  
post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 10:13 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,040
Yes wonder this as well. I was unlucky in the social area. Bad genetics in part and the bad luck of not growing up in the best enviroment.

The "how the hell did I end up here" question I would say is a combination of things I could and could not control. Genetics and enviroment I was raised in. But I also made some bad choices along the way as well. So I can both blame myself and life circumstances out of my control.

That being said people who were born into worse situations I imagine were able to end up in a better situation then me. But some people born into better situations ended up worse. So who the hell knows!

Life comes down to playing the hand your dealt the best you can. May not be a great hand but sometime you can win without a great hand. Just makes life a whole hell of a lot more difficult
chrisinmd is offline  
post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 11:23 AM
drifting in mist
 
firelight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 149
I obsessed about that question for many years but now it's just too painful to think about. Since I am unable to change things it doesn't make sense to keep looking for what went wrong.
firelight is offline  
post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 12:53 PM
SAS Member
 
hateliving's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: canada
Language: english
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 264
My Mood: Crappy
Yes . everyday i wake up.ðŸ˜*ðŸ˜*ðŸ˜*😔
hateliving is offline  
post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 01:04 PM
alien monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 7,630
why why why why am I me and the world the way it is. disaster!!!!

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-09-2020, 01:52 PM
SAS Member
 
Dodlet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 11
Yeah, definitely. Like how did I fail quite this hard? How did I dig myself in quite this deep?

Part of me feels that I didn't have much agency in the process. My childhood, how I was raised certainly didn't help. On the other hand though, I'm sure there's been plenty of opportunities for me to attempt to turn things around, and I didn't have the courage, the willpower, the intelligence, or just plain optimism to make use of them. Instead I just continued to dig myself in deeper.

I have no shortage of what-ifs to dwell on, but effectively they all just boil down to "what would I have done if I wasn't me?" Which isn't really useful. Or maybe I'm just horribly fatalistic.
Dodlet is offline  
post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 07:26 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,040
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelinquishedHell View Post
I know how it happened. I'd say it's crazy genes mixed with bad luck. I was born for the wrong reasons into an extremely toxic situation. My childhood was abusive and loveless. I was never made to feel safe and I knew my parents were sociopaths even as a toddler.

I was passed back and forth after the divorce and used as leverage. I was gas lighted and manipulated into disowning one or the other parent depending on who had custody at the moment.

My stepmother ( who also routinely beat the sh!t out of me, sexually humiliated and assaulted me, and screamed in my face when I just a young kid ) even kidnapped me from school once after having a fight with my mom.

Anyway, I'm high and ranting so that's why I over shared this irrelevant information.
Sorry you had to go through those horrible situations growing up. I thought I had it rough but you may have me beat! You cant change the past but you can make the most of where you are today and make progress towards your goals in the future. Then one day you may be very proud of yourself for what you had to overcome to get where you are now. Thats the way I try to look at it anyway.
chrisinmd is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome