Disappointment is the baggage of SA
Having struggled with SA for as long as I can remember ( and I’m old now ) I have concluded that ( at least for me ) disappointment is the baggage of SA.
Allow me to explain ... in my case, when invited to a social event for instance ... my first instinct is to play the avoidance card ... I’ll convince myself that it’s easier on me to avoid the scenario that I’ve cooked up in my brain of what’s probably going to happen at the event , than it would be to actually go .
So, along with getting older, comes certain social events that I’m expected to attend ... meeting my daughter’s in laws for instance or the father of the bride speech at her wedding, etc ... you get the picture ... so, the very last thing I would want to do is to disappoint my wife or daughter ... or anyone for that matter by not attending important things in life ... but ironically, the very thing I don’t want to do is the exact thing that ends up happening ... I disappoint the very people I care for the most . It’s maddening ... I’ve concluded that when I ask myself what am I good at doing ... unfortunately my answer is “I’m good at disappointing “ ... as sad as that is ... it’s the honest truth. Having struggled with SA for so long ... as each new invitation would come in, the anxiety starts, the struggle, the fight to possibly, somehow manage to go ... I sometimes lose the battle and simply can not do it ... hence the disappointment ... in myself, from my loved ones to me, the friends that invited us ... the whole thing turns into one giant disappointment ... caused by me. For those that don’t know how exhausting it is living with SA consider yourself very lucky ... every day is a struggle.