Did You Fail to Pursue a Specific Dream......... - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 07:45 PM
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Doing meaningful and challenging things = no more depression. But like I said treat the psychological obstacles so you can move.
I have a number of projects on the go, all of which are challenging and meaningful to me, but I still sit around wishing I was dead. Got more obstacles than any one person can solve.

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post #42 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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You could still do those things. A lot of people earn degrees and advance education just for emotional fulfillment. Retirement is a great time for that... you have like 30 years left of life to go.

I don't think there was anything concrete I dreamed of in particular. I just wanted to be liked and valued, and feel like I belonged to something.
30 years is quite a stretch but something akin to what you're saying is a good idea. I don't have confidence in my ability to be in a classroom, though. But no excuse for not at least pursuing something online etc.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #43 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-16-2019, 11:59 PM Thread Starter
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I think my biggest issue has always been being unable to decide what I actually want. I've never been gifted with knowing specifically what my dream was, or is, what I want to do. It seems I spend all my time sifting through a collection of idea's that turn into hobbies.
Yeah, I do something similar except I don't really even settle on hobbies at all. Hobbies in and of themselves are valuable I think. So hopefully you get some satisfaction out of them and maybe one or two of them might even evolve into something more?

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #44 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-17-2019, 04:42 PM
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Yeah, should've tried out for that hockey team in the new English league. SA strikes again.
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post #45 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-18-2019, 03:28 PM
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I always thought i'd really enjoy being a bike mechanic. I always hated bike shops(most people who go there and work there can be elitist, in my experience) though and because of that have slowly become self reliant for all of my bike work. Thank goodness for the internet for parts. But in a perfect world I think I would have loved it. It's a job people do because they love bikes, and not for the money, although i'm in retail right now not making tons of money either so it wouldn't be that much different. At the very least i'd like to put on a cycling event of some kind. I am great at making great routes and riding them. Organizing volunteers and marketing and parking and permits and insurance etc, etc, not so much. Don't even have a facebook account ffs. But at least I have gotten to a place in my life where just going to an event is no longer a super stressful ordeal. I still get anxiety but most of it is normal race jitters stuff.
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post #46 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-18-2019, 03:37 PM
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Yes. I sometimes just wonder, usually with anyone with a professional job, could I do that? I mean.. what would it take. I suppose there's this lady who is classic upper management where I work. 90% of what she does is schmooze with other managers and talk on the phone. It baffles me. Yet she must have a pretty good income and her kids are probably on their way to college, idk.. I didn't so much have a dream but felt like I have/had potential in different language or maybe medicine or psychology. At this point, one of the few things I can truly transform is my body so.. there's that.

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Does anyone remember this guy on the forum ads.
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post #47 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 11:44 PM Thread Starter
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Yes. I sometimes just wonder, usually with anyone with a professional job, could I do that? I mean.. what would it take. I suppose there's this lady who is classic upper management where I work. 90% of what she does is schmooze with other managers and talk on the phone. It baffles me. Yet she must have a pretty good income and her kids are probably on their way to college, idk.. I didn't so much have a dream but felt like I have/had potential in different language or maybe medicine or psychology. At this point, one of the few things I can truly transform is my body so.. there's that.

Plug:

Does anyone remember this guy on the forum ads.
The guy looks familiar for some reason. Maybe it was from the forum adds?

Do you ever find yourself watching people who are "successful" and feeling, in your heart, like you are at least as smart and capable? But then you think about testing your theory out and you run into a brick wall so you maybe start to believe you're fooling yourself? I've been doing that for too many years.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #48 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 12:17 AM
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Do you ever find yourself watching people who are "successful" and feeling, in your heart, like you are at least as smart and capable? But then you think about testing your theory out and you run into a brick wall so you maybe start to believe you're fooling yourself? I've been doing that for too many years.
I think I'm way smarter and more talented than I am. It's easy to find fault with other people's work and at the same time miss everything they get right. But results don't lie, y'know. If I want to know how smart/talented I am, all I have to do is look at my own sales statistics.

I wasn't anywhere close to being an A student, so I don't even know why I ever thought I was smart. Probably some kind of defense mechanism. But I keep pluggin' away anyway. Nothing else I can do.

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post #49 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 01:50 AM
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Yes. I sometimes just wonder, usually with anyone with a professional job, could I do that? I mean.. what would it take. I suppose there's this lady who is classic upper management where I work. 90% of what she does is schmooze with other managers and talk on the phone. It baffles me. Yet she must have a pretty good income and her kids are probably on their way to college, idk.. I didn't so much have a dream but felt like I have/had potential in different language or maybe medicine or psychology. At this point, one of the few things I can truly transform is my body so.. there's that.

Plug:

Does anyone remember this guy on the forum ads.
Jesus Christ that's a depressing photo. Do you think that's his real body or has he had his face been put on in Photoshop?
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post #50 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 01:54 AM
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Do you ever find yourself watching people who are "successful" and feeling, in your heart, like you are at least as smart and capable? But then you think about testing your theory out and you run into a brick wall so you maybe start to believe you're fooling yourself? I've been doing that for too many years.
I can always tell that I wouldn't have been able to do it before I get started. I know I'm smart enough (or at least I used to be), but the capability bit gets a bit tricky pretty quickly with me. I can't hold things together long enough to put my books on the internet so I can just imagine how I'd go at a job nowadays. Good grief.

Edit: I might try again though when I get on new medication.
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post #51 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 02:02 AM
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I think I'm way smarter and more talented than I am. It's easy to find fault with other people's work and at the same time miss everything they get right. But results don't lie, y'know. If I want to know how smart/talented I am, all I have to do is look at my own sales statistics.

I wasn't anywhere close to being an A student, so I don't even know why I ever thought I was smart. Probably some kind of defense mechanism. But I keep pluggin' away anyway. Nothing else I can do.
No, you're definitely very smart. I can tell - it's very obvious.

I was actually an "A" student. (hard to believe now probably. I got an HD average at University - I was always extremely good at studying. But in the scheme of things it doesn't matter much if you can't hold it together or you get incredibly anxious.

It's more to do with your mental health issues I'd say. I don't think you should base the sales of your writing on how clever you think you are.
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post #52 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 08:57 AM Thread Starter
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I think I'm way smarter and more talented than I am. It's easy to find fault with other people's work and at the same time miss everything they get right. But results don't lie, y'know. If I want to know how smart/talented I am, all I have to do is look at my own sales statistics.

I wasn't anywhere close to being an A student, so I don't even know why I ever thought I was smart. Probably some kind of defense mechanism. But I keep pluggin' away anyway. Nothing else I can do.
You have knowledge and you're able to apply knowledge (for instance, in discourse here) so no question you're very smart. But, of course, you're a lot more than that. And smart enough to know that intelligence and talent don't necessarily translate into sales. (insert millions of undiscovered artists, thinkers).

You wrote a blog some time back (my memory is not good) but I want to say it was about a woman in a castle as a metaphor for pain, maybe? I wish I could recall the details and I might be way off but I never forgot the feeling it left me with and how it touched me. It became obvious to me that you are a great writer.

I use the "results don't lie" argument a lot. I don't think I know how NOT to. I guess it's valid in its own way but there must be more to the story.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #53 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 09:35 AM
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I would love to be a strength coach for college athletes or even at a large gym where strength training was popular. I'm not really cut out for college unfortunately. Tried going twice when I was younger. I can make the grades pretty easily, it's just classrooms make me uncomfortable and I'm completely unable to speak in front of groups. Lately I've been thinking of taking online classes, I just don't know about trying to get into something new in my mid 30's.

I don't hate my current job, but I'm not passionate about it. It's just something that pays the bills. I love the gym and it would be a dream to get paid for it. Even training regular people wouldn't be too bad, although I would prefer ones that are more serious about it. Looking at the pay though it wouldn't be any better than driving jobs and I'd have to pay for getting a degree and invest all that time, so I'm not sure if it's worth it or not.
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post #54 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 11:21 AM
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well im only 16 so i can still go after my dream i hope

hi i am the new girl
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post #55 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 12:32 AM
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@harrison @kesker Well, I've been writing for about 8 years now, have over 60 stories/novels, and I'm still not selling anything. I'm the least-successful author in my field that I know of, based on rankings and reviews (of which there are next to none). I'm not aware of having a single fan (my friend doesn't count). And it's not because I'm some misunderstood genius. My stuff is cheap commercialism. It's just too weird (and I guess not very well written) to appeal to anyone but myself.

I mean, how much proof do you need that you're not good at something? And yet (and this is the point) I somehow manage to convince myself to keep going. I get some crazy idea, and think I'm going to have some kind of breakthrough, but it never works out. I've run into that brick wall so many times I'd have to be delusional not to realize that I'm fooling myself. I don't have whatever it takes. But I'm not good at anything else, so what choice do I have?

It seems a bit weird to call yourself smart if you're bad at everything. I mean, what is intelligence then anyway?

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post #56 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 12:42 AM
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@harrison @kesker Well, I've been writing for about 8 years now, have over 60 stories/novels, and I'm still not selling anything. I'm the least-successful author in my field that I know of, based on rankings and reviews (of which there are next to none). I'm not aware of having a single fan (my friend doesn't count). And it's not because I'm some misunderstood genius. My stuff is cheap commercialism. It's just too weird (and I guess not very well written) to appeal to anyone but myself.

I mean, how much proof do you need that you're not good at something? And yet (and this is the point) I somehow manage to convince myself to keep going. I get some crazy idea, and think I'm going to have some kind of breakthrough, but it never works out. I've run into that brick wall so many times I'd have to be delusional not to realize that I'm fooling myself. I don't have whatever it takes. But I'm not good at anything else, so what choice do I have?

It seems a bit weird to call yourself smart if you're bad at everything. I mean, what is intelligence then anyway?
I see intelligence as the ability to analyse information in a critical way and draw conclusions from it.

You say you're bad at everything but you can't possibly know that for a fact. Your writing doesn't sell well but that has nothing at all to do with your intelligence. It says more about your writing and how people receive it.

I'm fairly sure that given the right circumstances you'd be able to do a college degree with very little effort. I say given the right circumstances because I know with me things like just staying in the classroom were the main problem - or worrying about how I'd give a presentation for a tutorial. The actual work was very rarely difficult.
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post #57 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 08:31 AM Thread Starter
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I would love to be a strength coach for college athletes or even at a large gym where strength training was popular. I'm not really cut out for college unfortunately. Tried going twice when I was younger. I can make the grades pretty easily, it's just classrooms make me uncomfortable and I'm completely unable to speak in front of groups. Lately I've been thinking of taking online classes, I just don't know about trying to get into something new in my mid 30's.

I don't hate my current job, but I'm not passionate about it. It's just something that pays the bills. I love the gym and it would be a dream to get paid for it. Even training regular people wouldn't be too bad, although I would prefer ones that are more serious about it. Looking at the pay though it wouldn't be any better than driving jobs and I'd have to pay for getting a degree and invest all that time, so I'm not sure if it's worth it or not.
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Jut my two cents: I worked a job I did not like for my entire life. It was drudgery. I had a couple chances to switch but, much like you, I couldn't get past talking in groups and being in a classroom situation (made four stabs at college). By the time I got in my thirties and thought about doing something different I had sort of given up. I didn't explore all the possibilities. And I regret it.

Perhaps being a trainer might lend itself to part time? That way you could keep your regular job and do something you love on the side with the possibility of it turning into something more? Just a thought.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #58 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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well im only 16 so i can still go after my dream i hope
Thank you. I needed a dose of optimism and hope this morning. Yes, of course you can. And I wish you well with it.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #59 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 08:39 AM
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@harrison @kesker Well, I've been writing for about 8 years now, have over 60 stories/novels, and I'm still not selling anything. I'm the least-successful author in my field that I know of, based on rankings and reviews (of which there are next to none). I'm not aware of having a single fan (my friend doesn't count). And it's not because I'm some misunderstood genius. My stuff is cheap commercialism. It's just too weird (and I guess not very well written) to appeal to anyone but myself.

I mean, how much proof do you need that you're not good at something? And yet (and this is the point) I somehow manage to convince myself to keep going. I get some crazy idea, and think I'm going to have some kind of breakthrough, but it never works out. I've run into that brick wall so many times I'd have to be delusional not to realize that I'm fooling myself. I don't have whatever it takes. But I'm not good at anything else, so what choice do I have?
None of us like failure. But you'll be more miserable never taking a chance than taking a chance and having it not work out. The key is not interpreting failure as BEING a failure (sometimes easier said than done).

Keep writing if you enjoy it. Success may follow and you may get good at it. But if not at least you have something that you enjoyed spending your time doing
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post #60 of 96 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 09:16 PM
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I see intelligence as the ability to analyse information in a critical way and draw conclusions from it.

You say you're bad at everything but you can't possibly know that for a fact. Your writing doesn't sell well but that has nothing at all to do with your intelligence. It says more about your writing and how people receive it.

I'm fairly sure that given the right circumstances you'd be able to do a college degree with very little effort. I say given the right circumstances because I know with me things like just staying in the classroom were the main problem - or worrying about how I'd give a presentation for a tutorial. The actual work was very rarely difficult.
Well, I haven't succeeded at anything I've tried. I know it's about more than my intelligence, but when I say I think I'm smarter than I am, I mean I often feel like I can solve problems that other people haven't been able to solve. It's a kind of grandiosity. I might be smart, but I'm not that smart. And I don't know why I sometimes (often) feel that way. There's a huge contrast between the way my life is going and what I often feel I'm capable of. I think it's just because I don't want to admit I'm as much of a failure as I am. I don't want this to have been my life. Decades of doing my best and having nothing to show for it.

I did really want to go to university. I love learning, and I did manage to go for a year. I probably would have spent the rest of my life in school if I had the ability. But I couldn't get a student loan for second year, and there was no way I could work full-time to pay my bills and go to school at the same time. I would have just flunked and it would have been a waste of time and money.

So I don't think getting a degree would be with "very little effort". My memory is severely compromised. I generally do well on classwork, because my comprehension is good, but then fail my exams no matter how much I study. What people who talk to me online can't see is the Google tab in my browser that I use to look things up while I type. I'd be lost without it. Plus, I'm a terribly slow reader. I have to sound everything out in my head as I read. I spent all my time reading course material in the one year I went to university and barely made it through half of it. And the reading would have just gotten worse every year. I think I've made it about as far through school as I'm capable of.

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None of us like failure. But you'll be more miserable never taking a chance than taking a chance and having it not work out. The key is not interpreting failure as BEING a failure (sometimes easier said than done).

Keep writing if you enjoy it. Success may follow and you may get good at it. But if not at least you have something that you enjoyed spending your time doing
It doesn't matter to me that I'll never be a great writer. I'm fine with being a hack, if I can't do any better. But I need to be able to make enough money to pay my bills. What frustrates me is that I can't even do that. All the other writers I know are much more successful than I am. I know some who make six or seven figures a year. But I can't even make five. Considering how much work I've put into my writing, I've been a stellar catastrophe. But at least I can say I tried? :/

It might not be so bad if there were something else I was good at, but writing is the thing I'm best at. This isn't like some doctor or lawyer trying their hand at writing and not getting a book deal. It doesn't matter if they fail as a writer if they're already succeeding at something else. But what do you do when you're the worst at the thing you do best? The only other work I'm qualified for, and capable of, is retail. And I'd rather slit my wrists (literally, as I told my therapist) than go back to it. (And ftr, I wasn't good at sales, either. I'm actually really, really bad at them. As they continued to remind me during my performance reviews.) I honestly just think I've reached the end of my journey. I tried, I failed, end of story.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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