Did You Fail to Pursue a Specific Dream......... - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 06:47 PM Thread Starter
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Mm sort of.

I used to want a big family and things like that. Kinda like 1950s perfect family. I'm 30 and don't have any kids at all so far. Don't know if I will. But it definitely won't be a big family.

I want to be an author. That hasn't happened so far.

I wanted to do good in school, become a therapist ( lol!) that didn't happen.

I don't know if I can say I didn't complete my dreams though. It's moreso that I learned things along the way and my dreams have changed. A big family doesn't seem ideal to me anymore. But a small average one does. Also, although I wish I did accomplish more in college and did better, I'm not exactly devastated I'm not a therapist. I'm more devastated that I don't have a great career or found my dream career.

Most of all I want to finish my book though. Being a writer does seem like a dream career for me. But motivation is my arch nemesis. I have accomplished things though, even if they aren't dream worthy I guess. Like I did buy a house I love. I'm married. I have a dog and a job that pays okay. I try to remain simple, because I'm happier that way.

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That's a good way to look at it. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot. I have never really pursued a dream, even though I've had many and none of them have changed over the years. I probably should adopt a less black and white outlook. I feel like life is all or nothing and I can't let go of the idea that some things could be possible if I could network and interact with people, although time is not my ally at this point.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #22 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 06:55 PM
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yeah also lots. every career idea I had I studied and went nowhere - microbiology, psychology, IT, electrician. mostly due to anxiety and meltdown events etc.

also I wanted to make a game for quite a while and made some toys but found a lot of things too complicated.

actually i pursued all of those things, i just failed 😆

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post #23 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 07:06 PM
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I just watched a show about a guy that built a million dollar house on a block he paid a million and a half for in Clovelly in Sydney. (nice part of the world - with very nice beach views near Bondi) The show was 10 years old. He looked like a pretty regular sort of guy - he and his wife are in IT, and he spends a lot of his time working in Singapore.

It just reinforces to me how if you aren't able to network and be comfortable around people completely you're going to have a difficult time - especially work-wise. That's always been my problem - I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with all the stress, plus I'm too much of a mess to hold things together for any length of time.

I'm just glad I've been lucky enough to have a reasonably normal life as far as relationships go, plus I had/have my family life. That's actually more important really. Nowadays I'll just be happy if I can get my rare book business up and running again and build it to something bigger than it used to be. I even find that difficult tbh - having the energy to put all the books online, and also to push it through Twitter and Instagram. I'll try though. Other than that I just want to travel more - maybe go back to the Uk for a summer and look for old books.
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post #24 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 07:34 PM Thread Starter
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I just watched a show about a guy that built a million dollar house on a block he paid a million and a half for in Clovelly in Sydney. (nice part of the world - with very nice beach views near Bondi) The show was 10 years old. He looked like a pretty regular sort of guy - he and his wife are in IT, and he spends a lot of his time working in Singapore.

It just reinforces to me how if you aren't able to network and be comfortable around people completely you're going to have a difficult time - especially work-wise. That's always been my problem - I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with all the stress, plus I'm too much of a mess to hold things together for any length of time.

I'm just glad I've been lucky enough to have a reasonably normal life as far as relationships go, plus I had/have my family life. That's actually more important really. Nowadays I'll just be happy if I can get my rare book business up and running again and build it to something bigger than it used to be. I even find that difficult tbh - having the energy to put all the books online, and also to push it through Twitter and Instagram. I'll try though. Other than that I just want to travel more - maybe go back to the Uk for a summer and look for old books.
That's fascinating! About the rare book business. I would like to parlay an interest or passion into something tangible like that even if it wasn't lucrative, but I haven't done anything like that as of yet. Even hobbies I tend to let slip. Gotta find the key to consistency. Maybe I'm just lazy?

It just reinforces to me how if you aren't able to network and be comfortable around people completely you're going to have a difficult time - especially work-wise. That's always been my problem - I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with all the stress, plus I'm too much of a mess to hold things together for any length of time.

Yes, that has been my number one stumbling block to getting any of my dreams or life-paths off the ground. I get to the point it becomes necessary to network or collaborate etc and I roadblock myself.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #25 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 07:40 PM
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I think as long as I'm still alive I have the ability to pursue my dreams.

1) being able to create graphic novels-- I have the story written out but drawing iy takes lots of time and with a little one its nearly impossible. Been thinking of enrolling into art and animation classes just to give me structure when pursuing my dream and not let it fall through the cracks.

2) Getting an associates

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post #26 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 08:07 PM
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I think my biggest issue has always been being unable to decide what I actually want. I've never been gifted with knowing specifically what my dream was, or is, what I want to do. It seems I spend all my time sifting through a collection of idea's that turn into hobbies.
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post #27 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 08:20 PM
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That's fascinating! About the rare book business. I would like to parlay an interest or passion into something tangible like that even if it wasn't lucrative, but I haven't done anything like that as of yet. Even hobbies I tend to let slip. Gotta find the key to consistency. Maybe I'm just lazy?

Yes, that has been my number one stumbling block to getting any of my dreams or life-paths off the ground. I get to the point it becomes necessary to network or collaborate etc and I roadblock myself.
I started selling books back in 2003/4. I can remember because of the book I sold a lot of copies of - it came out in 2003 and I just had a hunch about it. I bought or put on hold hundreds of copies of the first edition - then when it hit I was the one that had them. I did alright out of that book.

I know a lot more about books now - and I'm actually really glad I have that passion. I genuinely love them. I have two little old leather books sitting beside me on my desk here right now - they cost hardly anything but they're beautiful. I think I'm very lucky to have that because it's something I'd do whether I made any money out of it or not.
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post #28 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 10:01 PM
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Lots of dreams SA cost me. Not be able to pursue any career that required social skills. Not being able to make it through college. Could not make it through a speech class to graduate. Not being able to approach and ask out women I would have liked to date or being able to make friends.

So yea SA is a terrible disease!
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post #29 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 11:03 PM
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I never got the opportunity to explore my interests in a way that would allow me to formulate a dream for my life and career because of my abusers.

I'm really just trying to get by at this point and quite frankly, I'm beyond lucky and thankful to even be where I am now. Relationship with someone great, employed at a place that seems to be tolerating me for now, rental house, car, and no debt.
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post #30 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 11:32 PM
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That's fascinating! About the rare book business. I would like to parlay an interest or passion into something tangible like that even if it wasn't lucrative, but I haven't done anything like that as of yet. Even hobbies I tend to let slip. Gotta find the key to consistency. Maybe I'm just lazy?

It just reinforces to me how if you aren't able to network and be comfortable around people completely you're going to have a difficult time - especially work-wise. That's always been my problem - I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with all the stress, plus I'm too much of a mess to hold things together for any length of time.

Yes, that has been my number one stumbling block to getting any of my dreams or life-paths off the ground. I get to the point it becomes necessary to network or collaborate etc and I roadblock myself.
Sorry I didn't address this before. I doubt it's laziness. Maybe a lack of motivation, or maybe a lack of confidence. As for the bit about needing to network or include other people - I'm like that too. When I was quite successful before with my books? I was still taking a lot of Xanax. Plus I suspect I was often manic. I'd email or call people and do deals. I called the publisher of that book I mentioned and straight out asked them for the author's mobile phone number. After a short pause they gave it to me. So I met with him and got him to sign and inscribe some books for me.

I'm not as confident now I'm off the Xanax. But I'm going to give it a try anyway. I'm going to try and push myself to do this - mostly because I need something more in my life than I've got right now. And sending a few emails or listing on the internet is pretty easy anyway.
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post #31 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 12:30 AM
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Acting. I've wanted to act for a while but I have such anxiety about communication, and so much self-consciousness, that the idea seems absurd to me. I'm very curious about people's inner lives, but too often they end up seeming like a mystery to me, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to empathize with a character fully enough were I to try taking on their role in a play.

It isn't a dream I've given up on, maybe just because I haven't started trying, which makes it easy to fantasize about it.

I have a dream of being competent and skilled at any one thing--been putting off learning about web design for quite some time now. Also, I learned a lot of Spanish, but am finding it hard to motivate myself enough to really become comfortable with it. Same goes for playing piano, and playing music in general.

My main problems in all these ventures are not believing much in myself, comparing myself to other people or an ideal of how I should be, and having a hard time with perseverance.

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post #32 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 12:36 PM
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I had choice anxiety with my dreams. So I kept life simple because the more opportunity and information I was exposed to the more I was paralysed about what to do. I bet many people are talented at many things. But focus is more important than abundance especially if you can't choose. If you can't focus you won't stay motivated. You need tunnel vision. Actions Focus and Results go together and fuel your energy to continue.
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post #33 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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I think as long as I'm still alive I have the ability to pursue my dreams.

1) being able to create graphic novels-- I have the story written out but drawing iy takes lots of time and with a little one its nearly impossible. Been thinking of enrolling into art and animation classes just to give me structure when pursuing my dream and not let it fall through the cracks.

2) Getting an associates
I'm trying to achieve that mindset but I keep falling into the trap of it being conditional on results and progress.

You've done great it sounds like so congrats on completing the novel. i hope you're able to finish the illustrations and get your Associate's. A lot to juggle with a child but, hopefully, doable.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #34 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Acting. I've wanted to act for a while but I have such anxiety about communication, and so much self-consciousness, that the idea seems absurd to me. I'm very curious about people's inner lives, but too often they end up seeming like a mystery to me, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to empathize with a character fully enough were I to try taking on their role in a play.

It isn't a dream I've given up on, maybe just because I haven't started trying, which makes it easy to fantasize about it.

I have a dream of being competent and skilled at any one thing--been putting off learning about web design for quite some time now. Also, I learned a lot of Spanish, but am finding it hard to motivate myself enough to really become comfortable with it. Same goes for playing piano, and playing music in general.

My main problems in all these ventures are not believing much in myself, comparing myself to other people or an ideal of how I should be, and having a hard time with perseverance.
You just described me in a lot of ways. I always dreamt of acting and have the exact concerns about my abilities. You HAVE accomplished a lot personally and musically so that's something to build on.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #35 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 03:26 PM
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Yes, I missed being a pro athlete, girlfriend, city transit worker, apartment, independent life It's been said that God favors the brave. I wonder if I will ever find out if that's true...

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post #36 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 04:09 PM Thread Starter
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Yes, I missed being a pro athlete, girlfriend, city transit worker, apartment, independent life It's been said that God favors the brave. I wonder if I will ever find out if that's true...
I'm sorry to hear that. What sport if you don't mind me asking? I've been aware of how much I've lost due to not getting over the SA hump. It is true that we have to be thankful for what we have but it gets hard sometimes. Still good to keep in mind if we can.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #37 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 04:33 PM
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No, and I'm very glad about that. I fail in everyday situations but the big decisions I made in my life have, for some reason, never been affected by anxiety In that way.

Not that I've had many of those yet, maybe two or three, but with these few dreams, once I decided to go through with them, giving up just kind of stopped being an option. I guess it has to do with the all-or-nothing mentality I happen to have, which often rather contributes to my anxiety but at least in this regard it's helpful.

There are some things I'm currently pursuing but haven't reached yet, and some that I have not really tried yet but I genuinely believe I will eventually find the confidence to, like joining a band and an amateur theatre group. I didn't fail them, I just put them on hold.

Generally, my opinion is that unless you've given up a dream or it's literally become impossible to pursue it (like getting into Hogwarts after you turned 11), you haven't failed. It's never too late to try!
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post #38 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 06:14 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that. What sport if you don't mind me asking? I've been aware of how much I've lost due to not getting over the SA hump. It is true that we have to be thankful for what we have but it gets hard sometimes. Still good to keep in mind if we can.
Thank you. Football. Yes I am very thankful & grateful

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post #39 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 06:57 PM
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You could still do those things. A lot of people earn degrees and advance education just for emotional fulfillment. Retirement is a great time for that... you have like 30 years left of life to go.

I don't think there was anything concrete I dreamed of in particular. I just wanted to be liked and valued, and feel like I belonged to something.
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post #40 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 07:11 PM
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Your heart has to be in it that way you won't stop. But if you have psychological issues between you and a Dream then it's an obstacle you need to overcome. If you really want something you won't give up. Everyone follows their heart in life whether it's about avoiding pain or seeking pleasure. Keeping busy with a hobby or dream is fulfilling. It can fill your life with something constructive and it's good to be busy. Doing meaningful and challenging things = no more depression. But like I said treat the psychological obstacles so you can move. When your in a prison you feel pain. The pain says "hey let me out already".
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